Tortured Soul (18 page)

The first kick sent a jolt of pain through my body, so deep and endless I thought I might pass out. I wasn’t that lucky. More kicking, punching, spitting until my entire body was numb, until darkness shadowed me, until the pain was blessedly gone under the gift of unconsciousness.

“Malen’kaya, open your fucking eyes,” came a familiar voice that seemed too far away. “Come on, baby, come back to me.”

Forcing the heavy weight of my eye lids open, I took in the calming vision of Braiden, hovering so close I could feel his breath on my lips. I blinked once, then twice. “What happened?” I breathed.

“You passed out, right after you said, ‘Nate.’” The memory jolted me to my senses and I sprung up so fast I almost smacked my head against Braiden’s. “Steady.” His hands kept me from standing. I glanced around. We were no longer in the food court. We were in a long hallway, a set of large swinging doors at one end that Bomber stood in front of, his gun held in two hands pointing to the floor. Gabbie stood behind us before another set of swinging doors, her weapon also drawn and at the ready.

“Nate was there,” I said. Panic threatened to take me under again.

Braiden gripped my cheeks and kept my eyes on him.

“We need to go,” he said out loud.

I nodded in agreement. Yeah, we really did need to fucking go. Braiden pulled me from the floor and held me upright until my legs regained control.

“My bags,” I murmured, thinking how ridiculous I was being when my life was on the line. But they were gifts, for people I cared about and I didn’t want to lose them.

“Bomber?”

“On it.” Bomber disappeared out the doors.

Braiden drew his gun from the back of his pants and pulled me towards Gabbie. He let me go long enough to grab his keys. He threw them to Gabbie. “Go get the car and pull it around.”

Gabbie disappeared, too, and I shivered in fear. I knew Braiden could protect me on his own, but I feared something might happen to Bomber or Gabbie. Braiden pulled me close and held me tight, the warmth from his body helped the ice in my veins thaw. I almost scaled his chest in fright when the doors at the end of the hallway slammed open.

“It’s just Bomber,” Braiden confirmed. We heard a car screech to a stop beyond the doors behind us. “Let’s go.”

Bomber covered our backs as Braiden opened the doors. He moved out first and pulled me quickly behind him, straight into the open car door waiting outside for us. Gabbie was in the driver’s seat, and her eyes watched the parking lot like a hawk. As Bomber climbed into the front seat, Braiden pushed my head down into his lap.

“Stay down, Malen’kaya, just until we’re sure we aren’t being followed.” His hand remained on my head, running through the strands of my hair in a soothing manner.

“I missed that,” I whispered.

“What did you miss, Em?”

“That name, Malen’kaya.”

His hand slipped from my hair and gripped my hand that rested on his thigh. “No more so than I missed calling you by it. It didn’t seem appropriate before, but now...” I glanced up at him and he gave me a wink before returning his gaze out the window. “Now your mine and it’s entirely appropriate.”

EMILY

There had been an impromptu meeting at Rebecca and Charlie’s house. I hated calling it mine, even though in Grandma’s will it had been left to me, too. It was Rebecca and Charlie’s home—they had made it theirs in the one way it mattered most—with love. The house had been over capacity, even in its extended, renovated state. Dillon, Braiden, Larz, Gabbie, Bomber, Sam, Parker and Drew packed themselves into the large dining room. Jax and Ella showed up fifteen minutes later, and Rebecca’s large home suddenly felt very small. Rebecca sat on the kitchen counter looking a little bewildered and stunned. I sat in composed silence in the living room, listening but not really participating. It was quite obvious that things were slightly outside my area of expertise. Braiden explained to everyone that Nate had been spotted at the mall. Then Sam told everyone that Jonas sent me another email. The email insinuated Jonas knew I didn’t really want to come back and I was going to die, painfully. Nothing I hadn’t heard before. In light of the fact Jonas had men in Claymont, we were on lock down. I was being shipped off to Braiden and Dillon’s house with the two said men, as well as Gabbie and Bomber. Larz and Drew would stay behind to watch over Rebecca and Charlie, and Parker would stay with Jax and Ella. It was agreed that the likelihood of anyone going after them was slight, but the threat was there, so they were given extra security. I shoved clothes into an overnight bag and grabbed the mantra Braiden wrote to me months ago from under my pillow.

“Em?” Rebecca stood in my doorway and looked a little pale.

“B, are you okay?”

She nodded woodenly and walked into my room. Sitting on the end of my bed, she ran her fingers over the knitted blanket that sat neatly folded beside her.

“You should take this.” She went to hand it to me and I shook my head.

“Keep it here for me, I’ll be back soon enough.”

She looked on the verge of tears, so I sat down beside her, wondering exactly how I should go about soothing her. I wasn’t accustomed to helping alleviate other people’s worries.

“Maybe you should leave,” Rebecca whispered. Her words were like a slap to my face. She obviously noticed the pain her words inflicted as she quickly tried to clarify what she meant. “I don’t mean I want you to leave...well, I do, but not because I don’t love you or don’t want you here. I mean I don’t want you here if it’s not safe for you. Maybe you need to go away and hide for a while. Let Braiden, Dillon, and their team deal with Jonas while you go off and have a nice little vacation on a tropical beach, away from the snow, somewhere warm. Ella went to Hawaii this time last year, she said it was amazing.” Rebecca was rambling.

“B, Donovan women don’t run away and hide.” She raised a brow and I offered her a small smile. She seemed as shocked by the gesture as I was. “It wouldn’t do me any good anyway. Braiden spent six months trying to find Jonas. His stepfather couldn’t even find him, and trust me, if anyone should be able to find a dirty scumbag like Jonas, it should be Alexander Toporov.”

Rebecca turned to face me. “Who the hell is he? Charlie said something about Braiden’s stepfather being the boogie man.”

There was no way in hell I was giving up that information. “I haven’t met him and
I’m
terrified of him.”

Rebecca sighed and played with a perfectly sculpted curl that hung over her shoulder. Half her hair was up in a stylish knot on the top of her head, the other half falling into beautiful twists and curls down her back. “If Braiden doesn’t have you home safe and sound soon, I’m going to kick his ass so hard my foot will come out of his mouth.”

I snorted a small laugh and Rebecca again looked a little shocked. “Please don’t hurt his ass, I kinda like it,” I admitted.

“I knew it!” screamed Rebecca, and I winced. Her hand flew to her mouth when she realized how loud she had been. “Sorry,” she whispered. “You like him?” I nodded. “I have to admit, when Braiden went all crazy in the head over you and Jonas Levier, I was a little worried. I thought maybe you didn’t need that kind of attention.”

I sighed. “I probably shouldn’t want that kind of attention, but I do.”

“Why shouldn’t you want it?” Rebecca sounded honestly confused.

“After everything I’ve been through, I feel like I should become a nun and abstain from men and sex for the rest of my life.”

It was Rebecca’s turn to snort. “Don’t be melodramatic, Em, if anything, after all you have endured, you deserve to be handled like an exquisite treasure. You deserve a man who will fight for you, protect you and show you just how a woman should be loved. Strangely enough, I think Braiden is the right man for that. I just worry about his...lifestyle.” I raised a brow wondering just how much Rebecca knew about Braiden’s lifestyle. “You know, he is a dominant, right?”

I nodded slowly. I wonder how she knew about Braiden’s preference for a dominant/ submissive relationship. “Yes, and as sick as it sounds, I kind of like that dominance.”

Rebecca seemed to be struggling to understand that little nugget of information. “Really? I mean, I just assumed, after Jonas...”

“B, I have no intention of asking Braiden to buckle me onto a St. Andrew’s Cross and whip me.” Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You know what that is?” I wondered out loud. “A St. Andrew’s Cross?”

“I’ve read a few books,” she said, still blushing.

“Books about BDSM?”

“Erotic novels with kinky sex have become hot commodities in the book world.”

I shook my head with disbelief. “Seriously? What, like book porn?”

Rebecca giggled and it reminded me of when we were teenagers. I paused for a moment, recognizing how comfortable I was sitting with her here, talking with her like this. It felt familiar.

“Oh yeah. Really, really good book porn. I’ve learned all about floggers and butt plugs.”

I internally winced at the thought of the toys that had not been uncommon in my life with Jonas.

“Does Charlie know about your little book porn fetish?”

Rebecca laughed out loud. “Of course, hell, he buys me the darn books. Apparently they make me lusty,” she said grinning.

“B!” It was my turn to yell, hitting her unceremoniously with my pillow.

“So, no St. Andrew’s Crosses?” Rebecca deftly changed the topic of her sex life back to mine.

“No, definitely not.” I shuddered at the memories and forced them away. “I don’t know if it’s because of what I experienced, or if I would have liked it anyway, but I think I prefer a man who takes charge. But I don’t like being forced to do things I don’t want to do.”

“You
think
you want that?” Rebecca pressed.

“I guess I’m not sure.”

She sighed. “Well, there is only one way to find out. Braiden seems like the kind of man that would help you discover what you like and don’t like. I don’t think he would push you to do something you didn’t feel comfortable doing.”

“No, he wouldn’t. Braiden told me that our relationship could move at whatever pace I wanted it to. He said I’m in control, and if I want to stop or slow down, then I say so.” Silence fell over us. Rebecca seemed lost in thought while I became lost in thoughts of Braiden.

“Just make sure you come home soon, Em. You’re the only family I have. I won’t lose you, even if I have to come along and beat some asshole over the head with a bedpost again.”

I smiled at the memory of my sister beating William with the steel bed post. “I have no intention of going anywhere. I’m going to finish this thing with Jonas so I can finally breathe and move forward.”

Rebecca surprised me by throwing her arms around me and squeezing me tight. I only hesitated a moment before returning her embrace.

“I love you, Em,” she whispered.

“I love you, too, B.”

***

I lay under my covers, my breathing finally evening out after hours of just lying here, gripping Braiden’s tattered old mantra tightly in my hand. Having seen Nate earlier in the day rattled me more than I realized. I forced myself to eat a few meager bites of my dinner; my stomach was too upset with worry to comfortably hold down food. Braiden was in his room, right across the hall from me. His door and mine were open, so he was close by if I needed him. I released my deathly grip on the piece of paper in my hand and pushed it back under my pillow. I rolled to my side, closed my eyes, and finally succumbed to sleep.

“Be sure to count for me, Pet, otherwise we start all over again.” His voice was smooth as silk and laced with enough arrogance and rage that I knew I had no choice but to obey. My arms were pulled taut, my hands blessedly numb, and my toes just barely reached the floor. I was hung and displayed on a sturdy wooden St. Andrew’s Cross. The room was warm, but my naked skin was cold as ice. All I could see in front of me was the course red brick wall, but the murmuring voices at my back reminded me the room was far from empty. The crack that echoed through the air was the only warning as the heated sting on my skin throbbed without mercy.

“One,” I whispered. The room was so quiet, I knew he would have no trouble hearing me. Crack...”Two.” Crack...”Three.” My voice grew hoarse as I struggled with the pain and emotion.

“Disobedience will not be tolerated, Pet, I thought you had learned this lesson. You’ve disrespected me for the last time.”

Crack...”Four.” Crack...”Five.” My entire back was a blaze of fire. I barely noticed the trickle of blood running down the backs of my legs. By the time I reached fifteen, I had removed myself from the pain and humiliation, taken my mind into the meditative state I rigorously practiced. I didn’t even notice Master Jonas standing before me. My foggy gaze recognized his disappointed frown. With a rough hand he grabbed my hair and drew my head up so I looked directly into his eyes.

“You will never disgrace me like this again.” His fury was barely contained, even after he unleashed his torrent of rage on my back, whipping me until my skin was a shredded mess. “After tonight, William will take over your care.” My heart stuttered with fear. Regardless of how much I hated Master Jonas, his son’s temper and crude lifestyle frightened me even more. Master Jonas liked to live with an air of sophistication and power. William liked to party hard with even harder drugs. He was unpredictable and wild. I would choose the heartlessness of Master Jonas over his son any day.

“I’m s...sorry,” I breathed.

“So am I, Pet,” he sneered, looking at me like I was nothing more than an undignified animal. “Enjoy my gift for tonight, my friends,” he murmured as he moved away from my line of sight. My eyes clenched shut with fear and loathing. Not only had he whipped me to the point of blood and permanent scars, but he was allowing his guests to fuck me. The shame and degradation was buried so deep, I prayed for a death I knew would never come. Hard hands grabbed my waist, shifting me, moving me to the required position. The man who I couldn’t see entered me ruthlessly.

“Fucking dry as a desert,” he growled in my ear. Pulling out he reached around me and opened his palm. “Lick it,” he demanded. I obeyed. I couldn’t find the energy or will to fight anymore. Using my saliva as lubrication he re-entered me and used my body like the empty vessel it was. As soon as he was done, another warm body moved in behind me. My head hung loosely as I forced my mind to leave this hell. I imagined myself in a forest, surrounded by quiet trees, alone and safe. I gritted my teeth as hands squeezed my breasts so hard they would no doubt bruise, reminding me I wasn’t alone and would never be safe.

I woke up with a start, my breathing coming in short bursts, my lungs screaming for air. As I gasped in a blessed breath, my stomach recoiled with the memory of the nightmare. Throwing the blankets aside, I scrambled to my bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before emptying the contents of my stomach. A warm hand on my shoulder made me flinch.

“Shhhhh, Malen’kaya. It’s just me.” Braiden’s low voice came from close by. When I finished throwing up, he handed me a washcloth. Unable to stand the lingering memories of the cruel hands on my body, my gaze settled on the shower. Struggling to stand, I pushed Braiden away and began removing my clothes as I moved into the shower stall. I turned the water up as hot as I could stand it then began the methodical task of cleaning myself, scrubbing my skin till it was red raw but still not finding the cleanliness I sought. As soundless tears fell, I concentrated on scouring the evil away until Braiden’s strong hands caught my own, and trapped them in front of me.

“Stop,” he whispered.

“I need to get it off,” I sobbed.

“I know,” he said in a stern voice. I knew he was struggling for his own composure. “Let me.” He took the soap and began gently washing my skin. His large calloused hands were so tender, a stark contrast from the heavy hands in my nightmare. My trembling slowly subsided, my tears washed away, and the fear and humiliation I had been consumed with gradually subsided. It didn’t completely disappear, but instead became a faraway discomfort, barely noticeable. “Turn around please, Malen’kaya,” Braiden murmured. Facing him, I noticed he was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs. His hard sculpted chest and abs were directly in front of me. His hair hung low over eyes that watched me cautiously. Braiden continued to wash my body in an impersonal, yet soothing manner, and in doing so, he was methodically rinsing away the pain and replacing it with something else. A feeling began to burn deep within my soul, a feeling that made my skin tingle with a new type of awareness. It made my heart beat hard and fast and my nipples tighten. My hand rose to Braiden’s face, tracing the line of his strong jaw.