touch (11 page)

*    *    *    *

Heat enveloped me.  I snuggled in with a sigh before my eyes
popped open from the wrongness of it.  I lay on my side facing Clavin, his face
inches from mine.  Blankets covered me.  He studied me.  But it wasn’t Clavin.

“How long have you been here?” I asked staring into his
eyes.  He wasn’t touching me, just watching me intently.

“Since you fell asleep.”  I frowned at him and he quickly
added, “Clavin will not know the difference.  He will feel rested.  And those
living here do not know.”

I didn’t ask why he’d waited to appear.  I thought it might
have to do with him having a little bit of pity for Clavin, but his reaction in
the car made it obvious he didn’t want me seeing Clavin in a positive light. 
So I asked about something else that still wasn’t clear.

“What will you do once you have your companion?”

He sighed and closed his eyes.  “I won’t need to hide who I
am.  I will talk to her and spend time with her freely.”  He opened his eyes
looking right at me.

“Why limit yourself to one family?  There are millions of
girls out there and you could probably be with one already.”

“Even in the beginning, nature had rules and limits.  Made
by nature, I too have rules and limits.  Your race created so long after mine
is off-limits to my kind unless invited.  When Belinda’s father called on me,
it was the invitation I needed but only to make a deal.  As I’ve said, there
were rules to that deal.”

“So, you’re stuck with me.  Have you ever seen anyone else
you liked?  Maybe I could help you make a deal with them or something.” 
Something in his expression changed.  I couldn’t tell if he was upset or laughing
at me, so I added, “I’m not trying to get rid of you or get out of the deal or
anything.  I just don’t think it’s fair that you don’t have a choice when I
do.”

He closed his eyes again.  “I will make do.  Dusk is soon. 
Be ready for Clavin.”

“Wait!” I squeaked scrambling to get out of the bed.  No way
did I want Clavin to wake up with me snuggled under the covers with him.  I saw
Morik quickly smother a grin and frowned at him.  “Not nice,” I mumbled.

A moment later, he left.  Clavin stretched with a yawn and I
hurriedly ran my hands over my hair.

“You have to get up Clavin.  I need you out of here in two
minutes.”  I darted my eyes toward the window.  Light still shone, but dimmer. 
Morik was right.  Dusk approached.  I had about forty minutes before dark.

Clavin sat up and struggled out from under the blankets. 
“Thanks again, Tess,” he groggily acknowledged me.  “I feel like I actually
slept this time.”

“No problem.  I hope you sleep better this week so you don’t
have to drive all the way out here.”  I walked to the bedroom door trying to
hurry him along.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he looked up at me with a
slightly hurt expression.  “You’d rather not see me?”

“It’s not that Clavin.  I just don’t think this is good for
you.  Coming here.  I think you’re having bad dreams because you’re feeling
guilty.  I’m wondering if seeing me might just make it worse.  I already
forgave you.  All you need to do is forgive yourself and I’m sure the dreams
will stop.”  I hoped Morik would hear and get the message.

Clavin nodded and stood, leaving my bed a rumpled mess.  I
wondered if I’d have time to change the sheets before dark.  Did it really
matter though when I’d been in it with him already?

I pulled open the door and led him out.  The house didn’t
smell like cooking food as it usually did.  Not even the baked apple pie smell
lingered.  Everyone sat in the living room watching our tiny old television. 
From the sound of it, they focused on the evening news.  We didn’t watch the
news in our house.  I understood what they were doing.  They were making the
house as unappealing as possible for lingering visitors.  But why would they do
that if they thought I’d made my choice?

I didn’t say anything, just walked to the coat hooks and
handed Clavin his things.  “Good luck,” I said quietly before he walked out the
door.  He nodded, but didn’t look back at me.  I had a feeling I was seeing the
last of Clavin.

I stayed by the door, peeking through the curtain high at
the top of the door until his car pulled away.  Turning, I faced three sets of
eyes focused on me.  Aunt Danielle lounged back in her chair, eyes closed,
ignoring us all.

“He’s feeling guilty and not sleeping.  I couldn’t say no.”

Gran shook her head while mom scowled at me.  “Yes, you
could have said no, you just chose not to.  You’re wasting your time with him,”
my mom flung out a pointed finger in a general direction indicating Clavin,
“instead of trying to meet a boy…”

“Now, is not the time,” Gran interjected.  Mom closed her
mouth with an angry snap.  Gran looked at me with a tender expression and I
loved her more for her intervention.  “Tess, there’s some food warming in the
oven for you.  Eat.  You don’t have much time.”

I nodded and took a page from Danielle’s book.  I ignored
everyone for the remainder of the night.

In the morning, I walked to school freezing my butt off. 
Mom, still mad at me, left before I woke.  Gran gave me an apologetic look when
I saw her standing next to my bed holding breakfast.  All this pressure to make
a choice that I didn’t want to make weighed on me.

Beatriz lounged on a neighboring locker when I finally got
to school.  She looked mildly amused.

“You’ll never guess what rumor is floating around school,”
she said.  Peeling off a few layers, I half-listened to her.  “Apparently, I’m
gay and have a girlfriend.  One I totally admire, especially her sense of
fashion.”  I pulled out what I needed for first hour and closed the locker,
giving her my full attention.  “It’s you!” she laughed.

Given my weekend, I’d forgotten about the boy at lunch. 
Though I liked that Beatriz took the rumor with a sense of humor, the timing of
it couldn’t have been worse for me given my mom’s anger over my lack of effort
to choose.  We started walking through the crowded halls.

It’d be a lot easier to choose a boy if I could actually
spend time with them outside of school.  Sure, I should have used summer, but
I’d thought I’d have plenty of time and pushed it off.

“It doesn’t really bother you does it?” Beatriz asked and
for a moment was confused.  She added, “A rumor today is forgotten tomorrow. 
It’s no big deal.”

Understanding, I smiled and assured her it didn’t bother me.

“Great.  We should hang out after school sometime.  I think
you’d like my brother.  He graduated last year.”  She studied my face for a
moment and added, “We could spread your interest in him and put an end to the
rumors.”

I upped the wattage on my lackluster smile and shook my head
at her offer assuring her the rumor didn’t bother me.  But I did wonder if I
could talk mom out of the chanting thing so I could go out at night.  It wasn’t
as if they were really protecting me from anything.  Morik visited me at will
it seemed.  They didn’t know that though.  I thought of all the things I missed
about the night.  To see the stars again… I hadn’t seen them in years.

“Okay.  You could still just come over to hang out,” Beatriz
offered again, a persistent glint in her eye.

I gave my standard lame answer.  “It sounds fun, but my
great grandma and great aunt live with us and I have to go home right away to
help out.”

Already grumpy because of the pressure from mom and walking
to school, the reminder of all the things I couldn’t do until I made my choice
put me over the edge enough to allow an epiphany.  My mom thought the chant
kept me safe from Morik, who already knew where we lived.  I couldn’t tell her
I already met him and he continued to talk to me every day.  No, she’d flip and
we’d move again.

Morik, the dealmaker, was the key.  I could make a deal with
him to remove the sleep spell.  But I needed to be careful.  I didn’t want to
make a deal that would hurt anyone else like Belinda had.  So maybe only
temporarily remove it.

First, I needed to find out what Morik valued, other than a
companion.  He said that he could only make deals of equal value.  And making a
temporary deal with him would help prove his story, at least the part where he
could make deals.

I wanted to believe him just so I had a reason and
explanation for everything.  But he’d been wrong with how many of us were alive
so I hesitated to believe the whole thing even with the possibility that Gran
and Aunt Danielle being twins confused him.

My plan sounded good, but the more I thought on it, the more
I worried.  I was considering making a deal with a creature that walked Clavin in
front of a moving car breaking his leg.  Then, that same creature threatened
Clavin’s other leg.  Did I really want to mess with that?  I liked my legs just
the way they were.

“What about after that?”

I looked up at Beatriz, confused again.  I really needed to
pay more attention.

“After you help out at home…  We’re usually up until ten or
eleven.”

For a moment, I thought she wanted to know what I’d do after
my legs were broken.  “Not tonight, but I’ll talk to my mom and see if I can
maybe work something out.  Soon.”

I just wanted a small taste of what it would be like to be a
typical teen before I went and got myself knocked up.  The irony of my thought
wasn’t lost on me as I walked past a senior well into her third trimester.

When Morik joined me for lunch, thanks again to Beatriz, I
initiated the conversation I’d been plotting over the last few hours.  “You
said you weren’t upset with Belinda when she didn’t choose you.  But what about
the others?  Did you ever get upset with them?  Or maybe do something to their
husbands to help along their passing?”  I needed to know what type of… er,
person, he was.

He gave me a dark disapproving look as if I just said
something rude.

“No.  The rules are clear.  They have a free choice.”

I expected his denial.  “Why did you hurt Clavin then?”

He gave an exasperated sigh.  “I regret that completely.” 
When I said nothing, he explained further.  “I saw your face, felt your pain,
and was angry.  Until you choose someone else, I consider you mine to protect.”

Wasn’t expecting that.  If he considered me his, how did he
not get mad when he lost me to someone else?  I didn’t want to push that point
further though, so I redirected my thoughts.  He regretted hurting Clavin, but
hadn’t explained why. “Do you like hurting people?”

“I protect what is mine.  What I like comes second to your
safety.”

So he didn’t like hurting people, but did what he had to
do.  And his attitude made some sense.  He only had access to Belinda’s line. 
If any of us died and failed to have a baby, it limited his chances.  Now that
he was down to just me, well, I guessed I would be pretty important to him.

“Okay.  I’m important to you as a potential companion.  I
get that.  What else is important to you?”  This was the part of the
conversation I really cared about.

“Nothing.”

I fought not to wrinkle my nose at his answer.  “There has
to be something you think about.  What about the things you would do once you
have a companion?”

“We’re out of time.  Tomorrow.”  He left as quickly as he’d
appeared.

I looked around the cafeteria.  There were still students
lingering over half eaten lunches.  We’d had plenty of time.  I scowled at my
food.  The chicken had run.  Whatever was important to him, he didn’t want to
admit.  That made it harder to make a deal with him, but not impossible.  I’d
just have to lay the cards on the table and see what price he demanded.  If the
price was too steep, I’d walk away.

Decided, I finished my lunch chatting with Beatriz who
didn’t seem to notice the gap in time.

*    *    *    *

He stayed away for two days.  I hadn’t realized how
interesting he’d made my life until he stopped appearing.

During his absence, my highlight in excitement occurred when
a boy stopped me in the hallway to ask if I really preferred girls.  Beatriz,
right by my side, had laughed so hard she’d cried.

By lunch on Thursday, I couldn’t decide which emotion ran
stronger.  Annoyance or boredom.

When he finally took over Beatriz after she finished eating,
I’d just about given up hope that I’d seen him.

“It’s about time!  You’re a liar, you know that?”  Beatriz’s
eyes rounded in surprise and I wished I knew how he’d look if he were in front
of me and not in her.  “You said tomorrow.  That was two days ago.” He opened
her mouth to speak, but I didn’t give him a chance.  “I’d been trying to have a
serious conversation with you.  You can’t just take off in the middle of it.”

Taking a slow calming breath, I closed my eyes and rolled my
shoulders.  Definitely annoyed.  Bored went out the window as soon as he
showed.  Crabbing at him wasn’t the way to open for a deal.

I met his gaze and started again.  “I’m sorry for jumping
down your throat.”

“You’re right.  I apologize for leaving like I did.”

“It’s okay.  We all have things we don’t want to talk
about.  If I hit a nerve, just say so.  I’ll back off.  Since we have limited
time to talk, I’d prefer if you didn’t just take off.”  His apologetic
expression faded to a carefully blank mask so I quickly changed subjects.

“But I do have something I want to talk about.”  He nodded encouraging
me to continue.  “I was asking what was important to you because I was hoping
we could make a deal.”

He frowned and I quickly assured him, “Nothing big like my
ancestors.  They made enough of a mess.  I just…”  I looked down at my hands
busy turning with my unused spoon in the silverware trench of the tray.

Forcing myself to stop, I looked at him pleadingly.  “I want
ten days where I can pretend I’m normal.  I want to go to a friend’s house and
not worry about when it’s getting dark out.  I want to see the stars before…” I
left the rest unsaid.