touch (22 page)

He stopped speaking and met my gaze expectantly.  I wasn’t
sure I followed his line of thinking and was afraid to ask the real question on
my mind.  ‘Do you want to kiss me or not?’

Instead, I asked, “So if I want a kiss I need to make a deal
with you?”  Gee, that sounded real pleasant.  It’d be like forcing him to kiss
me.  I didn’t want that for my first kiss.

“No.  You just need to kiss me first.”

“Oh.”  I didn’t know what to do.  He stood there watching me
expectantly.  Instead of doing the crazy little flip that got me into this
mess, my stomach hatched an army of ninja kicking butterflies.

All the color that had flooded my face moments earlier
drained.  I’d have to initiate the kiss.  My first kiss.  What if I messed up?

“I think I need to sit down,” I mumbled weakly.

He scooped me up into his arms and moved to a large leather
chair.  Instead of setting me down, he sat, keeping me on his lap.  The
butterflies didn’t stop kicking.

“It’s okay,” he whispered and rubbed my back soothingly. 
“Kissing isn’t part of the agreement, Tessa.  I never thought it would be.”

That killed every butterfly in my stomach.  Did that mean he
didn’t expect me to kiss him, but would like if I did, or that he didn’t want
to kiss me, but told me how to kiss him because I had been curious?  Having
depleted my store of courage for the day, I didn’t ask for the clarification. 
I was too worried the answer would be the latter.

We sat quietly for a few moments.  Slowly, my coloring and
heart rate returned to normal.

“Would you like to see my home?” he offered.

Relief flooded me.  If he was willing to drop the subject,
so was I.  Nodding my agreement, he led me through his house, which from the
view out the window appeared to be in a suburb.  Each room, spaciously built
and tastefully decorated in light colors with vivid accents, drew my
attention.  With a total of three bedrooms and three baths, the house felt very
empty with only him living there.  It lacked pictures or any other personal
items to show he had a past.  Everything was pretty, but nothing felt lived
in.  It felt staged.

The open kitchen with its large breakfast bar was made for
entertaining.  He had a television in the living room with cable and boasted of
several gaming consoles that he stored elsewhere.  He declared his love of the
internet, which allowed him to obtain the things he wanted without actually
interacting with humans.  Another loophole in nature’s rule.

When I saw almost an hour had passed, he took me home just
in time to clean up the jewelry in progress before everyone came home.  He
stayed for dinner and another movie.  Before he left, I asked that he help me
sleep.  I wouldn’t be able to turn off my thoughts without his help.

As I drifted off, he promised to give me a ride to school in
the morning.

Opening my eyes the next morning, I lay in bed thinking.  I
knew I’d overslept again, but didn’t care.  Thinking about Morik and how he
felt about kissing me took priority.  Taking risks wasn’t easy for me.  All the
rules I’d grown up with stressed exercising caution.  Just being with him broke
that mold.  I could kid myself and say this uncharted course didn’t scare me,
but it did.  I smiled mockingly to myself.  I wasn’t afraid of a fang, horned,
being with constantly changing eyes, but I was afraid of what he represented…
an unknown future.

With a sigh, I got out of bed.  I didn’t rush.  Instead, I
let my mind wander as I got dressed pulling on faded jeans, cami and a thrift
store hoodie toting the University of Hawaii.

As I brushed my teeth, I realized what I was doing. 
Stalling.  I’d always known where I stood with a boy, thanks to my touch.  This
time, I was in the dark.  It sucked.  Rinsing, I stared at myself in the mirror
wondering how Morik saw me.  Was I interesting to him?  Did he hope that I
wouldn’t choose him?  That thought had me cringing at myself in the mirror.

I grabbed my mom’s makeup bag and rifled through the
contents.  I usually didn’t take the time to wear make-up, but since I’d need a
late note anyway, I smudged on some eye-liner and brushed on mascara.  Then, I
stood there hesitating.

A knock on the bathroom door almost made me scream.  I
opened it quickly surprising Gran.

“Are you okay?” she looked at me worriedly.  When she
studied my eyes, she smiled lovingly.  “You look very pretty.”

I hugged her and whispered that I was fine.

“Morik’s been waiting for you.  I think he’s getting worried
that it’s taking so long.  I took pity on him and said I’d check on you.”

I nodded and turned off the light before following her to
the kitchen.  Morik stood by the table holding my jacket.  I couldn’t meet his
eyes.  Instead, I looked at the scarf, gloves, and school bag that lay in a
pile on the table waiting for me.

“Sorry I took so long,” I said quietly, taking the jacket. 
Suddenly in a hurry, I shoved my arms in the sleeves and quickly looped the
scarf around my neck before zipping up.  I stole fleeting peeks at him.  His
gaze didn’t leave me.

“It’s no problem.”  He handed me the gloves.  “Everything
alright?”

I nodded, taking the gloves and shouldering my bag.  “Yep. 
All set.  You ready?”  Forcing myself, I met his curious gaze.  He studied me
for a moment and then nodded.

He led the way, holding the door for me as I called good-bye
to Gran.  The motorcycle waited as usual.  My uncertainty ate at me as I sat
behind him with my arms wrapped around his waist.

He pulled in front of an unusually quiet school.  Obviously,
the second bell had already rung.  Getting off the back of the bike, I handed
him the helmet with a quick thanks.  He caught my hand as I turned away,
stopping me.

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“No.”  The answer popped out before I could stop it so I
tried to cover it up.  “I’m late.  I have to go.”

He released me and I made my escape into the school.  Being
in school didn’t stop my runaway thoughts.  Even if Morik were interested in
me… in kissing… it didn’t stop my worrying about what my future would be with
him.

Beatriz commented on my distraction several times before
lunch and tried prying the reason out of me when we sat down at our table.  Too
worried that Morik might be somewhere listening, I shrugged off her friendly
concern.

After showing up to first hour late, the day had gone
downhill.  Some of the guys I passed were giving me weird looks and it wasn’t
just my imagination.  After the lesbian rumor, I’d gotten some strange looks,
but this was different.  It wasn’t until a boy from my English class made a
second attempt to start a conversation that I remembered I’d worn makeup.

When the final bell rang, I met Beatriz in the hallway.  We
walked to my locker as I listened to her talk about the current rumor she’d
heard in gym.

A random boy I’d never seen before called my name stopping
me in the hall.  Ignoring Beatriz’s smirk, he asked if I’d like to get
something to eat after school.  A slight blush crept into his cheeks when he
finished speaking.

I reached out to touch his arm lightly out of habit.  Our
future played out before my eyes as I gently declined his invitation.  A good
and kind person, he’d love me until the day he died.  I couldn’t do that to
him.

“You know,” Beatriz commented in an unusually serious voice,
“You looked upset that you had to say no.  For someone who has no boyfriend,
you say no a lot.”  I wondered where she was going with her observation. 
“Maybe you’re spending too much time with Morik and not giving anyone else a
fair chance.”  There was nothing I could say to that because it was true.  “I’d
be more than willing to go on a double date with you if you’re worried about
leaving Morik out.”

The sincerity in her voice stopped me from laughing at her
angle.  “Are you saying you’d be Morik’s date so I could date other guys?”

“Sure.”  She looked at me hopefully.

“Beatriz, if you want to make a play for Morik, go for it. 
Just don’t be upset if it doesn’t work the way you hope.  He’s got some strange
rules for himself that he strictly adheres to.”

“Oh, like what?”

I snorted, “Like the girl needs to make the first move.”  I
pulled open my locker and started sorting through my books.

“Seriously?  I could do that.”

“Without even knowing if he’s interested in you or not?”  I
glanced at her and caught her looking in the direction of the main doors. 
Probably imagining Morik sitting out there waiting.

“You bet.  How else will you find out?”  She didn’t wait for
my answer.  “So you won’t be mad if I try?”

“Not a bit.  Just be careful, okay?”

She nodded and pushed away from my locker.  “I’ll see you
outside.”

I watched her grab her own coat and head toward the doors,
envying her confidence.

Not wanting to be a witness to whatever happened, I took my
time getting the rest of my books together.  The halls started to empty around
me.  Glancing at the clock, I joined the stragglers migrating toward the exit.

Outside, the sun shone brightly.  Beatriz stood by the motor
cycle talking to Morik.  Morik’s eyes found me.  Until I walked out the door,
he’d been watching her.  Beatriz saw his attention wander and looked in my
direction.  She waved to him and met me halfway.

“You’re right.  Weird rules, but what a kiss.”  She grinned
and added, “Too bad it’s the only one I’ll get.”

Before I could question her, Morik started his motorcycle
and she hurried off to catch her ride.  Without a word, he handed me the
helmet.  I climbed on.  He pulled out of the parking lot the second I wrapped
my arms around him.  His arms were stiff and under my embrace, his stomach
tense.  Did Beatriz’s kiss upset him?  It made me smile, but only for a moment
before it faded.  What if he didn’t like kissing in general?

Instead of turning to go home, he turned toward downtown. 
There wasn’t much downtown, a few shops, restaurants, a church, a couple of
bars.  We drove for another few minutes, my curiosity growing.

He slowed and pulled into the parking lot for the bowling
alley.  I waited until he turned off the bike before flipping up the visor.

“What are we doing here?” I asked loosening my hold on his
waist.

“We are going to bowl.”  Humor laced his voice.  He reached
out a hand to steady me as I climbed off the back.

Bowling.  A hazy picture of birthday hats and pizza mixed in
with memories of using two hands to push the ball down the alley.  Definitely a
happy memory from long ago.  Curiosity piqued, I wanted to see if it was as fun
as I remembered it.

Standing by the motorcycle, I pulled off the helmet.  He
tucked it under his arm and we walked side by side to the entrance.

The sound of crashing pins and the bing of pinball machines
greeted us when we walked through the second set of glass doors.  Following Morik,
we both exchanged our street shoes for bowling shoes at the counter.  I moved
to our assigned lane to put on the shoes and pick a ball.  Morik stood at the
counter for an extra moment talking to the cashier.

An assortment of bowling balls lined the back wall of the
alley creating a dotted rainbow of color.  While I waited for him to tie his
shoes, I managed to find the perfect ball.  From afar, it appeared to be a
solid vivid orange.  However, looking closer, silver flecks spiraled in a
random pattern around the ball.  It reminded me of the color of his eyes when
he was upset.

He didn’t say anything when I placed my ball on the ball
return next to the dark blue one already waiting there.  Anchored plastic
chairs surrounded the score monitor in a horseshoe leaving the space toward the
alley open.  Above our lane, the score projector showed I would play first.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go first?”  The bowling
alley though not packed still had a steady flow of customers.  With the screen
above the lane, everyone would see how well, or poorly I did.  I wasn’t even
sure I could roll the ball in one hand like the people around me.

A few lanes down I spotted a youth squatting to push the
ball down the lane with two hands as I remembered doing.  As I watched, the
ball bounced of a side rail that I hadn’t noticed.  I looked up at his score
projector and saw a note for bumpers.  Was it too late to ask for those?

Morik laughed and snagged one of my fingers tugging me
toward him.  Having finished tying his shoes, he sat in one of the surrounding
chairs watching me as I looked around.  “I’m beginning to see that Beatriz is
right.  You don’t remember how to have fun, do you?”

I rolled my eyes not bothering to comment and he let me go
so I could retrieve my ball.  The holes in the ball were snug on my fingers and
I worried that they might get stuck.  So I picked up the ball using both hands
with my middle and ring fingers inserted just between the first and second
knuckle.  The image of me sliding down the alley still attached to the ball had
me doubting the wisdom of using the holes at all.

My palms started to sweat and I mentally scolded myself.  I
had more issues than I could count.  There was no way I would add a bowling
phobia to the list.

Head held high, I stepped up onto the smooth wood floor
getting into position like those around me.  Tentatively, I swung my arm back
while taking a step forward.  A buzzer sounded scaring me into dropping the
ball abruptly on the forward swing rather than smoothly releasing it.

“You stepped over the foul line,” an older man from the next
lane said with a kind smile.  He’d just released his ball as well, but it
accurately flew down the lane crashing into the pins.  The group of men waiting
behind him, all wearing the same shirt, watched me.

I will not blush.  “Uh, thanks.”  Too bad my heating cheeks
didn’t listen to me.  I turned and walked toward the ball return focusing on
that instead of their stares.  The ball return had been one of the favorite
parts of bowling in the past.  It amazed me how the system could spit it right
back out.