Touched (7 page)

Deep down he knew that by crossing over the water he would not be far from the apartment block where he had been that morning. He told himself that it was only partly out of curiosity that he was going there; he could partly justify it because the building might be photogenic in the evening light. Whatever, he gave into his true desire and headed towards it.

When he got there, however, he found that he could not get the right angle to photograph the building in its best light.

‘Have to come back at dawn,’ he said inwardly, then laughed at himself. ‘Yeah, right, of course I’m going to do that,’ he added out loud, noticing as he did a couple of passers-by looking at him rather oddly. 'Yes? What? Can I help you?' he said waspishly, though he instantly regretted it, though he was too late to apologise; they had hurried away.

Well who could blame them, he told himself. Talking to yourself was not a wise thing to do, he knew that, but he found himself doing it more and more around the flat in an evening; it had become a habit, it at least gave him the sound of another human voice even if it was only his own. And now he was snapping at people too for no reasons other than he was tired and irritated with himself for not tackling his loneliness head on.

Loneliness. Was he lonely? Even with work? Well working was the only time he really saw people, and most of the people he knew were married or paired up, so he hadn't got much of a social life.

He knew that the amount of time he spent alone just wasn’t healthy but it was so hard to break back into a place he had left eight years before.  All his friends were in London, so why had he turned his back on there? He liked Manchester, much preferred it to the capital, but was this the place to make a new start? Really?

He was running away, hiding, and he knew it.

He found that whilst he had been brooding, he had walked up to the entrance to the building and peered into the lobby through the plate glass doors. Tommy’s desk was empty. Dan wondered if there was anyone on at night; surely there must be? Perhaps Tommy or the night staff was doing their rounds somewhere else in the building.

The lift door opened and Dan, feeling suddenly guilty, stepped quickly away and down the street a little way. He didn’t want anyone to think he was up to no good, casing the joint. The entrance door opened and a couple stepped out, arm in arm and passed Dan obviously heading for the town, leaving the door closing behind them. Without pausing to think or to understand why, he sprinted up the steps and just caught it before it latched shut. He held it for a moment, it was just a fraction off catching, wondering whether he should just let it close. What the hell did he actually think he was doing?

He pushed it open and stepped inside the lobby.

He stopped.

Tess was stood exactly in the place that he had left her that morning.

‘Where have you been?’ she said.

Dan was too stunned to speak. He just stared at her. She was dressed just the same as she was earlier in the day; jeans and the white t-shirt. This time she didn’t keep her distance, she walked right up to him. Halfway there though she paused; he saw her gaze move from him to outside, he thought he saw a momentary frown, a look of puzzlement briefly cross her face, but it passed as soon as it had come, and her eyes went back to his face again.

‘I’m sorry. I had to go…earlier?’ she said.

He noticed that her tone had abruptly changed. The first thing she had said to him had sounded hurt, almost angry. Now what she said was a mixture of apology and puzzlement.

Dan found his voice. ‘That’s OK. I just thought you’d changed your mind, that was all. It wasn’t a problem.’

‘No. I didn’t. I…
er…’ her voice trailed off, and again Dan could see confusion in her eyes. ‘I don’t suppose I deserve it but is the offer of that drink still on?’ she said, looking hopeful yet doubtful at the same time. ‘Loneliness is a terrible thing, isn't it?’

For a moment he wondered how she had got inside his head. How did she know? But then he
realised that she was talking about herself.

Again the warning lights were flashing in Dan's head. This wasn't right, it just didn't add up. How could such an attractive and intelligent young woman ever be lonely in this city? There had to be something wrong with her. He knew that he wasn't in the right state of mind himself to cope with someone with problems. He should say no.

Yet he knew quite well that he couldn't.

‘Sure…I mean…yes. Please,’ he blurted out.

Tess laughed. ‘You didn’t need the please bit!’

Dan smiled and Tess smiled back. Dan was still holding the door open. He stepped to one side to let her past. Then a thought struck him.

‘Oh, do you need to get a jacket or something? It’s getting cooler out there.’

‘No, I don’t feel cold,’ she replied, ‘thanks for asking though.’

She walked confidently through the open door and Dan followed her.

‘So, still fancy the Green Bar?’ he asked.

‘Can we just walk for a while? Do you mind? I’d just like someone to talk to.’

‘Yeah, of course, that’s fine.’

‘We can go for a drink if you want though?’

‘No, really it’s great. It’s a nice night and I like walking.’

They walked side-by-side. Dan found they were retracing his route back to the Lowry.

‘You’re a photographer?’ she said, nodding at the camera bag he was carrying over his shoulder.

‘Not really. It’s just a hobby of mine. I don’t think I’m that good.’

‘What do you take?’

‘Landscapes mainly. Some architecture buildings and the like. Sort of goes with the job. Lots of sunsets. A few sunrises too but they’re harder.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s harder to find a country pub to warm up in after a sunrise!’

She laughed. Well that was a plus, Dan thought, she finds my weak attempts at
humour funny. Either that or she’s just really polite. On reflection, he decided that it was probably the latter.

‘Does your life revolve around pubs and bars then?’ she said.

‘Well I
am
a surveyor, we’re renowned for it,’  he said, ‘not that I’m that social actually. Well I don’t think I am anyway.’

‘Why do you say that?’

They had reached the waterside. The sun was just setting, the low angled light was like liquid gold, glinting off the plate glass of the high rises and highlighting the ripples on the water. Dan almost automatically reached for his camera, already framing the shots in his mind. He took half a dozen pictures, waiting impatiently for the Pentax to process the images - it was one of the downsides in shooting in RAW. It was a few moments before he remembered that Tess was there and that she was watching him with amused fascination.

‘Sorry,’ he said.

‘What for? You looked so serious then, so business-like.’

‘I love light. I spend hours hunting it.’ He closed his eyes. ‘Oh God, that sounded really pretentious didn’t it?’

‘Oh yeah, very!’ Tess said nodding, then laughed, ‘No, actually, it didn’t. I can tell you love it. And it is beautiful.’ She nodded at the scene set out in front of them.

She sat down on the Quayside, her legs dangling over the water. ‘Do you mind if we stay here for a while? Is that OK? I just think I'd find crowds a bit much at the moment.’

‘Sure. I don’t mind at all.’

He sat down next to her. They watched the sun finally disappear and the sky change hue. Dan shot a few more pictures. As the last glow fell on Tess’s face he could not help but shoot one of her, gazing wistfully over the water, her hand twirling a stray lock of dark hair. She noticed, and pulled a face.

‘Don’t! I’m no model,’ she said.

‘You’re beautiful,’ said Dan.

He was shocked at himself. Why had he said that? It wasn't that he didn't think that she was but the fact that he had said it. You only said things like that to someone when you had known them a long time or else were on a night out when you were trying to flatter and flirt with a stranger. Neither applied here. It was just, well,  inappropriate. And just so jarringly out of character again. He gave Tess an anxious glance. Luckily she seemed not to have minded.

She just shook her head, ‘I’m not. You must be crazy.’

He was about to argue when she turned her head away.

‘Why do you say you are not that social, Dan the
valuer?’ she said.

He thought this over for a while.

‘Well, I just prefer being quiet. I don’t like noisy places. I always preferred being at home, staying in to going out, being with one person rather than mixing with lots.’

‘She’s lucky then.’

‘Who is?’

‘Your wife. You have a wedding ring on.’ she nodded in the direction of his left hand.

Dan found himself turning the ring round and around on his finger.

‘She didn’t think so,’ he said, ‘She found someone else. Asked me to leave. We’re getting divorced. She thinks I’m boring, unambitious and anti-social.’

‘Oh. Sorry.’

They were silent again for another few minutes. The water lapped gently beneath their feet.

‘I didn’t mean to rake up any bad memories,’ Tess said.

‘It’s OK. I’m getting over it. I really should stop wearing the ring. I just…’ He stopped. He couldn’t for the life of him explain to himself just why he
did
wear it so it was going to be hard to explain it to anyone else. Maybe it was the finality of what the act of removing it actually meant.  It meant he accepted that part of his life was over. Yet he himself didn’t want to go back. The love wasn’t there, perhaps it never had been. He sometimes asked himself whether love really was real at all, or whether it was just something people deluded themselves with. He knew that he really did not want to delve too deeply into this, that he wasn't ready to, so decided to ask his own question, the one that he had been burning to ask from the moment he had met her.

‘What about you? Is there anyone in your life?’

She did not answer immediately. Again this made Dan wonder if she was hiding something. Surely the answer was simple; yes or no? Instead she seemed to be trying to puzzle it out. Was she thinking up some pat answer?

When she did reply, however, it was quite simply to say:

‘No. Not for a long time.’

‘Since you’ve been ill?’

Again Tess did not answer straight away. Dan wondered whether she hadn’t heard or whether she did not want to answer. He was trying to think of a topic that would get them both to safer ground when she replied.

‘No. Before that. Quite a long time before that.’

‘Sorry. I’m not meaning to pry.’

She had been looking away from him still but now she turned to face him.

‘It’s OK, really,’ she said, ‘I was engaged for a while. I got close to being married. Luckily I escaped.’

‘Luckily?’

‘Sometimes people aren’t who you first think they are,’ she said.

Dan looked quizzically at her. Did she mean him? Did she think he was not who he portrayed himself as?

‘Forget it,' she said. 'I felt trapped but I got out. I was in London at the time but I got away. I moved back here.’

Dan smiled and looked down at his wedding ring again. ‘It’s funny how you want to come back to places where you’d once been happy, isn’t it?  I used to live in London too’

She turned to look out over the water again.

‘Yes. And I
was
happy when I moved here. Happy for the first time in a long time. My family worried about me though, being alone and everything, but really I was fine.’

Suddenly a cloud seemed to pass over her face. Dan knew that she had had a thought, some memory that was painful or disturbing.

‘I was fine,’ she whispered, still staring at the water.

‘What happened?’

Her brow was deeply furrowed. It looked like she was trying to remember something, to drag something up from the depths. Suddenly she stood up, her face pale, her mouth open in shock. She looked terrified, looked on the point of running.

‘Tess, what is it? What’s wrong?’ said Dan also getting up. He reached out for her but she moved from him, alarm and confusing showing in her face.

‘I was attacked. Someone attacked me. In my Flat…up there…’ she sounded as if she was surprised, shocked even. A tear ran down her face, she held one hand over her stomach, protectively, as if feeling for a wound.

‘Tess that’s terrible. Who did it? I mean, did they catch them?’

She was crying properly.

‘I don’t know….I don’t know…I…I…can’t remember.’

Dan stepped towards her again, wanting to comfort her but she backed away again, alarm and mistrust showing in her face. She was looking into his eyes, staring, looking for something. What? A memory?

Oh my God, she thinks it was me, he thought.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, and turned and walked quickly away.

Dan was too stunned to move for a second but then he got up to follow. There was a yell from behind him, which he ignored but then there was another, louder one.