Touched (8 page)

When I open my eyes and look down at her sitting on the seat, I see her beautiful white teeth showing fully with her smile. She licks her lips and continues to smile, and I realize it was not a dream. I squat down, placing my hands on her knees and kiss the hell out of those full lips and I feel her fingers twisting in my hair. Finally, I move back and we just stare at each other. “I’d like to reciprocate but I think you need to heal more first.” I smile as her lips turn into a pout, stand and lift her up into my arms.

“I won’t break, Knox. I’ve been beaten worse than this. I’m fine,” she says determined to get what she wants. Giving her my best smirk, I carry her out of the shower, set her down on the counter, grab a towel and gently dry her body. She’s making my task very difficult as she starts playing with my hair, but finally, I’m done. I dry myself quickly and take her back into my arms. After setting her on the bed, I get a clean t-shirt of mine and bring it down over her head and help her put her arms through the sleeves, then pull it down over her sexy ass body.
I’m gonna need another cold shower and lock the door this time.
She pouts again when I help her lay down and bring the covers up and over her. “I can go home if all I’m going to do is lay around in bed.”

I can’t stop my chuckle and sit down beside her. “How about you not be so stubborn for a while and let me take care of you.” I flick her nose with my finger, and she actually lets out a small giggle. “There. That’s better. Now, I want you to rest and I don’t think you’ll get any while I’m in here.” Her eyebrows raise high up into her forehead, but I can see the corner of her mouth lifting a little. I lean down to where our faces are only an inch apart and give her lips a peck. “I promise there’ll be plenty of sexy time once you’re healed.” I kiss her lips again, lingering a little longer this time, but before we both get heated again I lean back again. “Count on it.”

Later that evening we had an excellent dinner. She seems to be feeling a lot better once she got some rest. We’ve actually been having a great time eating and laughing as we sit at the dining room table, even staying there after the dishes were cleared. “So, I don’t know if you know this, you seem to know more than I’d like but Amber is a great graphic artist.” I raise my brows, my wine glass almost to my lips, and I know the look of surprise has to be apparent on my face. She looks down at her glass of water, and then her eyes move back to mine through her long lashes. “I know she’s young but I think she has a very prominent future in graphic design. You should take a look at her work sometime.”

“Ah, a little plug for your friend.” Her head raises and she opens her mouth to defend herself, but I stop her. “I would love to see her work.” She closes her mouth and smiles. “I’m always looking for new and fresh talent. Maybe when we go and pack up your things I can look then.” Her mouth drops again, and her eyes go wide then move into a squint.

She laughs. “I don’t know why you think my things need to be packed. I’m not going anywhere. In fact, I need to find a new job this week. I have bills to be paid.” She takes a sip of her water and sets the empty glass down on the table.

I reach over and take her hand in mine. My other hand covers them both, and I stare into her eyes with feelings I’ve never had before. They’re overwhelming me. “Jade, let me take care of you, let me be your everything. I know that’s hard for you but I need it. I want it and something tells me maybe you want that too. Haven’t you given enough penance for your past? Isn’t it time for you to have everything you really deserve but don’t think you do? Let me be the one to give you that.” She gasps and tries to pull her hand free, but I tighten my grip. “Yes. I know about the baby. I know the loss you suffered at a young age but it wasn’t your fault. Quit punishing yourself for it, sweetheart. Let me show you how real love feels, how someone can love you and your body and not as a subject for their own kicks, their own desire. Let me love you.”

The look of anger I receive makes my heart plummet. I’m an idiot. I’ve done this too soon, but I couldn’t help myself. She deserves so much more than what she has in her life. She pulls her hand hard, and I let it go so she doesn’t hurt herself, she stands quickly knocking over her chair and backs up against the wall. “You don’t know me! You can’t know me!” She looks at me with a look of confusion mixed with her anger. “How did you find out? You’ve been digging around in my past? What the fuck nerve you have. Or did Amber tell you?” I shake my head sadly, and she laughs. “You want to love me? Give me what I deserve? Ha! I deserve what my life has become, what I need it to become. YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!”

She storms out of the room, heading towards the bedroom, and I know I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.

C
HAPTER
S
IX

I’m fuming as I jog to the bedroom. I gather up the few things I have in the room, grab my phone and call a cab. I can’t stay here. I can’t look at him. He has some big balls looking into my past and has just ended any hope of having a relationship with me. Ha, a relationship. That’s a fucking joke! What in the hell was I thinking? That I could actually be with someone, have a normal life and actually do things everyone else in the world does. No fucking way.

I look around the room still filled with all the flowers he’d sent me, and my heart stops. Deep down, I had hope, and now it’s been shattered. Leaving the bedroom the fear inside me rises as I walk to the front door knowing he may try to stop me, and I was right. I stop a few feet away when I see him standing there, his strong arms crossed over his broad chest but my determination rears its head. “Please. Please don’t leave.” He takes the steps to me and cups my face. His warm lips press against mine, and I let him kiss me. His face moves back an inch, his eyes roaming mine looking for any signs of my defeat, but I show nothing. “Stay and talk with me. Let me explain. Please.”

My eyes blink rapidly as I try to keep the tears at bay, but I break free from his hold and walk to the door. I open it a little then my head turns to him. “You destroyed any chance when you snooped around into my past. You had no right.” I walk out the door, closing it behind me, a small cry leaving my mouth. After walking out of the elevator and towards the street, my head lowered shielding my tears, I look up and see the cab waiting at the curb and I square my shoulders, hold my head up high and start walking.

I’m quiet as I let myself into my building, lightly walk up the stairs and hoping I don’t wake up Amber. I need to make some decisions and can’t do that with her around as she has a tendency of talking me out of anything I try to do anymore. My phone rang so many times with missed calls, voicemails and texts that I had shut it off in the cab. Finally, inside my apartment, I lean my back against the closed door and slide down to the floor as waves of torment, anger, and betrayal rack my body along with my sobs. I don’t know how long I sat there, but the skin on my face feels dry from the river of tears that just released and evaporated, but suddenly my body starts shaking from the pounding on the door.

“I know you’re in there, Jade. Open up or I’ll just unlock it and come in anyway.” Amber’s voice shrills in my foggy head. I wince as I stand, unlock the many locks on the door and open it, but turn immediately and start walking to my room, Amber hot on my heels. “Don’t walk away from me God dammit! Talk to me, Jade!” Her voice loud behind me as we enter my bedroom. I go into my walk-in closet, grab my suitcase and walk out, laying it on my bed and open it. As I head to my dresser, removing clothing and toss it in the case, she follows behind me taking them back out and throwing them back into the drawer. “You’re not running bitch! Slow down and talk to me!”

I stop with my arms full of my panties and bras and throw them down on the bed in a huff. “I’m selling the apartment. I can’t stay here, Amber. He knows. I don’t know how much he knows but I know he knows enough and I can’t… I can’t stay here anymore. I have to leave, find a new place, somewhere… Maybe another state, start over. I…” Her arms are around me instantly, my face presses against her shoulder and my body begins shaking as I sob. “I’m so tired of running. I’m tired of not being loved. I’m just so… Tired.”

Her hand softly rubs up and down my head into my long hair, and I can feel her body shaking as well. “You’re such a stubborn bitch.” A laugh escapes me through my crying, and I hear her laugh. “When are you ever going to stop and smell the roses, sexy lady? You could have so much love in your life but you won’t give anyone worthy a freaking chance.” She pushes me away, but holds onto my upper arms. Her tear filled eyes looking into mine, and she gives me an almost motherly look. “When in the hell are you going to let go of your past? It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault. You didn’t ask to be raped, or to be disowned from your parents, or for all the headline news that ripped you apart, or the miscarriage you had to endure or that bastard getting free from it all. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But…” She places her finger over my lips to shush me.

“No buts. Go take a shower while I clean up this fucking mess you made and then I’ll make you something special. Some girl talk food. Now go.” She gives me a push in the direction of my bathroom, so I start walking. “Oh! And just consider calling Knox back. He’s been blowing up my phone!” She yells as I shut the door.

I turn the knobs letting the cold and hot water mix from the showerhead, remove my clothes and step inside, shutting the door with my foot. The water cascades down my head, my face and my body cleansing me of all my thoughts for a short period. After washing I stayed in there until my skin pruned, and then I dried off and walked into my now clean bedroom, grabbing my pajama pants and a sleep shirt and head towards the kitchen. My hand covers my mouth when I laugh as I behold all the food laid out on the dining room table. Popcorn, ice cream with different kinds of syrups surrounding the tub, chips with assorted dips and a bottle of wine adorn the table. She walks out of the kitchen carrying wine glasses and sets them on the table, then pulls out a chair and looks at me, her smile infectious.

“Well, come on. Time to stuff our faces and girl talk.”

I can’t help but smile when I walk over sit in the chair and look around the table at all the food as she helps push me up to it. “Wow, girl. You’ve outdone yourself this time.” She walks behind me, sits in the chair next to me and opens the bottle of wine, pouring a fair amount into my glass and then hers and grabs a handful of popcorn.

“Eh, it was nothing. You know I’d do anything for my sexy lady.” She stuffs her face and smiles at me as she chews.

I look down at my empty plate, my appetite gone and sigh. “I’m not feeling very sexy right now. I don’t…” I look up at her and see she’s stop chewing and just stares at me with worry in her eyes. “I don’t know how to let go, Amber. I don’t think I can. It destroyed my life before I could really start my life and I lost everything.”

Her hand covers mine quickly. “Jade, there are people out there that can help you, help you to find peace and to have a happy life. What you went through… Well, I don’t know if anyone could have survived what you did and still be sitting here today. I can’t even imagine my parents disowning me or losing a living being inside me or living out in the streets, always hungry and looking for my next meal and the things you’ve done to get money to survive.” I’m surprised by the tears leaking from my eyes when I thought I had no more left to shed. “Jade, you’re a survivor and the most determined person I know. It’s about time you let someone help you get the help you need and let people in. Let them love you. If you can go through everything you have then you’re strong enough to do that. You know you wanna.”

A laugh releases from me, and I remove my hand, place it on top of hers and squeeze. “You’re the best friend anyone could ever have. You’re right. I need to take control of my life but not until after I gorge myself.” She giggles along with me, and we dive into all the food and wine.

As she pours us the last of the wine, she looks up at me then back at the glass she’s holding, spilling a little onto the table. “Oops.” Setting the glass down in front of me, I pick it up and take a huge gulp, my head feeling a little woozy from the amount I’ve drunk so far. “Hey. Why don’t you drunk call Knox? That would lift up your spirits!” I laugh as I set my glass down and start making a huge ice cream sundae in my bowl.

“Nah, I think if and I mean if I even call him, I need to be sober.” I pour chocolate and strawberry syrup over my two scoops of ice cream, take a spoon full of chopped nuts and pour them over the top and grab a maraschino cherry placing it on the tip of the wonderful mound of goodness. I scoop up a huge bite and savor the taste as I put it in my mouth. “Mmmmm.” I swallow and look over at her. “I’ve never felt this way before, Amber, and it scares me.”

She gives me a sad look and then takes a bite of her own sundae. “He’s fallen hard for you, you know. Maybe even loves you. And…” My eyes widen at the thought. “He’s hotter than shit! Damn! His body alone would make me want to dive on him but then his sexy ass face and then how debonair he is and he’s fucking rich. Who wouldn’t want all that?”

“Hmmm. I never thought about it that way. Ok, I’ll sell my place, pack up my shit and head over there tomorrow. What was I thinking?” I smirk.

Her hand slams down on the table and I jump, my hand landing on my heart in fear. “OH! SHIT! I forgot to tell you! He offered me a job in his company! Fuck!” She screams, her voice bouncing off the walls around us.