Towards a Dark Horizon (44 page)

‘He seems to be fine. He’s in the south of England as well – in some office at a place called Bletchley Park. He never mentions what kind of work he’s doing but I think it’s administration duties.’

Danny laughed and touched the side of his nose. ‘Oh, I see – it’s hush-hush, secret work, is it?’

We all laughed at the thought of Greg being a secret agent and maybe being parachuted into Germany or the war zone like some Hollywood film star. But this wasn’t fantasy with some actors playing their parts. This was real life in 1940 and nobody had any idea how it would all end. Every country that Germany had invaded had lost thousands of its civilians so would we be any different? One good thing was the fact that Neville Chamberlain was no longer the Prime Minister. Winston Churchill was now in charge and he was taking on the enemy – head on with no appeasement. Like thousands of families across the land we were all praying for the safe return of loved ones. If anyone had to be killed, then please God let it be someone else.

It was time I was home and as I said my goodbyes, Danny said, ‘Will you come to the station with Maddie and me tomorrow night, Ann?’

I was surprised by this request. Surely Maddie would want the last few precious moments alone with her husband? I said so.

‘You can leave us alone for the last five minutes, Ann, but I would like you to be there with Maddie when I leave. You’re such a tower of strength to everybody and I’ll feel better if I leave her in your good hands.’

I looked at Maddie. Was this what she wanted?

‘I didn’t like to ask you, Ann, but I would dearly like you to be with me.’

Although I didn’t want to impose on their last time together, I reluctantly agreed.

Maddie’s face looked less tense and Danny smiled. ‘Thanks, Ann,’ he said.

It was a sombre little party of three who set off for the railway station the following night. The weather was mild and murky – more like November than January. Still, we were all well wrapped up against the weather and the thought of the emotional hurdle ahead of us.

The station was packed with people, just as it had been when Greg was leaving. Like us, families were seeing off their husbands and sons. It was a scene of emotional upheaval. Danny had already said all his goodbyes to both sides of the family and we were a small party compared to others who seemed to have the entire population of a small village in attendance. Although Maddie and I were upset about Danny’s departure, these clusters of human beings cheered us up and we shared a secret smile about it.

I felt I was in the way. They should be alone together tonight, I thought, to have their last few precious moments as a couple without my presence. I planned to say a quick cheerio to him then leave them alone – not that they would be alone on this crowded platform but they would be alone mentally. In peace-time, people noticed one another in situations like this but, on that murky night, no one noticed anyone but their own. It was a strangely insular crowd.

I stood with my hands in my pockets, feeling miserable and cheerless. I knew Maddie was feeling worse but she tried to keep the tears at bay.

With fifteen minutes to go until the arrival of his train, I said my final goodbye to him. My beloved cousin who had been my strength and mainstay for most of my life was on the verge of leaving – going to his own personal dark horizon.

‘I’ll be praying for you, Danny,’ I said. Now why did I say that? I wasn’t a religious person but maybe a little divine help would see him through the months ahead – or, worse still, the years ahead.

He grinned. ‘Thanks, Ann – I’ll need all the help I can get.’

Maddie gave me a weak smile and her eyes had the watery look that heralded a flood of tears.

I walked to the far end of the platform and waited for her at the door to the buffet. Like the station platform, this cosy corner was also packed with people. It was almost impossible to see through the windows as they were all steamed up with condensation and had long rivulets of water streaming down.

I stood with my back to the wall and tried not to think about Danny – I had my own worries about Greg. But he was in some administration building and Danny would be on some foreign battlefield – of that I was sure.

I heard the high-pitched, tinny voice from the tannoy and then the sound of the mighty steam train as it stopped briefly to pick up its cargo of fighting men, all going to war with their own feelings of horror and anxiety about the unknown. Human nature being what it is, I thought, some would have a higher degree of apprehension than others. Probably, for a tiny majority, this war was an adventure – one that would take them away from the depressing years of unemployment. Connie had said that a vast number of jobless men had enlisted at the start of the war. It had been reported in the papers.

I said another mental prayer for Greg and Danny. Then I remembered Sammy and said one for him as well, even though he should be ashamed of himself for hitting Kathleen.

Then I saw Maddie walking towards me. She was wiping tears from her eyes and my heart went out to her – not very long married and now this enforced parting. I went over to her and linked my arm through hers. She gave me a grateful glance and we made our way into the street. It was pitch black as we slowly walked to her flat. The pavements felt slippy with drizzly rain and we felt rather than saw the swirling mist that left our faces wet with moisture.

I would have been quite happy to keep silent on our way to Roseangle but Maddie seemed to want to talk. ‘Do you remember the first time I met you, Ann?’

‘Aye, I do, Maddie. It was Hogmanay and, when your mum asked you to play the piano, you played “Horsey, Keep your Tail up”.’

She said nothing but gave my arm a squeeze.

‘Do you mind when we made the camiknickers before making the frocks?’ I asked her.

She gave a small laugh. ‘Yes, I do. Life was such fun then, wasn’t it, Ann?’

I agreed it was although I recalled it wasn’t much fun working for the dreaded Miss Hood.

‘I feel as if part of my life has gone, Ann – that the world has turned upside down but we’re still trying to stand upright. Do you know what I mean?’

I nodded in the darkness. ‘Aye, I do, Maddie.’

‘I’ve told myself that, even if I never see Danny again, he’ll always be the best and biggest thing that’s happened to me.’

I had to stop her thinking that Danny would never come back. I stopped walking and turned to her. Her face was an indistinct white blur in the darkness. ‘Look, Maddie, you’ve got to hang on to the hope that Danny will survive this – for his sake as well as your own. The minute you stop believing that, then there will be no hope for you both. Just hang on to the thought of meeting him again when this awful war is over.’

She sounded doubtful. ‘Do you really believe that, Ann? That, if I give up hope, then it will be the end for us both?’

‘Aye, I do. This war will not last forever and just think what life will be like when Danny comes home …’

We had reached the entrance to her close and we climbed up the darkened stairs. Inside the room was warm and bright with her golden shaded lamps. The velvet curtains cut out most of the light but she also had her blackout blind down.

I said, ‘You sit by the fire and I’ll make some tea and toast.’

She sat down and kicked off her boots. Within five minutes, I was placing the tea tray on a small side table beside her. The tea was hot, strong and sweet for me and weak and sugarless for her.

‘Would you like me to stay the night with you, Maddie?’

‘It’s good of you to offer, Ann, but I have to get used to living alone from now on. Mother wants me to stay with them while Danny is away but I want to stay here.’

‘Do you think that’s a good idea, Maddie?’ I said dubiously.

She gazed into her teacup for a moment as if daydreaming. ‘It’s like this,’ she said dreamily. ‘I feel if I stay here then Danny will know where I am when he comes home. This is my home now. Not with my parents.’

I admired her for her brave stand. She was standing on her own two feet and, although she would need some emotional help from her family, she was also saying, ‘Look at me – I’m grown up now and I’m a married woman.’

It was time for me to leave. The dark streets held no terrors for me but I couldn’t help but recall the Overgate and Hilltown before the war. The area was always crammed with people and children, all gossiping, playing or generally just adding to the nightly cacophony of noise. But, that night, those streets lay dark and still. Maybe the weather was to blame for the dearth of humanity but I somehow didn’t think so. Most people were glad to be inside – away from the thoughts of war, away from anything unpleasant.

Dad was in the house when I got back. He had not long returned from walking Rosie home and he was busy stoking up the fire. ‘Has Danny gone?’

I nodded, unable to speak. I had had to be brave for Maddie’s sake but now the full implication of his departure hit me. My eyes filled with tears but I didn’t want to burst out crying. I went over to the stove and put the kettle on. As I poured out the two cups of tea, I almost burst out laughing. Was this our panacea to all kinds of trials and tribulations? A cup of tea?

I asked Dad about his wedding.

His face fell. ‘I’ve been speaking to the bobbies and they suggest waiting a wee while. They want to speak to Margot.’

I was astounded. Was this another of Dad’s ploys to keep Rosie waiting again? ‘But it might be years before the police find her. Does that mean Rosie has to wait till then?’

He seemed unsure. ‘I don’t think so but I also don’t know much about the charge of bigamy. I’ll give it a week or two and then Rosie and I can make our plans.’

On that depressing note I went to bed. Since my illness I had suffered from nightmares but they had lessened over the past year. That was why the dream, when it came, was vivid and shocking. I was at the edge of a large green field and I saw Danny in the middle of the long grass. Suddenly the ground opened up and he disappeared – just as if the earth had swallowed him whole. I searched and searched for him but the field was empty – just full of long green grass and meadow flowers. I woke up in a panic. I knew I had been screaming but the house was quiet. Was it possible to scream in a dream but still remain silent?

I tried to go back to sleep again but the image appeared again. Full of dread, I rose silently and moved to the kitchen. The fire was almost out but the room was still warm. I sat in the fireside chair with my feet curled under me and tried to shake the image of horror from my mind. I told myself firmly that dreams weren’t prophetic. After all, I had spent the evening with Maddie and Danny and our sole topic of conversation had been the war. My brain was saturated with it as it was the only thing I heard every day in the shop. That would explain my bad dream. I made some cocoa and, after I’d drunk it, I went back to bed and didn’t wake up until the alarm clock went off with its usual loud clatter.

I had a letter from Minnie the next day. She wrote, ‘Peter has been called up. He went away last week and we’re both missing him terribly. Still, I’ve made lots of new friends and my neighbours are great so I’ve made up my mind to remain here and not return to Dundee. As I told you earlier, Ann, Peter is at the school and he’s loving it. How are Greg, Danny and Maddie? All well I hope.’ I wrote back by return of post and gave her my scanty news – such as it was.

During the following weeks it was as if I was living my life in limbo. Life went on much as usual and, apart from trying to make meals from the rations, nothing seemed to change very much.

Danny wrote to Maddie nearly every day. He had been taken to a training camp down south because seemingly the Scottish training camps were all full. Because his letters were censored she didn’t know the exact location. He told her he was missing her a lot but life wasn’t too bad. Then the letters became less frequent and she began to worry.

Hattie consoled her, saying, ‘He’ll be on training sessions, Maddie, and he’ll maybe not have enough time to write like he did before.’

I said the same and this seemed to reassure her although she wasn’t totally convinced.

Then, on the last weekend in March, he suddenly appeared at the door. I was in the house with Maddie when he just walked in. For a full minute we both looked at him in silence, as if he was a ghost. Then he smiled and we realised it was Danny – and he was home.

Maddie ran over. ‘Oh, Danny, is the war over? Are you home for good?’

He shook his head. ‘No, Maddie, I’ve just got a forty-eight-hour leave but it’s great to see you again.’ He turned to me. ‘Hullo, Ann. How are you?’

I said I was great. He looked so handsome in his uniform but the army had tamed his hair and it was cut really short.

I picked up my coat. ‘I’ll say cheerio for now but it’s great to see you, Danny.’

Maddie said, ‘Oh, you don’t have to leave right away, Ann. Stay a bit longer.’

I knew she was just being polite and she couldn’t wait to be alone with Danny.

‘No, you’ll both want to be on your own as forty-eight hours isn’t that long.’

I left them and made my way home. What a lovely surprise for her and it was good to see Danny again. The memory of my bad dream had faded into the back recesses of my mind but seeing him in his uniform now brought it all flooding back. I shivered as if someone was walking across my grave. To shake off this morbid feeling, I turned my thoughts to Greg. Although he wrote every second night, I hadn’t seen him since he left. Did he also get forty-eight-hour leaves? Seemingly not.

As it turned out, it was a night of surprises as one was hovering on my horizon. Later that night, I opened the door to find a young burly police constable standing on the step. I must have turned white because the young man gave me a concerned look.

‘Is Mr Neill at home, Miss?’

I relaxed. If it had been bad news about Greg I doubted very much if it would come via Dad.

I stood aside and he came in. Dad was at the kitchen sink. He had been shaving but he was now wiping his face with a towel. He glanced at the policeman with surprise.