Toxic (10 page)

Chapter 14

“What are we going to do this evening?” Suzy was lying on the sofa—her bare feet dangling over the end. Todd was sitting on the floor at her side.

“Let's go to bed.” He winked.

“Have you got something in your eye?”

“That was my sexy wink.”

Suzy laughed.

“What's so funny?”

“Sexy wink?”

“Yes, what's so funny about that?”

“I hate to break it to you, but that isn't sexy. Funny, yes. But, sexy.” She laughed again.

“I'll have you know I've had great success with it.”

“Okay. If you say so.”

Todd huffed indignantly.

“”Do you practice?” she asked—still on the verge of laughter.

“Practice what?”

“Your sexy wink.”

“No.”

“You do, don't you? Do you stand in front of the mirror and wink at yourself?”

“Shut up. If you don't want to go to bed, what do you want to do?”

“I think I'll spend all night laughing at the thought of you winking at yourself in the mirror.”

“How about noughts and crosses,” Todd said.

“What?”

“It's a game where you—”

“I know what it is.”

“Let's play it then.”

“Seriously? That's the best you can come up with? Noughts and crosses?”

“Oh well, if you're scared of losing,” he said.

“To you? Don't make me laugh. What are we playing for?”

“If I win,” Todd said. “You can give me some oral delight.”

“Is that like Angel Delight?”

“You can be an angel or a devil. Don't care as long as I get me some oral delight.”

“Classy.”

“And if you win.” He laughed. “Like that's ever going to happen. What would you like me to do for you?”

“Hmmm.” Suzy put a finger on her chin. “What would I like you to do for me?”

“Some Big Todd action?”

“If I win.” She ran a finger slowly across his chest. “If I win I'd like you to—”

“Yes?”

“Wash those pots.” She pointed to the sink full of dirty dishes.

“It's your turn to wash up today,” he protested.

“Not when I win your silly game.”

“Right! Come on then. We'll soon see who the king of noughts and crosses is.”

“Queen.”

“In your dreams.”

“Enough!” Suzy tossed the pencil across the table. I can't stand any more.”

“You're just scared you'll lose.”

“We've been playing for forty minutes, and so far we've tied every game.”

“Does that mean you concede?”

“No. It just means I'm bored of this stupid game.”

“Okay, we'll play something else then.”

“Must we?”

“Or we could go to bed.”

“Play what?”

“Hangman.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What's wrong with hangman?”

“It's stupid?”

“Why is it?”

“Think about it. A man's life depends on you being able to guess a word. How can that be right?”

“It's a game.”

“Seems a pretty harsh punishment to me. Being hanged just for not being able to guess a word.”

“It isn't real. It's just a game. It isn't even a real man. It's just a matchstick man.”

“Or woman,” Suzy said.

“It's never a woman.”

“Why not? That's sexist.”

“You're nuts. Are you going to play or not?”

“Okay. But I think it's morally wrong.”

“Your moral outrage is duly noted. Which version are we playing?”

“There are different versions?” Suzy said.

“When we were kids we sometimes allowed multiple guesses at the word. Other times we played it so that if you took a guess at the word and were wrong—you lost. Sudden death.”

“Whatever. Sudden death sounds about right.”

“So if you guess wrong you lose.” Todd said. “What's the subject?”

“For what?”

“The words you have to guess.”

“I don't know. You choose.”

“Okay.” Todd pondered for a few seconds. “Your favourite pastimes.”

“That's stupid.”

“You said I could choose.”

“Okay. Favourite pastimes it is.”

“I'll go first.” Todd drew eight dashes on the sheet of paper.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“A,” Suzy said—pretending to yawn.

“No.” Todd drew a horizontal line.

“O” Suzy sighed.

“No.” Todd drew a vertical line.

“They aren't connected to one another. “Suzy pointed to the horizontal and vertical lines.

“They are.”

“No they're not. There's a gap between the bottom bit, and the side bit.”

“Bottom bit and side bit? Are those the technical terms?”

“All I'm saying is there's a gap. That piece would fall over.”

“Fine.” Todd extended the horizontal line so it joined the vertical one. “Better?”

“U,” she said.

“No.” He drew a second horizontal line taking care to make sure this one joined the vertical line.

“Are you sure this is a real word?”

“Course I am.”

“E.”

“Yes.

_ _  _ E_ _ _ _

“I.”

“Yes.”

_ _  _ E_ I _ _

Ten minutes later, and the gallows had been completed. Hanging from them was a stick man with a head, body, two arms, but only one leg.

“S.”

“Yes.”

S _  _ E_ I N G

“Want to guess?” Todd said.

“I've no idea what the word is.”

“One more leg and the man hangs.”

“I know. Stop pressuring me.”

“Any time you're ready.”

“L,” Suzy said.

“Loser!” Todd drew a second leg on the man. “I win.”

“What's the word?”

Todd filled in the missing letters.”

“SCREWING?” Suzy shook her head. “I might have known.”

“What's wrong with that?”

“Favourite pastime? Is that the best you could do?”

“I win.” Todd stood up and began to unfasten the belt on his jeans.

“Whoa! What do you think you're doing?”

“Claiming my prize. It's oral delight time.”

“Not so fast. It's the best of three. I want a chance at setting the word.”

“No one said anything about best of three.”

“They are the rules. Take it or leave it.”

“Whatever. It's only delaying the inevitable.” Todd put a hand on his crotch. “Big Todd can wait.”

Suzy rolled her eyes, and then drew seven dashes on the paper.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ten minutes later, the gallows had been drawn, and the man had a head, body and two arms,

“F,” Todd said.

F _  _ _ I N G

“I've got it!” Todd shouted. “You lose!”

“Do you want to guess?”

“Yep.”

“Are you sure? If you're wrong, I win.”

“I've never been surer. Get ready to give Big Todd some oral delight.”

“What's your guess?”

“FUCKING.”

“I win.” Suzy punched the air.

“What? It's 'Fucking'.” He spelt it out, “F  U  C  K  I  N  G”

“It's 'Fishing'.”

“That's cheating. You don't go fishing.”

“Me and Lacey often go fishing.”

“You're a liar!”

“I just love me some Big Trout.”

“That's bollocks.”

“So,” Suzy was the one smirking now. “Time for the decider.”

“Give me that pencil.” Todd made a grab for it, but Suzy pulled her hand away.

“Seeing as how it's the best of three, we should toss a coin to see who gets to pick the word in the final game.”

“Get on with it then.”

Suzy won the toss and drew more dashes on the paper.

“I hope you can live with yourself,” Todd said, as he ran water into the bowl.

“Just make sure you get all of the dishes clean, loser.”

“You don't have to look so smug.”

“Yeah, I do.”

You could at least help to dry them.”

“Forget it loser. You agreed the bet. You lost.”

“You cheated.”

“How did I cheat?”

“First off, you don't go fishing. And who's ever heard of Oregano?”

“Origami.”