Toxic Secrets (39 page)

I winced as he squeezed my arms tighter. “I didn’t have sex with him. I swear. You are the only person I’ve had sex with,” I pleaded. “Take a test if you don’t believe me.”

His brown eyes narrowed in at me, turning black. “I swear to you, Jeanette, if you tell a single person that I’m the father, I will kill you and that baby. I promise you that.” He let go of one arm and continued holding on to the other as he dragged me off the porch. “You think I’m hurting you now? You don’t know what hurt is, you little slut. But I’m gonna teach you.” His walking was impaired, giving me a glimpse of hope that I may have been able to maneuver myself from his reach.

I was wrong.

Using all my strength, I kicked him in the leg. The broken leg. He released his grip on me, but I wasn’t fast enough. He reached out in enough time to grab the loose bun on my head, jerking me back with enough force that I thought my neck snapped. Tears poured out of my eyes as I feared for my life. He was dragging me down the side walk by my hair, pulling me closer to his car.

“Help me somebody!” I screamed. I felt the blunt force across my face before I had time to comprehend what even happened. He finally did it. He finally hit me. Repeatedly, I had told myself he never would, but I was only fooling myself.

“Shut up, you stupid bitch! I will beat that baby to death if you scream one more time,” he threatened. A metallic taste slowly coated my tongue. I hated him. I’d never hated anybody in my life. I never knew it was possible to hate a person, but I did him, all the way down to my bones.

“I. Hate. You!” I screamed at him.

Phillip reached down and grabbed my face with his fingers, digging his nails deep into my cheeks. “This is your last warning. If you scream one more time, I’ll fuck up that little mouth of yours to where you won’t be able to speak for a month.”

Suddenly Phillip no longer had me in his possessive hold. He was no longer in my sight. All I heard was a familiar voice.

“You get off on hitting girls?” Then I heard a crunching sound. “Hit me. I’m an even match for you.” Next, I heard another solid thud, then a grunt that sounded like Phillip. “You fuckin’ cocksucker. I’ve been waiting to do that since the day I met you.” Another hit followed by a moan. I sat up. My head spun around, and my vision was blurred. I wiped the tears from my eyes. When I pulled my hands away, I saw blood soaked in with my tears. I gained focus long enough to see Jaxon hovering over Phillip, hitting him repeatedly. He screamed at him with each blow. He looked robotic, like a machine made to kill. I was frightened. I was frightened for Phillip’s life.

Stumbling to my feet, I ran over to them. “Jaxon, stop. Jaxon, please. Jaxon, you’re going to kill him. Please. Stop,” I sobbed. Grabbing Jaxon by his shoulders, I tried to pull him back with all the strength I had, but he wouldn’t budge. He was in a trance, repeatedly punching Phillip in the face, in the chest, in the head, anywhere he could make contact. Phillip tried fighting him off, but he was pinned underneath him and his bummed leg worked against him.

I had to do something quick before the situation turned fatal. Doing the first thing that popped into my head, I put myself in between Jaxon and Phillip. Jaxon immediately stopped in mid-swing. His eyes were feral. They weren’t his beautiful baby blues. There was darkness in the depths of them. His breath was ragged, his nostrils flared with each heavy breath, and his face was blood red.

“Courtney, please move out of my way,” he sneered without ever looking at me. His eyes remained focused on Phillip. “I’m going to teach this motherfucker a lesson. I’m going to make sure he feels every ounce of pain that he has caused you over the years.”

Phillip spat out blood and began to laugh. “Fuck you! Fuck both of you!”

Jaxon reached past me and wrapped his long fingers around Phillip’s neck, choking him out. Phillip’s body went still. He no longer put up a fight.

“No!” I screamed. Grabbing his fingers, I pried them away from Phillip’s throat. “Please, Jaxon. Just stop. Please! I’m begging you,” I sobbed. I released his fingers then turned around and faced him. I stared him in the eye. I wanted him to see me instead of seeing through me. I had to break the mad frenzy he was in. Wrapping my arms around him, I buried my tears into his neck. Slowly, I felt both of Jaxon’s hands wrap around me; one hand on my waist and the other cradled my head against him.

“He’s not dead. He’s just unconscious,” he whispered in my hair. He picked me up and carried me over to the front porch settling me down onto his lap. He lowly rocked me, soothing my cries. “Shh… you’re okay now. I have you. I will never let him hurt you again,” he whispered to me.

We sat that way for minutes when he broke the silence. “How many times has he hit you?” He pulled me away from him so he could look into my eyes.

“That was the first time,” I admitted.

“Then how did you get that gash on the back of your head?”

How did he know?
“What gash?” I played dumb.

He blew out a loud breath. “Sweet Cheeks, I saw it while you were sleeping at my house one morning. Well actually I felt it first when I was playing with you hair. It was pretty deep, probably should’ve had stitches,” he said with a sympathetic smile. “I’m not a fool, Court. I know he hurt you, and I know that’s why you were so depressed before coming out to California.”

I didn’t know what to tell him. If I told him what happened, he was gonna find out the truth about the rest. I just stared at him dumbfounded.

He dropped his head. “I guess you don’t want to tell me
.” I do want to tell you, but I can’t.
“Why do you protect him?” he asked peering up at me through his thick, black lashes.

“Jaxon, I don’t protect him. I’m not protecting him. I hate him. It’s… it’s just so complicated.” Tears escaped my eyes. He was going to find out about the baby, and I was going to lose him. I couldn’t stop the tears as they puddled in my eyes before racing down my cheeks. I’d never had this feeling of security before. He made me feel safe. He made me feel alive, and I was going to lose it all. My body shook as I could no longer control the grief I’d been stricken with.

Jaxon’s hands cradled my face. His thumbs brushed my tears away as they fell. His lips stole my cries as they fled from my mouth. The feelings I had for him in this moment while he tried to envelope my pain were indescribable. I thought I loved Phillip. I thought I knew what love was. But those feelings were nothing compared to what I felt for Jaxon. Maybe I didn’t exactly know what love felt like anymore. Maybe what I was feeling now was love. Maybe I was falling in love with this gentle but cryptic guy that swooped in on me at a vulnerable time and stole my heart.

When Jaxon’s lips left mine I felt weak, exposed. “Court, I don’t know what he’s done to you. I can only imagine. I’ve been around guys like him before. I swear to you he will never do it again.” He brushed the hair that was stuck to my wet face from my eyes.

“Jaxon, you can’t promise me that. He’ll always be around. I’ll never be able to escape him.”
Not when I’m carrying his child.

Phillip started coughing and sputtering. I looked over at him as he spat blood from his mouth. He sat up staring at us with so much hate. “You need to get the fuck out of here. This has nothing to do with you,” he said to Jaxon. His coughing continued, and he spat out more blood. His hand was draped over his stomach, holding his ribs as his face contorted with agonizing pain. Suddenly, as if something clicked in his mind, a devious grin spread across his face, exposing blood covered teeth. “This is between Courtney and I. What we choose to do with
our
baby is
our
business.”

Jaxon’s head whipped over at me, his eyes engaging my expression. “What’s he talking about?”

My chest squeezed hard, blocking my flow of oxygen. Phillip’s going to win after all.

Phillip let out another one of his maniacal laughs. “Oh, you don’t know! She didn’t tell you? She’s pregnant! Tsk, tsk, Courtney, shame on you,” he mocked. “She wants to abort it, but there is no way in hell I’m allowing that to happen,” he accused.

He gently lifted me from his lap, his body moving robotically, sitting me down on the porch. My body became immobile—numb. My tongue felt paralyzed in my mouth. I couldn’t speak.

He stared at me with pain coursing through his eyes before he looked away. He could probably no longer look at me, but I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. I watched him unfold before me as his jaw muscles tightened repeatedly. His chest rose and fell with each short breath he took. The torment he was battling inside was killing me. No longer able to watch his agony, I squeezed my eyes shut.
Was he mad? Was he hurt?

When I opened my eyes, Jaxon was standing in front of me. “Was that the part that was so complicated?”

I nodded.

“Is this why you protect him?”

I shook my head.

“Talk to me dammit. I deserve that much.”

My chin trembled and my bottom lip quivered. “I’m so sorry, Jaxon. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t tell you because I’m terrified of losing you,” I whimpered.

Tears began to form in my eyes again. I cradled his face, “Please don’t be mad at me. Please! Let’s just talk about it. Let me explain it to you,” I begged.

His tensed shoulders fell, his unfocused gaze connected with mine. “Are you really going to abort it?” He asked in disbelief.

“No.” I dropped my head looking at the ground. I wasn’t brave enough to face him. “I don’t know… I mean, I haven’t decided what I’m going to do, but I
never
told Phillip I was going to abort it.” I said, sending fiery eyes Phillip’s way.

Jaxon just stood there continuing to stare at me. His silence was killing me. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t know what to do,” I cried, grabbing the front of his shirt, burying my face in his hard chest.

He stood there motionless as I cried into him hoping his heart would hear my pain. Terrified of him leaving me, I grasped his arms tight. Gently, his arms reached around my shaking frame and cradled me close against him. Repeatedly, he shushed me as he comforted my cries. I could hear Phillip laughing and saying something along the lines of ‘things never change with you.’

Anger surged through me with each taunt Phillip threw my way, and I spun around, releasing Jaxon, and ran up to Phillip. My hand was mere inches of slapping his face when he caught it, nearly causing me to stumble. Pulling me down to him, pretending to catch me, he whispered quickly into my ear before he released me. “Remember what my mother said. If you don’t want any trouble you better tell your boyfriend goodbye. Now.”

Him and his mom were really going to force me into this. They were really going to make me put an end to all my happiness. The pain in my chest sunk further with every breath I took. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I had to do the unthinkable.

I turned back to Phillip. “Leave. Now,” I gritted through my teeth. “I need to be alone with Jaxon.” Phillip glared at me with fury, but surprisingly did as I asked.

Jaxon walked over to where Phillip had been laying on the ground as I stood there watching Phillip struggle to pull himself up with the help of a big oak tree. After he got himself upright, he pulled his keys out of his pocket and hobbled over to his truck. His eyes narrowed at me as if telling me I better do as I was told before he climbed into his truck. He kept quiet the entire time. He knew Jaxon would kick his ass again if he acted like a fool.

As soon as Phillip was out of sight, I brought all my attention back to Jaxon. My heart hammered in my chest cavity as he strolled up to me.

He palmed my face, his thumb tracing my bottom lip.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t want to lose you but—” I told him as tears started to spill from my eyes again.

He cradled my head against his chest. His chin rested on top of my head. “Sweet Cheeks, you have no idea how much you’ve opened me up. You’ve brought light into the core of my darkest shadows. You make me want to be the person I thought had died when…” He swallowed hard, “… when she died. You’ve brought the old Jaxon back, and I forgot how much I like that guy,” he chuckled. “Look at me.” He placed both hands on my face and tilted my chin up to lock me in with his sky blue eyes. “I know this baby isn’t mine, but I could help you. I would care for it like it’s my own. I know what it was like to grow up without a father, and I don’t want that to happen to your baby. Is Phillip really ready to love someone other than himself?” I shook my head the entire time he talked, not wanting to hear the things he was telling me.

“We can’t do this, Jaxon. It would never work. I can’t be with you and carry someone else’s baby. Phillip is a horrible person, I know this.” I took a deep breath, hating what I was about to say. “But I have to hope that he can change. I have to hope that this baby will change him. It happens,” I told him, trying to convince myself, too. “You mean everything to me, and I thank you for opening up my heart again.” Jaxon’s hopeful expression turned wretched as he began to comprehend the dreadful words flowing from my mouth.

“Courtney, please don’t do this. I’m begging you.” He kissed the tears streaming down my face. “God! You’re killing me.” I watched a single tear pool into the corner of his eye, and then slowly creep down his face until it was lost in his stubble. “I want to sweep you up and bring you back to Cali with me. I want to save you from all of this madness.” He jerked away from me in a sudden movement and slammed his fist into my mother’s hanging flowerpot. “Fuck!” I hate this fuckin’ shit!” he roared.

He stomped back over to me, crushing me against his body. He hugged me like it was the last time he would ever hold me again.

Sadly, it probably was.

He pulled away but stayed close enough for our noses to touch. “I feel things for you that I shouldn’t. I get high in the clouds when I’m around you. You make me feel emotions that have been dormant for years. Thank you for reminding me what it’s like to fall in love again, but please, don’t push me out of your life.” His eyes were glassed over.