Tracie Peterson (14 page)

Mattie felt tears come to her eyes. The thought of having failed to bring Rachelle to salvation ate at her like a caustic acid. “But you’re her daughter,” Mattie said. “You’re all her daughters. As
much as you would all like to deny that or pick it apart for your own purposes, the woman gave you life. You share some of her looks, her temperament . . . and you share me. I don’t like what Rachelle became or how she lived her life or that she left you behind—but to hate Rachelle and everything about her would also mean I’d have to hate you. Wouldn’t it?”

They all fell silent at this and looked away to avoid Mattie’s inquiring gaze. Mattie could only pray they would somehow hear her. Despite their beliefs that they could leave Rachelle behind when they went back to their perfectly ordered lives, Mattie knew better.

“Look, it’s getting late and I’m tired,” Connie said, getting up. “Guess I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

“I’m going to turn in too,” Deirdre said. “If I oversleep, somebody just come wake me up.”

“Good night, Grammy,” Brook said, placing a light kiss on Mattie’s forehead.

One by one, they moved off toward the oak staircase, disappearing into the shadows of the hallway. Mattie could hear them first on the steps, then their footfalls in the hallway upstairs. They weren’t at all enthusiastic or speedy. Their voices weren’t raised in animated laughter as they had been on that first day back home. She had given them something to consider. Something that had haunted her for quite some time. They almost seemed to desire her hatred for their mother, as if they needed Mattie to swear a total and complete allegiance to them, condemning Rachelle to the utter recesses of her memories. They couldn’t bear that Mattie still loved Rachelle—because they couldn’t love Rachelle.

But they
were
Rachelle, at least to Mattie. They were little pieces of a child who went away and never really returned. They were the heart and soul and life’s blood of a love she’d shared with Edgar so many years ago. They were the continuation of the Mitchell name and bloodline, and they were all that Mattie had left on this earth.

Chapter 13

Friday dawned clear and beautiful. It looked as if the world had been washed and everything had come out fresh and crisp. The colors were invigorating, as was the warmth of the springtime air.

Connie had decided with great purpose and effort to make peace with her sisters, for Mattie’s sake. She knew the day before had created great turmoil, and even though she felt they were all justified in their feelings, she hated that they’d hurt Mattie’s feelings.

The girls had decided earlier in the week to plan a special picnic down by the lake for their Friday luncheon. Deirdre and Ashley were in charge of food, while Brook and Erica talked Mattie into venturing into town so that Connie could decorate for the party.

“I’m sure glad the rain moved on,” Deirdre said, bringing a platter of sandwiches. “Oh, Connie, this looks just great!”

Connie smiled. She’d done what she could with what few decorations they had been able to buy in town. Crepe paper streamers decorated the lakeside gazebo and colorful napkins, plates, and tablecloth made up for the lack of Mattie’s blooming garden.

“I wish Grammy’s flowers were out,” Connie commented. “It would have made things perfect.”

“I think you did a good job in spite of that handicap,” Deirdre said. The honking of a car horn brought their attention. “Grammy’s back! Come on, let’s go get the rest of the food so that when Brook and Erica bring her down, we’ll be ready!”

The luncheon was a huge success. Mattie seemed pleased to have her girls all in such good spirits. They ate and laughed and lounged
down by the lake until the light began to fade from the sky and the lemony hue of sunset turned a startling pink, lavender, and orange.

“I miss these times,” Brook said softly. “I seldom get the chance to enjoy sunsets anymore. Although, when I was up in British Columbia earlier this year, I saw some wonderful sunsets.”

“We were in Key West over spring break,” Connie offered, “and would go down to the dock and watch the sunset. It was magnificent, but it had nothing on a good old-fashioned Kansas sunset.”

“I didn’t know you went to Key West,” Erica commented.

“Me either,” Deirdre joined in. “Who did you go with?”

“Why did I have to go with anyone?” Connie questioned rather defensively.

“Well, you did say ‘we,’” Ashley pointed out, nibbling on a brownie. She thought Connie looked rather embarrassed, but she couldn’t imagine why.

“I just went with friends, okay?” She got up and started to clear away the dishes.

“Hey, no one meant to upset you,” Deirdre said, reaching out to touch Connie’s arm.

Connie nodded. “I know. I guess I’m just dreading tomorrow.”

“Dreading it?” Mattie questioned.

Connie put the plates down and shrugged. “I just have a lot of unsettled business. Then, too, I’ll have to deal with the kids on Monday after they’ve abused a substitute for a whole week. They’re always harder to get back into the swing of things after that.”

“I think we all have our reasons for dreading tomorrow,” Deirdre finally said. “None of us want to leave you, Grammy.”

Mattie smiled. “I hate seeing you all go, but the sooner you go, the sooner you can return.”

As she looked at each one, Ashley noted the expression on her face. Her grandmother took great pride in each of them, even with their flaws. She loved them unconditionally and unquestionably . . . just as she had loved her daughter, Rachelle.

Ashley looked out over the lake and suddenly it came to her that
no matter what John or Zach might ever do, she would love them. She would fight to the death for either one of them, no matter how bad they acted—no matter what poor choices they made. Why hadn’t she thought of that before? Why hadn’t she equated the love she felt for her children with the love Mattie felt for Rachelle?

“We’d better get this stuff inside, or else go up and turn on the lights,” Mattie suggested. “Otherwise, we’ll soon not be able to see a thing.”

The girls quickly agreed and helped carry the dishes and leftover food up to the house. With her sisters occupied in the kitchen, Ashley slipped into the living room to call home. Her thoughts of the boys made her miss them and Jack more than ever. Worries over her sisters and Mattie had dimmed her longings for home, but with so many of those issues set aside, Ashley wanted more than ever to return to her family.

Punching in the number, Ashley waited as the phone began to ring, anxious to talk with her boys and then Jack. Jack would understand her concerns about Brook. Jack would understand her feelings of inadequacy when it came to being there for Mattie. And Jack would help her to forget about Harry’s soft-spoken voice and gentle manners.

Thinking of Harry almost startled her. Why had that come to mind? Harry meant nothing to her. At least nothing in the sense of what he had once meant. Why now, out of the clear blue, did the thought of him make her so uncomfortable?

The phone continued to ring.

It wasn’t that Harry meant anything to her, Ashley decided. She wasn’t in love with him, nor did she even give a second thought to such matters. But his easygoing nature was almost unnerving. In the wake of Harry, Jack seemed aggressive and bossy and maybe even a touch insincere. Yet Ashley knew that wasn’t the way she saw Jack. At least that wasn’t how she’d seen him in the past. And it certainly wasn’t how she wanted to see him now. Where were all these thoughts coming from?

The answering machine clicked on. “Hello, you’ve reached the home of Dr. and Mrs. Issacs. At the sound of the tone, please leave your name and telephone number and we’ll return the call. If this is a medical emergency . . .” Ashley hung up the receiver. It was nearly eight o’clock. Where could they be?

Thinking they might be at Jack’s mother’s house, Ashley picked up the telephone again and redialed. This time, her mother-in-law answered the phone on the second ring.

“Ann, this is Ashley. I tried to call home but no one answered. I just wondered if Jack and the boys were with you.”

“Oh, hello, Ashley. Yes, the boys are spending the night with me. Jack had an emergency with a patient and had to go to the hospital. He figured he might be out all night and asked me to keep the boys. If you want to talk to them, I’m sure they’re still awake.”

“That would be great, Ann. Thank you.” Ashley waited for a moment and was finally rewarded with the sound of her youngest son’s voice.

“Hi, Mommy. When are you coming home?” Zach questioned.

“Hello, Zachy,” she said with a smile. “I’ll be home tomorrow. How are you? Are you being good for Grandma?”

“Yup. She gave us cookies and milk for a bedtime snack.” There was a momentary pause. “Are you bringing me a present?”

Ashley laughed. “If you be good, I’ll bring you something. I love you, sweet boy. Now let me talk to John.”

The exchange with John was similar to what she’d had with Zach. “I wish you were home now,” John added.

“I wish I were too,” Ashley replied, knowing she was rather mixed on her feelings of the matter. “Actually, I really wish you and Daddy and Zach were here with me.”

“Daddy’s at the hospital,” John informed her as if Grandma might have forgotten. “He got a phone call and told us we had to stay with Grandma.”

“Yes, I know. But he’ll be back soon. You behave for Grandma.”

“I will,” John promised. “I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you, John.” Ashley felt the warmth of his words spread throughout her body. She longed to be able to hold both her boys close and to kiss them good-night.

“Did you want me to have Jack call you?” Ann questioned as she came back on the line.

“No, that’s okay,” Ashley replied. “We’re an hour ahead of you and he probably won’t be home anytime soon. That’s usually the way these things go. Just tell him I called and that my plans to return tomorrow are still on schedule.”

“I’ll tell him.” Ann paused, then added, “I saw the funeral on television.”

“Yes,” Ashley replied. “It was a regular three-ring circus. The media was very intrusive, but we managed to escape, thanks to Harry.”

“Harry?”

Ashley instantly bristled. She hadn’t intended to bring Harry into the conversation. She couldn’t even really understand why he was in her thoughts at all. “Harry Jensen, my grandmother’s neighbor. He’s been like a son to Grammy and he helped us get home from the cemetery when the reporters were so difficult.”

“Is that the same Harry you were once engaged to?”

Ashley thought she denoted disapproval in her mother-in-law’s voice but decided against worrying about it. “Yes, that’d be the one. He helps Gram all the time now, what with all us girls living elsewhere. Anyway, thanks again for seeing to the boys, Ann. I know I don’t have to worry if they’re with you,” Ashley said. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

She hung up the phone and stared at it for several moments. She really wanted to talk to Jack, and the void left her feeling rather out of sorts. Why did he have to be tied up tonight of all nights?

Ashley decided not to dwell on it and headed upstairs in order to take a quick shower. There was no sense in being bothered by something that would no longer have any influence on her after tomorrow. Harry would go back to his farm. Mattie would make her quilts and plant her flowers, and Ashley would fulfill her duties as a
wife and mother. It all seemed rather planned out and certain.

Nearing the bathroom, Ashley heard the unmistakable sound of Brook being sick. She knocked lightly on the door and announced her presence. “Brook, can I help at all?”

A pale-faced Brook opened the door and shook her head. “I’m all right. It’s just nerves.”

“Have you had a doctor check it out?” Ashley questioned.

Brook nodded. “Yes, and I have half a dozen prescriptions to take in order to help me combat life. But I don’t want to be dependent on such things.”

“Still, maybe it would help you to feel better in the long run. Maybe you could take something just long enough to get your feet back under you.”

Brook shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. Did you get ahold of Jack?”

“No, he’s off with a patient and his mother is taking care of the boys.”

“I’ll bet they’ll be glad to have you home.”

Ashley murmured rather absentmindedly, “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“What is it, Ash? Is something wrong?” Brook asked intuitively.

“I don’t know.” Ashley felt the return of her empty longing. “I kept thinking about Harry tonight, for some reason. I mean, not all night. Just when I called home. I don’t know why he’s on my mind. I’m certainly not in love with him and I don’t feel that I have any reason to be concerned with his feelings for me.”

“Maybe you need closure.”

“What do you mean?”

Brook shrugged. “You never really explained yourself to Harry. You know, in leaving him and breaking the engagement. You never asked him to forgive you. Maybe you should go over to his place and tell him what really happened.”

“You think so?” Ashley questioned. “Just show up, just like that? What about his fiancée? What if she were there?”