Tracie Peterson - [Heirs of Montana 04] (10 page)

She tried not to give in to her anger, but the moment she went through the bedroom door, Dianne threw the basket and contents across the room. She let out an exasperated cry and began nearly tearing her clothes from her body.

“I can’t believe he could treat me like that in front of his sister. He can’t help but know how that would make me feel,” she muttered. She dropped the lightweight calico gown on the floor and stepped out of it. Going to the wardrobe, she opened it and pulled out a serge suit of amber and black. Cole came into the room as she pulled on the blouse, fumbling to secure the buttons.

“I don’t want you to go to town alone.”

“I don’t want you to make decisions about living in Kansas without consulting me,” she snapped.

“Dianne, this isn’t an easy situation.”

“No, it isn’t. You don’t see how you are being manipulated by those women.”

“My mother and sisters are only looking for strength—encouragement.”

Dianne pulled on her skirt and tucked in her blouse before buttoning the waist. “If those women had any more strength, they’d be men! What they need from you—what they are demanding from you—is your very life, and mine.”

“That’s not true. You’ve been unfair about them since we first arrived. You didn’t want to come and now you’re blaming them somehow for having to be here.”

She pulled on her jacket. “The only thing I blame them for is trying to turn you against your family.”

“No one could do that,” Cole replied.

“Well, it seems to me they’ve already accomplished that. You took the word of your sister over mine only moments ago.”

“She was in tears,” he protested.

Dianne finished the final button on her coat and looked hard at her husband. “Is that what one has to do in order to get a little compassion from you? I’ve cried a bucketful since we’ve arrived. Does that count?”

Cole came to her. “Look, I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been myself, but what can you expect? Look at what I’m trying to deal with.”

Dianne felt the fight in her die away. She could see in his eyes that he was genuinely sorry for what had happened. “I know it isn’t easy, but I can’t help you bear this when you push me away at every turn.”

“I can’t deal with the condemnation you give me. I know I’ve failed you in so many ways, but I can’t bear anything more at this point. Seeing my father die … well … it just makes me all the more aware of how frail life is. How I haven’t accomplished anything that I’d hoped to do.” He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. “Please don’t go to town alone. I know you’re upset, but I don’t want anything bad to happen to you or the children.”

She drew a deep breath. “Very well. I’ll stay.”

He smiled and pulled her into his arms. “Thank you.”

She bit her lip to keep from saying anything further. He wouldn’t understand and might not even hear her. She sighed when she thought of trying to make dinner and deal with Cole’s sisters and mother. Still, there was nothing else to be done. She’d already promised him she would stay. She’d set her own punishment.

CHAPTER 7

H
ALLAM DIED TWO WEEKS LATER
. D
IANNE FELT ALMOST A
sense of relief in his passing. Still, he was the only Selby who had treated her with any kindness, so she felt some loss along with the relief. Cole said little to her about his father’s death, and Dianne didn’t press him. She was barely on speaking terms with him since the incident with Cordelia, and now that Hallam had passed on, it was clear she wasn’t needed.

Arrangements were made for the funeral, with Cole helping his mother from dawn to dusk. People began coming by to offer their condolences. Most brought some type of food, and soon the kitchen and dining room overflowed with cakes, puddings, vegetables, and meats.

Dianne kept her children upstairs or out back most of the time. No one seemed interested in meeting them, and the family didn’t wish for them to be around.

“Why does Grandma hate us?” Luke asked his mother.

Dianne wanted to respond in a catty manner but held her tongue. If she worked to put up walls between the Selbys and her children, she’d be acting the same as they were. “Grandma doesn’t hate you. She’s grieving, and that makes people say and do strange things. Just pray for her, Luke. Pray that God will comfort her heart.”

Her eldest nodded and went back to playing with his brothers.

“Is Grandpa going to stay dead?” Lia asked when her brothers were occupied once again.

Dianne smiled at her daughter. “His body is all that died. His spirit belonged to Jesus, so he will live forever in heaven.”

“Like Winona’s papa?”

Dianne thought of Levi. “Yes. Like Winona’s papa.”

“Will my papa die?”

Dianne saw the worry in Lia’s expression. “Oh, Lia, everybody dies someday, but I think your papa will be around for a long, long time. You mustn’t be afraid of death, though. Jesus said, ‘I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.’ When our trust is placed in Jesus, we only die to our earthly life—but we’ll live forever in heaven.”

“But Grandpa died and Levi died,” Lia replied.

“Only their bodies. They both loved Jesus, so their spirits will never die. They will go to heaven and live with Him forever.”

“I’m glad. Winona wants to see her papa again. She told me so.”

Dianne smiled. “There will always be people we’d like to see again.”
Places too,
she thought.
I long for Montana and the people I love there. Lord, it’s so hard to be here. I feel so alone except for the children
.

She tried hard, however, to be pleasant and kind. She didn’t want her personal feelings to be a topic of criticism. There were already plenty of things her mother and sisters-in-law found fault with. No need to give them any more ammunition against her.

With Hallam buried and the funeral behind them, Dianne began to look for some sign that her husband would take them home to Montana. But as August slipped away and September loomed, Dianne began to fear the worst.

Occupying the boys with some primers she’d brought, Dianne left them reading and went downstairs to attend the task of ironing. Lia was sleeping and the heat had subsided a bit. It seemed a good time to see to her chores. It also seemed a good time to think through the situation and come to some decisions.

I must convince Cole that we need to return home
. She tested the iron and began to work out the wrinkles in one of the boys’ shirts.
If only he would listen to reason. If we wait too long, winter will come and travel will be too dangerous. Maybe if I remind him of the children—especially of Lia’s health—he’ll be willing to make the arrangements
. But in her heart, Dianne worried that nothing would ever convince her husband to leave his mother’s farm. She had prayed for strength and understanding, but neither one seemed to be hers. There was no peace for her here. Her children were rejected and she was despised. How could Cole continue to desire living here when his wife and children were so clearly disliked?

Dianne had managed to iron nearly half of the things she’d brought when Mary Selby appeared in the kitchen. She said nothing to Dianne in greeting but immediately went to work. It looked as if she intended to bake, so Dianne quickly began to gather her things. She wanted there to be no excuse for Mary to be unhappy with her.

Moving quickly and quietly, Dianne had managed to collect everything and start for the back stairs when Mary suddenly halted her.

“Why do you hate us so?”

Dianne turned, basket in hand. “I beg your pardon?” She couldn’t possibly have heard the woman right.

“You have been nothing but mean spirited and hateful since you’ve arrived.”

“That isn’t true and you know it. From the moment we first came, I’ve offered to help you. I asked several times what I might do to be of use to you, and you dismissed me.”

Mary stiffened and straightened her shoulders. “You’ve offered no help. You’ve only worked to turn my son against me. Against us. His father wanted him to stay. He’s left Cole this farm. It was always his dream to leave something of value to his son.”

“And now he’s done that and gone on in peace,” Dianne reminded her. “I’m glad that he could accomplish what he wanted.”

Mary gave a snort and shook her head. “Glad? You are no such thing. Would you add lying to your list of troublesome deeds? You’ve made it clear you hate us and this place.”

Dianne tried hard to figure out the woman. Her comments were so convoluted, however, that it was difficult to have patience with her. “I have no hate for you, Mother Selby. I have been hurt by you, as have my children. But I do not hate you.”

“How in the world have I hurt you or your children?” Mary asked, seeming genuinely stunned by her comments.

“You ignore my children but fuss all over your daughters’ girls. Do you know how much Cole longed to show off his children to you—to have you see them and be proud? But instead, you’ve scorned them, had nothing to do with them. They’ve been hurt by this, asking me why you hate them. So if hatred is to be discussed, perhaps you should consider your own heart. Why do you hate us?”

Mary Selby’s eyes narrowed. “You took away my son once before, and you want to take him away again. I need him here, but your selfish heart won’t allow you to yield in obedience to your husband’s desires.”

“My husband has given me no indication that staying here is his desire,” Dianne said, trying hard to calm her nerves. “He told me of his father’s wish for him to take over the farm, but Cole never once said it was something he wanted to do. He’s worried about you, of course, but he also realizes that he has a family to care for.”

“He could care for that family here.”

“He barely sees that family here,” Dianne snapped. “You seem to go out of your way to occupy his every waking moment. His boys miss him fiercely. Cole used to play with them every day, and now they seldom even get a moment to speak to him alone.”

“Children should be disciplined and trained, not played with,” Mary countered. “School will soon be starting, and I’ve already directed Cole as to where he should enroll the boys. They won’t feel so concerned about their father’s actions once they are back in school.”

“My boys are not going to school here in Topeka. They will go to school in Montana.”

“That’s not what Cole and I discussed last night.” Mary sneered and walked to the cupboard. “You need to understand that Cole is my son and he realizes his obligation to me. He will remain here with me—because it’s the right thing to do. If you were a Christian, God-fearing woman, you’d understand this.”

“Because I am a Christian, God-fearing woman, I realize just how wrong this is. The Bible says it is fitting for a man to leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife!” Dianne declared. “If I were you, I’d be cautious of trying to tear apart what God has brought together.”

Mary stood speechless.
Good,
Dianne thought,
let her consider that for a time
. She clutched her basket tightly and nearly ran up the back stairs. She wanted to scream. She wanted to pack all of her things and declare to the entire world that she and Cole and the children would be on the next train out of town—even if they had to ride in the freight car.

But of course, she couldn’t say any of those things. Hurrying to the sanctuary of her room, she slammed the door behind her and let her tears begin to fall.

“Father, this is so unbearable. What am I to do? How am I to endure this woman and her hatred? I don’t want to cause Cole further grief, but this misery is wounding my children. Being here has only caused us pain.”

Dianne fell across the bed and sobbed. She was completely without hope.
No,
her mind protested,
you have Jesus, and in Him is all hope
. She struggled to sit. “But you seem so far away. I’m alone here and afraid. Please help me.”

Dianne managed to stay out of her mother-in-law’s way for the rest of the day. That evening they gathered for dinner, but no one said much of anything. Even the children were subdued. When dinner concluded, Dianne quickly instructed the children to carry their dishes to the kitchen, then ordered them to their rooms.

“I’ll be up to read to you as soon as I have the dishes cleaned up,” she promised.

Reluctantly the boys headed for the back stairs, but Lia began to cry. “I want to go home, Mama.”

Dianne knew if she tried to comfort her, it would be her own undoing. “I understand, but right now you need to go upstairs. We can talk about this later.”

“I don’t like it here,” Lia protested. “I want to go home.”

“Go upstairs now!” Dianne said more harshly than she’d intended. Lia’s lower lip quivered and tears poured in earnest. Dianne couldn’t bear it. “I’m sorry, Lia. Mama’s got a powerful headache. Please just go upstairs and I’ll be there soon.”

The child did as she was told, and Dianne focused her attention on the dishes. The pain in her heart was nearly as fierce as the headache.
Something has to change,
she thought.
We cannot keep going like this—angry and sad, longing for home
.

Later, she sat on the edge of the bed Lia shared with John. Luke and Micah had come to sit on the bed as well while Dianne read to them from the Bible. Her heart wasn’t in it, and she was certain her children realized this. Still, Dianne knew they needed to see her take her comfort in the Lord—even when comfort seemed so far away.

She prayed softly with them, listening to their prayers and offering her own as well. Then she tucked them in and kissed them. “I love you so much,” she whispered.

“Does Papa still love us?” Micah asked.

Dianne felt the stabbing pain of that question. “Of course he still loves you. He’s just very busy.”

“And sad,” Luke added softly.

She nodded. “Yes. He’s very sad, but he still cares about us.”

But she had a harder time convincing herself. As she made her way across the hall to the room she shared with her husband, she couldn’t help but wonder if Cole had any thoughts of them whatsoever.