TRAGIC: Rook and Ronin, #1 (27 page)
"But he gave me money every week so I could go shopping, before that beating anyway. And for three years I'd been planning for the day I'd have to leave because even though before that last incident I was too scared to really do anything about it, I knew that one day I'd have no choice. I knew that eventually he'd kill me. So I saved a few dollars from that allowance money he gave me when I could get away with it. Sometimes he checked my receipts and he kept a running inventory of all the food in the house, so it was very difficult to get enough to even buy that bus ticket, let alone a bit of money to get me through once I got away. He checked the mileage to make sure I never went anywhere in the car and he logged keystrokes on the computer to make sure I wasn't using it while he was gone. So I couldn't talk to guys or some stupid shit like that."
"He controlled everything."
"Yeah," I say. "He
owned
me." I turn around now so I can see Ronin as I talk. "And that's why I need this, Ronin. I need this, or I swear I wouldn't do it. You have to believe me. I don't want to do drugs, or stop eating, or make modeling my career. I have my own dreams and I'm not ready to give up on them yet. I just want the money so I can make my own decisions. And maybe this contract with Spencer is a mistake. Maybe I'll regret it, but I don't think so, because Spencer Shrike was gentle and he makes
art
on nude bodies. It didn't feel… dirty."
"Like TRAGIC."
"Yeah, this contract is definitely dirty. I mean of course I'll finish what I need to do to get paid, but I'm not interested in this modeling stuff, Ronin, I'm not interested in the clothes, or the attention, or anything like that. I just want the money so I can move on."
Ronin lies back on the couch and pulls me down with him so that my cheek rests on his chest. I'm still naked under the robe, but I don't care. He feels good.
"So you don't trust anyone."
"Right," I breathe. "I mean, I'm pretty well-adjusted I think. When I was at the shelter I talked to some counselors. It was very difficult at first, but every day away from him I healed a little more. And I know I have issues and maybe I'm making all the wrong decisions right now. That's possible, I get it. But even if what I'm doing is all wrong, I still need to do it. I need to be in control, I need to have these choices and I need to make my own mistakes. It's the only way to really make things right with me."
"But Gidge, you have to let people help you. You can't live in a vacuum."
"I know, I get that too. And maybe one day I'll trust someone else and let them take care of me again, but not today." I turn and look up at him. "That day is not today. I need a little independence, Ronin. I need to be able to think for myself. And honestly, I was about to give in to you after our date at the zoo and the night we spent together afterward. But then I saw you with that other girl and I realized that I'm just not ready yet. I'm way too vulnerable right now. I need a little more time, I need a little more control."
I relax back into his chest and we think things through in the silence.
"Well," he says a little while later, squeezing me a little tighter. "I'm sorry you had to see Clare and me like that, but I'm not dating her, Rook. I've never dated Clare. She's Antoine's niece and she's a mess. She came home high yesterday morning, that's her apartment, by the way. She lives here in the building. Antoine called me yesterday morning and I should've just told you what was up before I left you in bed, but I didn't. I'm sorry. Everything that happened yesterday was my fault."
He pulls back so he can see my face and I give him a little smile.
"Anyway, Clare has got a lot of problems and we were very close to getting her to check herself into rehab, so I stayed with her to make sure she didn't leave before the people came to pick her up. She's up in the mountains right now, hopefully she'll stay there and complete the program, but to be honest, she's been there before and nothing's helped."
He shrugs underneath me.
"She stresses us all out, you know? It's like, on the one hand we just want her to go away and kill herself somewhere else so we don't have to watch. But we can't let go. We let her come back, we take care of her, but it's not working. I don't think she's gonna make it, Rook, she's not strong like you. That day you showed up for your test shoot was the first time we let her model in months. And even though Antoine never lets her do anything but fashion and glamour shoots, we set her up for that sexy artistic shoot for one reason only. So I could check her body for indicators. And if I found anything that even hinted she was still using, we were gonna fire her for good.
"You take away the job, you take away the money, you take away the drugs. That's how it's supposed to work, right? How it should've worked with Mardee, too. The tough love routine. And maybe Clare just goes and finds her drugs somewhere else, but at least we're not contributing to it." He stops to exhale a long breath of air.
"But that day you showed up here I checked her over in the dressing room and she had fucking track marks between her toes."
Ronin just shakes his head and pauses for a few seconds. "That's a pretty bad sign. And we have no delusions, but Antoine figures we can't give up. So, I'm sorry she was the reason you were angry. If ever there was a girl who was tragic, it's Clare Chaput, not Rook Walsh." Ronin sits up and takes my face in his hands. "You're not tragic, Gidget. You're the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And I never want to see you in that ugly-ass TRAGIC costume again, but if you need this, and if you want to do the Shrike Bikes body art bullshit so you can stash a shitload of money away in some secret bank account and get some control over your life again, then just do me one favor."
"What?" I ask.
"Let me help you. Because I can make sure you get through to the other side intact."
I smile and whisper, "Thank you."
"But make me one promise, OK?"
"Now what, Larue?"
"That you'll listen and take my advice when I offer it. Because I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I know better than most that it just doesn't work."
Even though I'm trying to joke, his face stays dead serious. I swallow down my shame and give him what he needs. What we both need. "I promise, Ronin. I will listen and make good decisions based on your advice. Just don't give up on me yet because I really like you."
He pushes me off him and gets up, peels the blanket off of me and reaches down to slip off my clunky Mary Jane shoes. His hands glide up my calves and then tug down the white schoolgirl stockings. It takes all my willpower not to squeal at that, because it tickles so bad.
When he's done he takes my hand and pulls me to my feet, then leads me down the hallway. "Where are we going?"
"To wash the TRAGIC off you, Gidget. I can't stand to look at it for one more second."
He leads me into the bathroom and turns to the mission control panel that powers all the shower heads. They don't all come on at once this time, but a fine mist shoots out from the ceiling along with a puff of steam. He slides the robe down my shoulders and it drops to the floor in a soft whoosh and then undresses himself as I watch.
When we're both naked he opens the shower door and enter the mist of steamy water. He sits on the tiled bench against the wall and holds his hand out to me. I take it and climb into his lap as his hands dip down to cup my ass.
"I think you might've told a lie, Larue," I say playfully as I look down on him.
"Yeah? What'd I lie about, Gidge?" he asks innocently as he nuzzles my neck.
"This shower."
He tilts his head back and I smile.
"There is no way this shower is better than sex."
His laugh fills me up and suddenly I'm totally in the moment. I tip my forehead down to his and squeeze my eyes shut to stop the happy tears.
The contracts can wait, Elise and Antoine can wait, life can wait. Because right now there is nothing else—there is no one else—in this world except us.
Rook and Ronin.
I'm not sure what's going to happen. Maybe we make it, maybe we don't, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's to appreciate the good when it happens. And having this man accept and want me the way I am right now is a good thing, and it's happening right this second.
So I'm gonna enjoy it.
To be continued…
Hey readers! If you enjoyed Rook and Ronin why not take a few moments to jot down a few words about the story and give it a rating on Amazon… just page forward and they ask you automatically! It's almost too easy! And I really need the reviews, because I'm an Indie and it's real hard to fight your way to the top of the pile where people can see you without a ton of reviews. So if you've got just a minute, I'd appreciate that.
Also -
Rook and Ronin, Book Two, MANIC, is scheduled to release on August 1, 2013
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End of Book Shit, Take Two
Sometimes I make myself laugh. I'm getting ready to write up the acknowledgments and I figure, just go copy it from the last book, right? Switch it up a bit. But I had just lost my dog when I wrote that last one, plus it was a Junco book (which, if you've read them, is pretty self-explanatory), and I was in a really bad mood. So the title of the "Acknowledgments" section in the actual table of contents was End of Book Shit.
I forgot about that. Anyway, made me laugh. :)
This book I'm going to say thank you to the bloggers that have supported me on this whole writing thing. Namely,
The Book Tart
. Kat, I cannot even express in words how much I appreciate you. You are awesome, you have been a true friend to me, and I hope you know I really appreciate all that you've done.
Second,
Bookworm Brandee
. You totally made my week during the Range and Magpie release. Seriously, it was not a happy time for me, and you made everything better with your fangirl stuff. Thank you!
Also, I'm in a super fantastic private Facebook group for indie writers called
INDIE INKED
and they are the best group of ladies I've ever never met. :) Our collective goal is to rise to the top together, pull each other up. And it's working, we're getting there girls. :) I thank all of you for supporting me and bringing me up with you.
Special thanks to my family for being so independent and letting me sit down here in my office making up stories every day.
Finally, my editor RJ. I rely on you and could never have gotten any of these books published without you. Thank you.
WE ARE INDIE INKED
Just a group of Young Adult and New Adult authors writing in a range of genres from contemporary romance, science fiction, fantasy and paranormal.
Alivia Anders
Ella James
Cambria Hebert
Lizzy Ford
Anna Cruise
Angela Orlowski Peart
Julia Crane
J. A. Huss
Cameo Renae
Alexia Purdy
Tara West
Heidi McLaughlin
Melissa Andrea
L. P. Dover
Sarah M. Ross
Brina Courtney
Komal Kant
Melissa Pearl
Beth Balmanno
Tabatha Vargo
If you like this book, you might like the other stuff I write. Check out the first book in my Junco series.
CLUTCH - I Am Just Junco - #1
Picture yourself standing at the edge of a dock.
Now picture yourself lost in your own head, utterly unsure of yourself, surrounded by people who want to use you, take you away, or simply kill you.
You are Junco Coot, aged 19, year 2152. Assassin, semi-famous athlete, and on the run.
In front of you is a mountain lake...
In front of you is your future. A future filled with secrets so heinous you'd rather not remember them.
…and behind you is a small cabin, pristine white curtains flowing in the breeze passing through the windows.
And that cabin is the place where your old life falls apart.
Welcome to the twisted world of I Am Just Junco
I am Just Junco series
FLEDGE – Book Two
FLIGHT – Book Three
RANGE – Book Four
THE MAGPIE BRIDGE - A Tier Novella
RETURN – Book Five TBR December 2, 2013