Trail of Golden Dreams (18 page)

“I guess it was
her way of thanking me for helping her,” she answered. She felt bad for not
telling him about the cash money, but not bad enough.  That was a secret
she intended to keep a while longer.  If something happened and they
couldn’t locate the nuggets, or Grey backed out on his deal, at least she’d have
Molly’s money to get by on until she figured out what to do next.

She’d counted it
out while he’d hunted and had been shocked to discover the total came to one
hundred dollars.  She wondered what Molly had been saving the money
for.  Perhaps to leave that awful little town and go someplace where she
wouldn’t have to work on her back anymore.  Maybe she had wanted to go to
San Francisco, too.  It brightened Josie to imagine that was the case.

After another long
silence, Grey said, “My ma and pa died of the fever.”

If she’d been
sitting on a chair, Josie would have fallen off.  He’d never spoken of
family, and she’d wondered if he was alone, the same as her.  It had
crossed her mind a couple of times to ask, but he wasn’t exactly the type of
man who opened up easily.  She tossed him a sideways glance.  It must
have taken a lot for him to share that with her. 

“I’m sorry,
Grey.  How long ago did they pass?”

“Almost five
years.  I was away when they died.”

“Oh.” She knew how
bad her pa had wanted her with him when he’d been hanged.  She could
imagine how terrible Grey must have felt not being there when his folks got the
fever and died.  “Where were you?” she dared to ask.

He picked up a
small rock and used it like a shovel to absently dig in the dirt.  “Exploring. 
I’d studied geography in school and went to see the Rocky Mountains in
Colorado.  I also traveled to Wyoming and visited the Tetons and the
geysers in Yellowstone.  When I made it home for a visit, they were
gone.  My little brother, too.”

The mention of a
brother twisted Josie’s heart.  “That’s so sad.  He got the fever,
too?”

“No.  My ma’s
sister and her husband from back east sent for Rusty after my folks died. 
He’s been in Boston ever since.  He was ten when I left home.  I
guess he’d be fifteen now.”

“He’s nearly
grown,” she said.

“Yep.  I’d
also found out the bank took our farm because Pa hadn’t paid the taxes. 
That was something I didn’t know before I left.  If I’d known, I would
have stayed and taken on another job so Pa could have paid the bank.” 
Grey threw down the rock, and the anguish showed through on his face. 
“That’s why I need the gold, so I can bring Rusty home and buy us a ranch. It’s
the reason I was so angry when your pa stole the nuggets from me.  Rusty’s
the only family I have now, and I can’t get him back without the money.” 
He glared at her with those hard, dark as molasses eyes.  “You got
anything to say about that?”

She inhaled
deeply.  He’d trusted her enough to share something personal with
her.  That was a big step.  Her heart melted.  She understood
how he felt.  All she’d ever wanted was a real family, too.  “Why
didn’t you tell me all this before?” she asked.  “I wouldn’t have been so
hard on you if I’d known why you needed the gold so bad.”

“So, you believe
me?” he questioned.

“Of course I
believe you.”  She stopped.  “You’re not lying, are you?”

“No.  Cross
my heart.”  He made an X across his chest, like she’d seen him do before.

She smiled. 
“I’m sure your share of the gold will be enough for you to bring Rusty home and
to buy that ranch.  My pa told me the trail would be difficult, but we’ve
survived so far.  And we’re getting closer, Grey.  It won’t be long
before we find those nuggets and make both our dreams come true.”

His mouth flipped
up at one corner.  “You’re a real optimist, Josie.” 

“I don’t know what
that means, but it must be a good thing since you’re grinning.”

He expelled a long
breath of air and his shoulders rolled forward, as if the weight of the world
had just been lifted off them.  “Did you look into it?” he asked,
reversing the subject suddenly.

“Look into what?”
She was lost.

“The mirror.”

“Oh.”  She
answered quietly, with her head bowed.  “Well, yes.  For a
minute.” 

“What’d you
think?” He seemed anxious to know.

It seemed a
strange question, and she wasn’t sure how to respond. “What do you mean?”

Staring intently
at her, he asked, “Do you think you’re pretty?”

The question was
so unexpected it stung like a slap in the face.  Was he teasing her? 
Or did he really wonder what she’d thought of her own reflection?  She’d
never thought much about her appearance until Molly gave her the mirror. 
She’d scrutinized her eye color, the shape of her mouth, and then noticed that
underneath the grit and grime covering her skin, she
was
pretty. 
But she wouldn’t admit that to him, nor would she admit she thought him
handsome.  Not now and not ever. 

Sliding a glance
at him, she wondered.  What
did
he think of her?  They’d been
on the trail together for five days.  Surely, he must have an opinion.
Once, he’d called her pretty, but he was probably being polite. She’d felt like
a dirty, sweaty raga-muffin most of their time together.  

What if he had no
opinion at all?  What if he saw her as nothing more than a
necessity?  Someone whose help he needed to wind his way out of the detour
his plans had taken.  Someone he’d forget about as soon as he packed the
gold in his saddlebags.  Someone he’d gladly leave without a backward
glance.  A stab of pain pierced her heart at that thought.  She’d been
alone too long and didn’t want to lose him.  She’d grown accustomed to his
presence, to his quiet nature and…she sniffed and turned her head so he
couldn’t see the tears welling in her eyes.  Then she scooted away from
him and jumped up, striding to put space between them.

“Where are you
going?” he asked, dumbfounded. 

Josie pivoted on
one heel.  “Away from you,” she shouted, “You’re the meanest man I’ve ever
known, Grey Paladin!”

His mouth
gaped.  “What the hell are you talking about, Josie?”

“You don’t care
about me at all.  Pretty, ugly, smart, stupid—all you want is the gold. I
wish you’d never come along.  All you do is make fun of me.”  The dam
had burst, and no amount of wishing could stop her choking sobs from erupting
forth.  The tension of the past few days on the run had built and built,
and she’d finally hit her breaking point.  The tears spilled down her
cheeks. Grey moved next to her and threw his arm around her shoulders.

“Oh, Josie. 
I wasn’t making fun of you.  I guess what I meant to say didn’t come out
right.”

She sniffled and
gazed up at him.  “Really?  What did you mean to say?”

When he touched
her face, shivers ran down her arms.  He cupped his hands under her chin
and said, “I wanted to know if you saw in that mirror what I’ve been seeing
since I met you.”

“What’s that?”

“A beautiful
woman.”

“You…you think I’m
beautiful, Grey?”

He caressed her
neck with his fingers.  “Yes, I do.  Can I take out your braid?”

The question
caught her off guard.  Before thinking too hard about it, however, she
nodded and gave him her back. Gently, he untied the piece of leather holding
her hair together and carefully began taking apart the braid piece by
piece. 

She closed her
eyes. His touch was so warm and tender.  As his breath blew across her nape,
tingles moved from her neck down to her toes, and it took all her willpower to
keep still as he worked.  When the braid was loose and her hair down, he
sifted his fingers through it. 

“I like your hair
this way,” he said.

The heat coursing
through her veins was like nothing she’d ever experienced.  Was this
really happening?  Moments ago, she’d thought he’d been joshing with
her.  Now he was running his hands through her hair and telling her she
was beautiful.    She felt the blanket slide off her shoulders. 
Grey placed his hands on her arms and turned her around.  He leaned
forward, and when they kissed, Josie thought her heart was going to
explode.  The simple kiss they’d shared after she’d killed Del was one
she’d been replaying over and over in her mind, but this kiss was so
different.  It was so much more. 

With his whole
mouth covering hers, it was like they were coming together as one person. 
She inhaled his hot breath and felt heat radiating from her own skin, where he
touched her.  He pulled her into him, so that her breasts pressed against
his chest.  His body felt so taut and firm against hers.  As his lips
devoured hers, Josie’s head began to spin, and her legs grew weak. 
Continuing to kiss her, Grey slowly lowered her to the ground.

One minute his
hand slid up and down her back.  The next, she felt it snake underneath
her shirt.  She flinched when his hand moved over her stomach and up to
her breast.  This was the first time a man had ever touched her. 
What came next?  No one had ever taught her what happened between a man
and a woman, though she’d seen animals mating. This was completely
different.  Would he expect her to stick her hand under his shirt? Finding
it hard to breathe, she was seized with both desire and fear at the same time.

When he squeezed
her breast, her heart hammered so hard she figured he could hear it. It was
probably wrong to let him touch her this way, but it seemed so natural, and it
felt good. Josie arched her neck and closed her eyes.  He moaned, pulled
her head back to him, and kissed her deeper. 

She didn’t know
all the particulars having to do with intimacy, but she wasn’t afraid of
becoming physical with him.  She was falling in love with Grey, but sensed
if she allowed him to take her virginity, everything would change between
them.  What would happen after they found the gold?  Would she be
able to leave him and go on to San Francisco, as she’d planned?  Would he
leave her and go after Rusty then buy the ranch he talked about and never see her
again?  Or would he go with her to San Francisco and then send for Rusty,
where they could all live as a family? 

She couldn’t
picture Grey living in a big city, and that made her wonder again if he truly
cared for her.  Or was she just another woman to him, someone to appease
his needs before he rode on?  Someone like Molly.

When he plunged
both hands under her shirt and began rubbing, Josie knew she had to stop
him.  Until she was sure she meant something to him more than a means to
cure an itch, lovemaking was out of the question.  The end of the trail
was a few days away.  She’d rather he left her with her heart intact than
to send her away broken and feeling like she’d never mattered to him. 

“Grey,
stop.” 

The man didn’t
make it easy.  She pushed his hands out of her shirt, but he kept kissing
her.  When he finally came up for air, her lips felt bruised.  She
pulled back and put her hand on his chest.

“Grey, that’s
enough.”

“You don’t like
it?” he asked, breathing raggedly.

“That’s the
trouble,” she sighed.  “I like it too much.”

She jumped when he
busted out laughing.  “You’re a real corker, Josie.  You act like
you’ve never made love to a man before.”

Sitting up, she
turned away in a flash, before he could see the truth in her eyes.  But it
was too late.

He stopped
laughing, and she knew he knew.  “I’m sorry, Josie,” he said
quietly.  “I didn’t mean anything by that.  I don’t care if you’ve
never been with a man before.  In fact, I’m glad of it.”

That was it? 
That was all he had to say?  No,
I love you, Josie?
  Or,
I
want you to stay with me?
  Or,
When we find the gold, we’ll go to
San Francisco together?
 

She tensed and
gritted her teeth. 
Why does this man get under my skin?
  She
drew the blanket around her body and curled herself into a ball on the cold
ground.

“Josie, are we
done talking about this?”

“Yes, Grey,” she
snapped. “We’re done.  So I’d appreciate it if you’d just shut up and let
us both get some sleep.”

Chapter Twelve

Grey checked the
map as they prepared to head out the following morning.  “Our next
destination will be the Gonzales Ranch,” he said.  “See here?  Your
pa has drawn a box around those words, so there must have been a reason he
wants you to stop there.  You know anyone by the name of Gonzales?”

“No.”  Josie
didn’t bother to look at the map or at him.  She tossed her saddlebags
over the saddle horn and offered Traveler a handful of grain.  She hadn’t
said more than three words since they woke up.  Grey figured she was
embarrassed over what had happened last night.  He was a bit
self-conscious himself, not about kissing her and touching her, but about
telling her so much about his personal life. 

He wasn’t used to
getting close to a woman, let alone expressing his feelings to one.  But
there was something about Josie that made him feel comfortable, like he could
tell her anything and she’d understand.  In fact, she
had
understood when he’d told her about Rusty and explained why he needed the
gold.  He hadn’t planned on spilling his past so bluntly and without an
ounce of persuasion from her, but the words had poured out of him fierce as a
storm over the desert.  When he’d finished, he’d felt rejuvenated, same as
when the parched desert blossomed after a hard rain.  He was glad his
reasons for needing the money were out in the open.  Now maybe she’d quit
bossing him so much and learn to trust him more.  After all, they both had
good reasons for finishing this journey, no matter how tough it got.

The night they met
in the cave, he’d had only one thing on his mind, which was getting the map and
going after the gold.  He’d known she was a spitfire the moment she stuck
her little gun into his gut and demanded he toss down his revolver.  Since
then, she’d somehow managed to get under his skin without doing anything except
to be herself.