Trained for Seduction (12 page)

She paled just a little and glanced at her hands. “I get it,” she said softly, and those words tore at his heart. “But I don’t understand why you were interested in fucking me. I wasn’t beautiful then. I am now, though. Now, I understand the attraction. Then, I don’t.”

He shrugged and wanted to tell her then and there that he loved her, but he couldn’t. That her brain made him want to come buckets full. That there was something about her that made dark and dangerous him go weak, soft, and want to do things like make love and hold her afterward. Sex with his wife had been a chore, and sex at the club had been a mission. Sex with Kate…she was an answer to his prayers, and he didn’t believe in God. But there was too much at stake, and she’d never believe him.

She lifted her gaze to stare at him in that frozen way of hers, and he knew the face she was seeing wasn’t the least bit kind or gentle. He found himself at a crossroads of sorts. He could ease her fears or destroy her now, instead of later. Neither choice was desirable.

Her breath hitched, as if she realized something. “My father paid you to make love to me, didn’t he? Just tell me the truth, Chase. Please.”

“No.” Jesus, did she really think that poorly of herself? If he could go back in time and choose between the two, he would chose Emma, hands down. Not that he didn’t love her as Kate—he did. But a part of him mourned what had become of her true self. “No one paid me to do anything. You are fucking hot now. But on my mother’s grave, I swear to you, you were beautiful to me as Emma.”

She looked away, unsure, and then her glare returned. “If you weren’t ordered to make love to me this weekend, would you have?” She didn’t believe him, probably because she assumed he was as shallow as he was attractive.

He swallowed again, not wanting to tell the truth. He had to, though. It was time for her to see the boss side of him. The man who would send her away to do God knows what with a madman. “No. We would never have made love. Ever. I would have been your boss, and you would have been my spy. Period.”

She stiffened and he hastily added, “Not for the reasons you think. This isn’t about you, not one iota. You are so damned attractive to me. The entire package. But this heavenly weekend of sex with you means our work life is going to be hell from here on out. I would have avoided that at all costs, but it was taken out of my hands. You don’t understand what kind of man I am, Kate. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry for what? Fucking me?”

“I’m sorry for being the man you’ll learn to hate.” She opened her mouth, and he shook his head. “You will hate me. I’ll send you to hell and back, make you do horrible things, and though the safety of America is worth it to me, I’m not so sure it’s worth it to you. I hate my job for taking someone I saw as so pure and beautiful, and turning her into a fucking hot, killing machine.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking tough, mulish. “I don’t regret it one bit. I’m happier now than I ever was in my life, Chase. I’m trapped, sure, but at least there’s some say. At least I know the rules up front.

“With my father, there were no rules. I was smart in the lab, but he found fault with every other aspect of my life and was mentally abusive. He was crazy, delusional, and it would have been a matter of time before he turned on me. He tried to sell my virginity to you, so what else would he have done? I don’t regret Alex kissing me, taking me to third base. And I don’t regret Chase being my first. I don’t regret becoming a fucking hot, killing machine. I feel free.”

“You’re still going to hate me.” He felt as if he were drowning, and she was standing on shore with a life preserver and he couldn’t ask for it, not even to save his life.

“Maybe. But isn’t there the possibility that we might end up loving each other? We have something special. I feel it. I know you do. Our lives don’t have to be hell.”

Chase sighed, closed his eyes for a second, and kissed Lady Luck goodbye forever. “Don’t go there, Kate. Please.”

Kate squared her shoulders, and Chase held up a finger. He wanted to tell her the truth, that he already loved her, to let her love him in return. The part of him that was the boss knew what was in store for her. He would destroy her eventually. He couldn’t live with himself if she loved him.

He steeled his heart and said, “You cannot fall in love with me. Don’t. If you feel that coming on, then kill it hard and fast. And run. Love doesn’t work for spies. I did that, once. It ended miserably. And I’m telling you, you will hate me.”

She looked so sad, lost, and he hated twisting the knife when he’d already stabbed her with it. But it was the kindest thing he could do at this point. Better she go back to thinking he was the devil. The egotistical bastard she hated. She needed to move on, fast, so if she lived, she could have a somewhat normal life, with a man who wouldn’t have to crush her.

She swallowed. “Are you telling me this as my boss?”

“I’m telling you this as Chase. Me. Just don’t, Kate. Please, just hate me a little now, so it’s easier on you later, when I destroy you.”

Kate stared at Chase, wishing she hadn’t heard a word of what he said. She couldn’t love him. She had to hate him. How could she do that? Especially when parts of her had thought of no one else in the past year, had masturbated to the memory of his touch, his scent. She had turned away Jake just in case he was out there, somewhere, wishing he, too, could go back in time to be with her? Only he was here, commanding her not to feel a damned thing for him.

Too late, buddy.

Chase sat on the sofa across from her seat on the coffee table, his feet next to her, so close she could touch him, that cold mask of his in place. But she sat, frozen, not knowing what to feel, what to do. He said he’d destroy her. He wanted her to hate him. They’d never have love.

Love. Kate wasn’t worried about love at the moment, since people didn’t fall for each other over night. Or in a weekend. That was stupid. But she had to admit, the attraction she felt for him was something deep, sinful. And if she listened to the Emma part of her, she already loved him. Just a little.

His words still hurt. She wanted to love him, but she was Kate now—hard-assed, tough, fucking hot Kate. Emma had no place in her life anymore. Not if she couldn’t love him. “I think we should end this after the weekend.”

He looked relieved. “I think you’re very right.”

“I think, though, we’ll have to find somewhere for me to live because I can’t stay in your house and not want to fuck you every day.”

Saying fuck made it much easier to distance herself from the chemistry she—no, Emma—felt with him. It was a job. Kate was his job for the weekend—a part time one. Get her laid and trained for seduction on the government’s dime.

“We’ll look as soon as possible.”

“I can stay with Jake, instead of the hotel.” She didn’t want to be alone anymore. Jake was her best friend. He’d take her in.

“No.” Chase looked stricken, which was funny, because he was usually so good at masking his emotions. “As long as we are up front about the rules, we’ll be fine. After Monday, you won’t see me much. You can use the spare bedroom across from mine. Just stay, as long as you need, and we’ll start looking. Okay?”

“Okay.” Kate nodded, not understanding why it meant so much for her to stay to him. She stood, her pussy tightening, clenching as she stared at his naked body, so perfect. If she only had the rest of the evening to fuck him, she was getting her money’s worth. She took off her shirt and ran her fingers along her sides, up her ribs, under her breasts.

“What are you doing?”

“Kate is horny,” she whispered. “And since you’re going to be such a bastard in my life, Kate is who I have to be. I want to get what I can out of you, now.”

He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, his eyes darkened with lust. “Use me, please.”

She stepped out of her shorts and ran her hands over her stomach. “The scars from the crash, and the surgery, don’t turn you off?” In her mind, she could picture her inner Emma in the background, scared, unable to break free to seduce this gorgeous man. The Kate part of her wanted to get on with it, to tempt him in ways that Emma wouldn’t dream of.

“I have my own scars, remember? Spies see things like that as battle wounds. The more you have, the better you must be.”

She slid her hand inside her panties and found her clit with her finger. Emotionally, seducing him was now painful. Seducing him meant a part of Emma would die because, to Kate, this now wasn’t about the job. This was about becoming harder, becoming less soft. Less like Emma. So she didn’t fall in love with him.

“Can I touch myself?” Chase asked, his hand inching to his cock.

“No.” Kate slid a finger into her pussy and sucked in a breath, surprised at how soaked she was, how ready. “How many fingers do you want me to use on myself?”

“Do you know what you’re doing to me?”

“Yes,” she whispered, rubbing her clit harder. “How many fingers?”

“Two.” His Adam’s apple bobbed once, twice. His cock hardened, the pre-cum on the tip a slick dribble. “Can you stick one in your ass?”

And then Kate knew what she had to do to send Emma away fully. Emma was so pure, but she wouldn’t be for long, not after Kate went to the dark side. Why not? Jake said that’s where the two of them played. She should play there, too. “I want you to teach me how to have my ass fucked.”

“Jesus.” Chase grabbed the edges of the couch, his knuckles white, every muscle in his body tight. “If this is because of what I said—”

“Why would it be? You made yourself clear. I understand that. This is work. If work wants me to learn the ropes, then show them all to me.”

Through the lust, a glimmer of pain flickered in his eyes. “You need to learn to lie better.”

“Like you?”

His jaw tightened, and he stilled, staring at her for a long moment. She held her breath, wondering what went on behind those gorgeous brown eyes. She’d give her fortune to learn the truth.

Then he breathed, and whispered, “Yes. Like me.”

Battle lines drawn, Kate crossed her arms over her chest. She stabbed her knife in his ego’s back, and turned the blade ever so slightly. “You going to teach me, or do I have to ask Jake?”

His lips tightened, and Kate felt a small victory. Good. She was glad it hurt. “If you want that, you had better let me come. I can’t take anymore, and you will not enjoy the ride I’ll give you unless you allow me release.”

“Would you fuck me hard?” she asked, stripping from her panties.

He nodded, swallowing again, looking like something the cat had dragged to the edge and back. But she knew she had done that. And she wasn’t done.

“Condom?” He tossed her a foil packet from the pocket in his jeans. She ripped it open, the latex cold in her shaking fingers. She placed it over the head of his cock and rolled it downward. Sucking in a deep breath, she straddled his hips and positioned her eager pussy over his cock.

The pain on his face echoed deep inside her, only Emma’s pain wasn’t because she couldn’t come, like his.

He growled. “Please let me come inside you.”

She slid down, and he grabbed her hips and thrust as hard as he could. The shock that ran though her as her clit slammed against his pubic bone was amazing. She leaned forward a little and held the back of the couch for support as she rocked her hips as hard as she could.

He thrust harder, faster and then she watched his face contort in the most fascinating way as he came, hot spurts filling the condom, his fingers clenching her hips, the pain of his grasp welcome.

“Come for me, Kate.”

She then closed her eyes and allowed herself the same release, though it wasn’t as large of an orgasm as the ones she had experienced before.

She rolled off of him and lay on the couch, not wanting to cuddle him. Cuddling was for lovers. He took her hand in his and she allowed it, refusing to look at him.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” he whispered. “You can have me, this, and not be in love. You don’t love me now, so I don’t understand why this is an issue. You already hate me just a little, for being ordered to take your virginity. Just keep that feeling first, okay? That’s all I’m asking. Just hate me a little.”

“I do hate you.”

“Good girl. Keep hating me.”

“Are you going to fuck my ass?”

The grip on her hand tightened. “No. Training is done. I refuse to take you to the dark side, Kate. If you want to go there, then go ask Jake. I’m sure he’ll gladly oblige. But I can’t.”

“Does that mean there’s no more sex for us?” She should want to cry, shouldn’t she? But she didn’t, and it wasn’t so hard to sit with him, dry-eyed, as he kissed her fingers, the back of her hand.

“As long as you hate me, you can have all the sex you want.” He rose and scooped her up in his arms, cradling her against his chest, kissing her neck. She hated him for the gesture, for carrying her toward the stairs, his obvious intent to take her to his bed. It was something a lover would do, not someone she was supposed to hate.

But when he had trouble carrying her up the full flight of stairs, vengeance rose and spat fire. “You’re getting weak, Sanders. I’m going to tattle. They’ll have you in a hundred pounds of special ops gear by tomorrow morning.”

He sighed and hefted her weight in a better position. “I know. Jake could carry you, no problem.”

“Yep.”

He entered the bedroom and dumped her unceremoniously on the bed. “That’s my cross to bear, then.”

Then he went to the bathroom, and she rolled onto her side, listening. “What are we going to do now if training is over?”

“We’re going to bed,” he called from the bathroom. “You’re going to hate me, I’m going to hold you, and therefore, you’ll hate me even more.”

“I’ll do my best.” She sighed and laid back, her arm over her eyes. “And tomorrow?”

He stood next to the bed—she felt his thigh bump the mattress—and ran a finger over her stomach. “We’ll wake up, and I’ll be your boss again. And you can hate me full force.”

“That’s fine.” It shouldn’t have been fine. It should have been hard, horrible, but as Kate listened to him get ready for bed, she realized why the intense, stabbing pain she’d felt earlier was gone.