Transcending Nirvana (Dark Evoke #3) (12 page)

“I remember the night I met you. As soon as I dropped you home I went straight to Laurie’s. She ripped the piss into me then warned me off, but I couldn’t stay away from you. You were a drug, my own personal addiction wrapped in perfection. I wanted to save you. I just wish I could’ve done it sooner. I’m sorry that I didn’t…”

I held onto his voice and the sensation of his fingers tracing my hairline as I was slowly reeled from slumber. Still, I couldn’t find the energy to open my eyes, so I continued to lay motionless at his side and let the soothing sound of his brogue wash over me.

“Seeing you laying in the hospital…it killed me. After everything that was said just before the accident…I was so excited. You have no idea how fucking much I loved that after all that time, you finally chose me. But when I saw the confusion in your eyes…when you couldn’t remember and asked for…” his faltering words were too painful to listen to. So, I fluttered my lids open to be met with a concerned scowl which slowly morphed into an adorning smile.

“Morning,” I muttered, stretching my legs and arching my back.

“Mornin’, darlin’,” he breathed softly. “How’d you sleep?”

The springs groaned when I rolled onto my left side and curled my left hand under my chin. “Surprisingly well,” I answered. My somewhat relieved tone altering into one of seriousness when I added, “Stop torturing yourself.”

“Torturing?”

“About the accident. It’s done; we can’t go back and stop it.” The strands of his hair slipped through my fingers as I pushed my right hand through it. “We got to make the best out of the situation.”

“And that is…?”

I shifted up the bed, and with my hand on his burn scar, I rolled him onto his back and clambered over his hips. He winced and several expletives trailed on his outbreath. “Shit, I’m so, so sorry, Walker. I totally forgot.”

“It’s okay, darlin’. Don’t worry about it. I’ll live, I’ve taken worse…fuck…I’ve done worse,” he muttered sullenly, and I watched as his gaze lazily drifted down to his left pectoral, before locking with me again. “You were about to enlighten me about making the best out of the situation…”

I grinned down at him, his hands clasped on either side of my hips holding me in place. Fingertips unconsciously traced each blemish and each scar of his torso. “We’re here, together. Things happen for a reason, Walker. We have to hit rock bottom and sometimes lose ourselves to remember who we were, who we can be. With the right person, a life can be revived.”

“I like that.”

“That was, Kady Jenson’s ‘Thought of the Day’,” I grinned, his appealing lips beckoning me as I lowered to taste them.

“And before your morning coffee, I am surprised, Miss Jenson…”

My kiss swallowed his words. Resurfacing for air didn’t last long, the instant I caught my breath I set about on a new trail, paving kisses over his stubble and down his jaw to his neck. “Yes, it is, Mr. Walker…” I felt the change in his demeanor instantly, as my endearment caused his entire body to stiffen beneath me. Still, I continued between pressing kisses, “You told me it was just Walker. So, what are you hiding?”

“It is just Walker, Kady.”

“Nuh-uh,” I nibbled on his earlobe, sending his hardened body into a shudder. “I was clearing up yesterday; some mail fell from the lower tier of the table. So what does the G stand for?”

“Nothing.”

“Gilbert?”

His hands wrapped around my upper arms, and I was abruptly torn away from my kissing spree. “Number one, I said nothing, darlin’. Number two, Gilbert? Really? I’m twenty-five and fucking Irish.”

“Gregory?”

His eyes hardened.

“Gaston?” I drawled.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Kady. Will you just leave it please? I don’t…I…it’s not something I want to talk about.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s too fucking hard. Now please, can you drop it?”

Well, that was a reaction I never in a million years contemplated receiving from him. Seeing the pain and conflict in his eyes, I nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. Now kiss me, wench…” and as I was pulled back down to his lips, his brief moment of pique was cast into oblivion, as his tongue was cast into my mouth with lavish, all-consuming sweeps.

“So what’s the plan for today?”

“I was supposed to go to the gym. Uncle Les has got a few jobs around there so I said I could help until I find something more…stable. But after yesterday, I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone.”

“Well, it’s funny you should say that because, I was thinking of going into work.”

His eyes widened, incredulous, “Work? Really? Are you sure that’s a good idea? Are you feeling up to it?”

I knotted my fingers with his then, still straddling him, straightened my back. “I can’t sit surrounded by four walls for the rest of my life, Walker. I’ve been made to feel a victim for long enough. It’s time for me to embrace this new found strength which a certain Irishman is helping me channel…”

He smiled his adorable, boyish smile.

“Plus, we’re only open half day on a Thursday. I was thinking maybe we could pop to Tiffani’s afterward, that’s if you’re not going to be swamped all day.”

“Tiffani’s sounds good.” When his attention wavered down my body and he appeared to be looking through me rather than at me, I shuffled in my position, bringing him back to the here and now. “I was wondering––” he began, dazed.

“What?”

His crumpled brow and the deepening V scored between them betrayed his discomfort. “Shouldn’t we go to the police, about what happened yester––?”

My hands plummeted from his and I was soon clambering off his amazing body and stalking to the closet with a heavy foot. “The answer is no.”

“Kady, he assaulted you,
sexually
. I think we should get the cops.”

My head lulled back as I turned on my heel to face him. His body was shifting up the bed. “So I go down to the precinct, file a complaint then what? They go and bring him in, my word against his. He’ll make bail be royally pissed off then just come back,” I rushed in one single outbreath. With sagging shoulders, I continued, “Do you know why he did what he did? Because I called him.”

“You what?!”

“I called him when you left to tell him to leave us alone. He needs to feel like he has some form of control, Walker. I took that from him yesterday and I taunted him with it. That was why things escalated.”

I swear more of the plaster on the back wall crumbled when he tossed his head back, his hands balled into fists of exasperation, as he strained, “Jesus Christ, you’re doing it again, stop––”

“Stop what?” I shrieked, my arms flying up over my head before dropping heavily at my sides.

“Justifying his actions.”

“I’m not. I’m moving on from it, a new beginning with you. I’m done, no more. Now, could you drop me off at the shop or do I have to call Laurie to pick me up?” I asked, rummaging through the stakes of clothing in the cupboard at the foot of the bed, and I knew that the debate was over. For now, anyway.

Defeated, he sighed, “Let me shower and I’ll take you.”

When I peeked over my shoulder, his was rising from the bed; his thumbs hooked under the waistband of his shorts and tugged them down his legs in one fluid motion. “Oh my, God,” I breathed, dropping my newly purchased skinny, torn jeans and white fitted shirt.

“What is it?”

“Stay there,” I rushed over and clambered on the bed. Telling him to sit back on the bed, Walker did as he was told. “Oh my, God,” my fingertips brushed around the lifted, swollen edges of each lash. He was jolting at the contact, but I could both see and feel his degree of restraint. I inwardly counted thirteen in total.

“It’s okay.”

“Why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you––”

On my knees, I hung my head, the mattress bounced when his perfectly imperfect body twisted to face me. My gaze was coaxed up to meet his eye when he tenderly grasped my chin. “Stop, darlin’. Stop crying.” Telling me to stop made the tears come quicker and the quivering of my lip became more noticeable. “Look at me,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not bothered about these scars, these wounds. They all tell a story, remember?”

“But I…”

“No, Kady. Each one tells a story.”

“But there are thirteen screaming lashes that I did to you. I beat you, Walker. God I’m so sorry, I feel so guilty.”

“Guilt is a weakness. This,” he twisted marginally to gesture his back, “is you taking back your strength. This is you marking a new beginning––”

“No, that was me marking
you
––”

“And am I your new beginning, Kady?”

I simply nodded my head. Of course he was. “I love you, Walker.”

“I love you, too, darlin’. Now, you get dressed otherwise there’ll be no point in even going to work today.” As he pushed himself from the edge of the bed, the sunlight caught his canvas of silver, red and pale scars, displaying them in their entirety. I didn’t realize there were so many. So many years of frustration and anguish coated him. At that point, as he planted a chaste kiss on my lips before stalking his gloriously tensed ass out of the room, I idly contemplated that unlike ‘normal’ people, it isn’t as easy for Walker to just move past his experiences and learn from them. His scarring was a constant reminder of each hurt, each fight, and each grief…just like mine.

Memories are one thing, but living with the constant reminder of those memories and how much pain was endured during those moments, was something else entirely. That causes more hurt itself. The fact that Walker had learned to embrace that, showed how strong he truly was.

“Are you sure about this?” Walker’s stubborn voice came from behind the wheel of the truck.

I glanced out of the window toward my right, seeing the baby pink awning and golden script writing. It seemed like years since the last time I had been anywhere near Bricksdale Square. In real time, it was a week.

“Yes, I’m sure. I need to do this now otherwise I never will.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll pick you up at three?”

With a nod, I released the belt buckle with a pop, slipped over the bench seat to give him a quick kiss and set out on my way, telling him to have a good time at the gym, which prompted a rolling of his eyes, before the piecing bell above the door sounded as I pushed it open and stepped inside.

“Hey, girlie,” the buoyant brunette burst through the metal streamers with a flourish, both hands hidden beneath a large box. “Thank God you’re here. I’ve got another six out back, mind giving me a hand?” she asked, setting the box of delights on the coffee table in front of the sofa. With a brisk kick of the doorstop under the bottom of the door, the box was retrieved and loaded into the back of the pink delivery truck parked out front.

The smell of cooling cakes wafted from the cooling racks on the metal decorating table in the center of the kitchen, as I fetched a pink box with Ent-Icing scripted on the lid and took it out to the truck. “So you’re leaving me on my own on my first day back?”

“Stop whining,” she ribbed. “I’ll be gone for about an hour, maybe two depending on traffic. I’ve done the cupcakes, they’re almost ready for decorating––”

“Decorating?”

Her eyebrows rose as she licked her lips and cocked her head with a disapproving drop of her hip. “Yes.”

“Okay…” I drew out warily, when her hands were set firmly on my shoulders. She peeked up at me from under the lip of her ball cap.

“You can do this, Kady.” I barely managed to nod. “Let me hear it?”

“I can do this?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?” she quizzed, a ghost of a cheeky grin set in place.

“Telling you?” I winced.

“You can do this, it’s just a sponge cake.”

“It’s just a sponge cake…”

“––And frosting in a pipe. Can you do this?”

“I can do this.”

“Tell me again, can you do this?”

“I can do this,” I answered with conviction.

“Damn fucking right you can.” Lifting onto her toes, she pressed a kiss to my cheek. I repaid her for her desertion with a flick of her ball-cap lip, which earned me a mock pout and a swat on my ass, before she clambered into the truck.

Arms crossed over my chest, I leaned against the overly large window of the shop, watching her until she pulled away. “You’ll be amazing, don’t overthink,” she called across the console through the open passenger side window.

“’Aye, now go…”

“’Aye, ‘aye,” she called, saluting.

“He’s Irish, not a freaking pirate.”

Waving her arm out of the window, she shouted, “Whatever,” as she pulled out of the square leaving me, quite nervously, to my own devices.

I was standing in the center of the shop, a soft groan coming from the flooring beneath my feet. Everywhere I looked, I could feel and hear Liam and his mocking: the walls, the counter, display cabinet. I was surrounded by everything that was procured with his money, so technically I was still surrounded by him.

After torturing myself with a lengthy pep-talk, I shook the unwelcomed thoughts right out of my head, flipped the open sign on the door and headed out the back.