Translation of Love (14 page)

My heart flutters and I’m lost again, his to do with whatever he wants.

Victor turns me around so that my back is to his front. He wraps his left arm around my waist and kisses his way down from the back of my neck to the gentle curve of my ass. His finger enters me and just as quickly it’s gone, the motion leaving me breathless. He stands again tightening his hold around my waist, bringing his free hand to continue his assault on my breasts, rolling the sensitive nipples between his fingers.

“Baby,” I call to him as I throw my head back and it lands on his chest.

“Shhh,” he whispers in my ear. “It’s okay.” He kisses the exposed skin of my neck and drops his hand. I close my eyes as his fingers start a circular pattern on my clit. The familiar build up in my stomach makes me panic. I can’t come standing up in a shower. I won’t be able to hold myself up let alone see straight. I can feel my legs start to tremble, I bring my hand down to his wrist and tug. “Victor, no, I can’t like this.”

“Shhh, let go. I’ve got you,” he murmurs against my ear as he increases the pace. My knees buckle as the powerful orgasm takes hold of me, electric shocks surging through my body. Victor tightens his hold on my waist and I know that I’m protected, free to surrender and experience the release he’s giving me. It’s a freedom unlike anything I’ve ever known. It’s a gift that Victor offers to me whenever he’s near me, shattering pieces of my defense every time.

Slowly, I turn around and drape my arms around Victor’s neck, pushing up on my tiptoes. I lean in and give him a kiss. I have no words to tell him how I feel. This seems like the best way to express it. The desire to make him feel as good as he makes me feel, I deepen the kiss and let my hands drop, placing one on his chest and grabbing his hardened member with the other. He groans in my mouth at the unexpected touch, and slowly I start to stroke him. He pulls his lips from mine. “You don’t have to do this, Love. You don’t owe me anything,” he says, cupping the sides of my face.

Feeling a little bolder now, I reply, “I know, but I want to.” I give him another quick kiss on the lips and then drop down to my knees, the water from the showerhead massaging my scalp. “Ellie.”

My eyes move up, taking in his hooded eyes. “Just relax, Baby. I’m gonna make you feel good.” I barely recognize my own voice. The feel of him against my lips as I kiss, then lick the tip gives me a needed sense of control and power.

“Fuck, Baby,” I hear him say as I run my tongue up and down the entire length of him. The sound of him losing his carefully held control makes me smile. I kiss the tip again then slowly take him in my mouth.

Victor lets out a long breath of air, and gently picks up my hair, holding it away from my face. He’s doing his best not to grab my head, knowing that it would make me feel trapped. He lets me have this moment to do what I want and I take advantage, picking up the rhythm, as I take him as deep as I can. I release him from my mouth and begin stroking him harder with my hands. He tightens his grip on my hair and I know he’s close, so I take him back in my mouth and increase my pace, needing his release as much as he does.

“Shit, Baby, stop. I don’t wanna come in your mouth.” I grip his hips, letting him know that I’m not going anywhere, ravaging him, loving the feel of him in my mouth. I look up at him wanting to see the moment of release and as I do, he throws his head back, groaning in pleasure as he spills his load into me and I watch him come undone. This is not a part of sex that I’ve ever enjoyed. In fact, I’ve always hated it; but with him, it’s beautiful. I relish in the fact that I have the power to give him even a little bit of what he’s given me.

Victor reaches down and pulls me up to a standing position. He hugs me tightly and kisses me. It’s the kind of kiss that hits me in every part of my body, making me dizzy and leaving me breathless. In this moment, I leave my doubts and fears behind and focus on him. I know that it will take time, I have a long road ahead of me, but if anyone can help me to move past the road block I’ve placed firmly in my way, I know Victor can. I have to let him try.

“You know you didn’t have to do that, right?”

“I know. I wanted to.”

“You’re so beautiful.” I shudder at the comment. I wish I could see what he sees when he looks at me. It’s what I used to see when I was younger, wearing all the latest trends, expensive handbags and my fake blonde hair. That image is so different from the one of today. It’s not that I think I’m ugly, I know I’m not, but beautiful is something different. To be beautiful, I’d have to love what’s inside as well as out and up until very recently, I haven’t been sure if I liked any of it.

He turns off the water and leads me out of the shower, grabbing a towel and slowly drying me off before wrapping me up in it. It makes me feel pampered and taken care of. It makes me question everything I ever thought to be true about what men do, how they act. Maybe he’s just an exception to the rule. He dries himself off, wraps his towel around his waist and leads me back into the bedroom.

“You wanna go out for breakfast or do you want room service?” I want to skip breakfast altogether and stay in bed with him but I know that’s a dangerous choice. I need more time before I can take that step. I know he’s doing his best to take things slow, but his idea of slow and mine are two different things, not that I’m complaining.

“Let’s go out for breakfast,” I respond.

“Okay, then I’m going to pack my stuff up and check out. I have to get on the road this afternoon. Is it okay if I hang with you at your house till then?”

“Of course.” Deep down I wish he didn’t have to go. It’s just another emotion that I’m not ready to face yet.

Work has been more miserable than usual this week. Testing new programs is never easy, the glitches usually seem to outweigh the benefits. The work has been a combination of tedious and mundane, and my hours have been out of control. Normally, I’m thankful for any available overtime but this week my mind is elsewhere.

Victor and I spent most of Sunday together. He followed me home so that I could drop off my car and then we went out for breakfast. Afterwards, I made him take me to the bookstore so that I could pick up a copy of his book. He protested, telling me that I shouldn’t waste my money on it, but in the end I got my book (which now sits proudly on my coffee table) but he paid for it. We had lunch at my house and then he had to go back home to New York, promising that he would call me when he got there.

Victor kept his promise and called me as soon as he got settled, and he has called me everyday since. He usually calls me first thing in the morning when he knows I’m driving to work and at night when he takes a break from recording. Now it’s Wednesday evening and I didn’t get his usual morning phone call. I hate to admit it to myself, but that one missed call set the tone for my entire day. I was miserable and I hate the fact that his lack of communication is having such a negative effect on me. I’ve struggled so long to be in control of my life and it scares me that I may be giving Victor too much power over me.

I decide to throw on my most comfortable sweats, pop a frozen pizza in the oven and lounge in front of the television, but as I sit here my mind goes to Victor and the possible reasons why I haven’t heard from him today. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me anymore? We didn’t make any plans before he left. He didn’t ask to see me again, he just said he’d call. I have his number, it’s not like I can’t pick up the phone and call him but I’m just not at the point where I feel comfortable doing that. Plus if I did call and he didn’t pick up, I’m not sure how I’d feel.

The sound of the doorbell ringing brings me back to reality. Besides Jordan, no one ever stops by my house unannounced so I’m startled. I’m stunned when I open the door to see Victor standing there with a bottle of wine in one hand and a DVD in the other. The butterflies in my stomach take flight at the sight of him, his eyes are partially covered by a baseball cap but the smile on his face is enough to make the stress of the last few days evaporate.

“Victor, what are you doing here?” I sound as surprised as I look.

“I was in the neighborhood. You gonna invite me in?”

I smile at his sarcastic answer. “Of course, smart ass, come in.” He comes in and puts the bottle of wine and DVD down on the coffee table. “What are you really doing here?” I ask.

He takes a step forward so that he’s in my space, wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. I breathe in at the feel of him surrounding me, his cologne smells of woods and musk. I’ve come to love that scent. I return his hug, deepening our embrace as he speaks softly. “I missed you, Ellie.”
I know his words shouldn’t affect me but they make me happy.

“Are you okay?” I ask, bringing my hands up to circle around his neck.

“I am. I’m just tired.” He releases me from our hug but, still holding onto my hand, leads me to the couch. We sit down, he leans over and places a soft kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry that I didn’t call you today. I spent the entire night in the recording studio. By the time I made it home, I knew you would already be at work so I crashed. I woke up this afternoon and decided to take tonight off. I asked Rob to drive me here because I just wanted to see your face.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Victor, but you look exhausted.”

He nods in agreement. “Can I stay with you? My plan was to come here, watch a movie with you, then go to the hotel but, Babe, I’m really fucking exhausted.”

“Of course, you can stay.” Just the thought of him in my home excites me, even if all he does is sleep, having him here makes me happy. This is bad, the kind of emotions I’m experiencing are the kind that eventually lead to heartbreak but I’m powerless to stop them.

“Okay, I’m gonna signal to Rob that he can go.”

“Where’s he gonna go?”

“Hotel.”

“I have an extra room, ya know?” I don’t even know this guy and I’m inviting him to use my spare bedroom, but if Victor trusts him, I know he’s okay.

“Babe, you have a daybed in there. He’d never fit in that thing. He’ll be more comfortable at the hotel.”

The thought of a big, burly man trying to sleep on the tiny daybed makes me giggle. “Okay.”

Victor signals for his bodyguard to leave and when he comes back in he plops back down on the couch, leaning his head on one of my throw pillows. I notice he looks kind of pale and I have to wonder if he’s been taking care of himself these last few days. I sit down next to him. “Babe, are you feeling okay? You look pale.”

“Yeah, just tired. I’ve barely seen sunlight the last few days, been spending a lot of time in the studio,” he says.

I pull the baseball cap off of his head and put my hand to his forehead. “I think you have a fever.”

“No, I’m sure it’s nothing, I just need rest. I’m sorry, Babe, I just wanted to see you. I was fine when I left the city but the more time I spent in the car the more tired I got.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just stay right here okay?” I run upstairs to the bathroom and rummage through the medicine cabinet. I grab the thermometer and bottle of ibuprofen and run back downstairs, turning the thermometer on as I go. “Here, Honey, put this under your tongue.” Victor looks up at me. I can see in his eyes that he feels miserable but he obeys. While I wait to find out his temperature, I go to the kitchen and get a bottled water out of the refrigerator. I hear the thermometer beeping as soon as I walk back into the living room and pull it from his mouth. “Just like I thought, it’s 101. Here, take these,” I say, handing him two pills and the bottled water.

Once Victor swallows the pills, taking him by the hand, I lead him upstairs to my bedroom. I undo his belt buckle and help him out of his sneakers and jeans. He gets into my bed and I pull the covers up over him. “It’s cold in here,” he trembles.

“That’s just cause you have a fever. You’ll feel better soon. Just close your eyes and get some rest.”

“Are you gonna stay with me?” he whispers.

My heart clenches and my eyes burn with unshed tears. Why am I getting emotional? For whatever reason, I have this unexplainable need to take care of him. I hate the thought of him being all alone in his apartment with no one to make sure that he’s okay. “Yeah, Baby, I’ll stay with you.” I turn off the lights and get in bed, his back to me as I lie on my side. I prop my head up on my hand while I run my free hand through his hair. We stay this way for a long time until I hear his breathing regulate telling me that he’s asleep. Only then do I close my eyes and allow sleep to come.