Transparent (14 page)

“Five-forty-three!” Coach Ford cries. “Great time, McClean!”

I smile wide—five seconds off my last time. That’s probably the best mile I’ve ever run, though I’ve done far too many without a timer to know for sure.

I jog to the drinking fountain, breathing deeply to slow my heart rate. Then I proceed to try to run the fountain dry.

“I hate you!” Bea calls as she passes. I’m pretty sure she just finished her second lap.

When I’m done rehydrating, Brady waves to me from the bleachers. He finished probably a minute before me, and I have a feeling he could go faster if it didn’t risk destroying the track.

“Awesome time, Fi,” he says when I sit next to him. “You’re the fastest girl in school.”

I try not to stare at him too much, but he even looks good sweaty. It’s bad enough he’s hot, what with the freckles and perfect smile. Oh, and the cut muscles. Does he have to be so freaking nice, too? “Yeah, right.”

“I mean it. You should go out for track this spring with me. I’m not sure if they’d put you on the gifted team or not, since invisibility doesn’t help much with running, but either way you’re fast.”

“Really?” I can’t help but grin. It feels nice to be good at something, especially when that something isn’t illegal.

He smiles. “Yeah, really. Or you could try soccer. Oh! I bet you’d make an awesome running back—Seth could give you pointers. He and Hector are co-captains this year, so he would know exactly how to train you.”

Because I need more of Seth telling me what to do. “Maybe. I’ll think about it. Track sounds fun.”

He leans forward, looking over the remaining runners, or rather, walkers. “Well, either way, you should come running with me this weekend. I go out in the desert so I can run full speed. There’s some pretty cool stuff out there.”

My heart skips. I repeat his words in my head to make sure he really asked what I think he asked. “Yeah, I’d love to go.”

“Great. Saturday? At like eight?”

“Perfect.”

I float through the rest of school, replaying the conversation in my head to make sure it actually happened. I’ve been trying to resist my crush, but maybe I don’t have to. Brady asked me out. He likes … me, my personality, I guess. That had to be why he told Carlos to back off. He was planning on making a move.

This is the best day of my life.

When I walk into tutoring, the Brady-asked-me-out high dissolves. Not like Seth looks pleasant often, but today he’s beyond stressed. And he won’t look at me. Bea glances my way several times, then finally leans over. “Do you know what’s up with him?”

“How would I?”

She shrugs. “He seems to be avoiding you. Wondered if maybe you guys got in another fight or something.”

“Not really.” I thought Seth and I had reached some tentative truce since that game of sardines. Not that he’s been chummy, but he certainly hasn’t been as jerky as before. He even talks to me sometimes at lunch, though he mostly studies with Hector. We’re kind of friends, I think.

“You should talk to him and see what’s up,” Bea says. “He seems to open up around you, and he listens to you.”

“What?” I try not to laugh. “He does not.”

Her look is flat. “He does. Trust me.”

“Whatever.” I focus on my homework, sure we’re reading into it too much. Seth is always stressed over something.

But then the entire hour passes without Seth checking on us once. In fact, he stays as far away from me as possible. Maybe his furrowed brow does
have something to do with me. Every minute he avoids me makes my heart beat faster, and I go into panic mode.

He let my secret slip.

My mind races through the possibilities. Maybe he was talking to Hector about me and someone overheard. They figured out I’m not hiding from my dad. He’s probably scared to tell me. And he should be, because I’ll never forgive him if he ruined everything.

As I pack my stuff, his feet come into view. “Fiona?”

“Yeah?” I look up; he stares at the floor.

“I need to talk to you.”

“You could have done that during class—Bea’s my ride. My mom actually got a job…”

“I can take you home. This is really important and … private.”

My throat closes. Crap. Someone
does
know I’m on the run. They told my dad. He showed up and seduced the school secretary into telling him where we live. He’s probably there waiting for Mom and me to come home.

I’m such an idiot. I’ll never have a normal life, and now that I’m losing this one I know what I’m missing.

“Fine. See you, Bea.”

She nods. “It’ll be okay.”

I wish she was right.

After the door closes, Seth takes the seat next to me. He chews the inside of his lip, and his blue eyes turn sad. “I have some bad news.”

My hands won’t stop shaking. “Who’d you tell?”

His brow furrows. “What?”

“C’mon. You look like you’re being followed by the Grim Reaper. You must have let my secret slip. Who’d you tell?”

“I didn’t tell anyone. She figured it out on her own and came to ask me about it.”

My jaw drops. It was probably one of my dad’s spies, following a lead. I thought Seth would be a lot smarter than that. “And you just
told
her? I thought you said you were good at keeping secrets!”

His eyes turn angry. “I didn’t tell her anything! I lied to her for you, but she’s not happy with your performance either way.”

I pause. “Wait … what?”

He sighs. “You failed your test again. Ms. Sorenson wants to put you in remedial classes like I told you she would.”

“Oh.” I put my hand to my heart, noticing how fast it’s beating. As I realize how wrong my assumption was, I sink in my seat.

“What did you think I was talking about?”

“You kept avoiding me, so I was worried you were going to say you let my
other
secret slip. I thought I was about to see my dad walk through the door or something.” I squeeze back the tears. So much for feeling safe under Graham’s supposed protection. Try as I might, his words aren’t enough to keep me from constantly looking over my shoulder.

“Bea and Brady know, even the rest of The Pack—you trust them. Why don’t you trust me?” His voice is indignant, and I open my eyes to find his face the same way.

“They earned it.”

“And I haven’t? If anything, I’ve done
more
than them!” He puts a fist to his mouth, as if he’s trying to stop the words from coming out wrong. “I thought … we were friends now. I thought you trusted me. I know way more than they do.”

“That’s the problem! Yes, we’re friends, but you could ruin me in one breath, accident or not. You know way too much for your own good—and you keep prying.”

“I’m not prying.”

“You’re always asking if I’m okay and trying to get me to tell you about my past. And you won’t breathe a word about your own! Not exactly fair.” The words feel like a cheap shot now that they’re out, and I wish I could take them back.

He glares at me, like he’s trying to push away whatever he feels. “I’m just trying to help.”

“What do you expect from me, Seth? You think it’s easy for me to believe people when I’ve lived one giant lie of a life?” I try to force down the guilt, but it doesn’t go away. “Under my dad’s control, I couldn’t even trust myself, my own feelings. I want to trust you, I really do, but …”

“But what?”

I’m scared.
“Cut me some slack. Please.”

He folds his arms. “Then do the same for me and stop worrying about if I’ll tell. I won’t.”

I nod. “Fine. Whatever.”

We’re silent for what seems like ages. I almost get up to leave, but then I remember he’s my ride. Why did I agree to this again? I just want to run away. I can’t seem to get enough air when he gets worked up. It stresses me out.

“Can I say what I was going to say without you getting mad at me?” he asks.

“Go for it.” The sooner this is over, the better.

“I told Ms. Sorenson I’m still helping you catch up, since your tutors were neglectful. She agreed to give you one more chance—if you pass the next test you can stay in the class.”

A lump forms in my throat. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt like such a jerk. “Thanks.”

He glances at me, his eyes meeting mine just briefly before he looks down again. “I think you’ll need more personalized tutoring to pass. I know it’s probably the last thing in the world you want to do, but we could figure this out if you stayed after every day. You’re getting better; you’ll keep getting better.”

I stare at him, unable to speak. “You’d still help me, even after I treated you like that?”

He nods. “I’m kind of used to it by now.”

My eyes narrow, and I have to hold back a smile. “Okay. May as well give it another shot.”

A small grin crosses his lips. “I won’t give up if you don’t.”

“Deal.” I swallow the lump of pride in my throat. “Sorry. I’m a little on edge about stuff.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m dealing with crap, too. Maybe I’ve been taking it out on you, since everyone else gave up on my attitude problem a long time ago. They don’t even bother fighting back.”

I almost ask what that means, but I don’t. I have a feeling it’s been a while since Seth’s said something like that to anyone. “So, are you gonna make me start working today? Or do I get a break?”

His smile breaks into a full-on grin. “I’ll take you home.”

I can’t help smiling back. “Wow, so you do have a heart in there somewhere.”

“Shut up.”

My laugh surprises me, as does Seth’s.

Miles and I sit under the tree out front, savoring the shade in the fading light. He leans on the trunk, pouting.

“Stop it.” I close my eyes, unable to look at him any longer. It kills me every time, but I am not giving up my date with Brady no matter how watery my brother’s eyes get.

“I can’t believe you’re ditching me for a guy.”

“It’s just one night, and it’s not like this happens every day.”

“I guess that’s true,” he grumbles.

I venture a peek; he doesn’t look happy, but the pout’s gone. “You know Brady. How could you not approve?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, he’s nice, but I guess I never pictured you with someone like him.”

I scoff. “You probably never pictured me with anyone.”

“No!” He smiles. “Well, not like I sit and think about it all the time. I just imagined someone … less huge.”

I laugh. “You have a problem with his muscles?”

“He could hurt you! Not that he would, but that kind of strength … Fi, it’s not something that’s easy to deal with.” He bites his lip. “I always hoped you’d find a guy who wouldn’t make your life any more complicated than it is, you know? Someone safe.”

As I look at the ground, this ache forms in my chest. I’d never thought about it, really. Brady’s strong. He could easily demolish a house with his fist, never mind a person. And yet … “He’s so gentle. He controls it really well. You can’t say he’s not one of the nicest people you’ve ever met.”

“He is.” Miles puts his arm around me, squeezes tight. “But people are like paper to him. Don’t forget that. Of course he’d never do anything intentionally—that doesn’t stop accidents, though.”

I push his arm off. He should be happy for me. He has to know it’s a miracle anyone would ask me out, especially someone like Brady. “You’re judging him.”

“Fi, calm down. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what?”

He takes a deep breath. “I’m just making sure you don’t forget what kind of sacrifice you’d be making, if this does go further. I mean, look at Mom. She resisted Dad at first, and he was so crazy about getting her because of it. Then things changed. She thought she could deal with it. She wanted to love him for real, and she paid the price.”

My eyes go wide. “What?”

Miles tilts his head. “Didn’t you know?”

“She never told me that.” I try to picture Mom
choosing
to love Dad, instead of falling prey to his unrelenting charm drug. I had no idea she was that crazy. “How could she do that?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

I don’t answer. Lately, talking to Mom leaves me feeling like I’m the one to blame.

Miles picks at the grass, and I know he’s trying to find the words that will keep me from yelling at him. “There are always sacrifices when you get involved with someone, sis. Ignoring them and their consequences can really screw you over. As long as you know what you’re getting into and are honestly willing to deal with it, then I’ll back you up.”

I roll my eyes. “With such good advice, you’d think you could keep a girlfriend for more than two wee—”

“You don’t need to come.” Graham’s voice comes from above. Miles and I freeze. For a second I think he’s talking to me, but I can’t see past the branches so he can’t possibly see me.

I check the clock on my phone. Five to eight. If he doesn’t go into the house soon, Brady will show up. Then Graham will know we heard.

“Dad, trust me. They’re fine.”

My heart stops. Dad’s on the phone. Dad. And he wants to come
here
? Miles wraps an arm around me, and I nearly scream in surprise but cover my mouth.

“About that. I really think it’d be better if you held back for a second. I still have to make sure.”

Tears well up. I hate Graham. I knew he was lying. He should have taken us back before we had a chance to hope. Dad knows. He
has
to know where we are if he’s talking to Graham. That stupid cell phone is like a GPS pin right over our house.

Graham swoops down in front of the door, not even looking back. For once I’m glad he’s too self-absorbed to notice we’re right there. It slams behind him, at which point Miles grabs my shoulders and turns me to him.

“Fiona, don’t come home tonight, okay?”

I can’t seem to stop shaking, even under his firm grip. “B-but what about you?”

“I’ll see if I can get anything out of him and call you when I know it’s safe. Mom might need me to get her out, too.”

“But what if—?”

He shakes his head. “Don’t start that. Go with Brady; tell him what’s going on if you want, or run out to the desert again. Whatever. Promise me.”

“Miles …” I can’t leave him. He’ll get hurt. Graham will figure out that we heard, and then it’ll be over. I don’t want this to be over.