TRAPPED (32 page)

Maggie stood and shook her head, speaking in anguished tones, ignoring the look of horror on Frankie’s face. ‘Why would he do that to me? He’s my father and he’s done this. Our daughter’s in there.’

Frankie spoke, hoping that what he was thinking wasn’t true. ‘Whose daughter?’

Maggie snapped, tired and scared. ‘My daughter. Johnny’s and mine.’

Frankie’s face blanched. ‘Dau … dau … daughter? You’ve got a daughter?’

‘Yes, and they’re in there.’

‘They?’

‘They? Who’s they?’

‘Johnny’s in there as well.’

Frankie couldn’t speak. At first he’d not really comprehended quite what was going on, but then his head clicked into gear and it all started to make sense. His face didn’t move, his expression didn’t alter, and his eyes just flickered once. He turned to Maggie and spoke coldly.

‘Are you trying to tell me my son is in there?’

Maggie nodded.

‘With our daughter; your grandchild.’

Frankie’s head was spinning now. What was happening to him? He couldn’t get his thoughts straight. He felt a pain shooting down his arm. If Gypsy was here she’d know what to do, but he didn’t know how to react; it felt like he’d gone into shock. His default position was to get angry but he couldn’t. And Frankie Taylor knew why. He couldn’t get angry because for the first time in his life he was scared, really scared; terrified that he was standing outside a building where inside his son was being burnt alive.

That thought was all it took. The adrenalin kicked in and Frankie ran forward, bellowing and waving his arms around as if he was going into battle. No one was quite sure what was happening when they turned to look at Frankie, and anybody looking on might have laughed at the sight of Frankie Taylor charging towards the building, flaying his arms like an extra in
Braveheart
.

Maggie and Saucers ran forward to Frankie, hoping to stop him, but they were all brought to a standstill as the doors of the building opened. The moment came which everybody had been dreading. Coming out of the building were two firemen carrying a stretcher – on it, a body bag. The scream was louder than most of the bystanders had ever heard. It only came to an end after Maggie Donaldson passed out after she watched Frankie Taylor clutching his heart and dropping to the ground.

Frankie Taylor lay in a hospital cubicle alive and fully conscious, with only one thing on his mind. Nobody had told him anything yet but then they said they didn’t know themselves.
They’d have to wait until the morning to get clear answers. The
body was too charred, too blackened with the fire to tell who it was and so they’d told him he’d have to wait. That’s
all
he had to do. Wait and see if his son was alive or dead.

He’d come around in the back of the ambulance. Like the paramedics, he’d thought he was having a heart attack. When he’d seen the stretcher coming out of the building pains had shot down his arm, and his chest had become so tight it was as if a ten ton weight was crushing him, preventing him from breathing. Then he’d heard the scream and that was the last thing Frankie could remember.

They’d run check after check and had come to the conclusion it hadn’t been his heart giving up on him, it had been stress, and now he felt like a bit of a fool.

He’d tried to call Lorna but her phone had gone onto voicemail and the home phone seemed permanently engaged. He’d given up and turned off his phone. In a way he was relieved not to have to speak to her; he wouldn’t know where to start or how to begin.

Frankie’s thoughts were broken by Saucers putting her head around the curtain. She gave a weak smile.

‘I know it’s a stupid question but are you alright, Frank? You had a bit of a shock tonight.’

Frankie narrowed his eyes. ‘How much did you know?’

‘What about?’

‘Fuck me, not you as well. I need someone round here who’ll give me the bones of things; the truth. Between Gypsy and Johnny …’

Frankie trailed off as he said his son’s name and sucked in air. It was a head spin – he needed to call Gypsy, she would know what to do, but he was too furious with her right now. And even though he needed her more than ever and Johnny was her son too, his stubbornness and hurt wouldn’t allow him to call her. She’d let him down but he was struggling to cope without her and the idea of that only fuelled his dismay at her absence. He was angry, hurt and confused. Most of all though, he was scared and the last time Frankie Taylor had felt like that was the day he’d been marched into the kids’ home all those years ago.

‘All I know Frank is Johnny and Maggie loved each other. They didn’t want to hurt you, but sometimes these things happen. Ain’t you read the books? Love happens. Surely that’s enough for you?’

‘Are you taking the piss girl? How can that be enough for me? If it wasn’t for a Donaldson getting her claws into my son, none of this would have happened and I wouldn’t be lying here wired up like a muppet.’

Saucers had heard enough. ‘Listen to yourself, Frank. You’ve made it all about you. Well, let me tell you something which might come as a bit of a surprise. The whole world don’t revolve around you. So get off your bleeding high horse and think of someone else.’

‘Have a word with yourself darling; if it wasn’t for me none of you would be sitting pretty. Everything you earn is thanks to me.’

Saucers looked at Frankie with scorn. ‘Well, as Albert Einstein said, ‘Try not to become a man of success, try to become a man of value.’

As Saucers began to storm off she heard a furious Frankie shouting after her. ‘Yeah well, you can tell that Einstein from me, if he’s got any sense he’ll keep his nose out of my bleeding business.’

Saucers made her way up to the fourth floor and braced herself, knowing when the lift doors opened she had to be strong. She felt shaken by all the events, not least admitting to Frankie that she was in love with Nicky. Especially when for all the romantic novels she read, she hadn’t even recognised it herself, not until that moment. She would go up and see Nicky later but for now, she had to go and check on Maggie and Harley.

The paediatric ICU unit was more depressing for the fact that the hospital had tried to make it cheerful. The ceilings were beautifully hand painted with favourite Disney characters and cheerful scenes of the outdoors, but to Saucers it was almost if they were trying too hard to make the visitors forget where they were – if they felt anything like she did, there was certainly no chance of that.

The nurse pointed Saucers in the right direction and as she walked to the end of the ward, she avoided looking to either side of her. She could cope with a lot of things but sick children whose lives hung in the balance was not one of them.

‘Alright babe? How’s she doing?’

Maggie looked up, relieved to see Saucers, and was unable to hold back her emotions any longer. She burst into tears and gratefully accepted the shoulder to cry on. ‘She’s not good. Doctors were talking about her having respiratory failure; smoke burns in her lungs or something. To tell you the truth, Saucers, it just goes over me head. Can’t take it in. She hasn’t come round yet, but to see her lying there.’

‘Don’t beat yourself up. She’s alive, that’s the main thing.’

‘What about Nicky, have you seen him again?’

‘Not yet, but I’ll go there after to see if there’s any change.’

Maggie took a deep breath. She was scared to say the next sentence. ‘What about Johnny? Have they found … do they know if it was …’

Saucers spoke very quietly and stroked Maggie’s auburn hair as she stared at Harley. ‘No, they won’t know until morning, according to Frankie.’

‘How is Frankie? Jesus, we need to take shares out in the hospital. It’s like we’ve taken over the asylum.’

Maggie tried a smile but it waned and she put her head down again as Saucers answered her.

‘Frankie’s okay, he’s sounding off, only because he’s worried. It’s all a mess though.’

‘I know …’

‘Maggie?’

Sheila Donaldson interrupted and looked at her daughter as she stood at the end of the bed staring at her granddaughter. Maggie turned to Saucers and spoke angrily.

‘What’s she doing here? Get her away from me.’

Saucers looked uncomfortable. She knew Maggie loved her mother and was just lashing out.

‘Maybe it’s better you come back another time, Sheila.’

‘I’m not going anywhere till Maggie listens to me.’

‘I don’t want you anywhere near here.’

‘Why are you angry with me, Maggie? What have I done?’

‘You haven’t done anything, Mum. That’s the problem, it’s always been the problem, and now Nicky’s lying in a hospital bed and so is Harley. Somehow you seem to have got away with it all scot-free.’

‘That’s not fair, Maggie; you know it’s not like that.’

Maggie also knew she wasn’t being fair, but she was hurting so much she needed to lash out at someone; as much as it was breaking her heart to do it, her mother was the perfect target.

The ICU nurse, sensing trouble, came around the bed to speak to the women cautiously but with the authority of someone who’d seen it all before. ‘Is everything alright? Because this is not really the place to work out any disputes.’

The nurse didn’t wait for an answer, she’d made her point, Immediately the women lowered their voices, as well as relaxing their body language.

‘Maggie, please.’

‘I can’t do this, Mum; I’m going to get a coffee.’

Maggie walked out of the ward leaving Saucers with Harley. She needed to get some fresh air. Behind her she heard footsteps and turned to see her mother close behind. Not wanting to wait for the lift which would allow her mum to catch up with her, she headed for the emergency stairs.

‘Maggie, wait! Maggie.’

‘
Leave me alone, Mum, please. I’ve told you, I don’t want to
speak to you at the moment.’

‘Give me five minutes, that’s all I ask.’

The women continued to run down the empty stairwell as they spoke.

‘What is it about the word “no” that you don’t get, Mum?’

‘Please.’

Maggie halted and turned abruptly to face her mother who took a few seconds to catch up, then she spat her words out, anger pouring from her.

‘All those times as a kid when I was getting the crap beaten out of me, did I ask for your help? No, not once. In fact it was you who asked for mine. Calling out my name to come and help you as Dad hurt you. Wanting me to tend to your injuries. I was only a kid. Do you know how that made me feel, to see you like that? I prayed every night for you just to take us away to somewhere safe. Did it never occur to you that all we wanted was to feel safe? And when after all these years, Mum, I finally ask for your help; once, just once, you couldn’t do it could you? You couldn’t help me; you couldn’t help Harley. Yet another generation of the Donaldsons messed up by violence.’

‘I didn’t know he’d do anything like that.’

Maggie laughed bitterly. ‘Why not? How is starting a fire any different to anything else he’s done? But then, it wouldn’t have mattered if you did know, because it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. You would’ve still stood back and done nothing.’

‘No, Maggie, no, that’s not true … I’m so sorry.’

Maggie closed the distance between them as she stepped forward. ‘I don’t want your sorrys, Mum. They ain’t going to make anyone better, and even though I love you so very much, I don’t care you about you at the moment.’

Sheila’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Don’t say that Maggie, please.’

Maggie walked off but Sheila caught hold of her sleeve.

‘Maggie …’

‘Don’t. Don’t make me think you’re as bad as him.’

Sheila raised her voice but it was full of pain. ‘I’m not.’

‘The way I feel at the moment, doing nothing is as bad as doing what he did. So please, Mum, I’m begging you, just let me go.’

Sheila covered her ears like a small child and Maggie had to turn away to prevent seeing her mother in such pain.

‘Don’t say that, Maggie, please don’t say that.’

Maggie was on a roll, letting all her pent-up despair out and she shouted venomously. ‘I
will
say it because it’s true.’

‘No, no, no.’

Sheila still held her ears and shook her head and body. The tears were coming fast and the hurt in her voice was clear but Maggie carried on regardless. ‘I trusted you, Mum – you were my mum but you were my friend as well. My best friend; I would’ve laid me life down for you and I got nothing in return. None of us did. And I’ve had enough.’

Sheila let go of her ears and shrieked, startling Maggie who’d never heard her mother raise her voice. She fell into a stunned silence as she watched her mother breakdown in front of her.

‘I know Maggie, I know what I’ve done – and not a day goes by without me knowing how much I failed you. But I always thought you’d be alright because you were the strong one. You were the one who said no. You stood up to him and he could see your strength but I never had that, none of us did, only you. There was such strength within you. You were such a spirited child. My big blue-eyed girl; strong and unbreakable and there I was, your mother, unable to help any of you. I was so scared Maggie. I swear I wanted to help with Harley, I swear I did, but once you were gone, I … I was terrified. I could cope with the beatings, Mags, but it was what was inside my head I couldn’t cope with; the fear he put inside me head.’

Sheila paused for a moment and looked at Maggie before she carried on talking. ‘I know none of what I said will make any of it better but I never meant to hurt you, Maggie, and it’s not that I didn’t want to help; I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even help myself. Can you ever forgive me Maggie for bringing you into the world? I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t, because I can’t forgive myself. I’m so, so sorry.’

‘Oh God, Mum …’

‘I’m so sorry, Maggie.’

Sheila tightened her body and shook her head, wiping her nose on her sleeve as Maggie opened her arms and held her mother, before grabbing hold of her mother’s shoulders and gently shaking her.

‘You listen to me, Sheila Donaldson. None of this is your fault. You hear me? What he’s done to you, to us, is not your fault. Do you trust me?’