Trigger (7 page)

She met my gaze again. It was all I could do not to kiss her right then, I wanted her that badly. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I can’t.” And then she turned around and left.

Nina

When I caught up with Ricki in the parking lot outside Bliss, my heart was still hammering in my chest. I felt strange, as though I had killed on stage tonight, high on endorphins and feet feather-light, at the same time as cold sweat coated my face and a sensation of not being able to breathe properly had spread within me.

Ricki was staring at me with that stern expression so typical of hers, fists on hips.

“Okay,
who
the hell is that hot boy? Spill everything from the beginning right now, girlfriend!” But then she must have noticed my weird state of mind because her features softened and worry creased her forehead.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Did something bad happen in there?”

I shrugged, not knowing how to answer that question. Had something bad happened? I wasn’t sure. I just knew that all kinds of emotions were shooting through me, bad ones, good ones, unsettling ones, exhilarating ones.

“Nina? Are you okay?” Ricki grabbed my arm.

I don’t know what happened then, but suddenly tears filled my eyes and I was crying.

Ricki looked distraught. “Okay, what the hell did he do to you?”

I wiped at the tears with the heel of my hand. “He didn’t do anything.”

Ricki put a protective arm around my shoulders and led me to her car. “Come on. Let’s go to Mel’s and talk. We’ll leave your car here and you can pick it up later.”

We drove over to the famous 24-hour diner and took a seat in an empty booth, none of us saying a word. After we had ordered salads and Diet Cokes, the tears on my cheeks had dried and I was feeling almost like normal again. I had a long sip of my soda, and then I decided I was ready to talk about it.

“It’s that guy I went out with when you came to pick me up in the Hollywood Hills,” I said. “The one who freaked me out.”

Ricki’s red-painted mouth dropped open. “Really? What a coincidence!”

I scoffed. “It wasn’t a coincidence. He lied about having a friend perform at Bliss. He only came to see me. He found me on Facebook and saw my post about tonight.”

“He did? Wow. He must be really into you to seek you out like that…”

“Yeah. And he must also be a stalker.” But even as I said those words, I didn’t feel like they contained much truth. Dylan just didn’t strike me as a stalkery kinda guy.

“I don’t think that guy’s a stalker,” Ricki said, putting words to my thoughts. “People use that word way too loosely. I mean, how long ago was it that you had that date with him? Two weeks ago or something?”

“Yeah.”

“And how many times in that time has he tried to contact you?”

“He emailed me once.”

Ricki nodded. “Right. I remember that he said something about an email… If he was a stalker, you’d have heard and seen from him a lot more. What did the email say?”

I shrugged again. “Basically, he just wanted to apologize if he did something to freak me out. And make sure I was okay.”

“That’s all?”

“Pretty much. He also said that he enjoyed our night together very much.”

“Definitely not a stalker. And what did you reply?”

“I didn’t.”

Ricki looked shocked. “You didn’t? Why not? The guy was just trying to be nice.”

I stared into my Diet Coke. Ricki was right; Dylan
had
just tried to be nice. And I had to admit that part of me had been happy to see him again tonight. The part that hadn’t freaked out when I discovered him in the audience.

“I’m not sure,” I said. “I guess I just felt it was best if we didn’t have any more contact.”

“Oh. What did you guys talk about after I left?”

“Not much. He just wanted to know why I freaked out like that and if he could make it up to me by taking me to dinner. He wants to get to know me better.”

A smile spread over Ricki’s lips. “Aw, that’s so sweet!” As though she remembered something, the smile deflated. “And that made you so upset you cried?”

I shook my head, even more confused now at my emotional reaction. “I guess.”

Ricki screwed up her face. “You know what I think? I think you freaked out that night because you like him like crazy. I mean, it’s obvious you guys are totally into each other.” She nodded to herself. “Yes, that weird reaction probably has to do with your life history. Not to be rude, but having watched your mom being dumped to left and right, it’s not strange you’re dead scared of getting close to a guy. You know, falling in love, like we normal girls want to do. Getting married and having kids and stuff like that.” She paused, as if catching herself. “Well, most of us definitely want that first part at least. What do you think?”

I thought about Ricki’s words for a long moment and I couldn’t help but admit that she did have a point. I exhaled. “Yeah, you might be right.”

Dylan

“Another one?” Jack said, an incredulous grin playing on his lips. “I thought you said you had to get up early.”

“I do,” I replied and waved over the bartender with my hand that contained my Amex. We had stayed at Bliss after the show was over to have drinks at the bar there. “But it doesn’t matter. I feel like partying tonight. It’s been a while.”

Jack chuckled and ran a hand through his floppy mop of blond surfer hair. “Sounds good to me, man.” Being a talent scout, Jack didn’t have to get up early.

When the bartender came over, I ordered two double vodka sodas. I needed to squelch the disappointment that had settled in my stomach like a huge slab of wet cement. Only a fair amount of alcohol had the power to make it go away, and I wanted it to go away as quickly as possible. After I felt better, I’d take Jack to a strip club and watch hot, naked chicks dance for me, take my mind away from both Nina and Emma. Remind myself that women were best enjoyed from a distance.

The bartender came over with the drinks. Grabbing one, I raised it in a cheer.

“To us,” I said, forcing a grin onto my face. “May we be buddies forever!”

Jack brought his glass to mine, clinking it so hard I thought for a second it had broken. Fortunately, it hadn’t.

“Hell, yeah, dude,” Jack said and chugged his drink. I swallowed my own in one gigantic gulp. The alcohol warmed my stomach, diluted the misery that had taken root there to the point it was more bearable. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Let’s split,” I said.

“Fine. Where do you wanna go?”

“Let’s head to Cheetah’s.”

Jack stared at me, a baffled look on his face. “Cheetah’s? I thought you told me you’d decided strip clubs were demeaning to women.”

“I changed my mind. Let’s go.”

I paid the tab and a few minutes later Jack and I were in a cab, on our way to the popular West L.A. strip club. I’d worry about getting my car later.

The joint was as hopping as always when we entered. An old Rod Stewart song was playing and it smelled faintly of pot and cigarettes. Men but also a few women were scattered around the long catwalk at the end of the dark space. An assortment of girls wearing only tiny G-strings paraded on the catwalk. A girl who looked Hispanic was bending over, flaunting her shapely behind to a bunch of eager frat boys in a corner, while another girl with straight blond hair lay on her back, her long legs spread wide apart. Two older men and a young woman seemed spellbound by the girl’s pose. The strategically placed disco balls overhead reflected the lights coming from several spotlights, adding a layer of glamor to the girls that made them appear even more seductive.

A tan, voluptuous woman with a shock of black curls appeared. She wore an inviting smile and a sequined purple dress so short it barely covered her crotch. Jack instantly took her hand and kissed her on the cheek, mumbling something in her ear that made her giggle. I shouldn’t be surprised. Cheetah had remained Jack’s favorite hangout after all, so he must know most of the girls fairly well. Just like I used to do more than a year ago. I’d stopped going to strip clubs and the like after falling for Emma and realizing how unhappy I was going out all the time, hooking up with a new girl most nights.

The tan woman took us to a table close to the front of the long catwalk. Prime seats. I chuckled to myself. Jack must have spent plenty of money in this joint for
that
to happen.

We sat and I gave the busty waitress who immediately showed up our drink orders. Very soon, we were on our second round of drinks and a petite redhead with the tiniest waist I had ever seen on a girl came up and asked if I wanted a lap dance.

I shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

Smiling pleased, the girl took my hand and nodded toward a dark corner filled with couches. A couple of strippers were gyrating over people seated there already. Without a word, I stood and followed the redhead toward the corner. When we got there, she gently pushed me down on an empty couch, turned her back to me and began moving her hips above my knees in a seductive manner. As if hypnotized, I stared at her rocking hips, at the tiny waist and the very round, very white buttocks as they moved to the music. Even though I had to admit the girl had a great ass, watching her dance failed to excite me. After about thirty seconds she turned around, facing me. Our eyes met. It was sometime when she placed her hands on my chest, smiling tentatively, that I realized that she was probably not even out of her teens yet. Suddenly, I felt like a dirty old man, taking advantage of girls who were much too young for me. I grabbed my wallet and fished out a hundred-dollar bill. I shoved it into the girl’s hand and then moved her aside, telling her I had to leave.

Five minutes later, I was sitting alone in another cab, on my way home.

Nina

I didn’t sleep much that night. All I could think about was Dylan, the way he’d looked when I left Bliss, having told him I couldn’t have dinner with him. Only as I returned home and slipped into bed after my meal with Ricki did the expression on his face fully sink in.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen anyone look so genuinely disappointed.

Yeah, the guy definitely didn’t have a stalker vibe…I flipped over so I was lying on my side. Putting my hands under my chin, I stared into the darkness that filled my bedroom. Was Ricki right about me freaking out only because I feared intimacy? The more I thought about all that she had said tonight, the more sense her comments made. I mean, what
else
besides a fear of getting close to a man could that panic attack have been about? It was true that I was very attracted to Dylan. Seeing him again had reminded me of that. Even as his unexpected appearance had unsettled me, it had also excited me to the point that my legs had moved me closer to him. It had been as if they had a life of their own.
My body is trying to tell me something…
I giggled to myself in the darkness. I also had to agree with Ricki that his words in the email—-she’d made me show her the email on my smartphone—-could only be described as sweet, the kind a man tells a woman when he cares about her. Like she’d kept saying, the only reason a guy would send such an email to a girl was because he’d realized there was something special between them, worth exploring further. Yes, he had to have realized that. Why else would he come all the way down to Bliss to talk to me, ask me out to dinner?

Why else would he have seemed so incredibly disappointed?

Guys who only wanted sex didn’t behave that way. I had been around long enough to know how those guys behaved. Slept with a couple of them, too. Thinking about the last one, a chef I’d met while filling up my car, creeped me out now, even though I hadn’t been looking for anything but a fun time and he was all about that. I remembered how sexy I thought he had looked with his beard stubble, sideways grin and curly brown hair. How flattered I’d felt when he practically undressed me with his eyes as we started talking. How much I’d enjoyed the suggestive note in everything he said, even in things as clinical as “does that kind of car require regular unleaded or plus?” referring to my old Toyota. It had been his pick-up line and I had played along instantly, ending up having a fling with him that lasted a couple weeks. Now, in hindsight, he seemed a lot more slimy than sexy if I was going to be honest with myself.

I rolled over on my back. Dylan might have freaked me out, but he was definitely not a slimy guy. Square and uptight, yes, but not a creepy slimeball. I should see him again, talk to him, find out if it was in fact fear of getting too close to him that had triggered my strong reaction. Sometime while pondering this I must have fallen asleep, because that was the last thing I remembered when I woke up the following morning, Sam sniffing my face with his wet nose.

Stretching out my body and yawning big, I thought about seeing Dylan again. When I had finished thinking about it, examined the idea in my head as well as in my heart, I felt even more sure it was the right decision. How else would I find out what had freaked me out like that? And I really did want to get to the bottom of it. But I would wait a few days before I contacted him. Hopefully, he would try to get in touch with me another time. If he didn’t, I had no choice but to email him myself.

Dylan

The sun had already set when I pulled into my parking lot outside my apartment building. It had been a long day and I was beat, dying to stretch out on the couch in my living room and watch a movie that didn’t require too much intellectual involvement. I didn’t want to think, just watch something easy to understand to give my brain a rest. I’d spent the previous twelve hours trying to dissect a legal contract. Not only did I not succeed with my task, but the contract had eventually made my head pound.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, announcing either an incoming text or email.

I sighed. It must be Reiss’s assistant who wanted me to do something. The mere thought of reading another contract tonight increased the throbbing in my head. I’d check the message when I got up to my place.

Collapsing on my leather couch, I fished out the phone from my suit pocket and checked who’d contacted me. I almost dropped the phone when I saw who the email was from. My heart hammered in my chest.