Trouble (19 page)

“STOP IT!”

The scream is right in my ear and it rings in my hearing along with the blood pounding in my head.

“Just fucking stop it!” Hannah is shouting at Jay now and she’s between us, pointing a very straight finger at his face, daring him to disobey. Jay says nothing, licking his split lip and shaking his hand out, reminding me of the pain in my own. My nails are digging into my palms and my whole arm feels jarred. The ache I feel in fingers I once broke reminds me why this was such a bad idea.

“Get back in the car, Jay.”

He doesn’t move.

“Just do as I say – all right?” Hannah looks weary and Jay switches his gaze from me to her before doing as she says.

He shoulders his way past me, forcing me to stamp down a burning need to pull him back and lay into him once again.

Instead I walk towards my front door, Hannah following me up the path.

“OK, so now we’re even,” I say with a thin smile. “I save you from Marcy and you save me from Jason.”

“It’s not funny, Ty.”

I close my eyes. I wish she wouldn’t call me that.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just…” I bump my head gently onto the window in the door and rest it there. “He was being such a tool.”

Hannah says nothing. A car turns into the road and in the sweep of its headlights I catch the glisten of tears in her eyes.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth. Your stepbrother is a class A—”

“He’s the father.” The whispered words are so quiet I could have imagined them. I
want
to have imagined them. “Jay’s the father of my baby.”

There must be a right thing to do, but I don’t know what it is and I can feel the distance stretching between us with every second that passes. By the time I realize that anything is better than nothing it’s too late and she steps back from the hug I reach in for.

“I can’t…” She waves me away.

“Hannah—”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” With that she runs away down the pavement. I step after her, but the hall light clicks on and, just as I pause, I see Jay get out of the car and run after her. And I stop dead, because even if I run after her, even if I beat Jay to it, what am I going to do when I get there?

HANNAH

I don’t know where I’m running. I don’t know this part of town too well. I stop at the first bench I see and sit down. Running is probably a bad idea in my condition.

Stupid baby. I wish—

That almost-thought makes me cry even harder. I hadn’t meant it. I’ve never even slightly wished that, but…

Tears keep coming and I’m nearly choking on my misery. Only I can’t seem to stop.

Someone sits down next to me and rests a hand on my back. I look up to see Jay.

A little part of me was hoping it was Aaron. That part is disappointed. The rest of me? Jury’s out. I’m still very angry with Jay.

“Hannah, I’m sorry.”

“You–should–be,” I manage to say between hiccupy sobs. I breathe deeply and try to get a little control here. “You’re such a … tool.”

My voice catches on the last word and I think about what just happened with Aaron – not when I told him the truth, but the fight beforehand. Aaron. In a fight. One I think he might have won. That’s not the Aaron I thought I knew.

“Come here, Han.” Jay moves closer, his arm sliding all the way around me until I’m nestled into him and I can almost hear his heart through his jacket. “I’m so sorry.”

What is it that he’s saying sorry for? For fighting with one of the best friends I’ve ever had? For asking me if I’m really sure that he’s the father? For it never being the right time to tell people? For saying he doesn’t need a picture of the scan? For everything that’s happened between us?

I don’t want him to be sorry for that.

Because I’m not.

AARON

I watch at the window, lights off, waiting for them to come back, worried about Hannah. When they finally do I see that Jay has his arm around her and she’s leaning into his shoulder.

“Hannah…” I whisper, a wave of disappointment washing over me. When they get to his car, Jay opens the door for her. Neither of them makes a move to get in.

I turn away, not wanting to know what happens next.

HANNAH

The last time Jay looked at me like this was the night I got pregnant.

“What are we doing?” he whispers, eyes searching mine, one hand on the door, the other on the roof of his car, circling me in the space between. I take him in, concentrating on every little detail of his face – the stubble on his jaw; his nose and eyebrows; his lips and the way his tongue moves behind his teeth as he speaks. “It wasn’t meant to be like this.”

He turns away and I sink into the car, my body charged with wanting. As Jay slides into the driver’s seat, he puts the key in the ignition, but he doesn’t turn it. Instead he turns to look at me. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ve been driving for over a year now,” I say, smiling, and he smiles back at me in such a way that my pulse hammers in my throat.

“Strangely enough I didn’t mean about that.” He rests the side of his head on the headrest, the same way I’m doing, eyes not leaving mine.

I want him to kiss me. I want it so much that I could almost confuse imagining it with doing it. Is he thinking the same? And then, as if I’ve wished it into happening, Jay bridges the gap between us and tilts his head until his mouth is on mine, trying to own me just as I’m trying to own him, our breath rushing together, noses pressing into each other’s cheeks… My body isn’t mine, my brain is a mess and I can’t stop one hand from reaching up and curling around the collar of his jacket, pulling him closer to me as I lift away a little, catching my breath as I meet his gaze.

“Han…” He doesn’t finish the thought before he’s leaning in closer and we’re kissing once more and I’m thinking that the unthinkable, unhopeable, has happened. Jay has changed his mind.

AARON

When Mum comes in asking if I’ve seen The Kaiser anywhere, I’m still sitting in the dark, in silence, waiting for the sound of Jay’s car driving off. If I’m honest, I know this behaviour is a bit disturbing, but they’ve been sitting in his car for ten minutes now and every second that passes, my mood darkens. Tonight’s events and the way I’m responding to them is scaring me.

Mum asks me why I’m sitting with the light off and I shrug, ears straining as I think I hear an engine firing up.

“Aaron, you know it’s this kind of behaviour that worries a mother.” She sits on the bed and I hear a car pull away, the engine rattling. They’ve gone.

I look at Mum. I can’t tell her the whole story, but… “I found out who the father is.”

HANNAH

It was always going to be a night to remember. Robert’s cash plus Jay’s mates equals a pretty awesome party: a marquee in the garden and a ton of pre-uni hotness in our house? Yes, please. It took a bit of persuading to be allowed to stay whilst the rest of them went to Robert’s parents for the night, but Jay’s promise to keep an eye on me sealed the deal.

Jay had said Katie could come too and she arrived early that afternoon. We spent far too long messing about getting ready so that by the time we came downstairs loads of Jay’s mates had arrived. I’m not going to lie. I was on the prowl. A summer of flirting with Tyrone and learning how to make a guy lose control had given me confidence. There was this boy, Dion, from Jay’s year that I had a massive crush on, but I was willing to wait and spent an hour or so with Katie, playing the field – well, the sitting room – before I left her to it and headed for the kitchen.

Dion was there. I knew he’d clocked me already since there’d been some good glances going on, and it was easy to flirt with him once I got him alone. Until someone came into the kitchen.

“Han?”

I look up from the counter where I’m leaning on strategically folded arms. Jay does not look happy.

“Jay! Dude!” Dion swings round in one of those power whole-arm-handshake gestures, but as Jay shakes his hand he’s staring at me. I stop leaning on the counter and hug my bottle instead.

“Chatting up my little sister, are you, Dion?” he asks, all innocent. I want to punch him.

“Little…?” Dion looks at me in horror, then at Jay. “You’re Hannah as in…? I didn’t recognize her – you…” He has no idea who he should be talking to. “Look. I’ve got to, um… See you around.”

Running would be a pretty accurate description of how he leaves the room.

I do punch Jay. On the arm. Perfect nerve strike.

“Ow.” He rubs his arm, but grins at me. “Dion’s got a girlfriend, Han. I’m just looking out for you.”

Oh.

I huff out, but as I pass I hear Jay say, “Nice outfit.” And I smile to myself, forgiving him.

Katie was tongue-deep in some guy’s face in the corner of the sitting room and it didn’t take long for me to grow bored of eavesdropping on other people’s conversations. A change of scene was in order. The marquee was calling and I was in the mood for dancing – and getting noticed. It’s all about inhibitions and, let’s face it, I don’t really have any of those. I slipped in amongst the groups that were already on the dancefloor and it wasn’t long before a cute guy started matching my moves. Just as I brought my arms around the boy dancing with me, I felt a pair of hands on my waist pulling me gently back. I didn’t mind. Hands on waist is never a bad sign and these hands felt good. They didn’t seem shy of touching me.

When the hands spun me round I realized why.

Grinning, Jay leaned in and told me he’d put in a request. As the music changed, I burst out laughing at the opening chords of “our” song, the one we invented a dance to, that we performed at Mum and Robert’s wedding after
hours
spent practising in the front room – Jay was convinced he could teach me how to do the “running man”, despite not having a clue himself. There and then, without thinking, the pair of us automatically stepped into formation, a circle clearing around us as we put on a step-perfect performance, the pair of us laughing so hard we could barely breathe.

And I felt special. I never feel special. Not really. I don’t think many people do. It takes a lot of self-confidence to think that someone you really rate might think you’re all right. It takes a leap of faith to
believe
it. But sometimes, someone is awesome enough to take the time to make you feel that way. I knew everyone was laughing as we moved like malfunctioning robots, but the only person who mattered to me was Jay. The same way it’s always been, one way or another.

The night passed. I chatted to and danced with a million different people, buzzing so hard that I was one of the last to bed, hunting around for Katie amongst the bodies sprawled on the sofas and in the spare room. But she wasn’t anywhere to be seen … until I opened my bedroom door.

No one had bothered to shut the curtains and in the moonlight I saw one guy passed out face down on my bed. But it was the floor show that caught me off guard. I didn’t recognize the boy, but he sounded very pleased with what was happening – my best mate bouncing around on him like a space hopper, her back to me. I shut the door as fast as I could, but I couldn’t help hearing Katie start to make some weird little squeaking noises. Grim.

I could have knocked on the door, given them a chance to sort themselves out before I went in and reclaimed my room. Instead I went up the stairs to Jay’s space in the loft.

“Jay, it’s Hannah,” I say, opening the door a little bit.

“Hey, Han, you OK?” Waving me in, he sits up, bare chest and bleary beer-drenched eyes.

“Katie’s with some guy in my room.” I sit on the bed next to him.

“There’s a surprise,” Jay says. “Want to stay in here?”

“Uh-huh.” I get off the bed and curl up on the bean bag, but there’s a draft. I wriggle around and pull Jay’s T-shirt off the floor and over my feet. I’m aware I’m making a lot of noise. There’s a reason for that…

Jay sits up again. “You OK over there?”

“Cold. Got any bedding spare?”

But I know he hasn’t and I watch as he shuffles over and lifts up the duvet for me to climb in. “Or you can lie there and run the risk of me killing you for fidgeting too much.”

I clamber in, enjoying the warmth of his mattress and the smell of him close by as I snuggle into his duvet. Sleep isn’t exactly there waiting for me. I’m hyper-aware of Jay’s body on the other side of the bed. It’s like I can feel every breath. I half roll over to look at him. His eyes are closed.

I wriggle, trying to get comfortable but I’m not. I feel all tingly and excited. This is stupid. This is Jay. I squeeze my eyes shut and concentrate on the idea of falling asleep.

“Han?”

“Yeah?” I don’t look round.

“You’re a really heavy breather.”

“Thanks!” I smile into the pillow.

There’s silence again, but I’m even less sleepy than I was to start with.

Jay shuffles about behind me until I feel his breath on the back of my neck. All I can think about is that whisper of air on my skin. There’s movement and I feel an arm reach round to cuddle me. Gently, I lay my hand over his. Jay goes very still, like he’s waiting for something. Slowly, uncertainly, I slide my fingers between his and gently guide his hand under my top and onto the skin of my tummy.

I breathe out.

This should be weird. But it really,
really
isn’t.

Jay’s body is close to mine. I can feel the heat on my back, his legs as they curl into the curve made by mine. Gradually, I find that I’m leaning back, pushing myself into him. The hand under my top strokes very, very gentle fingers over my skin.

The breath on my neck gets warmer and I feel lips on my skin. Feather-light and cool-yet-hot. Jay kisses my neck once, then again, gently around onto my shoulder. He lifts himself up and I turn around to look at him.

We’re silent as we look at each other, letting our eyes do the talking. Then we’re kissing. I’ve never been kissed like this. It’s the sexiest thing that’s ever happened to me. I swell up with need as the kissing swallows me whole.

The hand under my top pulls me round until he’s lying on top of me. Somehow, between the kissing on the lips and the neck and the shoulders, he takes off my top and I wriggle out of my skirt until we’re there in our underwear, skin on skin, as we stroke and kiss each other. I can feel him pressing against me through his boxers and my hand is sliding down…