TROUBLE, A New Adult Romance Novel (The Rebel Series) (26 page)

I put my hands on Colin’s cheeks and stare into his eyes, trying to calm him and the atmosphere that’s gotten very tense. My hands are trembling, but I keep them pressed to his face and force myself to speak in a normal tone of voice.
 
“You promised me that you wouldn’t say anything to anyone about this.
 
You
promised
.”

His eyes are bright with unshed tears and anger.
 
“You’re going to hold me to that?”

“Yes,” I say firmly.
 
“I am. Charlie does not know that he got me pregnant, do you understand?
 
He doesn’t know and I want it to stay that way.”
 
I’m hoping Randy hasn’t said anything to him.
 
Maybe it’s not realistic, but it’s the only thing I have to hang onto right now.
 
I have to count on Randy’s possessiveness of Charlie to keep my secret.

“But …”

“He’s rich, Colin.
 
Wealthy.
 
And his family is powerful.
 
They’ll take this baby away from me and I’ll never see her again.
 
Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“They can’t do that.”

“You don’t know them.
 
Their son raped me.
 
You can imagine what his parents are like.”

Colin is shaking his head.
 
“So what about this Randy person?
 
Why did he come here?”

My hands drop away from Colin’s face as I re-join the real world, present day.
 
“I guess he found out.”
 
I look over my shoulder at Colin’s canvasses that didn’t make it to Geraldine’s gallery.
 
“Randy’s parents got the postcard from the gallery with that painting of me on it.
 
It shows me pregnant.”

I hear a long sigh come from Colin and turn around to see his shoulders sagging towards the ground.
 
“Son of a bitch,” he says quietly.

“Yeah.
 
Literally.”

Colin looks up, his face a mask of sorrow and apologies.
 
“So what can we do to fix this?”

I shake my head.
 
“Nothing.
 
I just have to give birth and get the heck out of here.
 
I have to start over somewhere else.
 
Far from Charlie, far from his family’s influence.”

“Why not go to the police and have them get involved?
 
They’re not going to hand over your baby to a rapist’s family.”

“There is no evidence of rape!” I say, my frustration coming out with the force of my words.
 
“I never told anyone!
 
You are the only person in the entire world outside of me, Charlie, Randy, and whoever else was there that this happened to me!” My voice downshifts into pleading as I share the cold hard facts with Colin.
 
“And Charlie and I were dating for over a year.
 
Who dates that long without having sex in this day and age?”

“Well, there you go,” says Colin, sounding happy.

“What?”

“Witnesses.
 
You said you have witnesses. Randy and whoever else was there, right?”

I burst out crying.
 
I can’t help it.

“Oh, shit, babe, I’m so sorry.”
 
Colin rushes over and gathers me into his arms.

I’m too far gone to speak. I sound deranged as the sobs wrack my body and have me shivering all over.
 
I’m very close to vomiting.

“Take a breath, babe.
 
Take a breath,” he says.

I try, but I can only gulp hunks of oxygen before sobbing all over again.
 
I try to explain so he can understand, pausing to retch and to try and catch my breath.
 
“All this … all this … time I … I … I pictured myself be … be … being drugged and raped, I …. I … I … still kept it in my head that … that … we were alooooone!
 
That we were a
lone!
”
 
My voice goes up a few notches into a shriek.
 
“… That it was an intimate moment!
 
That it was a rape between two people, not several of them!”
 
A cramp seizes my side and causes me to buckle in half.

“Aaaaahh owwwwww!” I scream.
 
The blood leaves my face and I suddenly go clammy all over.

“Are you okay?” Colin says, his own voice sounding a little crazy.
 
“Are you in pain?”

“My side … “ I whisper.
 
“It’s my side again … ohhh owwww ooohhhh poooooo that hurts.”

“Come on,” Colin says, sweeping me up into his arms.
 
“Let’s go to bed.”

He’s pounding down the stairs as Teagan’s on her way up.

“What’s going on?
 
Who’s getting stabbed?” she asks.

“No one,” Colin says. “Just more of that ligament pain.
 
I’m putting her to bed.”

I’m focusing all my attention on not dying, so I can’t say anything to her to make her feel any better about my craziness.

“You need my help?” she asks.
 
“I could massage something if she wants.”

“NO!” I yell with more force than I mean to. “No massages.”
 
I pant like a dog to breathe past the pain.

“Okee dokee.”
 
Teagan stands in my doorway as Colin lays me down gently on my bed.
 
“Just call if you need me.
 
I’m going to go dig some holes in the backyard with Quin.”

Colin turns around.
 
“Dig some holes?”

She wiggles her eyebrows.
 
“Yep.
 
Some holes.”

She’s gone before either of us gets an explanation, but I don’t care. Because now I’m lying in my bed and Colin is hovering over me with a strange look in his eyes, and I don’t know whether I should be running away and screaming for my life or opening my arms and inviting him to join me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

COLIN STANDS AT THE EDGE of the bed staring down at me.
 
“I feel helpless,” he says.
 
“What should I do?”

“Just … be with me,” I say, closing my eyes so I can try to focus on something other than him and my ligaments.
 
What else is there to think about?
 
What I just confessed? No.
 
Not that.
 
God, not that.

The bed moves and I open my eyes in time to see Colin lying down next to me.
 
He’s being very careful not to jiggle the bed.
 
I close my lids again so he won’t see me staring and freaking out.

My pain recedes in the wake of the sensations taking over my body. Colin is lying so close I can feel the heat from his body.
 
I can smell his sweet breath on my face.
 
And then his heavy hand is on my hip and he’s talking.

“Thanks for telling me all that. About Charlie.
 
I won’t say anything to anyone.”

I smile weakly.
 
“Thanks.”
 
Relief comes as a balm to my jagged heart.

“But I really wish you’d say something to the police.
 
It’s not right."

“I know. But I can’t.” Surprisingly, the very idea doesn’t set me off into a wave of panic.
 
For the first time, I can hear those words and not think my world is about to end.

“Have you thought about …”

I open my eyes.
 
By his expression I can tell he’s holding back, afraid to offend me.

“I know what you’re going to say.
 
You’re going to say he’ll do it to someone else.”

“Yes. That is what I was going to say. He will, you know.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why don’t you think so?”

So much for the panic receding. Now the guilt descends like a heavy cloak over my shoulders.
 
“I’ve had this conversation with myself in my head a hundred times, okay?
 
He’s not like that.”

Colin hisses out some air.
 
“I’d say he’s exactly like that.”

“No, I mean, we were together for a long time.
 
And in all that time, he never did anything bad.”

“Other than pressure you and take your free will away eventually.”

“He was stressed, and I think I’m partially to blame for … what happened.”
 
There
.
 
I said it out loud.
 
The piece of my nightmare that has always been the worst part to bear is now out there in the air between us.

“How do you figure that?” Colin’s hand leaves my hip and his fingers move some hair out of my face.
 
The cool air hits my exposed skin and gives me a shiver.

“We kissed and did other things that always got him … you know.
 
Turned on. It was like a tease.
 
For months it was like that.
 
Months and months.”

“And you’re saying because you let him kiss you and touch you, he was somehow entitled to take everything from you? Is that what you’re saying?”

“No. Not like that.” I’m getting frustrated and sad.
 
I thought I’d gotten rid of all my tears but apparently not.
 
They drip down and land on the pillow next to my face.

“I’m not trying to make you sad or feel bad.
 
I just want you to see …”
 
He strokes more of my hair, sending shivers down and up my spine.
 
“You’re not guilty of doing anything wrong.
 
You should be able to kiss a guy and touch his body all over and still say no at the end of the night.
 
You don’t owe a guy anything, I don’t care who he is or what he’s done for you.”

I laugh, sadness with a touch of bitterness to go with it flavoring my voice.
 
“Yeah, right.
 
Like you’d go for that.”

“I would.
 
And I have.”

“Colin …”
 
I sigh out heavily.
 
“No girl says
no
to you, so how do you know what you’d do in that situation?”

He smiles.
 
“I’ve gotten a few
no
s in my life.
 
I lived through it.”

“I don’t believe it.”
 
My tears have dried up and a real smile is breaking through.

“So you think I’m pretty good-looking then, is that what you’re saying?”

My heart skips a beat as my sadness is replaced by embarrassment. I shove his shoulder gently.
 
“Shut up.”

“Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.”
 
He leans back a little and stares at me.
 
“You’re thinkin’ I’m pretty studly.”

“Studly? Who says that anymore?” I’m trying to play it off.
 
I’m so embarrassed right now. He’s caught me staring.
 
He’s caught me being a goober over him.
 
Me
.
 
The pregnant girl with the cankles.
 
Holy potbelly pig crush.

“I think you’re pretty cute too,” he says, his voice soft.
 
He reaches up to touch my hair again and my eyes follow the motion.
 
I can’t look at him straight on.

“You’re nuts,” I say.

“Nah. I’m perfectly sane.
 
I’m just hoping one of these days I can convince you to give me a kiss.”

My entire body turns to stone.
 
I’m solid.
 
Every muscle is tensed, and I’m afraid to breathe.
 
I think he just said he wants to kiss me.
 
Me!

“Stop playing,” I finally say, rolling over onto my back and doing a pretty darn fine imitation of a person who could give two poops about what he just said.

Two seconds later I realize what a mistake that is, when I find it hard to breathe due to a baby sleeping on my lungs, and keep going over to my other side, my back to him now. My heart is racing but I’m giving it everything I have to remain calm and collected.
 
I settle into a comfortable spot looking at the wall.

The bed jiggles as his body comes up closer behind me.

Oh my god.
 
Is he going to spoon me?

Just the very slightest touch of his leg reaches mine, but otherwise, there is still space between us when he stops moving.

“Are you tired?” he asks.
 
His breath tickles a bit of my exposed shoulder.

It’s when I think about it for a moment that I realize I’m beyond tired; I’m exhausted.
 
“Yes,” I say with a big sigh.

“Me too.
 
Let’s go to sleep.” He keeps his hands to himself and he doesn’t move.

After a few seconds I realize that he really means it. He’s falling asleep.
 
A very light snore drifts over us.
 
It’s like a metronome, hypnotizing me.
 
Our breathing patterns begin to synch up and I feel my eyelids falling lower and lower.

My brain goes hazy with sleep.
 
What’s the harm in a short little snooze with Colin lying next to me in the bed?
 
Nothing. We’re adults, right?
 
It’s not like he’d ever do anything.
 
I can trust him.

Smiling in the dark, I realize how happy that makes me.
 
It’s one hundred percent true, too.
 
I would trust Colin with anything.
 
He’d never force me to do something I wasn’t ready for.

I’ll just take a little nap
.
 
I wiggle around, trying to get my belly comfortable as it sinks lower into the mattress.
 
And later, when I’m alone, I’ll dissect every single word he said and figure out where I’m going to go from here.