Trouble Brewing (30 page)

Jack paused with his hand on the self-starter. ‘No. Not yet, at any rate. It might give the game away. We don't want to flush the birds until we're ready to shoot.' He smiled apologetically. ‘I'm not being mysterious on purpose, but I need to get it all taped out. I may find that it's nonsense.'

‘Nonsense or not, I'd like to hear it,' said Bill, settling back. ‘And you needn't worry that I'll give the game away. I haven't a clue what the game's meant to be.'

It was ten past five that afternoon when Jack arrived at the Archias Club, to find Meredith Smith and George Lassiter already waiting for him. ‘Thanks for coming, George,' he said. ‘I appreciate it. Hello, Merry. I see you've introduced yourselves.'

‘Well, it was pretty easy working out who the other must be,' said Lassiter. ‘We've only just arrived. Why did you want us to meet you here, Jack? I showed you round earlier on.'

‘This is where Frederick Hunt dined with Tyrell the night poor Sheila Mandeville was killed. I was hoping to pick up a few pointers.'

‘I don't see how,' said Lassiter, walking over to the porter's desk. He nodded to the man behind the desk. ‘Hello, Stoddart. I'd like to sign a couple of guests in. Shall we have dinner here, Jack?'

‘Yes, but later. What I could really do with is a drink.' He looked at the porter. ‘Is there a quiet room? We don't want to be disturbed.'

‘Well, sir, there's the small smoking room and the library. There's the billiard room as well. That's usually free at this hour.'

‘I think we'll plump for the library. That all right with you, George? Good. Can we have our drinks brought up? Excellent.' He glanced at his watch. ‘I've got to keep an eye on the time. I'm meeting Bill later on.' He looked at the grandfather clock. ‘Is that clock right?'

‘Yes, sir. She's just about to chime the quarter now.'

‘Good.' Jack adjusted his watch, waited for Lassiter to order the drinks, then together he and Meredith Smith followed their host up the marble staircase to the library.

‘I don't know what's so desperately important that you have to meet me here at five thirty-five precisely,' said Bill.

They were standing in Dunthorpe Mansions outside the door of Sheila Mandeville's flat.

‘Perpend, old thing,' said Jack. ‘All will be revealed. Did you get hold of the key? Oh, good egg. Fling wide the pearly gates without making too much of a song and dance about it, will you?'

‘It's just as well,' said Bill, turning the key in the lock, ‘that this flat hasn't been re-let.'

‘Yes. That would put a crick in my plans. We'd have had to do it in the corridor and I loath performing in public.'

‘Do what?' Bill shut the door behind them and turned to face his friend. ‘What are you going to do?'

Jack took off his hat and coat and hung them carefully on the hall peg before flexing his fingers together. ‘I hope you don't mind, Bill, but I'm going to kill you.'

Alfred Stoddart looked up as Jack approached the desk. ‘Yes, sir?'

‘Mr Lassiter wondered if the evening post had arrived. He's expecting an important letter.'

‘No, sir, not yet.' He looked at the clock. ‘It's only just gone quarter past six. The post doesn't usually get here until half past.'

‘Never mind,' said Jack with a smile. ‘I'll come back later. Is there much of a crowd in the dining room?'

‘Not yet, sir, it's too early. If you'd like to have a word with the steward, he'll make sure there's a table reserved for you.'

‘Good idea. Is it through these doors?'

‘Yes, sir. Just go straight in.'

Jack re-emerged from the dining room some ten minutes later. ‘That's all settled,' he remarked pleasantly. He glanced at his watch. ‘The post is about due. I might as well wait until it comes.'

‘I'll bring any letters up, sir. In the library, are you?'

‘Thanks, that's very good of you.' He slipped a florin into the porter's hand. ‘If, by any chance, Mr Lassiter's letter doesn't arrive, I'd be obliged if you could let us know as soon as possible.'

‘Right you are, sir,' said Stoddart, pocketing the money. ‘It's a pleasure.'

‘There you are, Jack,' said Meredith Smith. ‘We were wondering what had become of you.'

Jack grinned. ‘Nothing much. I've ordered dinner for seven o'clock, by the way. It's a bit early, but I haven't had much time for food today. Touch the bell, would you, George? I could do with another drink.' He looked up as the porter entered the room. ‘Yes?'

‘I'm afraid there was nothing in the post for Mr Lassiter, sir.'

‘The post?' asked Lassiter, puzzled. ‘I wasn't expecting . . .' He stopped abruptly as Jack kicked out under the table. ‘Er . . . thanks, Stoddart. Here's a shilling for your trouble.'

Lassiter glared at Jack when Stoddart had left the room. ‘I wish you'd be more careful. That was a fairly fruity one on the shin. What's all this about a letter?'

‘What's all this about altogether?' demanded Meredith Smith.

‘There isn't any letter,' said Jack. ‘However, it was a good excuse as any. As to what it's about, Merry, I'm afraid you'll have to wait a little bit longer. Now, this is what I want you to do . . .'

‘You,' said Jack, ‘should be under the bed.'

‘I'm blowed if I'm spending hours under a bed to fit in with some half-brained scheme of yours,' said Bill robustly. ‘It's dusty and smells of mice.'

‘Well, get under it now, so I can pull you out.'

‘What? Oh, for God's sake, Jack, is this really necessary?'

‘Shut up, you're a corpse. Stay absolutely still, blast you.'

‘You'll be a ruddy corpse in a minute if you don't tell me what's going on. Here, what the hell are you playing at?'

‘I'm playing,' said Jack, between clenched teeth as he heaved the startled Bill over one shoulder in a fireman's lift, ‘at making you into a beautiful body. Ups-a-daisy. For Pete's sake, Bill, can't you at least pretend to be dead?'

He stood up, one arm grasped round Bill's legs. ‘Now into the sitting room with you. Mother of God, you weigh a ton. Don't answer. I can't get into the mood if the remains start chatting to me. Behave yourself and I'll stand you dinner.'

‘It can't be worth it,' said Bill, feeling Jack sway alarmingly. ‘I don't care if you buy all my meals for the rest of my life. It just can't be worth it.' Jack walked down the hall and into the sitting room, where he lowered Bill onto the sofa. ‘Can I be alive again now?'

Jack looked at his watch. ‘In a couple of minutes. Why don't you reflect on death for a moment? I'm giving you a very valuable opportunity. John Donne – you know, the “For whom the bell tolls,” bloke – used to sleep in a coffin so he could think of death more easily.'

‘If he'd met you, he wouldn't have had to bother. I've got no problems connecting the thoughts of you and death at the moment. The idea's making my mouth water.'

Jack grinned. ‘Don't be so tetchy. I'll be off, Bill. Give me five minutes or so to get away, then join us at the Archias Club. When you get to the club, this is what I want you to do . . .'

William Rackham approached the porter behind the desk. Alfred Stoddart quickly shoved a copy of
The Pink 'Un
into a drawer and looked up. ‘I'm looking for Mr Lassiter,' said Bill. ‘He asked me to dine with him.'

‘Yes, sir, Mr Lassiter mentioned it. Mr Rackham, is it? Mr Lassiter's in the library. I'll send word for him.'

A few minutes later, George Lassiter, accompanied by Meredith Smith and Jack Haldean, joined Rackham in the lobby.

‘I'm glad you could make it, Bill,' said Jack, for the porter's benefit. ‘By the way, you know that bet we had on?' He saw Stoddart's quick glance and smiled to himself. The colour of the porter's favourite newspaper had not been lost on him. ‘Well, I think Stoddart here is just the man to help us.'

Stoddart, now definitely included by the mention of his name, looked up expectantly. ‘Is there something I can do, sir?'

‘If you would. I want you to tell Mr Rackham where the three of us have been all evening.'

‘What, you and the other gentlemen, sir? You've been here in the club.'

Bill frowned. ‘No, they haven't. Major Haldean certainly hasn't.'

‘But they have, sir,' protested Stoddart. ‘I can especially swear to the Major. He came and asked me about the post, then he ordered dinner.'

‘You can't have done,' insisted Bill. ‘I saw him myself earlier.'

The porter looked bewildered. ‘You must be mistaken, sir. The Major's been here all evening. Tell you what, sir, as it's a bet, why don't you ask the steward who served the drinks in the library? That would be Mulvaney. He'll back me up. He's in the bar now.'

‘I'll make a point of it,' promised Bill.

‘And he'll say he saw me, because he did,' put in Jack.

Bill leaned closer to Stoddart. ‘You know,' he said confidentially, ‘Major Haldean is a great one for tricks but he hates losing.' He allowed some coins to chink in his pocket. ‘He's put you up to this, hasn't he? Tell me the truth, Stoddart, and I'll make it worth your while.'

‘But that is the truth, sir,' protested Stoddart. ‘Cross-my-heart honest. The Major's been here all the time.'

‘I've won, Bill,' said Jack with a grin.

Bill shrugged. ‘It certainly looks like it. I'm going to find this steward, though. When did Major Haldean arrive, Stoddart?'

‘He arrived with the other gentlemen, sir. They ordered some drinks to be served in the library. Let me see, that would be about . . . quarter past five. Just before quarter past five it was.'

‘How can you be so sure?'

‘Because the Major said he had to keep an eye on the time as he was meeting someone later. He asked me special if the clock kept good time and when I said it did, he set his watch by it. She chimed the quarter – that was quarter past five – and they went up to the library. And if you don't believe me,' he added pugnaciously, ‘here's Mulvaney now and he'll tell you what these gentlemen have been a-doing of.'

‘I still can't credit it,' said Bill, after Mulvaney had been quizzed. ‘All right, Jack, you win. Are we going to eat tonight, or was that just a rumour?'

‘Be my guest . . . or George's guest, rather. Go on in, I'll be with you in a tick.'

Jack hung back at the desk for a moment. ‘Thanks,' he said. ‘There was five pounds riding on that and I think you're entitled to one fifth of it.' He handed over a pound note. ‘Here you are.' He laughed. ‘Poor old Bill. I told him I could be in two places at once but he didn't believe me.'

‘Thank you very much, sir,' said Stoddart, taking the note. ‘Excuse me, Major, but how
did
you do it?'

‘Oh, that's easy,' said Jack. He looked at Stoddart. The man was alive with curiosity. He had to tell the poor chap something. He leaned forward and tapped the side of his nose. ‘
Twins
.'

‘So come on,' demanded Bill over the fish. ‘How did you pull off what seems like a version of the Indian rope trick? I know perfectly well you weren't here, and yet you managed to convince the porter and the steward that you were. You didn't bribe them, did you?'

Jack shook his head. ‘No, of course I didn't. They might take a bribe if it was only for a bet, but they'd soon come clean if the police were involved. They'd be stupid not to. They'd lose their jobs if it came out and be run in for giving false evidence. No, if you can get people to tell you what they believe to be the truth, it's a lot safer.' He gave a warning glance towards Meredith Smith. ‘Without going too much into detail, Bill, you'll grant I had plenty of time to, er . . . commit certain actions earlier on?'

‘Oh, I'll grant you that, all right.' He looked at the other two men at the table. ‘You're not going to maintain Jack was here all evening, are you?'

‘We could,' said Lassiter. ‘He wasn't, of course, but as we've got the porter and the steward to back us up, I don't see you could prove we were telling bouncers.'

‘It'd be difficult, that's for sure.' He put down his knife and fork and squared his shoulders. ‘So how was it done?'

‘It was easy,' said Jack with a laugh. ‘You've got to know the layout of the place, of course, but George very kindly showed me round earlier on. After drawing the porter's attention to the fact I was here at quarter past five, we ordered some drinks to be brought up to the library. As soon as the steward had gone, I slipped along the corridor and out onto the fire escape. At quarter past six I was back.'

‘What if anyone had seen you?' asked Bill.

Jack shrugged. ‘I had a good look before I set off and took a chance. There's hardly anyone about at this time in the evening, so I thought I was pretty safe. Meanwhile, George and Merry in the library obliged by finishing my drink. They ordered another one during my absence, but when the steward appeared, first to take the order and then to bring it, there was a cigarette smouldering in the ashtray, as if I'd just put it down, and – Merry, was it you? – came and conversed with the airy nothing behind the tall bookcase on the subject of whether I wanted London lager or Pilsner.'

‘It worked like a charm,' said Smith. ‘And when the chap actually arrived with the drinks, I merely said, in a carrying sort of voice, “Jack, your drink's here”.'

‘On my return, I made myself visible downstairs, ordering a table for dinner and talking about the post. As soon as Stoddart saw me
in situ
in the library once more, I shot off again to meet you for a second time. An enquiry about an expected letter was the obvious excuse to get him up there, but a hunt for a lost umbrella or another drink would have served just as well.'