Trouble Don’t Last Always (36 page)

In one smooth moment he moved over her, pressed his lips to hers, and gently slid into her moist heat, reveling that even in her sleep she wanted him as he wanted her.

“Jonathan.” She breathed his name as her eyelids fluttered open.

He lifted his head and stared down at her. In her eyes he saw all that he had ever wanted or desired. He moved and her eyelids fluttered closed. Her arms went around his shoulders.

“I love you, Eleanor.”

“I love you, too.”

He took them on a slow ride, letting the pleasure build until her nails dug into his back, her legs locked around his hips. The tempo increased; the thrusts were deep and exquisite. When release came, it was explosive and powerful.

Gathering her to him, Jonathan rolled over in bed, his breathing labored. “I may be getting too old for this.”

Her lips brushed across the curve of his jaw. “I hope not.”

Chuckling, he came up with her and headed for the shower. “Eleanor, my love, you do keep a man humble.”

“It’s a knack.”

Eleanor hung up the phone and glanced at the clock. Seven-thirty A.M. New York was an hour ahead. Kristen should be in her room. Picking up the phone, Eleanor called Jonathan at his house. He’d left forty minutes ago.

“Hello.”

“She still doesn’t answer.” Even before Jonathan left, Eleanor had tried to call Kristen. She’d continued ever since.

“She probably went downstairs for breakfast.” The cordless phone in one hand, Jonathan pulled his navy blue suit from the closet. “She’s all right.”

Eleanor sat on the edge of the sofa and wished Jonathan were still there. “I suppose. It’s just that—”

“She’s your baby and your worry.” Opening a drawer, he grabbed a clean pair of socks and tossed them on the bed to join the suit and fresh underwear. “She’ll call you after the interview.”

“I suppose. Have a good day.”

“You, too. Love you.”

“Love you,” Eleanor repeated and hung up the phone.

Rising, she went to the house to see if Adam had heard from Kristen. He hadn’t. Not wanting to worry him, she wished Lilly good luck on her final exams that day and went back to the cottage and called again. No answer. Nor did Kristen answer any of the other calls that followed.

Eleanor debated for all of two seconds whether having a nervous mother would detract from Kristen’s interview, then reached for the phone. She got a recording at the museum, which didn’t open until ten. Her arms folded, she paced the floor and watched the clock.

Kristen had checked out of the hotel that morning without listening to her messages on the off chance that Eric might have called. Just thinking his name made her feel stupid and naive. Her hand holding her stomach, she glanced out the window of the plane as it readied for takeoff to Dallas. There hadn’t been a flight to Shreveport until later that afternoon, and she wanted to leave New York.

“Would you like anything to drink?”

“No, thank you.” Kristen didn’t even glance at the stewardess in first class. She didn’t think she could stand to look at another blonde without recalling what a terrible mess she had almost made of her life.

Out of courtesy to the museum’s director and respect for her professor, she’d kept the interview. She’d worn a hastily purchased pair of shades and lied that her allergies were the cause of her red, swollen eyes. She had expressed her regret that she had decided against moving to New York, thanked the director for his time, then gone outside and hailed a cab.

“You have about five minutes before you’ll have to cut off all electronic equipment,” the stewardess advised the businesswoman next to Kristen. The woman had a phone in one manicured hand, the fingers of the other hand flying over her laptop.

Suddenly the words Kristen had typed on the laptop at Eric’s urging came hurtling back to her. Embarrassing, lewd words, but she had done it because she thought he loved her. Opening her purse, she pulled out her credit card and reached for the phone.

Adam answered on the second ring. She didn’t give him time to ask questions. “I finished the interview. I’m flying to Dallas to visit friends. I’ll probably spend the night. I have to hang up now. Bye.”

Settling back in the seat, she glanced out the window as the plane backed away from the gate. She was leaving New York, but the shame was going with her.

Adam had planned everything with his mother’s help. She’d thrown herself into the preparations once she knew Kristen was fine. When Lilly arrived back from her final exam, he’d purposefully kept her busy in his study until Jonathan had entered. That had been the signal. They’d gone into the dining room together, where his mother had prepared a surprise dinner.

He’d heard Lilly’s cry of delight, felt her arms around him, and realized again how much he missed seeing. He’d taken so much for granted in his life. Not anymore.

Seating Lilly to his right at the table, he picked up his wineglass and proposed a toast to the beginning of a career and life for her. Sipping his wine, he came to a decision about his own life.

It remained to be seen if it was the beginning for him or the end.

Unable to sleep, Adam had come downstairs a little after midnight and gone outside. He smelled the rain in the air, listened to the angry thunder, the answering crackle of lightning.

“Adam, are you all right?”

Somehow he wasn’t surprised that she was there. Since she’d come into his life she had always been there when he needed her the most.

He held out his hand and she was immediately by his side. “I used to enjoy watching storms. I enjoyed so much that I may never again.”

Lilly bit her lower lip; her hand tightened in his. “Adam, you can’t give up hope.”

“I haven’t, but neither can I go on living this way. I called Louis when I went upstairs after dinner. My surgery is scheduled for the day after tomorrow.”

“Adam ...” Fear choked the rest of her words off.

Gently he drew her into his arms. “What have I told you about wasting tears on me?”

She clutched him to her. “I’ve never met a better man.”

Needing to lighten the mood, Adam lifted his head and said, “You didn’t think that when we first met.”

“Deep down I must have or I wouldn’t have stayed.”

His hand palmed her cheek. Unbeknownst to him, her eyelids drifted shut. “Maybe I’ll be able to go with you for your court hearing.”

She bit her lip. “I have to do this on my own, or else I can never be free of him.”

“I thought you’d be stubborn about this,” he said.

“Some paths you have to walk alone.”

“Just so you know at the end of the path I’ll be waiting. I’d put off this surgery if I thought you’d let me go with you.”

The implication of his words swept through her. Her voice trembled when she asked, “Do you mean that?”

“Do you have to ask?”

“Adam,” she said; her arms went around his waist. She felt love and wanted to love. “I wish—”

“Shhh. We’ll save all the wishes until you’re free and I can see. Now come inside and read me a story. I don’t think either of us is going to sleep much tonight.”

Kristen checked into a hotel at the airport in Dallas, then checked out around nine. She wanted to be around people who loved her. Unable to get a commercial flight to Shreveport, she rented a car and started driving. She stopped once for gas on the outskirts of town.

As she pulled into the entrance of Adam’s house, tension whipped through her again. They’d ask questions about the interview, her trip, Eric. She couldn’t tell them. She couldn’t.

Leaving the car in one of the two empty bays, she used her key and entered the house through the side door. Thunder drowned out the sound. She was at the stairs when she saw the light shining from beneath the closed door of Adam’s study. Quietly she went up the stairs and into her room.

The laptop on the desk in her room was a silent condemnation. Guilt and shame ate at her. Restless, she went back outside as quietly as she had come. She didn’t know where she was heading until the path straightened and she saw her mother’s cottage.

And her mother and Jonathan in the doorway. Their mouths were pressed passionately together. Jonathan’s hands greedily cupped her mother’s hips. One of them moaned.

Rage swept through Kristen like the hot blast of a furnace. They were going at it like two animals in heat. “How could you!”

Eleanor jerked away from Jonathan and stared into the enraged face of her daughter a few feet away. “Kristen—”

“I knew something was going on between you.”

“Please, let me explain,” Eleanor said, reaching out to her daughter. This couldn’t be happening.

“How could you defame Father’s memory like this, and with his best friend?”

“Your mother and I have nothing to be ashamed of,” Jonathan said. “We love each other.”

“You love each other so much that you’re sneaking off screw—”

“That’s enough, Kristen,” Jonathan said. “I won’t have you talk to your mother that way.”

Kristen swept her windblown hair out of her angry face. “How are you going to stop me? Hit me?”

“Jonathan. Kristen. Please,” Eleanor pleaded, her tears mixing with the drizzling rain that had started. “You know he’d never hurt you.”

“He’s hurting me now! You both are!” Tears streamed down Kristen’s cheeks. “How can you do something like this? Like a common slut.”

Jonathan advanced on Kristen. Eleanor caught his arm. “No.”

Kristen didn’t flinch. “He couldn’t hurt me any more than I already am. I hate you. I hate both of you!” Turning, she ran into the night.

“Kristen.” Eleanor started after her.

“Eleanor, wait.” Jonathan caught her before she had gone two steps, his strength and determination unshakable.

Eleanor strained against his hold. “Let me go. I have to go after her.”

“What about me, Eleanor?” he asked, his voice filled with despair.

She blinked as if she didn’t understand him, then turned to look in the direction Kristen had fled. “Kristen!”

“Eleanor.” He turned her to face him. “Do you love me?”

“Jon—”

“Do you love me?” The words were quiet and wrenched from his soul.

Eleanor finally stopped fighting and understood the question and the implication behind it. Her heart broke, but there could be only one answer. “My children have to come first.”

He stared at her a long time, then released his hold. “Good-bye, Eleanor.”

She didn’t hear him. She was already running into the rain-swept night. He’d lost her. The pain was crippling. He’d gambled and lost. He wasn’t sure he could survive this time.

Kristen burst into the house and headed straight for the one person who could console her. Jonathan and her mother had betrayed her. Not pausing to knock, she opened the study door to see Adam and Lilly sitting on the couch, her head on his shoulder, a closed book in her hands.

Lilly straightened immediately, but not before Kristen had seen Adam’s hand in her hair. “What are you doing?” Kristen asked angrily.

“Kristen,” Adam straightened up. “When did you get home? How—”

“Apparently I wasn’t missed by you or Mother.” The look Kristen shot Lilly was accusatory and filled with venom.

Lilly tucked her head and stared down at the closed book in her hand.

“Kristen, what’s gotten into you?” Frowning, Adam removed his arm from around Lilly’s shoulders.

Jonathan had taken her mother; now Lilly sought to take Adam. Kristen had no intention of losing another person she loved. “I want to see my brother alone.”

The book clutched to her chest, Lilly stared at the other woman. “I’ll go make some tea. Don’t you think it would be best if you changed out of those wet clothes first?”

“You’ve been out in the rain?” Adam’s frown deepened as he came to his feet. “Kristen, what’s the matter?”

“Send her away, Adam!” Kristen shouted, her hands gripped by her sides. Before Adam could comment, Eleanor, drenched, her eyes wide and frightened, came into the room. “Kristen, we have to talk.”

Kristen refused to look at her. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“What’s going on here?” Adam asked.

Kristen finally faced Eleanor. “Are you going to tell him what you’ve been doing or shall I, Mother?”

Tears mixed with rain ran down Eleanor’s cheeks. She reached out to her daughter, but the anger on her face had her lowering her hand. “Kristen, please, try—”

She spun toward her brother. “I just caught her and Jonathan going at it like rabbits,” she told him, her voice filled with pain and loathing.

“We were just kissing,” Eleanor said.

Kristen jerked around to her mother, her eyes filled with rage. “Would it have stopped at that, Mother? Would it?”

Eleanor hung her head in silent admission. But Kristen hadn’t finished.

“He had his hands all over you,” Kristen accused. “After all the talk about saving myself for marriage. You acted like a slut.”

Eleanor gasped.

“Kristen, that’s enough,” Adam told her.

But pain and anger ruled Kristen now, and she had no intention of stopping until she had inflicted as much pain on them as she felt they had inflicted on her. This time her anger was directed toward the brother she adored. “You’re only saying that because it’s obvious you were about to get it on with Lilly.”

Adam came around the table and unerringly stopped in front of his sister. “When did you get so foulmouthed and mean-spirited? If Mother was with Jonathan, I’m not going to condemn her. I’ve learned life is too short not to go after what you want.”

His words were like a slap in Kristen’s face. She had no one.

“I don’t know why I was silly enough to come to you. You always take her side. You two have always been closer. She always loved you best. Father loved me best, and he’s gone.”

Eleanor’s sharp intake of breath cut across the room. “Kristen!”

“Well, I won’t stand in the way of either of you. You all can go back to your sordid affairs. I’m leaving!” Whirling, she rushed from the room.

“Kristen.”

Eleanor started after her. Adam stopped her.

“Let her go, Mother,” Adam said.

“I can’t. This is my fault.” She tried to pull away, then finally gave up. “It’s my fault. What have I done?”

Adam helped her to a chair. Her body seemed to crumple. “Jonathan’s a good man.”

“I can’t lose Kristen.” Her hands covered her face. “She hates me.”

Adam felt for his mother and sister and for Jonathan. He hadn’t thought of the two of them together, but somehow he wasn’t surprised, annoyed, or shocked. They both deserved the best, and in his opinion that was exactly what they had found in each other. “She doesn’t hate you. She idolized Father. I’ll go up and talk to her.”

Eleanor’s hands came away from her face and reached in desperation for her son’s. “You’ll make her stay, won’t you?”

“I’ll try, but sometimes you just have to let go.” He turned his head in Lilly’s direction. He’d been distracted, but he didn’t think she had moved since Kristen began hurling accusations. “Stay with Mother.”

“Of course.”

Giving his mother a smile of encouragement, he went to Kristen’s room and knocked. “Kristen, I’d like to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” she yelled through the door.

He knocked again. He hadn’t thought it would be easy. “Come on, Sis; open the door.”

The door opened, but as he went to step in she brushed by him. “Where are you going?”

“What does it look like?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

Silence stretched for a long moment. “Dammit, Adam. Don’t you make me feel sorry for you!” she cried, her voice wavery.

“There’s been enough of that. All I want to know is how to make it better.” He held out his hand. “We could always talk.”

“You can’t this time. You don’t need me. No one needs me.” Her tone was one of absolute misery.

“Kristen, where did you get a crazy idea in your head like that?”

“You have Lilly. Mother has Jonathan,” she tossed back flippantly. “I’m superfluous.”

“That’s ridiculous. We all love you,” Adam told her, willing her to understand. “Someday you’ll fall in love and you’ll understand what I mean. Loving doesn’t diminish your capacity to love. It increases it.”

“Is that what Lilly has done for you?”

He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think he heard sarcasm in her voice. “Yes. I’m not sure how it’s all going to work out, but I’m willing to hang in there and trust that it will. Can’t you be happy for me?”

“She makes you happy?”

“Very. I can’t explain it, except I don’t feel blind when I’m with her,” he said, feeling the rightness of his words. Lilly had been his salvation. “Perhaps you’ll find the same thing with Eric.”

He heard the suitcase drop to the floor. “No, I won’t. Last night he showed me he didn’t want me.”

Adam hurt for her and wished he could get his hands on Eric for five minutes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Her voice hitched. “I was such a fool.”

Adam moved closer, the pain in her voice heart-wrenching. Kristen kept too much locked inside. “You’re a caring, intelligent, beautiful woman. It’s Eric’s loss that he couldn’t see that. It may sound cruel, but you’re better off finding out what kind of man he is now rather than later.”

“I really loved him, Adam.” Her voice hitched again.

“I wish I could take the pain away, but it will pass. I promise.”

“You’ve never broken a promise yet.”

“No, I haven’t, and I never will.”

Their arms closed around each other at the same time. Her body shook with the force of her tears. Adam held her, brushing her tears away.

“I want you to listen carefully to me. Mother and Father loved each other very much. Neither would have wanted the other to be alone. There’s not a better man on the planet than Jonathan. If Father hadn’t thought so, he wouldn’t have asked him to watch out for us.”

She twisted her head away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

They might call him stubborn, but he knew Kristen was just as stubborn. “Then just listen. Mother deserves to be loved. If that man is Jonathan, you have to be willing to let go.”

“He can’t take Father’s place,” she said tightly.

“He doesn’t want to. Jonathan has always been his own man.”

“You didn’t see what I saw,” Kristen said, then groaned, “I don’t seem able to keep from saying the wrong things. Maybe you should let me go.”

Adam leaned his head against hers. “We’re family and you’re staying. You don’t have to tiptoe around me any longer, Kristen. And even if I had seen them, I don’t think I would condemn them the way you have. You wouldn’t, either, if your relationship hadn’t ended badly.”

His sister was a caring woman. Misery and heartache had caused her to forget, but he knew better than most how much family meant during those times. “Now, come downstairs. You owe Mother and Lilly an apology.”

Kristen pulled away. He could imagine her shaking her head of straight black hair. “I don’t want to see anyone.”

“You’re coming,” he said firmly. “This family has been through enough. I’ve caused my share of problems, but whatever happened, we always were assured of each other’s love. That hasn’t changed.”

“I’ll come, but I’m not changing my mind about Mother and Jonathan.”

Adam squeezed her hand. “One hurdle at a time.”

Her head downcast, Eleanor sat huddled on the sofa, her arms wrapped around her. She hadn’t reacted at all when Lilly placed a cashmere afghan around her shoulders or dried her hair with a towel from the downstairs bathroom.

“Mother,” Adam said from beside his sister.

Eleanor’s head came up; her shoulders straightened. The afghan slid unnoticed from her shoulders as she came to her feet. “Kristen, I’m sorry. Please. I won’t see Jonathan again.”

“Mo—”

“I promise,” she said, cutting Adam off. “I love you. I won’t let anything come between us.”

Kristen blinked back the tears in her eyes. Her chest felt as if it had a tight band around it. “I don’t want to see Unc—him for a while.”

“You won’t.” Eleanor closed her heart to the misery sweeping through her. Her children had always come first, but it had never hurt before. “You won’t.”

“Why don’t you both get out of those wet clothes?” Lilly suggested. “Eleanor, I’ll get the bedroom across the hall from Kristen’s ready for you.”

Uncertain, Eleanor looked at Kristen. “Is that all right with you?”

The tears that had welled in her daughter’s eyes spilled over. “Mother, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean those things I said. I didn’t. It’s just—”

Eleanor pulled her daughter into her arms. “It’s all right. It’s all right, Kristen.”

Kristen lifted her head from her mother’s shoulder and stared at Lilly. “Please, forgive me, but I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Lilly smiled although her heart was breaking at the misery and heartache in Eleanor’s and Kristen’s faces. Jonathan had to be hurting, too. All because they were in love. Love shouldn’t hurt, but Lilly was coming to realize that it did. She had waited most of her life, and her waiting would continue. Adam could never be hers no matter how much she wished otherwise.

Kristen sniffed. “Thank you.”

Adam curved his arms around his mother and sister. “I’d planned to tell you in the morning, but I think now is as good a time as any. My vitrectomy is scheduled for the day after tomorrow.”

Shock quickly replaced by apprehension rippled across the women’s faces. “Are you sure, Adam?” Eleanor asked.

“I’m tired of my life being in limbo.” His mouth firmed. “One way or the other, I want to know. I’ve already called and chartered the plane.”

“If you hadn’t stopped me from leaving, I never would have forgiven myself!” Kristen cried.

Eleanor switched her attention to her younger child. “There’s no reason for you to leave.”

“If you’re lying, I’ll leave and I’ll never come back. I swear,” Kristen warned, her gaze steady.

“I’ve never lied to you.” Seeing her daughter begin to tremble, Eleanor took charge. “Come on; let’s get out of these wet clothes. Maybe you can let me have a gown and Lilly can bring some hot tea.”

“I’ll bring it right up,” Lilly said, escaping to the kitchen. Love was supposed to heal, not tear families apart.

“You’re all right?”

Startled, Lilly jerked around. Adam moved toward her with all the surety of a sighted person and just as silently. Contrary to popular belief, people who were blind didn’t tap their canes on the floor unless they were using the echo of the sound to locate solid objects. “You shouldn’t worry about me. It’s your family and Jonathan who are miserable.”

He stopped in front of her and brushed his knuckles down her cheek. “I worry about all the people I care about.”

For a few heavenly seconds she closed her eyes and savored his brief touch, which left her legs weak and shaky. “You’re a good man, Adam.”

His smile was slow and easy and caused her heart to pound wildly in her chest. “I know a lot of people who might not agree with you.”

“I know a lot who would.” Because she wanted to reach out and touch him and yield to the sweet melting need she felt for him, she picked up the teapot instead and placed it on the tray. She wouldn’t make the lies Myron said about her true. “I’d better take this upstairs.”

“All right.” He started from the room. “I’ll be waiting in my room.”

“Kristen might not approve.”

“I’m not giving you up.” He disappeared around the corner.

Lilly’s hands shook as she lifted the tray.
If only
…she thought and shook her head. She had a lot to be thankful for. Wishing for more was greedy, but when she was with Adam she felt like being greedy and grabbing with both hands. Readying the tea, she took it upstairs and knocked.

“Come in!” Kristen called.

Lilly opened the door to see Eleanor sitting behind Kristen on the white iron queen-size bed brushing her daughter’s hair. Mounds of colorful throw pillows were on the bed behind them. Both women wore white bathrobes.

Lilly set the tray on the top of the turned-back-down bedspread. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“We won’t,” Kristen said, staring at Lilly intently. “Adam came in to say good night. I imagine he’s waiting for you.”

“Yes.” Lilly felt a blush heat her cheeks.

“Good night, Lilly.” Despite Eleanor’s drawn features and red-rimmed eyes, she managed to smile.

“Good night.”

Lilly went to Adam’s room and knocked. She had years of loneliness ahead of her; she was grabbing every bit of pleasure she could.

“Come in.”

He was sitting in his chair, the book in his lap. “I was beginning to wonder if you were coming.”

Crossing the room, she took the book from his lap and sat facing him on the leather footstool by the side of his chair. “I’m here. Now where did we leave off?”