Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology (26 page)

In the end, change is never easy. Living with a core set of beliefs that completely unravel is unsettling, to say the least. We all have to decide, do we want to live in regret, suffer pain, and demonize ourselves for believing in and carrying out the tenets of the church, or do we want to look at what we gained? The “bad” had to happen. If it didn’t, we would still be walking around with blinders on, not seeing the world at large. We wouldn’t have been given the gift to explore new ideas, new ways of being, thinking, open to the possibilities that there are other beliefs, different paths that can bring us closer to
others. We would not be able to be more solid than ever in our belief that “what is true for you is true because you yourself have observed it to be true.”

We all have a newfound strength, in that we will never again “believe” just because.

For most of my childhood and adult life, I thought I had the answers and most of the world was just lost. As I’ve grown, I’ve learned that I know almost nothing. And so, in that I feel reborn in a sense. I am reading, I go to therapy, I do things that bring me joy, learning to love the one person I didn’t like very much—myself.

I am a combative, inquisitive, argumentative person, and I will never allow anyone to change that. I still have anger, but I’m okay with that because it fuels me to continue to right any wrongs I may see. And it’s because of that and the support of my true friends and family that I was able to fight my way out of Scientology and see the world for the first time. Without judgment or pressure not to think the way I do or to have a different faith. Our lives have begun. Lessons are being learned, and we are healing. It’s never too late to begin again. Better, stronger, more evolved.

And to all my fellow troublemakers, I say, “Carry on.”