True (13 page)

As the song came to an end, Justin spun me into a final twirl before leaning me back into a dip, taking me by surprise. When I moved to pull myself up, he leant forward and brushed his lips ever so lightly against mine. It felt nice. Having his strong arms around me as my body was pressed close felt even better. We must have stared at each other several long moments before the sound of applause erupted around us. Justin and I both smile, though we were feeling a bit embarrassed by the spectacle. He made a production of waving to the onlookers and bowing as he grabbed by hand and walked us back to our table. He signaled for our bill while I took a sip of water from my glass.

“You and your wife make a beautiful couple.” The waitress commented before placing the bill folder on the table with a warm smile and then walked away.

I felt the air slowly begin to leak out of my imaginary bubble. My eyes immediately went to my wedding rings and realized that she must have assumed we are married. I stared transfixed at the diamond that sparkled in the dim lighting, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by too many emotions. The emotions that I had compartmentalized were surfacing back all at once.

“Courtney.” Justin’s voice pulled me from my mini freak out. He reached over and grabbed my hand, lightly brushing my knuckles with the pad of his thumb. “Look at me.” His green eyes seemed so confident and sure. “Tonight is about us and how we make each other feel.”

How did we make each other feel? I don’t know about him, but tonight was the most fun I’ve had in a very long time. My thoughts kept traveling back to Alex though. When I first looked at the menu, I immediately focused on an entree I knew Alex would like. I almost spoke out loud about it before realizing it was Justin across the table from me instead.

Justin tugged my hand, and I stood from the table and let him guide me out of the restaurant.

The night air was the perfect temperature. Not too hot, not too humid. We reached the corner and waited to cross, the breeze swept my hair from my
shoulder. Justin leant over to brush his nose along the curve of my neck and inhaled. Our eyes met, and I felt a flush of heat rush between my legs. All of my apprehensions from earlier forgotten.

We continue to walk with our fingers laced together. His hand felt good in mine. The smell of the salt air and the sounds of the waves crashing had a soothing effect on my nerves. I allowed myself to relax and to just be in the moment with a man who adored me.

We finally made our way back to the Bella Vista and stood quietly in front of the door for several moments. My room key is dangling from my fingers, and his hand is in mine. Both of us knowing that a decision had to be made. This was the precipice. What happens next would change everything.

“Courtney.” Justin murmured not finishing his sentence, seeming to be at a loss for words too. I slowly lift my face to meet his intense green gaze. My favorite thing about him are his eyes. They are so open and expressive. Sometimes they were full of humor, and I know that the next thing out of his mouth is going to be a bad joke which he feels is hilarious. I’ve seen them filled with concentration as he studies project plans. I notice the open look of adoration he always gives me whenever I am in his presence. Right now, the look in his eyes is unmistakable. Pure lust.

My belly does a quick flip.
God.

He takes the room key from my hand and swipes it through the reader. There’s a beep and click before he pushes the door open. He takes a hesitant step inside, then another until my hand is stretched forward in his direction as he walks inside, our fingers still join. I don’t move. My heart is pounding. Can I do this? Should I do this? Why? Why Not?

Suddenly my feet are moving inside the room, and he is closing the door gently behind me. He presses his hard body against mine and pushes me back towards the door. He moves his lips up the curve of my neck, along my jaw line, over my ear and into my hair.

“God, Courtney. You smell so good. You have no idea how good. I dream about holding you in my arms, doing exactly this.”

His hands are roaming up and down my back and sides. It feels good. Being near him like this feels perfect. I allow myself to relax a little, pushing all unwanted thoughts from my mind. Of course, I am going to feel guilty, but I don’t want to. I’ve made my decision. I am here. With Justin. He wants me. He would do anything for me. He would be there for me. Just me.

His lips hover at the corner of my mouth. Waiting. We’ve never kissed before, and this is the moment.

“Courtney, if we do this, you are mine. I won’t let him have you. You can’t go back.”

I know realistically that if I sleep with Justin. I can’t go back anyway. I think about the boxes, Virginia, the missed calls and Ashley Fucking Danielle.

I turn my head and nod my understanding of his statement. He smiles and lowers his mouth onto mine. The kiss is soft and exploratory. His lips press firmly against my own, while his hands move up to cup my breasts. I gasp at the unexpected touch and open up enough for him to slip his tongue inside. The kiss goes from soft and gentle to hungry and searching. His tongue explores and probes deliciously until I whimper and wind my hands behind his neck, pulling him closer.

I love the level of passion he uses to kiss me. The way his hands gently cup the side of my face, the way his eyes close as if he is savoring me. I allow myself to feel everything until we are both panting and I’m writhing against him.

Justin walks me backwards to the bed and pushes me down until he is lying on top of me. He wedges one leg between my thighs and he grounds his hard erection into me. Wetness soaks my panties, and I moan. My dress falls away from my thighs as I pull my legs up so he can settle between them. I gasp as his hand grazes the spot that is aching for his touch. His torso, while muscular and trim, is wider than I am used to so I have to adjust myself to cradle him better. He pushes the drenched strip of lace to the side and I feel his fingers glide into my slick heat, causing me to gasp. Justin groans my name and places a hand on one of my hips as I work my throbbing clit against his hand. He sucks on my earlobe before running his tongue down the column of my neck where he nibbles and kisses just above my collarbone. Goosebumps form on my flesh as his breath lightly brushes over my skin. I grind myself even harder into him. I am so close. Just from doing this. All of the weeks of built up tension are working its way out and I am powerless to control it. His mouth hovers over mine as he lets me continue to move rhythmically against him while I mumble nonsensical words. Pleasure brings me higher and higher until I explode. I throw my head back and gasp out my orgasm. Nothing in this moment exists except for the overwhelming sensations flowing through me. No guilt, no rational thinking, just pure bliss.

While the feeling is magnificent, it is also fleeting.

As soon as my consciousness returns, and my hazy vision clears, I realize that the face I wanted to see most when I opened my satiated eyes was Alex’s. I am unprepared to the weight of shame that starts at the center of my chest and travels to every part of my body. My dress is pulled up around my waist, and my bare feet are in the air. Wrong.

I.

Feel.

So.

Wrong.

My body tenses as Justin begins to slide down my panties. He immediately notices that my body has gone rigid.

“Courtney?” He gives me a questioning stare but as usual his eyes never lie. He knows something has changed. “Fuck.” he says and lets out a long, shaky breath. Before I can utter a word, he rolls off me, and I begin to cry.

“I’m sorry Justin. I thought I could but I...I...can’t.” I try to explain between sobs. He adjusts himself before he walks across the room.

Without a look back in my direction he replies, “I know, and I’m sorry too.” He paces around for a while, rubbing his hands repeatedly over his face and through his hair. “Deep down I knew this would be hard, but I wanted to be wrong. I wanted you so badly that I needed to at least try.”

I continue to sob as he walks towards me and brushes a curl away from my damp cheek. “Maybe we need more time. I know we could have something good, Courtney. For now, I think it’s best if I go. You're here for the night right?” All I can do is nod.

“Okay, I'll come by in the morning. We'll talk.”

“I'm sorry.” I croak out again as he stands and walks away. He pulls back the handle and opens the door.

“I’ll call you, babe.”  As soon as he steps outside I hear a scuffle at the door followed by Justin’s “What the fuck…?” and more scuffling. I jump up from the bed and throw back the door and stop dead in my tracks.

“Justin?”
I call out.

Justin is pinned to the ground while Alex is throwing punches to his face.

“That is my wife, motherfucker.” He growls but continues his assault. Justin manages to flip Alex off of him and begins to return punches. Both men grapple on to each other as the roll this way and that way along the walk area.

“Stop it. Stop it.” I scream over and over. Tears are streaming down my face as I follow behind them helplessly.

“You don’t fucking deserve her.” Justin roars before landing another blow to Alex’s chin.

“Hey!” A guy opens up his hotel room door. “Get lost, or I’m calling the cops.”

Alex gives Justin one more shove before backing away. He glares at me with so much hurt and hatred that I lose my breath. The pain of that look is unbearable.

“Alex, I--”

“Fuck you.” He roars as he walks past me and then runs down the stairs, skipping several steps in the process. I run desperately behind him, calling his name the whole way. I chase him barefoot through the parking lot, not caring that the hot gravel is digging painfully into my feet. He makes it to his car long before I can reach him. Soon he is reversing with tires squealing. When he speeds past me, I catch sight of him under the glow of the street lamp as he swipes furiously at his eyes before he is peeling out of the parking lot and into the night.

Chapter Fourteen

Present
.

God, Oh God. I run back up the stairs and into the hotel room. Justin was walking out of the bathroom drying his face with a towel. His left eye is starting to swell, and there is a bruise forming on his cheek right below. I hurry past him and gather all of my things and throw them in my case.

“Where are you going?” Justin asks.

“Home.” I frantically rush around. “God, Oh God.” I continue to mumble, hysterically. Justin grabs my hand, halting my movements.

“Wait a second, Courtney. Maybe you need to take a deep breath. Give him time to cool down.”

“No!” I shout and yank my hand away. “I need to go after him. Now. Right now. Oh God. Oh God. What have I done? Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.”

Justin’s shoulders sag in defeat. “He doesn’t deserve you.” His words stop me just as I exit through the open door. I unclasp the necklace that Justin gave me and place it on the side table.

“No, I don’t deserve him.” I say without a backwards glance. My voice shakes as the gravity of what I have lost begins to sink in. I’ve lost him.

The drive home went by much faster. I pay no attention to the speedometer, have no conscious thought or concern that I could get pulled over for speeding. My thoughts are consumed with getting to Alex. I try to call him but each time I get his voicemail.

Please. Please. Help me. Please don’t let me lose him.

I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Over the past few months, I felt myself starting to fade and now I am someone unrecognizable. I am a liar and a cheater. The very type of person I despise.

I lied to myself, so I didn’t have to face the truth about my choices. I cheated because I am too weak to confront the real issues with the person I have vowed to spend the rest of my life with. I’m also selfish because I liked the attention I was getting from Justin. But if I’m honest with myself, I don’t feel as strongly for him as he does for me. I was only using him. I am a horrible person.

My life with Alex flashed before my eyes. The first time I laid eyes on him, his sheepish grin and the way he had no idea how gorgeous he was. The way he tried to hide a huge smile when I agreed to go out with him. The way his entire heart and soul were present in his eyes the first time he told me he loved me and how those same eyes rolled back in ecstasy the first time he slipped inside of me. I remember the tear that trickled down his cheek as he repeated his wedding vows and the look of unconditional love when he held each of our daughters for the first time.

I knew that I would do whatever it took the fix this. I have to fix this.

Please let me fix this.

I pull up to the house, and my heart sinks when I notice that all of the lights are off, and his SUV isn’t there. I walk through the front door and nearly trip over a box. To my horror there are only two boxes not the original four. The ones that held his clothes are missing.

Fuck.

I sink to the floor and sob uncontrollably. How could I have been so stupid? I know exactly the message he got with the boxes. First, he catches me in a hotel room with Justin, then he comes home to find his things packed and waiting.

Direct hit.

******

I wake up the next morning still lying in the foyer with my cell phone clutched in my hand. I swiped a hand over my eyes that were dry and puffy from crying myself to sleep. I must have called Alex twenty times. I left voice mails and sent text messages begging for him to call me back and talk to me. I got no response. The screen is completely black, and I couldn’t power it on which means it died at some point during the night. I immediately hurry to plug it into the charger and wait desperately as it slowly picks up enough juice. I am devastated to see that he hasn’t called or messaged me back. I decide to give him some time. Time would make this better. It had to.