True (20 page)

“You’re pregnant.” He stated in a whisper as he looked up at me with glassy eyes. I nodded, too choked up to speak as the tears continued to stream down my face. I watched as he fell to his knees in front of me and place a kiss to my naked stomach before wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. I gathered the courage to ask the question I’ve been terrified to hear the answer to.

“Are you happy?” My voice was shaky.

“Baby, I am so happy.” Relief washed over me.

“Really?”

“Really. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, your reaction earlier was…”

“I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I just needed to find out for sure.”

“Oh, babe.” I sank to my knees and kissed him slow and sweet for a while until he rested his forehead against mine. The happiness in his eyes melted my insides.

“We’re having a baby, Court.”

“I know
, and you’re wearing too many clothes for naked Sunday.”

*****

“There is no way I’m naming our child Petunia, Alex.”

We were on our way home from my 18 weeks ultrasound where we found out we were having a girl. Honestly, neither of us had a preference as long as every time they hooked me up to that fetal monitor, there was a steady heartbeat. Dee and Cole were expecting their second baby any day now, another boy.

Alex took the manager promotion after Smitty retired last month and has been working longer hours. He seems to like his new position and according to him he’s been doing a good job. I am happy for him, and I want him to do well even if it means that I don’t get to see him as much as I would like to. The new position is so demanding that it’s hard for him to take any time off, so I was relieved that he could make it to the appointment.

“I like Petunia. I think it’s adorable.” He chuckled while rubbing his right thumb along my knee as he steered the car with his left hand. He looked so handsome in his professional light blue button down shirt and dark dress slacks. Such a change from jeans and t-shirt Alex.

“Well, I don’t. I couldn’t stand it as a middle name, and there is no way I’d give it to my daughter as her first name.”

“I still think Macy got it worse though. Macy Magnolia? No wonder she’s so mean.” Alex laughed and I nodded my head in agreement. Sometimes I couldn’t understand how Judd puts up with her. He is such a laid back, nice guy. I guess he balances her out. 

“My mom has a weird thing for flower names. I’m not doing that to our child. So yeah, flower names are out.” I said, my mind absolutely made up.

*****

“That's it, baby. You can do it. One more push.” Alex gently encourages next to me as he allows me to keep a steel grip on his hand. “You're doing great.”

I take in another deep breath and push with all my might and soon I hear the beautiful sounds of our baby girl. They immediately laid her on my chest and begin to wipe away all the excess new baby junk. Alex and I both stare in amazement at this tiny perfect person we've created. I am overwhelmed with emotions and my eyes well up. I look to see that his cheeks are already wet from his tears.

“Thank you. So much.” He sobs out as he leans down to kiss me before the nurse hands him our little girl all bundled. I vow never to forget the look of pure love and wonderment on his face. I fell for him even harder that day, as if it were possible.

“She's as pretty as a flower.” I hear my mother say from a distance.

We named her Olivia Rose Turner.

*****

Jordyn Lily Turner followed four years later.

Yep, I went with flower middle names. They were suggestions from my mom, and I liked them. A lot more than I wanted to.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Present.

Alex: Meet me for dinner tonight?

I read the message three times just to make sure I read it right. Part of me was tempted to ask him if he’d meant to send it to me but instead I settled on responding with:

Me: Ok. What time and where?

My heart did a somersault at how fast he responded.

Alex: 7pm. Orchid Manor. My mom is in town so she’ll watch the girls.

Me: Sounds good. See you tonight.

Alex: See you.

To say that this invite was unexpected wouldn’t exactly be accurate. Over the past few weeks, Alex and I have seemed to reach a new point in our redefined relationship. He comes to the door now during pickup and drop offs. We’ve had to switch out weekends sometimes and have never given each other a hard time about it. Dee and Cole had a birthday party for Tucker, and while it was Alex’s weekend, I still attended anyway. At first it was awkward to be around our friends. I saw the questioning stares; it felt as if people were observing us like animals in the zoo. Soon everyone seemed to relax, and we all had a fun time.

I was nervous and excited to see him tonight. I didn’t want to allow myself hope that this was anything other than dinner and conversation. Although, I would welcome more. Much more.

*****

I saw him before he saw me. Alex was standing outside of the restaurant, one hand resting in the pocket of his dark dress slacks while he ran the other hand through his
hair while looking down at his shoes. If I had known any better, I would have said he was nervous. I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. Maybe this night would turn out better than I had hoped.

His eyes light up as soon as he sees me, and as he steps forward, a grin on his face reminds me of the other Alex. The one who could steal my breath away with just one look.

“Hi.” We both say in unison and then laugh.

“Come on.” He gestures to the entrance with a nod of his head. As I step forward, he places a hand on the small of my back as he guides me inside. I love the way his touch feels so much that I have to resist the shiver that has crept its way up my spine.

During dinner we talk about the girls, our families, mutual friends and his new position at work. Even though things had fallen apart between us, life still continues. When we finish our meals we sit in comfortable silence, slowly sipping our wine. I decide that now is as good a time as any to lay my cards out.

“Alex, there are so many things I want to say to you.”

“About?”

“About what happened…that
night.” My voice lowers to a whisper as the memories cause an unexpected squeeze in my chest, but I knew I needed to push through and continue. I focused my gaze on my wine glass as I rolled the stem back and forth with my thumb and forefinger.

“I didn’t sleep with him. I never slept with him. I made a stupid decision that has destroyed our lives. I was angry, and I took things to the extreme. If I could press rewind and take it all back, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I now know that I should have tried harder to fix things between us. Justin came at a time of weakness, and I let myself be pulled away from you. Away from us. I will always regret that.”

I finally allowed myself to look at his face. The hurt in his eyes was visible, and it never seemed to go away completely. I hated that I was the reason for that, but this time it was much more evident.

“I’ve always loved you, Court,” He stated quietly. “But we can’t change what happened. What you proved to me is that you are capable of having an affair. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t actually have sex. It’s the secrets and lying. I don’t think I can allow myself to trust you. You destroyed me, and I can’t risk feeling that again.”

My throat grew tighter and tighter with each word because I knew he only spoke the truth, and I had no defense.

“I guess there is no easy way to tell you, I think, but you deserve to hear it from me in person.”
Deep breath, Court.
“I’m seeing someone.” I would have been more prepared for a giant mechanical arm to fall from the sky and carry me away than I was for what Alex just told me.

“You’re seeing someone.” I repeat quietly, my words are not a question but a statement.

“I’ve known her for a few months and we’ve been out a couple of times.” He paused and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Fuck, Court. It is so awkward to be saying this to you.”

“Not as awkward as it is to hear it.”
I mumble.

“I never thought there would be anyone else but you.” He says quietly. I nod only because I don't trust my voice. I sit there is shock for what seems like an eternity. What do I say? A million things are going through my head. I don’t want him with someone else. I can’t stand the thought of him with someone else. I could make a scene. I could stand up and beg him to choose me instead. I could scream at the top of my lungs that I don’t want her anywhere near my kids. I could demand that my girls are never in her presence. But do I have a right to? I know that Alex loves those girls and would never do anything that would harm them, or that wouldn't be in their best interest. I could behave like an adult and not push him away with my reactions. I could continue to build his trust in me. Forever is a long time, and that’s how long he will be in my life. I want him there. I need him there. What I can do is hate her. I don’t even know her, but I hate her. Wait. Do I know her?

“What’s her name and where do you know her from?” I’m surprised at how calm my voice sounds even though my insides are ripping apart. I see something that kind of looked like disappointment flash in his eyes. Was he expecting a fight? Why would he be disappointed?
Focus on one thing at a time, Court.
Alex cleared his throat, and it brought me out of my thoughts.

“Kim. Her name is Kim.” I have never cared for the name Kim. “She’s a friend of Morrison
’s fiance, Krystal. We met a couple months back at their engagement party.” I couldn’t help but show surprise at Morrison getting engaged. A divorce lawyer who is getting married. I found the irony in that amusing.

“Wow. Seeing somebody, huh?” I reply not able to keep the somberness out of my tone.

“Yeah.” he says as he studies be before adding, “We...are...uh...taking things...slow.” I saw a flush of embarrassment color his cheeks.

“Hey, no need to explain.
” I worked hard at sounding nonchalant. “You don’t owe me any details. All I ask is that you are careful about introducing anyone you are dating to the girls.”

“Of course.” He instantly agrees.

“I promise to do the same.” I watch his head snap back as if I’d punched him before he collected himself. I felt a lot of satisfaction at knowing that the idea of me moving on was just as painful for him as it is for me.

“Yeah.” He responds quickly before signaling for the waiter to pay the check.

We exit the restaurant with hearts heavier than when we first entered.

Divorce sucks.

*****

“It has been nine months, Court. You knew this day would come eventually.”

“Whose side are you on, Dee?”

“I’m on your side. Always on your side. Tonight was just confirmation that he has moved on and so should you.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Unfortunately, babe, you don’t have a choice in that matter.”

I knew she was right, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. I called Dee on my way home from the restaurant and told her about our conversation and what he told me about this
Kim
person he is seeing.

“Look Court. I love you, and I know you are going to be fine. You are still young. You’re hot. You can have your choice of men.”

“But I love Alex and it took me fucking things up to know that I didn’t want anyone else but him. I don’t think I can allow myself to love anyone else.”

“Who said anything about love? You’re thirty-three years old. Go have some fun. Find a rich man, maybe a kinky one who will tie you up like Anastasia Steele. Worry about all that love bullshit later.” I couldn’t help myself from giggling at her
Fifty Shades of Grey
reference. I forgot that my heart was cracking into a million pieces just for a moment until I pulled up to the house I once shared with the love of my life. The dark windows confirm the loneliness waiting inside for me.

“Oh
DeeDee. It hurts.”

“I know, babe. I know it does.”

Chapter Twenty Three

Present.

I used to think there weren’t very many things worse than being divorced from the man you love, besides anything involving death of course, but I was wrong. Meeting your ex-soulmate’s new girlfriend and not being able to find a solid reason to dislike her is a million times worse. Besides the mandatory feeling of hating her because she’s with Alex, and I’m not, I can’t find much to dislike about her, and believe me I tried.

After the “break it to me gently” dinner Alex and I had a few weeks ago, it didn’t take long before he introduced her to the girls. Olivia and Jordyn came bounding into the house full of stories involving how awesome “Miss
Kimmie” is.

Yes, she goes by
Kimmie.

“Mama, Miss.
Kimmie knows a real life princess!” Interesting.