True Porn Clerk Stories (19 page)

On the other hand, women have more of an evolutionary reason to screw around than you'd think.

Theoretically, a woman who can overcome the (still huge) odds, have an affair, and convince two (or more) men that they've fathered her child can raise her child with the advantages of extra provisions and extra adults looking out for it for its entire life. Again, healthier growth, better choice of mates, more surviving offspring in the long run.

My point is that men are not evolutionarily hard-wired to screw around and never commit and women are not biologically "meant" to pick just one. There are (or at least were) advantages to both in being faithful, and advantages and dangers to both in screwing around.

The men-get-to-sleep-around-and-women-stay-home thing isn't in the evolutionary hardware, it's just deeply embedded in our culture.

Saying that women are naturally good girls and men can't help being dogs is a cop-out for both genders.

It gives men an excuse to do a lot of unexamined sleeping around and women a way to pretend that they never have stray naughty thoughts about sleeping with the entire tuckpointing crew that's working across the street.

It's easier for men to just go on cruise control and not make the effort of being faithful (and thus vulnerable) to one person.

It's easier for women to just coast along being nice girls and not dealing with the fact that temptations are very much there and look like a hell of a lot of fun. Or that the anxiety over settling down may have more behind it than pure, inherent virtue.

Watching several men rent hardcore video after hardcore video over the past year and a half has solidified this position for me.

The ones who rent four or five or six a day, the ones who call on New Porn Day and want to reserve the new ones and paw through the boxes and then can't wait for the next New Porn Day seem to be looking for something that mere variety can't give them. Maybe it's trite, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if slowing down and taking the time, risk and effort of dealing with one other human being for a bit could show them a glimpse of that thing.

On the other hand, when women wrinkle their nose at tales of my workday, I sometimes wonder if pawing through the boxes until they found an image they liked might be just the thing they were looking for as well.

Valedictory Address

Writing this journal has taught me many things.

The first is that people who hold a given point of view too passionately tend not to be careful readers.

I've had rabidly anti-porn people (mostly women) tear into me because I didn't say that all porn ever is inherently evil, and I've had ferociously pro-porn people (mostly men) send me frothingly outraged e-mails because I didn't say that all porn ever is healthy, free, and wonderful.

Both groups almost invariably accused me of writing things I hadn't -- and sometimes accused me of taking positions when I'd clearly written the opposite sentiment. At first I thought I was being willfully misinterpreted, but then I realized that these people were just seeing what they expected to see, and what, I think, they wanted to see. It's hard to deal with someone's gray areas when you're spoiling for a fight.

But that has been the only negative. Mostly this odd little burst of pseudo-semi-almost-fame has taught me that people are funny, thoughtful and kindhearted.

I was amazed at how many strangers dropped me a note to say that they'd enjoyed something I'd written or just to say hang in there and it would all be over soon. I couldn't believe how many people who were brand new to the IRC message boards kicked in a donation to keep them going when the bandwidth got tight.

As for the old IRC hands, I knew they were a nice bunch, but I've been constantly floored by their generosity of spirit. Performers and writers are supposed to be viciously jealous and competitive, but these have failed miserably at that. Their eerie ability to drop notes of praise and support just when I needed them made me much bolder about sending around writing samples, even ones without porn in them. Thanks so much for that.

While I'm at it, I'd like to say thanks to everyone, past and present, at my video store. I am forced to agree with Mr. Buddy: you rule.

To everyone else, I'd just like to say this: Be nice to your video clerks. Rewind, take your late fees like an adult, and keep the spooge to a minimum. Better yet, be nice to anyone you meet in a customer service position. Odds are very, very good that they're having a rougher day than you are, and it's easy to become a store favorite just by being The Friendly Guy Who Never Yells.

And, in the immortal words of Aqua, be HAPPY!

Love,

Ali