Trusting Jake (Blueprint To Love Book 1) (14 page)

"We wanted to know if– shut up, Megan. I'm talkin'." There was a loud clatter while they wrestled with the phone. "Hi, Jake. This is Megan. Are you coming over Saturday? Cuz, you know– you promised you'd take us to find our Christmas tree. . . an-"

"Hey, this is Alex again. We really need you to call . . . and tell us what time, cuz it's only two days away. . . and um. . ." Jake cracked up while he pictured Alex trying to think up something urgent. ". . .Mommy really needs to know the time." The rest of his message was hurried, almost as though Alex were afraid they were about to get caught. "So– call us back right now, okay?"

The tree
. He'd forgotten about his promise. Hell, his suggestion had been innocent enough at the time. The kids would have a blast out at the farm. They could make a huge deal out of picking the perfect tree and he'd cut it down for them. He'd wanted to give them something special . . . one day they wouldn't spend thinking about their dad not being around. And the thought of a whole day with their mother had been too good to resist. He'd been as eager as the kids– wanting to discover what Jen was like when she was relaxed and casual. Of course, his plan had been conceived before the kiss.

"Just when you think life can't get more complicated." He rubbed his forehead, suddenly feeling exhausted. Two minutes had changed everything. He'd kissed her for two minutes. Two lousy, incredible, amazing minutes. "Maybe less," he muttered. Now the thought of spending a day with Jen . . . was pure torture.

What would he say to her? Aside from the awkwardness, Jake was suddenly unsure how he felt. Should he be angry with Jen for giving in so quickly? Or with himself for being unable to resist her? Maybe it was the raw, stomach-churning frustration eating him up . . . because they'd been forced to stop. Would he be able to keep his hands off her? Or would he want her more than ever? And what about Jen? There was a good chance she was completely sickened by his actions. What if she didn't believe they could work together anymore?

"I've already blown it." There was always the unlikely possibility Jen wouldn't be able to keep her hands off
him
. How would he handle that situation? Disgusted, he shook his head.
Yeah, right
. In his dreams.

Still– what if he was wrong? What if Jenna wanted to cheat on her husband? The thought sent a chill of unease down his spine. What if she already was? He shook his head. No way. Not the type. He couldn't be wrong about that.

They clearly had serious issues in their marriage . . . issues Jen wasn't comfortable discussing. By his own stupid, weak actions, he'd left the impression he was available and interested.

Dammit, he
was
interested. But– hell if he'd be available. He would have to make it crystal clear he wouldn't play that game. Ever. Thank God he'd made the date with Beth . . . hell– Bev? He shook his head to clear it. "Whatever."

But, what should he do about Saturday? Jake drove through the nearly empty lot and headed for home. "Hell if I know." 

***

After a mostly sleepless night, Jake still wasn't sure. Actually, he
did
know. He just didn't like it. Locking his truck, he crossed the parking lot. "You can't break a promise," he muttered. What had happened with Jenna wasn't the kids' fault. Taking it out on them would be cruel. He'd also been looking forward to showing them his family's farm. It would be the first Saturday in months he didn't spend the day in his office.

Passing the darkened reception desk, he walked back to his office. The light was already shining in Jen's office. His pulse thudded in his ears. The moment of truth already. God, was he sweating?"

"Good morning," he said quietly. "You're here awfully early."

She raised startled eyes to meet his. "Hi. I didn't hear you come in."

"Do you always get here so early?"

Jen smiled then, a wan, strained version unlike her usual, easygoing smile. "Usually by seven-thirty."

Jake noticed her gaze didn't rest on him any longer than necessary. She was having as much trouble as he was.

"You . . . uh. . . have messages on your desk that need a call-back today. The rest I've taken care of." She stared at him purposefully then, the spark of determination unmistakable in her fathomless blue eyes. Relief poured through him, his shoulders relaxing for the first time in two days. Jenna was challenging him. To move on. She didn't want to discuss the other night any more than he did. Thank God– she wasn't leaving him. He wouldn't lose her.

"Willoughby's making noise about a meeting up in Baltimore the week after Christmas."

He reined in his thoughts long enough to answer. "Um. . . all right. Give me an hour or so to clean off my desk and then we can take a look at my calendar."

Nodding, she turned back to the open file on her desk. The movement of her head captured his attention as he turned to leave. The mass of auburn hair was knotted tight, the coppery strands sparking in the morning sunshine. By noon, he knew the pins would loosen and the long, curling tendrils would finally slip free of their restraint.

He remembered too well the silky feel of its fiery weight. Without effort, he recalled the scent, had breathed deeply to capture it, knowing even then, it would likely be the only chance he ever got that close. Jake remembered the warm, satiny skin, the softness of her lush curves, the thrill of her arms wrapped around his neck, tugging him closer. The brief moment when she wanted him as desperately as he'd needed her.

Walking the few steps to his office, he closed the door. Leaning back against it, he heard it click shut. He wouldn't lose her; his quiet, capable assistant, and for that he was grateful. That first awkward moment . . . they'd gotten past it. He released a deep breath, expecting to feel relief. But, it was a sharp stab of regret that caught him in the chest. In the very moment he'd salvaged something critically important to his existence, Jake realized he'd lost something far more valuable. He'd lost Jen, the vibrant, beautiful woman. He'd lost her forever.

***

Jake heard the soft tap on the door and checked his watch. It was nearly six. When Jenna stuck her head around the door, he steeled himself for the conversation. At least it would be brief. She had to pick up the kids.

"I'm leaving. Do you need anything else?"

Bracing himself, he tossed his pencil on the scarred desktop. "Can we talk? I know you need to go, but this won't take long."

"Sure." Jenna's soft cheeks flushed pink as she reluctantly entered his office.

Taking a deep breath, he plunged in. "I–I don't know what to say about the other night, except that I'm truly sorry. I've tried to come up with a logical explanation . . . but there isn't one. I– lost my mind for a few minutes. I know that's no excuse." He stopped her when she would have jumped in. "Just hear me out. I think our working relationship is special. We– we're a great team . . . and I'd hate to think I've ruined that by doing something stupid." 

Jesus, he just wanted to get through this without embarrassing her further. "I give you my word nothing like that will ever happen again. I respect the fact you're married. I'm ashamed I forgot about it. . . even for a moment."

"Jake– please let me explain-"

It wasn't working. She was going to tell him she was leaving him. Desperate, he continued. "I hope you can forgive me. If you want a new position-"

"I don't," she interrupted.

"I don't want you to leave," he confessed. "I hope we can still work together because I'd really . . . miss you– if you weren't here. You have so much talent. I want to see you succeed. I know you will," he amended. "I'd just like it to be here with us."

She sat down carefully, perched on the edge of the chair facing his desk. When she raised her gaze to his, her blush deepened and she averted her eyes. Summoning her courage, she dragged in a deep breath. And Jake crossed his fingers.

"I'm sorry, too. I think it's safe to say we were equally guilty. You . . . made me feel- I wanted-" 

Deeply flustered, she released a shuddering sigh. Her fingers clutched the arms of the chair like a lifeline. And Jake felt even worse. He'd done this to her. What she was about to tell him was critical. Yet, all he could think about was how Jenna would have finished that sentence.
How had he made her feel?
Had she burned for him, the way he had for her? Was she haunted by the memory of his touch, the way he was tormented by hers?

"I want to stay. . . very much. And– I love working with you, too."

The huge, endlessly blue eyes reflected confusion. Dammit, he'd done this. She was so smart. She was caring and strong. And so beautiful she made him ache. Why? Why did she have to be married?

"I enjoy working with you too much to let a– misguided attraction . . . blow it for us. I truly admire you– what you've done with Specialty . . . and I'd like to see it grow." Jenna actually smiled when she glanced up again. "It's nothing we can't handle, right? I'm positive we can work through it. . . and I know it will never h-happen again."

Right. Apparently, he was the only one having trouble breathing. Jen actually seemed relieved. Inhaling a deep breath, Jake released it slowly. This was good, he reminded himself. This is how their relationship had to be. He could control it– the torture he experienced when he thought of them together. Lock it away. Bury it deep, so it couldn't resurface. Once he had someone else to focus on, this stupid thing for Jen would be manageable. Hell, he'd probably end up feeling nothing but friendship for her. There were plenty of women out there who
were
available. He just needed to find one– fast. Because there couldn't be any more mishaps with Jenna. Relief flooded him as he remembered Beth. Tomorrow night, he had Beth- dammit, Bev. He had Bev lined up.     

"About tomorrow– if you don't mind, I'd like to keep my word to the kids." When Jenna's eyes widened he knew she'd forgotten about their plan to spend the day together.

"Oh– no. . . you don't have to. I mean. . . they'll understand if-" 

"No, Jen. They won't understand. They'll remember I didn't keep my promise. And I hate to think I'd be letting them down. They probably get enough of that from-" Too late, Jake realized what he was saying, and more importantly–
to whom
he was saying it.

"From who, Jake? What do you mean?"

"Nothing. It's none of my business." Shifting uncomfortably, he watched her cheeks go cherry red again, this time from anger. "I shouldn't have said that." Christ- What was it about her that made him say such stupid things? Why the hell had he opened his mouth?

"I do the best I can– r-raising my kids," Jen stammered as she rose from the chair, her movements jerky. "It must be nice– sitting there . . . judging me. When you've never done it yourself."

"Jen– please." He rounded the desk, knowing if she walked out that door he'd never see her again. "Please forgive me," he pleaded. "You're an incredible mom. God– anyone can see that. I'm so sorry." His heart beating too fast, he swallowed around the lump of misery. "I. . . I know how much the kids miss Rick. I'm not blind to the fact that Alex likes spending time with me. I just wish . . . for your sake– he was around more." 

She'd frozen, half-rising from the chair, looking dangerously close to bursting into tears. Instead of speaking, she bit down on her lower lip. From the way it trembled, Jake knew he didn't have long. . . and God help him if she started crying. If he had to comfort her-  If he had to touch her-  Jesus, he wouldn't be able to stop.

"There's something you don't know. Something I-I should h-have told you a long time ago. Rick is gone-"

"You don't owe me an explanation," he interrupted. "Your marriage is not my business." The strain in her husky voice made his chest ache with regret. Jake heard the unshed tears she fought to rein in, the sound of it washing over him, making him furious with himself for hurting her.

"I was totally out of line. You have every right to hate me for that. But, don't let my rudeness-" He swallowed hard as he groped for the right words. He couldn't bear the thought of making it worse. "Please don't let your anger with me be the reason you cancel. Please, Jen. I don't want Alex and Meg to think-" 

He reached out carefully, afraid of what would happen if he touched her, yet more afraid of what would happen if he didn't. "I don't want them to think I bailed. They want to go so badly."      

"I know." The words came out woodenly, but the expression in Jen's eyes bordered on despair. She was feeling the pressure from her kids, too. That much was obvious. He held his breath when he took her hand in his and gave it a little squeeze.

"Would you mind if we still went out to the farm? We don't have to go for the whole day. I mean. . . we could keep it short. That way, I keep my promise, and you don't have to kill your whole day with me."

"N-no. Of course, we'd like to go. The kids have talked about it all week," she admitted. Tugging her hand free, she straightened her jacket. Jake suspected she couldn't wait to break for the door.

"It– it'll be fun. I mean. . . the kids will love it. If you don't mind-"

"I don't."

"Right. Okay." Jen edged closer to the door, ready to bolt. "I guess we- uh. . . we'll see you in the morning. What time would you like us to be ready?"