Trusting Jake (Blueprint To Love Book 1) (21 page)

"Jen– I swear I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry." Swallowing was difficult around the horrible rasping pain in his throat. But he had to try. Words began tumbling out. "Please forgive me. I've been such a bastard. I'm miserable . . . and I'm taking it out on you. I know I've been acting crazy." Though she didn't respond, he sensed her pain, felt the anguish radiate from her in waves. And the knowledge that he was responsible was more than he could bear. "Jen– I'm sorry. Please . . . please don't hate me."

As he held his breath, the silence between them lengthened. When she finally met his gaze, he flinched at the hollow despair reflected in her eyes.

"I-I don't hate you. I just don't understand why you're acting this way."   

A tidal wave of relief crashed over him, battering him with a violence that left him adrift, weakly clinging to the hope he could somehow fix the damage.

"Tell me what I've done to make you so upset."

Sweet God. She'd destroyed him for anyone else. Jen made him ache every single time he breathed. She made him dream foolish, hopeless dreams of a life together– of warmth and love and happiness. And made him despair of ever finding it with anyone. Except her.

"You haven't done anything. It's me." Sighing, he sank down on the chair near her bed. "This deal has me incredibly edgy. It's been nothing but problems since we signed the letter of intent."

"Then why won't you let me help?"

The husky plea in her voice sent a frisson of awareness down his spine. "Jen– help me understand. You say you don't trust Steve, but you won't give me your reasons why. How can I act on that? Why can't you tell me? Why won't you trust me?" 

Jenna averted her gaze again. Dammit, why couldn't she face him? Swallowing around the desert in his throat, he forced himself to try again. "Tell me why you're so certain Baldwin's out to screw us-"

"I can't-"

"You
won't
tell me. That's a big difference." He knew her well enough to know his words were having an impact. "Jen– I
trust
you. If you told me what you know about Baldwin– I would believe it. Because I trust you."        

Releasing a ragged sigh, she moved further into the room. Hearing the frothy material of her dress swish around her legs as she drifted to the windows, he winced when her scent washed over him, clung to him, leaving him desolate.

"I
can't
tell you," she cried. "I've tried so hard to forget. It's t-too awful-"

Her voice clogged with tears, Jake knew she fought desperately to hold them back. He felt himself weakening, his resolve starting to crumble, the anger dissolving away. Please God, don't let her cry. He wouldn't be able to stay away from her. Not the way he felt tonight-Tonight, he stood on the brink of sanity. If he touched her, he would never stop. If he kissed her, he would be lost.

Tonight, he would throw away everything. He would shred his pride. He would willingly toss aside his integrity. And he would beg her to leave Rick– he would plead with her to marry him and be his forever.

"I c-can't tell you. You w-would never l-look at me the same way again."

"That can't be true." As he spoke the words, he knew their truth.
Nothing
could ever change the way he felt about her. "You can trust me, Jen. Deep down, you know it." He urged her to acknowledge the faith she already had in him. "You
know
you can trust me."

"I t-trust you," she admitted, her breath hiccupping through trembling lips. "B-but . . . it's too . . . h-humiliating."

Defeat washed over him. As she gazed out the window, Jake knew she wasn't seeing a thing. Her shoulders began to shake as she tried and failed to contain her sobs of anguish.

"My last job- He . . . forced me-"

Forced- A chill swept through him. Jesus– had Steve touched her? "Jenna-"

"I had to quit . . . because I wouldn't-"

The move from Baltimore
. Jake couldn't bear the agony in her voice. As though in a trance, he closed the gap between them, knowing that each step he took acknowledged everything was about to change.

Irrevocably.

Reaching out to console her, he snatched his hand back. He didn't think Jen was even aware of his presence. Until finally, she blinked away her tears and noticed his reflection in the glass. Standing right behind her. Wanting desperately to touch her, but fighting it with all the will he had remaining.

He could see the sparkle of a tear on the end of her lashes. At the same moment, he watched her eyes widen with shock. Because if he could see her tears, then his agony must be obvious for her to read as well. Jake knew what was on his face. Because he couldn't hide it anymore.

He was stripped bare and he knew Jenna saw it, too– his confusion . . . the frustration and anger, the molten sexual desire he felt whenever she was near. And the love– the hopeless, helpless, overwhelming love he had for her. His hands shaking, Jake slowly lowered them to her shoulders. He released the breath he had been holding. And when she leaned back against him, his heart started beating again.

"Jen." It was the only word he could form, but every miserable ounce of quiet desperation was conveyed in the single syllable. Turning her to face him, he slowly, carefully, gently lowered his lips to hers. The flushed softness of her skin was still wet with tears. Raising trembling hands to cup her face, he carefully stroked the wet spots with his thumbs. Her storm-cloud eyes were enormous– with wonder and just the slightest trace of fear, but when he hesitated, Jake felt her sway toward him– felt the tremors shiver through her when his fingers trailed softly over her face.                

"Jen, love. . . I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.
Never
you," he vowed against her lips. "Not when I–" His mouth brushed lightly over hers and she sagged against him. Her reaction made him want to cheer with joy and shout with frustration. The spark of her response jolted straight to his soul. The battle he'd waged for months would end tonight. If this was all they would ever share, then– it would have to be enough.

He could make this be enough, because he couldn't go another day without her. He loved her. He loved her more than he'd ever thought it possible to love another person. And when her arms slid up to encircle his neck, he closed his eyes and held her, his arms wrapped so tightly around her he didn't know how he would ever let her go.

***

Still in shock, Jenna didn't know whether to be thrilled or miserable. Jake was holding her as though she might break apart. And she was kissing him the same way. Tugging her fingers through his unruly hair, she pulled his mouth down to hers. God, how she'd missed him. The feel of him, the taste of him. She nuzzled his throat, where a wild pulse beat. As she unbuttoned his shirt, his ragged breathing filled her with a sense of wonder. How could she experience dizzying passion and an overwhelming sense of safety at the same moment? She swayed into him, desperate for the certainty of his arms around her, the sensation of his endless strength holding her up, because her own legs could no longer do the job.

When he'd rapped on her door, she had been floored by the sight of him. Jake was her fantasy, come to life. But when he'd entered her room, Jen had quickly realized her mistake. The danger of having him there with her, when she wanted him so desperately . . . when all she could think about was tearing his clothes off. When one glance from those intense, green eyes made her want to beg him to love her.

He'd been so angry . . . the fury pulsing from him in violent waves. For a moment she'd been afraid of him– his accusations. Jake had cut her heart to pieces with his words. But, she'd been unable to ignore the agony in his voice . . . the sheer misery in his apology. And the fear when he realized he'd gone too far. She had been ready to fight back. . . ready to pack her bag and storm out. She'd been prepared to never see Jake Traynor again.

Until she heard his pain. Until she'd stared at his reflection in the glass and seen his agony. And knew it mirrored her own.

  "Jake . . . please. It's been such a long time. Please touch me." She shivered when his fingers trailed up her throat, cradling her head. He was being so careful– so gentle. Jen wanted more. She wanted him as out-of-control as she felt. The intensity that always crackled between them would quickly flare to an inferno that would consume them. And she wanted it more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life.     

"If I touch you. . . I swear I'll never stop. Wanting you is driving me out of my mind."

The rasping need she heard in his voice rocketed through her, leaving her weak with desire. His hands trembled as though he were afraid she would break. Jenna knew the  moment he touched her, she would be lost. No longer caring what would happen tomorrow, she pulled her hands free, moving to the front of his shirt. Palms down, she stroked him, caressing the warm, solid muscles she'd dreamed of a million times. Smiling at his hoarse groan, she experienced a heady sense of power. "You feel incredible."

"Jen, I want you so badly I'm shaking." When he gazed down into her eyes, she had confirmation of the raging need. And knew she must look the same to him. Smiling with a confidence she wasn't sure she possessed, she allowed her dress to slide down her shoulders.

When his warm, greedy mouth dropped to her exposed shoulder, a shudder tore through her. And she knew one thing with absolute certainty. There was no way he would leave her room tonight. If this was all she could ever have from him, then she would gladly take it. There would be no regrets, because she loved him. With everything she had, she loved him.

"When you look at me. . . I get weak. Just thinking about you." She'd been sleepwalking through life for too many years. More than she'd ever wanted anything, she wanted this new first time to be him. Making love with a man she truly loved. It had been so damn long. Jake would make her whole again. She trusted him– enough to sail over the edge of a cliff with him. With the one man she loved desperately. "Please don't make me beg. I want you so much." 

"I'll be the one begging," he vowed. "You're so beautiful." Flames leapt in his eyes as he slowly slid her dress down, his hands trembling when he dragged the long zipper down her back. She released a long, shuddering sigh when her dress pooled at her feet, when his warm, capable hands froze on her shoulders. "Jenna, love. I've dreamed of you. . . I've lain awake at night imagining–" He swallowed hard. "But, I wasn't even close. You're– perfect."   

His eyes narrowed, darkening possessively. Because of her. She grew aroused simply because he was watching her, because his gaze told her she was beautiful– that for this singular moment, she was the most important woman in the world. It was a powerful, freeing feeling, one she had never experienced before. To feel Jake inside her, to experience all of his contained strength. It would be hers . . . if only for a little while.

She cried out when he stroked her breasts, as they ripened and swelled in his hands. Just watching his hands– strong and tanned against her pale skin had her panting with need. She wanted to be the one who pushed him over the edge. She wanted to hear him say her name.

When he lowered his head, his hot, ragged breath against her skin, her fingers grew frantic, tugging him closer. She staggered against him, a jolt of electricity sizzling through her when he drew her nipple into his mouth. For a moment, she wondered whether she would faint from the exquisite sensation. "Jake. . . I'm not sure I'll live through this."

His smile was unsteady but triumphant when he raised his head. Effortlessly scooping her up, he carried her to the bed, settling her back against the pillows. She held out her arms, missing his reassuring heat the moment he left her. "Come back. I need you."

His gaze never leaving her face, he crossed to the window and jerked the drapes closed. He continued to stare at her as he yanked open his tie and finished unbuttoning his shirt. She couldn't wait. Rising to her knees on the bed, she tugged him back, the silk of his tie between her fingers as she pulled him closer and kissed him, moaning her pleasure when his tongue pushed into her mouth to tangle with hers. They swayed, locked together while she fumbled with his buttons, growing more frantic each second. "Get this off-"

Her breath caught when he drew her nipple into his mouth. Trapped in the helpless, drugged firestorm of pleasure he created, her whole body tightened in anticipation. When he raised his head a moment later, the smile on his face one of pure, male satisfaction.

"Hurry," she urged. "I need to feel you inside me or I'm going to scream."

His eyes registered a flicker of shock before he found his voice. "We can't have that. I don't want hotel security interrupting us."

She smiled mischievously as passion flared in the emerald eyes, as he re-doubled his efforts to remove his shirt. When he'd finally torn it free from his pants, she leaned in to touch him, to stroke and kiss his chest and press herself against him. They groaned in unison at the wondrous contact of hot, silky flesh. When he nuzzled the throbbing pulse in her throat, she shivered, tugging his head up to hers, seeking the warm pressure of his lips. And clung to him once she'd found him, exulting at the sound of his indrawn breath.     

"You're so soft. So perfect." When he stroked a path down her body, she tightened with anticipation. His hands cupping her rear end, he groaned and pulled her against his erection.