Tumbleweed (10 page)

I shuffled Aaron off to school the next day and prepared for my meeting with the local electric co-op. I gave them a tour of the place and answered questions until I thought my head would explode, and somehow through all of that, plans were drawn up for going green. Even Jim wouldn't be able to question the expenditure. It was going to make a huge difference in our overhead.

I went to find Ethan to fill him in on the meeting, but he had run over to Spurlock's for supplies. Disheartened but not deterred in my quest to share my news with another human, I went in search of Sue at the main house. Maybe she'd want to stop and have a cup of coffee with me.

“Hi-ya Sue.” I beamed as she opened the door to my knock.

“You seem awfully chipper.” She scowled warily at me.

“You know what? I am. I just had a really productive meeting with the co-op.”

“Is that who was traipsing around here all morning?” Her frown deepened. “What did they want?”

“We're going to install windmills and solar panels to reduce our energy costs. It's the easiest way to reduce overhead around here – unless we can convince the animals to eat less. And Ethan for that matter.

“You'll do no such thing,” Sue hissed as she pulled herself up to her full height.

“Excuse me?” I blinked.

“This place has run just fine for a whole lot of years, and we don't need you trying to turn it into something else. Go play house with Ethan, and get your nose outta where it doesn't belong.”

And just like that she vanished, probably while I was blinking and trying to register what had happened. As the shock subsided, anger took its place. That hateful cow. She was probably upstairs calling Jim right now…. But not if I got him on the phone first. I bolted back to the barn, my sides heaving as I leapt on the phone and dialed.

“Jim,” I gasped when he answered the phone.

“Hailey,” he chuckled in response. “You sound a little out of breath there.”

“Who me? Not at all,” I squeaked. “How are things in California?”

“A little hotter than I'd like; these wildfires are getting a little close to home. Other than that I'm doing okay.”

“Good, good.” I tried to sound at ease.

“I don't suppose the reason you're so out of breath has anything to do with the phone call I just got from Sue?”

“Drat that woman.” I frowned. “I don't know what got into her, but she's wrong.”

“Don't worry about Sue, I'll talk to her. Why don't you tell me what you want to do?”

Something about his affable nature always calmed me. I took a deep breath and plunged into the plans I'd drawn up that day. Twenty minutes later, I had his blessing to move forward and his warning to avoid Sue for the next couple of weeks. It was a warning I was happy to comply with. I didn't understand how someone as sour as that woman could produce someone as friendly as Cheyenne.

It didn't take long at all for me to get so many projects going at once that my fear of Hobbes subsided to a dull roar. Aaron and I settled into a routine of stopping by to break up the ice in Allie's trough. Some mornings the only way we could manage it was to haul buckets of hot water from the house. It was exhausting, but the filly's gratitude made it well worth the effort. We'd sneak her treats, too, and before long she started waiting expectantly for us at the fence, nickering a cheery hello. As the weather turned colder and her pasture turned completely non-existent, we began to debate amongst ourselves if we should toss hay over the fence or if that would only prolong her misery. It seemed evident that Hobbes wasn't coming back, but I worried that the moment I let my guard down, he'd be there.

Turns out we weren't the only ones concerned because one morning we showed up to break up her water and there was a small bale of hay tossed over the fence. After that, they just magically appeared every other day or so. We didn't know who was doing it, but David had been right – people didn't like to watch a horse suffer in these parts. If the law wasn't going to solve the problem straight-up, they'd just find a way to take care of things on their own.

Ethan and I didn't talk about the kiss and we were careful not to spend too much time alone. I stopped waking up fully when he slipped into the cabin each night, but I was always aware of his presence. When we did indulge in a quiet moment to just sit and talk, it was always with Aaron in the other room and always out of
arm's reach of each other. Since I knew he was off-limits, I sometimes let my imagination run wild.

Actually, I don't know that I could have stopped it if I tried. When no one was looking, my eyes would drink him in, and I would remember his touch, the feel of his breath. Sometimes I'd hear him on the phone in his office next door and I'd close my eyes and just let the sound of his voice wash over me. I'd hear it all husky and low, the way it had been the nights we'd flirted with danger.

It didn't matter what kind of crowds we kept around; whenever we were in the same room I could feel his eyes on me and warmth would radiate from within. There was something between us that was growing, whether we wanted it to or not. Maybe that's not true. Maybe it was growing because we wanted it to, even just a little. I wasn't sure I cared. The whole thing was a little intoxicating.

When I wasn't imagining doing dirty things with the man, I was looking for his advice, waiting to share something with him, to laugh with him, to collaborate with him. Occasionally the sobering thought would occur to me that his opinion was becoming more important than it should be. Or rather, his opinion of me was becoming too important. Then I'd pull away for a while only to be lured back in by a wink or a dopey smile.

With all of the commotion, I hadn't had much time to follow through on the little quarter horse for Aaron. We went to look at her and of course fell in love, but I was nervous about making that big of a commitment, and there just never seemed to be the time to stop long enough to really mull it over. I asked David if I could wait on a decision until after the holidays, figuring that if my checkbook was still in the black after Christmas, I'd take the plunge.

It wasn't until the day before Thanksgiving that I started to really feel like a heel for not finding the cash to take Aaron to St. Louis for the holiday. I might be hiding from my family, but they hadn't really done anything to deserve it, and Aaron certainly didn't deserve it.

“Do you think I should just drop in on my family tomorrow?” I toyed with my wineglass and looked expectantly at Ethan. He sat across the table from me, leaning back in the chair and right at home.
Aaron was in bed. Suddenly I was questioning my decision to play a Springsteen CD with Ethan here. There was a raw quality to the music that added fuel to my emotions. My emotions most definitely did not require any fuel when Ethan and I indulged in time alone.

“Guilt rearing its ugly head?”

“Big time.” I dropped my head in my hands.

“But I'd be lonely if you went,” he pretended to pout.

“What about your family?”

“They're coming here. We're eating up at the main house with Jim, Sue, Cheyenne and David. I'd still be lonely without you.”

“I'm really glad Jim drew the boundary for us,” I said suddenly.

“Why is that, exactly?” Ethan looked a little stunned.

“Because I think I would fall for you if he hadn't. No, I'm pretty sure I would.”

“Is that so bad?” He looked pleased.

“For me it is,” I looked away quickly. “Do you want a refill on your tea?”

“No, I'm fine.” He stood and moved towards me.

“What are you doing?” I eyed him warily.

“I'm asking you to dance with me.” His voice was soft, but his presence loomed large. I opened my mouth to reply. His eyes flickered with an emotion I couldn't quite place. I hoped he couldn't see the uncertainty warring with wanting in my eyes.

I gave him my hand, and he led me to the open area beside the fireplace before pulling me close to him. Something exploded inside of me, a heady rush that made me numb, yet every nerve ending tingled with awareness. His breath caressed my cheek; his hands rested lightly at my waist, and we swayed slowly to the music.

“So tell me now. Why would that be bad?”

Oooh, he was fighting dirty. I struggled to breathe. I wet my lips with my tongue. One hand toyed with his hair while the other thumb gently rubbed his neck. I wet my lips again and tried to form a thought. Any thought. Any thought but the one that bubbled up.

The tempo changed. Now Springsteen was telling me that I wasn't a beauty, but I was alright. Ethan's eyes were telling me I was delectable. Jeff was whispering in my ear that I was just too much.
Being with me was just too much. The ones before Jeff were there in my head now, too. All of them telling me that I was too easy; I wasn't easy enough; I talked too much; I was too quiet. Too dumb, too smart…. Too something.

“I….” A deep, ragged breath escaped my lips.

“You….” His teeth grazed my lower lip.

“I don't….”

His tongue teased the skin at the base of my throat. I closed my eyes. A single tear escaped unbidden.

“I don't want to lose my best friend.” I took another ragged breath and pushed him back.

“You won't.” He looked confused.

“So you say now.” I smiled weakly. “Trust me; I'm high maintenance.”

“I know you, Hailey. I know what I'm getting into. If you're worried about Jim, I'll talk to him. I've thought about this – a lot. He was bluffing; he won't fire us. I can talk to him.” Ethan raked his fingers through his hair and began to pace.

“But you will eventually decide that I am more trouble than I'm worth and leave. Even if I were willing to risk myself, I can't do that to Aaron. He's crazy about you.”

“I'm crazy about him, too, in case you haven't noticed.”

“But when you wind up hating me you won't remember that.”

“Don't judge me by what someone else did to you.” He looked wounded.

“I'm not judging you.” I wished there were some way to make this whole mess just go away. Why hadn't this piece of me just stayed turned off? “I really want you to respect me on this.”

“Hailey….”

“I understand if you don't want us to come to dinner tomorrow. We can eat here.”

“That's not fair to Aaron,” he snapped and I couldn't help flinching a little. His words felt like a slap. He must have noticed my reaction because he immediately softened. “And I want you there. My folks want to meet you.”

“Your folks…” I blanched a little. I'd forgotten about them coming.

“Hailey…”

“Yes?” I looked up, his gaze held mine for a breath.

“Aw hell.” He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me to him for one more fierce kiss. “I'll give you your space, but I don't like it.”

“Thank you.” I rested my head on his chest a moment more before stepping back. It was almost physically painful. Springsteen was saying we had one last chance to make it real. I was thinking maybe I was pushing my last chance away.

When the door closed behind him, I stood staring at it for a good long while. Then I just crumbled to the ground and cried. No, sobbed was more like it. I hadn't wanted this. I was here to work – to build cattle shoots and research bull DNA and negotiate contracts with Hollywood horse trainers. I was supposed to be losing weight and finding my inner Juanita, and the one thing I knew for sure was that I had not come here to fall in love. Eventually I pulled myself up and stumbled to the couch, where I lay staring at the dying embers in the fireplace until sleep finally claimed me.

The next morning dawned with an almost cruel beauty that beckoned me to shake off my self-pity to embrace it. By the time Aaron bounded out of his room, I was showered and dressed and ready to get a bit of work in before we had to go to the main house for dinner. Aaron and I had a bowl of cereal together and then parted ways. He was off to clean the stalls and work with Tumbleweed in the indoor arena. I wanted to get my morning ride in so I had time to finish up the budget projections.

Of course Ethan was already in the stable shining tack when I got there. I stopped short and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. My heart hurt – physically hurt – at the sight of him. I'd expected him to be a little standoffish, but he surprised me with a warm hello. I stammered something unintelligible, grabbed my saddle, and took off like a mountain lion was after me.

I might never be a true Ozarkian in that I just couldn't get used to the Fox Trotter gait, but I was happy that it no longer caused pain. In
fact, it was kind of fun. I tried to alternate my rides. Mornings were spent with Lady, evenings with Jezebel. That seemed fitting. Then, lunch time was spent with Tumbleweed. Between the attention he got from Aaron, me, and Ethan, that was one well-loved little colt.

“Hey Hailey, you done yet?” Ethan called from the door.

“Did you need the arena? I'm sorry,” I clucked Lady into a trot and quickly met him at the door. She tossed her head merrily as I wheeled her to a stop.

“No, I don't need the room. I just figured you had some work you wanted to get done.”

“I have time.” I scowled at him. He wasn't usually a taskmaster. It didn't seem like him to take last night out on me by pulling the boss card.

“I just thought you might want to finish up here in time to get dressed up a little. Maybe put some makeup on.” He fidgeted uneasily.

“Since when are you concerned about properly applied mascara?”

“Never mind.” He threw his hands up in defeat. “Show up fresh from shoveling horse manure for all I care.”

“Maybe I will.” I waited until his back was turned to stick my tongue out.

“I saw that,” he called without missing a step.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood to ride anymore, so I groomed Lady and put her back in her turnout pen. She nickered at me, and I gave her an apple treat along with a scratch on the nose. I stopped to talk to Aaron for a bit, and then wondered over to my office, closed the door and turned on the radio. Shania Twain was urging me to release the Juanita deep within and I grinned.

Now that's what I'm talking about. It didn't take long for me to lose myself in spreadsheets. With the sale of some of the horses, we were seeing an influx of cash. I needed to be careful and invest it wisely to make it last, so I modeled every possible scenario I could think of and carefully prepared my recommendations for Ethan.