Twice in a Lifetime (Love Found) (33 page)

“And what keeps you too busy to come home.” Jake shamelessly edged that in, then shrugged when Allie frowned at him. “Your mother worries.”

Trey tracked the volley of expressions with a grin. “Oh, I manage to stay busy. I found a football team to join. It’s a club league, but there’s pretty good talent. Except the QB sucks. I sure miss Jax.”

“What about your classes?” The rise of panic pouring from Allie’s eyes had her asking more emphatically than necessary. Jake draped a comforting arm across her shoulders and led her to sit with her coffee.

“Yes, classes, too, Mom. Biology and math are pretty hard.” Trey rolled his eyes, then laughed. “You’ll be glad to know I’m on a first name basis with everyone who works in the library.”

Trey joined them at the table. “I know kids who barely go to class.” Disgust was written on his face. “C’s get degrees, that’s their motto. They spend the weekend partying and Monday nursing a hangover. It’s kind of sad, really. One day they’ll come around and wish they put in more effort.”

Allie’s mother’s eye bored into the kid sitting beside her. Okay, where was her son and who was this imposter? Trey was only gone two months and already he seemed more mature.

Trey eased out of his chair. “I didn’t have time to do my laundry this week, so I brought it down. It’s still in my truck; I’ll go get it.”

The only time she’d ever seen Trey do his own laundry was one day back in August. Imagining him coming home with all his clothes the same dingy gray, she dragged him to the washing machine under squawking protest and showed him how to sort white socks from blue jeans and how much detergent to use. She hoped he was using that lesson at school, but she could also picture him wearing his clothes until they were stiff.

“Well, I guess I should go now.” Jake stood to pull her into his arms, lowered his cheek to the top of her head. “Mmm, you feel good. And you always smell nice. Like flowers.” He planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “I still have a hard time believing this isn’t a dream.” He lifted his head and smiled down at her. “I love you, have I told you lately?”

“No, stay. And feel free to tell me anytime the mood strikes.” She paused, searching for the words. “Does this seem unreal to you, too? I feel almost like I’m too happy. Like I don’t deserve this.”

Jake nuzzled her neck, sending goosebumps down her arms. “You do deserve this… and more.”

The calm contentment on his face after the possible fiasco with Trey should make her smile. Instead, dread had her shoulders slumping as if she wore a cement shawl. She pulled out of his arms. “There’s something we need to talk about.” But Trey would be back any minute. “Let’s take a walk.”

She was already pushing her arms into her jacket. She handed Jake’s to him and passed Trey on the front porch. Jake paused to hold the door open for him as he entered the house with what was possibly his entire wardrobe shoved into a large plastic hamper. “Have at it, kid.”

“Thanks, Jake,” he drolled, and headed for the laundry room.

A brisk wind had kicked up and brown leaves hurtled across the dormant lawn, swirling in the curb. Allie huddled into her coat; Jake laced her fingers with his as they strolled down the sidewalk, leaves crunching beneath each step. He waited for what, he had no idea, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes and his heart rate ratcheted.

In time she sent him a sideways glance, then spoke slowly, her words seemingly chosen carefully. “Thank you for last night, Jake.”

He drew his eyebrows together in confusion, tightened his fingers around hers and drew her to a halt. “You waiting for me to say
you’re welcome
, Allie? Because
thank you
doesn’t begin to cover how I feel about last night.”

“You’re right. It was wonderful, but I’ve been thinking.” She pulled their joined hands to her heart. “This is hard for me to say, and I need you to hear me out.”

Hear what? Was she having second thoughts?
Oh, hell no.
He dropped her hand to grasp her by the shoulders. “Hard to say what? Where are you going with this?”

She lowered her eyes to study the sidewalk. “I hope you agree that what we have here—what we need to have, I should say—is an affair. Just sex.”

What the hell? “You think I can agree to
that
?” He frowned down at her, flummoxed. After the night they’d just had? The words they’d spoken?

She tilted her head back and peered up at him, shoving her bare hands deep into her pockets. “Remember last night, when I told you I’ve started my change already… menopause, and I couldn’t get pregnant?”

His frown deepened. “Yeah, what about it? That doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.” A combination of anger and misery rode the harsh statement and only her upraised palm stopped him from pulling her closer and locking his arms around her. “I can’t have children anymore, Jake. When you find someone to settle down with you’ll want that. And I can’t… do that. Not anymore.”

Her eyes turned haunted as she pulled out one hand and laid it on his chest. “It’s so hard to explain, but I feel… incomplete.” She patted her hand against him. “In here. And now the choice is not mine to make. I love Trey, but I always felt there were more children inside me, needing me. It was a concept Ben never understood.” She paused and finally he pulled her against his jacket.

“I always felt I was still young enough to have another child, but I guess Mother Nature has a different plan for me.” She widened her eyes and blinked back tears.

He leaned back and thumbed the moisture away. “First off, you love me, right?” The drawn out moment before she answered had his heart pounding.

“Of course.”

Jesus.
Was she trying to give him a heart attack? “Of course. And what we have here is not
just
sex, Allie. It’s
great
sex.” At her puny smile, he added more earnestly, “We are not having an affair. I love you.” No way in hell was she cutting him out now. He’d make her see they needed to be together. He trapped her face, his calloused palms cupping her cheeks, and dropped a gentle kiss on her lips. “Marry me. Babies or no babies, I want every day and every single night with
you
.”

He glanced up the street, at two teenage boys skateboarding on the sidewalk, and the next-door neighbor unloading groceries, then turned back to her. “This isn’t exactly the way I wanted to ask you, though.” He smiled at her, and released her to hold her hands. “I wanted candlelight and champagne, soft music in the background. And a ring. Can we go shopping this afternoon and find a great big rock to put here?” He lifted her left hand and kissed her bare ring finger. She’d worn Ben’s rings on her right hand since that first day with the attorney. He stopped talking. She hadn’t said anything yet and his heart pounded again. Christ, he may have that heart attack yet. “Allie? Babe, what do you say? Shall we go pick one out?”

Allie pulled her hands to her sides and turned away. “I love you, Jake. There’s no doubt in my mind, I love you.” He took a deep breath, sensing an important
but
coming next. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want. But I can’t marry you.” She turned around now, her eyes beseeching him to understand. “My son is the best thing I ever did. I want you to know that happiness too.”

Hell no.
She was not pulling that on him. “Don’t I get to decide, Allie? Don’t I get a say? Babies were a dream, but dreams can change. I love you. And I love Trey. You’re my family now.”

“I’ll be with you. For as long as you want. But I won’t marry you.” Sonofabitch. He couldn’t be this close to the brass ring only to have her yank it away. “We only get one chance to live our life. One day you’ll change your mind and then you’ll be free.”

He didn’t want to be free, dammit. How could she be so cruel? Didn’t she realize each word was a dagger, plunged unerringly into his heart? He had no intention of letting her get away with this shit. He wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was she. But she was in no mood to be reasoned with. Taking her hand, he led her back to the house. “All right, babe. We’ll do this your way. For now.”

Allie took a pork roast from the refrigerator, seasoned it and set it to brown it on the stovetop, wearing a frown that had nothing to do with the slab of meat sizzling in the heavy Dutch oven. Jake needed to understand that this troubling need to protect him plagued her. Plagued, yes, that was a good word for how she felt. Wouldn’t it be nice if she could not worry about what was right for everyone and just take what she wanted? Because she would have chosen a future with Jake.

Using tongs, she flipped the meat to sear the top. Whether this was due to Ben’s request or on her, it didn’t matter. Her conscience wouldn’t allow her to be the anchor that kept him from a life he wanted.

Oh, she was thankful for what they shared now, but despair weighed heavy on her mood. She added liquid to the meat and hefted the cast iron pan into the screaming hot oven. How long would they survive if she was already pulling away?

Allie passed the plate of sliced meat to Trey. “Do you already have plans for tomorrow?

Trey passed mashed potatoes to Jake and took the platter from his mom. “Jax and I are planning something tomorrow night; his girlfriend Kiley is in town and she brought her roommate with her. But I don’t have anything planned during the day.”

“I wondered.” She glanced up at Jake. “Maybe we can all do something. Go to a matinee, or bowling.”

Jake swallowed his bite and spoke up. “How would you like to go to a football game? Not sure who we’re playing, but we’re home this week.”

Trey didn’t bother swallowing first, nearly bouncing in his seat. “Dude! I’m totally down with that. Do you think we can still get tickets?”

“Let me make a call, see if I can come up with something.”

Allie sat, bemused. “Forty-five yard line. That’s good, right?”

“It’s excellent, Mom. And only a few rows in from the field! Jake, you totally scored! But what will we do with the fourth ticket?”

Maybe your mom would like to invite a friend.” Jake’s deadpan expression had her smothering a grin.”

“Sure, that’s a pretty good idea.”

But Trey was less than enthusiastic and she nearly laughed while she finished clearing the table. “Or,” she drew out the word for drama, “Maybe Jax would like to come along.”

Jake followed Trey with his eyes as he lit down the hallway. “I think he liked that idea a whole lot better.”

“I’d say so. He had to make the call before we change our minds.” She rinsed plates and began stacking them in the dishwasher. “How did you manage that, mister? I’m impressed.”

Jake gave a quick jerk of his shoulder. “No big deal, really. We have a supplier with season tickets. He uses them mainly for customers.” Simple as that.

“Wow! A man with connections. I may keep you around after all, if only for the perks.” She gave him a mischievous smile.

“Oh, I can think of better perks than football tickets.” Jake had a mischievous smile of his own. “Trey’s going out tonight, what do you say we find a sock?”

Allie followed Jake into the living room, plopped on the sofa beside him. What a day, she was exhausted. As promised, he arrived this morning loaded down with a barbeque grill and a cooler filled with food and drinks, then trashed her kitchen cupboards hunting for the forgotten paper goods. She pushed up the sleeves of her bulky green turtleneck. “Tailgating. Now I remember why we had to leave four hours before game time.

Jake picked up the remote and flipped channels until he came to the news, then turned down the volume. He picked up her right hand, absently twisted her ring. “Sure. Like when Ben and I used to take Trey to games.”

She looked at her hand, at his fingers toying with her jewelry and pulled her hand away. “Right.” The stadium parking lot was a sea of pop-up canopies with red and black logo banners snapping in a breeze that carried enticing aromas of grilled meat. Swarms of noisy fans dressed in replica team jerseys were clustered around grills and portable firepits. She stood to light a scented candle and smiled from across the room. “Actually, I had fun. The boys did too. I should have remembered sunscreen, though. My nose is a little pink.”

He leaned back, dropped an arm across the back of the sofa and nodded toward her feet. “What you should have remembered was to not wear those three-inch heels. You would have landed on your ass if you lost your footing on those steps down to our seats.”

Um hmm, those seats in the third row. He really did spoil them. She returned to the couch, sat and dangled one jean-clad leg over his knee. “Would you have saved me if I started to fall?” He lifted her leg, straightened it and ran a palm down the denim of her jeans, ending with her boot in his hand. It had been so long since a man touched her with an end game objective. She smiled to herself. It felt really good.

“You bet.” He lowered his voice and the tingles she was beginning to associate with him snaked up and down her spine. “If your butt was broken you wouldn’t be able to wrap these babies around my waist later tonight.”

Her face heated. “Oh.” The word escaped on a short breath, not nearly all she wanted to say, but all she got out before Trey wandered in, freshly showered. Darn his timing! Watching him cross the room, she took a deep breath and shook her head to clear it. The scents of soap and cologne followed him as he dropped into the easy chair, drumming his fingers on the arm.