Twice Loved (26 page)

“Hey I have fresh hot pizza in here.” I call out softly.

“Thanks I’ll be right in.”

I close the door back. I hate there isn’t more I can do for Tate. Time is the only solution to this problem. We, more especially Tate has to wait this out and see what happens. I grab a couple plates out of the cabinet. I open a box of pizza and place a couple slices on a plate for me. I take it back in the living room with me. I settle in on the couch pulling my phone out and I google search for prenatal paternity testing. I begin reading the information.

At some point Tate walks into the living room, I am not even sure when he came back in the house. He sits down beside me on the couch. He has a plate of pizza in his lap His face is full of worry lines and I wish there was more I could do to help him. He has to deal with this in his own time and his own way.

“What are you looking at Princess?”

Glancing down at the screen and back to him, “I’m researching paternity tests.”

He sighs heavily. “Can I get it done soon?”

“It looks like you can have one done as early as twelve weeks but either method of testing have a risk for miscarriage. You may have to face that LuAnn won’t do it until the baby is born.”

I lift a slice of pizza to my mouth, taking a nibble and chew as I watch his face. The myriad of expressions that cross it as he processes what I have just told him are almost comical.

“So what you’re saying is I’m fucked until the baby is born and a safer method of testing can be done?”

My face softens. I angle my body toward Tate. He doesn’t want to hear this. Any of it.

“Yes I’m afraid so.”

“How am I supposed to be there for her if I’m not even convinced it’s mine? Hell I’m not even convinced she’s pregnant yet.”

“I don’t know.” I set my plate on the table in front of us. “You have to do the right thing though.”

“What the fuck is the right thing?” He exclaims. His face clouding more with anger. His eyes are round and dark. The lines on his face tight and drawn I want to reach my hand up and smooth away those lines.

“You treat her as if she is pregnant, and it’s yours until you know for sure.”

“This fucking sucks!” He takes a savage bite of pizza and chews like an angry bull.

We remain in silence as each of us is lost in our own thoughts. We both finish eating. Tate reaches down and turns on the TV. I don’t even think he’s really watching it. It’s more background noise than anything right now. He looks so lost and confused.

“Tate?”

“Hmmm?”

I twist so that I can see him clearly. “I think I’m going to go home. We both have thinking to do and I didn’t bring my stuff for school tomorrow either.”

“Oh and I guess Haley is going to be at your place again?”

“Yea she’s staying in the guest room until she decides what she wants to do about Jake.”

“Fucking Idiot!”

That’s the most Tate, and I have discussed about the situation between our two closest friends. Without discussing it we somehow agreed to not talk about the situation between our friends. I was thankful for that because right now my thoughts were not very kind toward Jake. It wasn’t that I hated him but I did hate what he had done to my friend. I still couldn’t believe he was making out with some random girl in the bar. I wondered if it had been a one-time thing or something that had always been going on.

Tate and Jake were both ladies men before meeting Haley and I. Was it too much to assume that they had straightened up and were only about their current girlfriends? I cut my eyes over to Tate and watch him. I try to decide if Tate is also still carrying on behind my back? It would be difficult though seeing as we are together almost every moment he isn’t working. There were very few nights we were not spending the night together. Even fewer that we didn’t see each other.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t talking to others on his phone but then I recall he’s not been as secretive with his phone as he was the first time we are together. He gave me the password to get into his phone and he didn’t seem to mind if I touched it anymore. Yes there was more proof that Tate was being honest with me this time around. That I was the only woman in his life but a small part of me still feared. The old saying once a cheater always a cheater runs through my mind.

“Can I get a blowjob before you go?” Tate’s face holds a mischievous grin.

I chuckle as I reply “What do I get in return?”

“How about eight inches in that sweet pussy?”

Oh swoon! He says such sweet things to me. I swear it’s what every woman wants to hear. Okay maybe I do get a little turned on when he talks to me that way. However, it would be nice every once in a while to hear some sweet words from him as well.

“I love you Princess!”

“I love you too!”

He angles his body toward me pulling me to him by the front of my shirt. As he pulls me into him his head dips down and his lips devour mine. I love kissing this man. I love touching him. Hell I just plain love him for real. I’d be lost without Tate in my life. I wonder briefly why I’m so addicted to the man. Is this a healthy need? Is this relationship the best one for me? I honestly don’t know the answers to my own questions.

We continue making out on the couch. Even though we just did all this a few hours ago here we are like two horny teenagers going at each other again. It makes me feel better that Tate appears to have the same addiction to me that I have to him. I don’t feel as weird about the craving knowing it’s not just me who has it.

Its two hours before I actually make it home. Tate distracts me and sometimes it’s not a good thing. Other times it’s like my own slice of heaven. Pulling up to my home I sit quietly in the car reflecting on all that has happened with Tate today. There is so much to consider. Can I deal with LuAnn being part of his life forever? Right now it’s a possibility that is what Tate is facing. If LuAnn is pregnant and Tate is the father he will never be free of her. She never goes away. She’s like a cancer eating at Tate.

The house is quiet as I enter. The kids must be in their rooms. Both their cars are in the driveway so they have to be home. I’m surprised to find Olivia with books in front of her at the kitchen counter. The smell of something delicious baking in the oven wafts throughout the room.

“Hey mom. Have a good time?” My daughters asks me looking up from her textbook.

I set my purse on the counter as I sit down on a stool next to her. My elbows rest in front of me. “Eh…. It was good and not so good.” I let my head fall into the palms of my hands as I speak. “LuAnn is back, and it’s not looking good”

“What do you mean mom?” Olivia’s face clouds with concern at my declaration.

“The bitch is claiming she’s pregnant with Tate’s baby.”

The pen in her hand is tossed on to the countertop “What the hell?” Shock and disbelief is clear in her tone.

“Tell me about it.” My body heaves with the sigh I let out “I don’t know if I can deal with that.”

“Mom….” Olivia turns to me her hands reaches out and takes one of mine. “Do you love Tate?”

“Yes… Yes I do.” there is no denying I love that man. He drives me crazy and I can’t get enough of him.

“Then don’t let LuAnn tear you apart.”

“I agree with your daughter.” Haley’s voices pipes in. I almost forgot she was still staying with us. She wears a ratty T-shirt and sweat pants her hair sticks out all over and I fight the urge to laugh. It’s hard to take her serious when she looks like the walking dead. “That bitch needs to learn she can’t get what she wants with lies and manipulations anymore.”

“I understand what y’all are saying to me. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to fight this time.” I’m not just talking about fighting for Tate. I’m talking about fighting for love period. Going through all I did when Steve was dying, when I was seeing Tate the first time, being there for my kids, and working. It took its toll on me. I used a lot of will and strength to get through those dark days. I don’t know if I can do it again. Can I be the rock for everyone when I’m as fragile as spun glass?

“Mom you are one of the strongest people I know.” Olivia tries to encourage me. I love this girl. Steve would be so proud of the young woman she is becoming. The wisdom she already shows for such a young age.

“I won’t give up without a fight.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince with those words them or myself.

Chapter Thirty

Tate is distracted the next couple weeks while dealing with LuAnn. We see each other every night like normal. We sleep together every night like normal. What’s not fucking normal is we aren’t having sex. Hell he hasn’t even asked for a blow job. I know something is wrong. Tate has always at least wanted that nightly.

“Are you stressed?” I ask him one night. As I lay in my bed watching him strip from his work clothes and head into my bathroom.

“What?” he asks me distractedly.

“You haven’t touched me in two weeks. Haven’t even asked for me to give you head.” I keep my gaze on Tate who is now looking at me strangely. “That’s not normal. Your either worried or fucking another woman.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Lori I should spank your ass. I’m in bed with you every fucking night.”

I sit up in bed. “Calm down. I asked if you were stressed before I brought another woman up that should tell you something.”

“Yea you still don’t fucking trust me or you wouldn’t have said it at all.” He marches into the bathroom. The faint sounds of metal scraping trails out as he turns on the faucets. I jump out of bed and follow him into the bathroom.

“I’m trying to be here for you but you make it fucking hard!” I struggle to keep myself from yelling at him in frustration. He pisses me off when he shuts me out like this.

“Trying to be here for me? By what accusing me of cheating?” Tate is pissed and hurt is in his tone.

“You know what never mind” I huff as I turn and walk back into my bedroom. I begin picking clothes off the floor and slinging them around. I really want to hurl things at Tate but I refrain. I storm back in the bathroom “Fuck you!”

“Excuse me?” he calls from behind the shower curtain.

“You heard me!” my arms go across my chest. “I’m trying to be supportive and you want to be an asshole.” I pace the small tiled bathroom floor. “I’m not the one you’re pissed at so don’t take that shit out on me!”

“Supportive?” I hear a faint snort “You just basically asked if I was screwing someone else.”

“Well fuck, you haven’t touched me, it’s a possibility!” I yell at him. I don’t even care anymore. He’s pissed me off with his attitude. It’s not about the sex it’s about the attitude.

“You’re right I’ve been stressed the fuck out. I can’t get rid of the crazy bitch!”

“Well you aren’t the only one." I snap “I have to deal with her too!”

Then suddenly I burst into a great flood of tears. I slam the toilet lid down and plop. I bury my face in my hands as the tears fall. I’m at a breaking point. I’m lost and confused. I love Tate and I want to be here for him but he’s always pushing me away and shutting me out. If he would just talk to me it would help both of us.

“Why are you crying?” Tate’s head peeks around the curtain. His tone is softened. “I hate when you do that shit!”

“Well I’m sorry!” Sniffles follow. “I can’t just stop crying because you don’t like it!”

Tate’s chuckle bounces around the room. “Princess, take your clothes off!”

“What?” I ask baffled.

“Take your clothes off.” his eyes pierce me “and get in this fucking shower with me now!”

“Um… okay” a little shell shocked I begin stripping my clothes off. This only pisses me off more. I’m mad at him but he gives a command and I obey. Damn my pussy for throbbing right now. She is betraying me.

I move toward the shower, Tate shifts back allowing me room to climb in. I step in and immediately warm water hits my skin. I watch as droplets bead and run down my arm. Tate reaches out and pulls me to him. Our bodies smack as wet skin comes in contact with wet skin. His head dips in and nestles in the crook of my neck. His warm breath sends chills across me as it mixes with the dampness of the water. I shiver.

“I fuckin’ love you bitch!” Tate whispers as he sighs next to me ear “I’m sorry I’ve been a dick.”

My body relaxes against him. I let Tate’s arms embrace and hold me. Tears still pool just beneath my lids but I try to keep them from falling again.

“I love you too asshole… so stop pushing me away.”

Tate’s mouth descends on my neck. He goes straight for the sweet spot. The one that send my juices flowing and my heart racing every time. This is what I like about being with this man he remembers what I like and he uses it to his advantage, it may also be what I don’t like about him. I’m a mixed up bag of emotions when it comes to him.

His mouth gently suckles on my neck, it’s not enough to leave a mark but it’s enough for me to feel it from head to toe. I tilt my neck to the side giving him more access. His lips caress my skin. His breath fans across my ear as he moves his head up. I shiver again. Tate’s mouth comes down on mine his head leans down and in toward my lips. I anticipate them. It’s like home when our lips touch.

As he breaks the kiss a look crosses his eyes, its lust mixed with anger. My body quakes with nervousness as I continue holding his gaze. I’m not sure I didn’t just become prey to him. I step back almost involuntarily. He grabs hold of me pulling me tight into him. He nips at my bottom lip then shoves me hard against the shower wall. My breathing comes short and shallow. My heart is racing. It may jump out of my chest at any moment. His hand comes up around my throat. My eyes blink rapidly. The blood flow is restricted but not completely shut off. A normal person would be scared. Instead I feel my own juices flow down my legs even in the shower.

“I’m going to show you that not only do I own you but you own me.” Tate’s husky words are like lava flowing over my body.

I can’t even make an intelligible reply. He nibbles on my lower lip again. A moan escapes me. My mouth parts slightly. His tongue slips in. He gives me a short kiss before pulling back from me again. His hand falls from my throat as he steps toward me pressing his slick body against mine. His hardness is evident between us as it rests on my thigh. He presses harder into me. I gasp.