Twilight 4 - Breaking dawn (7 page)

We moved to the rhythm of his heart under my hand.
“I’m glad I came,” Jacob said quietly after a moment. “I didn’t think I would be. But it’s good to see you… one more time. Not as sad as I’d thought it would be.”
“I don’t want you to feel sad.”
“I know that. And I didn’t come tonight to make you feel guilty.”
“No—it makes me very happy that you came. It’s the best gift you could have given me.”
He laughed. “That’s good, because I didn’t have time to stop for a real present.”

My eyes were adjusting, and I could see his face now, higher up than I expected. Was it possible that he was still growing? He had to be closer to seven feet than to six. It was a relief to see his familiar features again after all this time—his deep-set eyes shadowed under his shaggy black brows, his high cheekbones, his full lips stretched over his bright teeth in the sarcastic smile that matched his tone. His eyes were tight around the edges—careful; I could see that he was being
very
careful tonight. He was doing all he could to make me happy, to not slip and show how much this cost him.

I’d never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Jacob.
“When did you decide to come back?”

“Consciously or subconsciously?” He took a deep breath before he answered his own question. “I don’t really know. I guess I’ve been wandering back this direction for a while, and maybe it’s because I was headed here. But it wasn’t until this morning that I really started
running
. I didn’t know if I could make it.” He laughed. “You wouldn’t believe how weird this feels—walking around on two legs again. And clothes! And then it’s more bizarre
because
it feels weird. I didn’t expect that. I’m out of practice with the whole human thing.”

We revolved steadily.
“It would have been a shame to miss seeing you like this, though. That’s worth the trip right there. You look unbelievable, Bella. So beautiful.”
“Alice invested a lot of time in me today. The dark helps, too.” “It’s not so dark for me, you know.”
“Right.” Werewolf senses. It was easy to forget all the things he could do, he seemed so human. Especially right now.
“You cut your hair,” I noted.
“Yeah. Easier, you know. Thought I’d better take advantage of the hands.”
“It looks good,” I lied.

He snorted. “Right. I did it myself, with rusty kitchen shears.” He grinned widely for a moment, and then his smile faded. His expression turned serious. “Are you happy, Bella?”

“Yes.”
“Okay.” I felt his shoulders shrug. “That’s the main thing, I guess.”
“How are you, Jacob? Really?”
“I’m fine, Bella, really. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. You can stop bugging Seth.”
“I’m not just bugging him because of you. I
like
Seth.”
“He’s a good kid. Better company than some. I tell you, if I could get rid of the voices in my head, being a wolf would be about perfect.”
I laughed at the way it sounded. “Yeah, I can’t get mine to shut up, either.”
“In your case, that would mean you’re insane. Of course, I already knew that you were insane,” he teased.
“Thanks.”
“Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind. Crazy people’s voices don’t send babysitters to watch them.”
“Huh?”
“Sam’s out there. And some of the others. Just in case, you know.”
“In case of what?”

“In case I can’t keep it together, something like that. In case I decide to trash the party.” He flashed a quick smile at what was probably an appealing thought to him. “But I’m not here to ruin your wedding, Bella. I’m here to . . .” He trailed off.

“To make it perfect.” “That’s a tall order.”
“Good thing you’re so tall.”
He groaned at my bad joke and then sighed. “I’m just here to be your friend. Your best friend, one last time.”
“Sam should give you more credit.”
“Well, maybe I’m being oversensitive. Maybe they’d be here anyway, to keep an eye on Seth. There are a
lot
of vampires here. Seth doesn’t take that as seriously as he should.”
“Seth knows that he’s not in any danger. He understands the Cullens better than Sam does.”
“Sure, sure,” Jacob said, making peace before it could turn into a fight.
It was strange to have him being the diplomat.
“Sorry about those voices,” I said. “Wish I could make it better.” In so many ways.
“It’s not that bad. I’m just whining a little.”
“You’re… happy?”
“Close enough. But enough about me. You’re the star today.” He chuckled. “I bet you’re just
loving
that. Center of attention.”
“Yeah. Can’t get enough attention.”

He laughed and then stared over my head. With pursed lips, he studied the shimmering glow of the reception party, the graceful whirl of the dancers, the fluttering petals falling from the garlands; I looked with him. It all seemed very distant from this black, quiet space. Almost like watching the white flurries swirling inside a snow globe.

“I’ll give them this much,” he said. “They know how to throw a party.”
“Alice is an unstoppable force of nature.”
He sighed. “Song’s over. Do you think I get another one? Or is that asking too much?”
I tightened my hand around his. “You can have as many dances as you want.”
He laughed. “That would be interesting. I think I’d better stick with two, though. Don’t want to start talk.”
We turned in another circle.
“You’d think I’d be used to telling you goodbye by now,” he murmured. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t force it down.
Jacob looked at me and frowned. He wiped his fingers across my cheek, catching the tears there.
“You’re not supposed to be the one crying, Bella.”
“Everyone cries at weddings,” I said thickly.
“This is what you want, right?”
“Right.”
“Then smile.”
I tried. He laughed at my grimace.
“I’m going to try to remember you like this. Pretend that . . .”
“That what? That I died?”
He clenched his teeth. He was struggling with himself—with his decision to make his presence here a gift and not a judgment. I could guess what he wanted to say.
“No,” he finally answered. “But I’ll see you this way in my head. Pink cheeks. Heartbeat. Two left feet. All of that.”
I deliberately stomped on his foot as hard as I could.
He smiled. “That’s my girl.”
He started to say something else and then snapped his mouth closed. Struggling again, teeth gritted against the words he didn’t want to say.

My relationship with Jacob used to be so easy. Natural as breathing. But since Edward had come back into my life, it was a constant strain. Because—in Jacob’s eyes—by choosing Edward, I was choosing a fate that was worse than death, or at least equivalent to it.

“What is it, Jake? Just tell me. You can tell me anything.”
“I—I… I don’t have anything to tell you.”
“Oh please. Spit it out.”
“It’s true. It’s not… it’s—it’s a question. It’s something I want
you
to tell
me
.”

“Ask me.” He struggled for another minute and then exhaled. “I shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter. I’m just morbidly curious.”

Because I knew him so well, I understood.
“It’s not tonight, Jacob,” I whispered.
Jacob was even more obsessed with my humanity than Edward. He treasured every one of my heartbeats, knowing that they were numbered.
“Oh,” he said, trying to smother his relief. “Oh.”
A new song started playing, but he didn’t notice the change this time.
“When?” he whispered.
“I don’t know for sure. A week or two, maybe.”
His voice changed, took on a defensive, mocking edge. “What’s the holdup?”
“I just didn’t want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain.”
“You’d rather spend it how? Playing checkers? Ha ha.”
“Very funny.”

“Kidding, Bells. But, honestly, I don’t see the point. You can’t have a real honeymoon with your vampire, so why go through the motions? Call a spade a spade. This isn’t the first time you’ve put this off. That’s a
good
thing, though,” he said, suddenly earnest. “Don’t be embarrassed about it.”

“I’m not putting anything off,” I snapped. “And
yes I can
have a real honeymoon! I can do anything I want! Butt out!”

He stopped our slow circling abruptly. For a moment, I wondered if he’d finally noticed the music change, and I scrambled in my head for a way to patch up our little tiff before he said goodbye to me. We shouldn’t part on this note.

And then his eyes bulged wide with a strange kind of confused horror.
“What?” he gasped. “What did you say?”
“About what… ? Jake? What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean? Have a real honeymoon? While you’re still
human
? Are you kidding? That’s a sick joke, Bella!”

I glared at him. “I said butt out, Jake. This is
so
not your business. I shouldn’t have… we shouldn’t even be talking about this. It’s private—”
His enormous hands gripped the tops of my arms, wrapping all the way around, fingers overlapping.

“Ow, Jake! Let go!”
He shook me.
“Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can’t be that stupid! Tell me you’re joking!”
He shook me again. His hands, tight as tourniquets, were quivering, sending vibrations deep into my bones.
“Jake—stop!”
The darkness was suddenly very crowded.
“Take your hands off her!” Edward’s voice was cold as ice, sharp as razors.
Behind Jacob, there was a low snarl from the black night, and then another, overlapping the first.
“Jake, bro, back away,” I heard Seth Clearwater urge. “You’re losing it.”
Jacob seemed frozen as he was, his horrified eyes wide and staring.
“You’ll hurt her,” Seth whispered. “Let her go.”
“Now!” Edward snarled.

Jacob’s hands dropped to his sides, and the sudden gush of blood through my waiting veins was almost painful. Before I could register more than that, cold hands replaced the hot ones, and the air was suddenly whooshing past me.

I blinked, and I was on my feet a half dozen feet away from where I’d been standing. Edward was tensed in front of me. There were two enormous wolves braced between him and Jacob, but they did not seem aggressive to me. More like they were trying to prevent the fight.

And Seth—gangly, fifteen-year-old Seth—had his long arms around Jacob’s shaking body, and he was tugging him away. If Jacob phased with Seth so close…
“C’mon, Jake. Let’s go.”

“I’ll kill you,” Jacob said, his voice so choked with rage that it was low as a whisper. His eyes, focused on Edward, burned with fury. “I’ll kill you myself! I’ll do it now!” He shuddered convulsively.

The biggest wolf, the black one, growled sharply.

“Seth, get out of the way,” Edward hissed. Seth tugged on Jacob again. Jacob was so bewildered with rage that Seth was able to yank him a few feet farther back. “Don’t do it, Jake. Walk away. C’mon.”

Sam—the bigger wolf, the black one—joined Seth then. He put his massive head against Jacob’s chest and shoved.
The three of them—Seth towing, Jake trembling, Sam pushing—disappeared swiftly into the darkness.
The other wolf stared after them. I wasn’t sure, in the weak light, about the color of his fur—chocolate brown, maybe? Was it Quil, then?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to the wolf.
“It’s all right now, Bella,” Edward murmured.
The wolf looked at Edward. His gaze was not friendly. Edward gave him one cold nod. The wolf huffed and then turned to follow the others, vanishing as they had.
“All right,” Edward said to himself, and then he looked at me. “Let’s get back.”
“But Jake—”
“Sam has him in hand. He’s gone.”
“Edward, I’m so sorry. I was stupid—”
“You did nothing wrong—”
“I have such a big mouth! Why would I… I shouldn’t have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?”
“Don’t worry.” He touched my face. “We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence.”
I shook my head, trying to reorient myself. Before someone noticed? Had anyone
missed
that?
Then, as I thought about it, I realized the confrontation that had seemed so catastrophic to me had, in reality, been very quiet and short here in the shadows.
“Give me two seconds,” I pleaded.
My insides were chaotic with panic and grief, but that didn’t matter—only the outside mattered right now. Putting on a good show was something I knew I had to master.
“My dress?”
“You look fine. Not a hair out of place.” I took two deep breaths. “Okay. Let’s go.”

He put his arms around me and led me back to the light. When we passed under the twinkle lights, he spun me gently onto the dance floor. We melted in with the other dancers as if our dance had never been interrupted.

I glanced around at the guests, but no one seemed shocked or frightened. Only the very palest faces there showed any signs of stress, and they hid it well. Jasper and Emmett were on the edge of the floor, close together, and I guessed that they had been nearby during the confrontation.

“Are you—”
“I’m fine,” I promised. “I can’t believe I did that. What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with
you
.”
I’d been so glad to see Jacob here. I knew the sacrifice it had taken him. And then I’d ruined it, turned his gift into a disaster. I should be quarantined.

But my idiocy would not ruin anything else tonight. I would put this away, shove it in a drawer and lock it up to deal with later. There would be plenty of time to flagellate myself for this, and nothing I could do now would help.

“It’s over,” I said. “Let’s not think of it again tonight.”
I expected a quick agreement from Edward, but he was silent.
“Edward?”
He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine. “Jacob is right,” he whispered. “What
am
I thinking?”
“He is not.” I tried to keep my face smooth for the watching crowd of friends. “Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly.”
He mumbled something low that sounded almost like “
should
let him kill me for even thinking . . .”

“Stop it,” I said fiercely. I grabbed his face in my hands and waited until he opened his eyes. “You and me. That’s the only thing that matters. The only thing you’re allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?”

“Yes,” he sighed.
“Forget Jacob came.” I could do that. I
would
do that. “For me. Promise that you’ll let this go.”
He stared into my eyes for a moment before answering. “I promise.” “Thank you. Edward, I’m not afraid.”
“I am,” he whispered.
“Don’t be.” I took deep breath and smiled. “By the way, I love you.”
He smiled just a little in return. “That’s why we’re here.”