Twilight's Serenade (9 page)

“That’s exactly how it feels. Remember that story in the Bible where Lazarus is raised from the dead? He was all bound up in burial cloth, and they had to free him up. That’s how I see myself. I was all tied up in drink and destruction. Morris James came along and helped me turn to Jesus, and He called me out of the grave—out of my burial cloth.”

“It’s a sweet liberty that none of us should ever take lightly,” Lydia said.

“But some folks don’t have to sink as low as I did. Some folks just accept God without a struggle and they never know the misery I lived through.”

“That’s true. But we’ve all sinned, as the Bible says, and the consequences of those sins are as varied as the sins themselves. Your sins are truly no worse than mine, but perhaps the scars you bear are.”

“You’re a very wise woman, Mrs. Lindquist.”

“You know to call me Lydia,” she said with a smile. “I might as well be your auntie, for all the time you spent here as a child.”

“Those are good memories. I always envied your family.” He sighed. “You never seemed to struggle or have any real problems.”

Lydia surprised Yuri by laughing. “You know the truth of Dalton’s birth and kidnapping. You know how evil my first husband was, and how his family treated me and tried to separate us from Dalton.”

“I’d nearly forgotten. I guess you have had your griefs to bear.”

“We all have, Yuri. It’s just that bearing them with the Lord makes all the difference.” She fell silent and looked off toward the water.

For several minutes they sat quietly, watching the morning unfold. Yuri considered her offer of a place to stay. He didn’t relish the idea of returning to the ramshackle cabin he’d shared with Marsha. There was nothing there he wanted or needed.

“I suppose I could stick around here with you until Kjell and Dalton get back. I could do some work for you to earn my keep. Chop wood and such.”

“That would be nice,” Lydia said. “Britta and I can care for the girls while you’re busy. Kay can help, too. I know you probably don’t remember her too well, but she’s been a great addition to our family.”

“Frankly, I was usually too intoxicated to remember anything very well,” he admitted. “I’ll have to decide soon what to do with the children. They’d probably be better off without me.”

“How can you say such a thing?” Britta questioned as she joined them on the porch. The screen door slammed into place behind her.

Yuri found himself taken aback momentarily. Britta’s dark brown eyes pinned him to his chair. Though petite and angelic in appearance, Yuri could see a fiery determination in her eyes that betrayed her strength.

“They don’t really know me, Britta.”

“But that doesn’t mean they can’t get to know you. Laura is starved for affection. She needs your love. You’re all she has, and even if Darya . . .” She fell silent and looked at her mother before turning her gaze back to Yuri. “Even if Darya is just a baby, she needs love and attention.”

“I told Yuri that he and the girls can live indefinitely at Zee’s cabin,” Lydia said. “I figure we could clean it up and make it a nice little home for them.”

Britta nodded. “I agree, and I could come and take care of the girls for you while you worked.”

“But what about the orchestra?” Lydia questioned.

Yuri saw Britta flash her mother a look of disapproval. “What’s this about an orchestra?” he asked.

“It’s nothing really. I was offered a position in England, but I’ve decided against taking it.”

“Because of the girls?” he asked, frowning.

“No,” Britta replied. “It’s much too far from the people I love. I don’t want to move to England and leave my family again. I’ve been gone far too long as it is.”

“I can’t let the girls be the reason you give up a dream,” Yuri countered. “If you’ve had your heart set on this, then you need to reconsider.”

“I promise you both,” Britta said firmly, “Laura and Darya are far more important to me than the orchestra. You’re more important, Yuri, although I think you’re too pig-headed to understand that.” She stormed off, slamming the screen door again as she went back into the house.

Yuri looked at Lydia in surprise. “She still has that lightning-quick temper, I see.”

Lydia didn’t smile, and this worried him. Perhaps she felt he should have made a better effort to encourage Britta to take the position. Yuri rubbed his hands on his thighs. “I hope I didn’t say the wrong thing. You seem vexed with me.”

“It’s not you, Yuri. There’s something going on with Britta, and I can’t quite figure it out. Of all my children, she’s been the most secretive. After your sister Illiyana died in Russia, Britta truly seemed to close herself off.”

“Well, they were best friends,” he murmured.

Yuri hadn’t thought about Illiyana in a long time. She and Britta had been so very close. Her death to consumption had only caused him to drink all the more as he faced the possibility of his own mortality.

“Britta’s always had a mind of her own,” he added, trying to forget the pain of loss.

“Indeed she has, and it hasn’t always worked to her benefit. When she came to us saying she wanted to travel and attend school in the States, we thought it quite a departure from all she had voiced before. Still, we wanted to give her every opportunity, even though it meant seeing her leave Sitka.”

“She left so quickly.” Yuri barely remembered returning to Sitka with Marsha at his side, but he did remember hearing Dalton’s news that Britta had gone. He didn’t know why it stuck out in his hazy thoughts, but the situation had saddened him. Britta had always been a good friend. He smiled to himself. She had always adored him, and maybe that’s why Yuri enjoyed her company so much. Britta never looked down on him. She held him in admiration since he’d saved her life when she and Illiyana had been lost on the mountain. There were so few honorable moments in Yuri’s life that he was convinced this was why he’d been particularly sorry to hear of her departure.

“I’ll talk to her again,” Yuri announced. “I’ll make sure she’s certain about the orchestra and not just doing this for the children. I can always ask Natasha to take the girls. Of course, transporting them there would cost a lot of money.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. There are other ways to see to their needs. I don’t want Britta giving up an important future on account of my problems.”

Lydia nodded. “You know, it’s also possible Britta’s sister and husband would take the children if you believe you cannot keep them. Kjerstin hasn’t been able to have a child, and I know she longs for one.”

“I’ll think on that. It would be a good fit. I know the girls would be well cared for by Kjerstin.”

Perhaps that was the answer. Then Britta could go on with her life and not worry about trying to see him through his complicated messes.

Britta focused on scrubbing the dirt from one of Laura’s dresses while the children napped. She tried not to think of Yuri giving up the girls to someone else. She loved them. She found her life had a true sense of purpose in caring for Laura and Darya. What would she do if he sent them away?

Kay returned from hanging out clothes on the line and looked at Britta with stern resignation. “I suppose you’re still not going to tell me what else is going on.”

“Why do you suppose anything else is going on? You’re always so suspicious of me.”

The native woman laughed. “That’s because you deserve suspicion. You’re always hiding something, and this time is no different. I thought we were friends.”

Britta sighed. “We are, Kay, and you’re right. There is something else. I just don’t feel at liberty to discuss it right now. I promise you, however, that I will talk to you about it. Probably before I talk to anyone else.”

“When will that be?” Kay put the basket on the ground and cocked a brow. “Maybe I can help.”

“Talking with you is always helpful,” Britta admitted. “I just feel that this situation requires a great deal of introspection. I can’t really take this to anyone else.”

“You’re still fretting over the girls, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. Now that Yuri’s back and talking about finding someone else to take them, I have them on my mind a great deal.”

“They aren’t yours,” Kay said matter-of-factly. She put her hands on her hips as if for emphasis. “This isn’t like the time you wanted to take on caring for that orphaned bear cub.”

Britta remembered the event from her childhood. Someone had shot the cub’s mother and either didn’t realize she had a baby or didn’t care. When the cub wandered into the Lindquist yard one day, Britta had found herself completely charmed. She wanted to raise it, but her father had said it would never work. The cub couldn’t live with people and no other bear would take it for her own cub. The baby bear was put down to save it from a worse fate, but Britta honestly thought that killing it was the worst that could happen. Now that she was older, of course, she knew better. That death had been quick and hopefully painless, whereas being left to die of starvation or being torn to bits by some other animal would have been cruel.

“That’s not such a great example, you know. That cub had to be put to death. No one is going to put the children to death. They need a home and love.”

“But they aren’t yours to worry over. They’re Yuri’s, and no matter how much you might wish they were yours as well, they aren’t. Neither is he.”

Britta’s head snapped up and she locked eyes with her friend. “I don’t want to discuss this anymore.”

“Of course not,” Kay said in an unapologetic manner. “Because you know I’m right. You’re still in love with Yuri, and now that he’s come back all sober and trusting God, you love him even more.”

“Well, why not?” Britta raised her chin. “He’s a good man. I’m the only one who has ever seen his real potential. I’m the only one who knows the real Yuri. Deep inside, he’s got a great deal of love and goodness.”

“But that doesn’t mean he can—or should—share it with you,” Kay said softly.

Wringing out the little dress harder than necessary, Brittta huffed. “I told you that I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

Kay shrugged. “Just because you aren’t talking about it doesn’t mean it’s not a problem. I thought since I know what’s bothering you, I’d be the likely one to talk to.” She picked up the basket. “Maybe when you get done pouting about it all, you can tell me what you’re thinking. But I guess I already know.”

She walked off, leaving Britta to stare after her retreating form. It just wasn’t fair, Britta thought. It wasn’t fair that Yuri couldn’t see how much he needed her—how much the children needed her. Somehow she would just have to convince him. Somehow she would have to get Yuri to fall in love with her.

Chapter 7

T
here was nothing Zee’s cabin needed that couldn’t be accomplished with a little cleaning and airing out. Britta and Kay did most of the work over parts of two days while Lydia watched Darya. Laura was ever at Britta’s side, trying to do her part. Britta gave her a rug to pound on the front porch, but Laura didn’t want to be that far from her mama.

“Mama come wit me,” Laura demanded.

“Now, Laura, you know that I have to finish cleaning the kitchen,” Britta explained.

“I clean it, too,” Laura said, picking up a dish towel. She went to where Britta had pulled dishes from the cupboard and reached for a plate.

“No, Laura. Those are too big.” Britta took a stack of saucers. “You wipe these.” She set the dishes on the table and put Laura in the chair. “Sit right here and dust them off.”

Kay bustled in about that time. “I’ve scrubbed down the bedrooms and made up the beds.”

“Thank you. I think once I finish here, we’ll be set.”

“I’ll head back then, to help your mother start supper.” Kay looked at Laura and then back to Britta. “I think you have plenty of good help.”

“Laura is a very good helper,” Britta said, praising the child.

The little girl smiled and held up a dish. “I help Mama.”

Kay frowned but said nothing. Britta knew what she was thinking. Laura absolutely refused to call her anything else. Not wanting to discuss it with Kay, Britta changed the subject.

“Has Mother said anything about hearing from Father? We should have had a telegram by now.”