Twist of Fate (16 page)

“Hey, whatever it is, everything will be okay,” wrapping my hands in his I soften my voice, “whatever you need to tell me, just say it. I’m sure we can work through anything, as long as we do it together.”

“Together, right.” Silas scratches his eyebrow and continues, “I ran into Kristin this weekend.” As soon as those words leave his mouth, my mind is immediately in a place where I don’t want it to be. I told him we could get through anything, but cheating? I don’t know if I can forgive that. My stomach starts to unsettle as he continues, “Look, I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to spit it out. Kristin’s pregnant, and it’s mine.” Suddenly feeling like all the air has been sucked out of me, my hand falls from his as I turn away and face the opposite direction on the couch. Out of all the things he could have told me,
that
is not what I was expecting to hear at all. Silas’s hand touches my shoulder and I let it stay there.

“Lilly?” The uncertainty and fear in his voice does not go unnoticed as he waits for me to respond, but I’m still trying to soak all this in.

“I need a minute,” standing with my hands clutching my stomach I run to the bathroom, praying I make it in time. Sinking to my knees, I start to vomit until there is nothing left to get out. Standing up slowly, I grab a cold wet wash cloth and rub it on my face and lean against the wall. There is a light knock at the door, and as much as I want to crawl into a hole and hide, I know I can’t ignore this. I unlock and open the door and Silas steps in, pinning me against the wall, completely taking me by surprise.

“Just hear me out, please.” I nod and he continues, “You know Lucas and I had court on Friday. Well, we were leaving the diner and I heard someone yelling my name. I turned around and saw Kristin.” The mention of her name makes my stomach turn, causing me to place my hand over it, “I didn’t want to be rude, so I said hello. She wanted to get together and talk, but I wanted to run it past you first. I didn’t want to meet her behind your back and make you doubt me. Since I was running late, I told her I didn’t really have time and I would call her. She just blurted out right there on the street that she is pregnant. I didn’t know what to say or do.” He brushes my hair behind my ear away from my face, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I find comfort in his touch as he goes on. “All that was running though my head was you and Ezra. Then I did something I am not too proud of, I told her I had to run and left her standing there on the street.” My mouths gapes open as he tells me he left her standing there. That is completely out of character for him. I quickly close my mouth, not wanting to make him feel worse than he already does. “It wasn’t my proudest moment, but I panicked. All I could think of was ‘Is this going to make me lose Lilly?’ I love you and I love Ezra, but I can’t stand back and let this baby grow up without a father. I’ve missed Ezra’s first two years and I don’t want that to happen again.”

His words sting a little as he tells me what I already know. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that he missed watching his son take his first step or find his first tooth. It was just shitty timing and shitty circumstances. I know what I have to do and at the same time, I know all my fears are going to resurface when it comes to Silas and Ezra.

“You need to call her.” His head tilts to the side in confusion. “She didn’t do anything wrong. None of us did. You loved her at one point, and hell you still might be in love with her. I know firsthand, that doesn’t go away over night. But you can’t dismiss her. You have to talk to her eventually and she’s going to need your support. Take it from someone who’s done this alone; it can be scary at times. I told you we could get through anything together and we will get through this.” I see relief wash over his face and he leans in, kissing me with such passion, I melt into his body. The door swings open, causing us to break apart.

“Ew, Daddy, Mommy, that’s gross!” Ezra makes a gagging face with his tongue hanging out before running out of the bathroom causing both of us to laugh.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“I do, but you can continue to tell me whenever you want,” I joke.

He takes my hand and we walk out back to play with our son. I’m trying to enjoy my time with everyone but the uneasiness I feel in my stomach won’t go away. I know I told Silas we can get through this together, but I have to protect Ezra. I have to trust the fears that occupy a place in my head and never forget about them. When you get too comfortable, that’s usually when things go wrong. I also don’t know Kristin. Silas seems to trust her, but I will feel a lot better about the situation if I see a blood test confirming she is pregnant and when her due date is. You never know with some people. If they lose something they love, they will do anything to get it back. I just hope this isn’t one of those instances.

After we spend some time out in the sun, we head inside to cook dinner. I explain my concerns to Silas when it comes to Kristin and he agrees with wanting a blood test to confirm it. He doesn’t think she would ever do something like that, but understands that I’m just looking out for him. After we eat dinner, we clean up and put Ezra to bed. Silas has asked me to be there with him when he calls Kristin and I agreed. Silas puts the phone on speaker and we sit and wait while it rings. As the phone rings, I feel so uncomfortable. He asked me to be here with him, but I feel like I’m eavesdropping.

“Hello?” Kristin answers nervously.

“Hey, Kristin, it’s Silas.”

“I know, I’m surprised you called.” Silas looks at me and I give him a reassuring nod.

“I know, look I’m sorry. Leaving you there like that was a shitty thing for me to do.”

“I could have handled the situation better. I could have told you differently but you were brushing me off and I honestly didn’t think I would have another chance.”

“I panicked. My life has been upside down lately and finding out I have a son and then hearing I’m about to have another child--”

“Silas, believe me I get it. I knew you would panic. I’m not expecting anything from you. I just thought you have a right to know that you’re going to be a father, again.”

“Did you see a doctor yet?”

“No, I go on Wednesday.”

“I would like to go with you if that’s alright,” he tells her and my heart aches at those words. I wish he were there with me for my first doctor’s appointment.

“I would love that. Do you mind if I ask if Lilly knows?” He looks at me waiting to see what I think. I mouth it’s okay and he answers her.

“Yes, I told her. I know this has got to be hard on you, but you know who she is and what she means to me. I expect her to be by my side for the rest of my life, and although you may think it’s weird, she’s happy for you.”

“I appreciate that. So, I guess I’ll see you Wednesday? I’ll text you the time and place.”

“See you then,” Silas ends the call, tossing the phone on the table. He sighs as he rubs his hands through his hair. I’m sure he’s freaking out, so I place my hand on his knee. He looks over to me and a small smile touches his lips as he reaches over pulling me into his lap. We sit for a couple minutes in silence as he runs his hands through my hair. I don’t speak, giving him some time to collect his thoughts. After a while I can see his body loosen up as he becomes more relaxed.

Silas hangs around for about an hour after talking with Kristin. He wanted to spend the night, but I told him another time. I said I was tired from the signing and just wanted to sleep it off. He kept asking if I was okay with all this, and I think I finally convinced him I am. I have no choice but to support him if I don’t want to lose him. I just hope I’ve made the right decision and this doesn’t turn around to bite me in the ass, or even worse, put Ezra at risk of getting hurt.

Chapter 22

Silas

After what felt like the longest three days of my life, Wednesday is finally here. My emotions are all over the place and I’m having a hard time focusing on work. On one hand, I know this whole situation is going to shake things up with Lilly. But on the other hand, I’m going to see my baby for the first time on an ultrasound today. Looking at the clock, I see I still have another thirty minutes till Kristin’s scheduled appointment. I didn’t notice until now how early I am, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a nervous wreck. After seeing my dad and talking with him yesterday he helped calm my nerves a little. He called me asking if I could come over and help him clear some stuff out and I figured it was a good time to tell him about Kristin.

“Hey Dad,” I call out as I walk into his house.

“Hey son, out back,” his voice sounds like it’s coming from the backyard. I stop in the kitchen and grab two beers and head outside.

“Why the sudden urge to clean house?” Looking around at all the junk spread across the lawn makes me laugh. Leave it to my dad to choose to clean the place out on the day I come over. I have a feeling he’s going to be putting me to work.

“Really?” He’s wiping a drop of sweat off his forehead with his arm as he looks around. “Years of you and your mother telling me I’m a hoarder and unable to throw shit out, and when I do you question it? Your mother must be rolling in her grave right now,” he laughs taking the beer from me.

“Believe me Dad, if she’s rolling it isn’t because of my question but your actions. If she wasn’t gone already, I bet she would have dropped at the sight of this.” I immediately want to put my foot in my mouth after those words come out. I don’t want my father to think I’m insensitive. Lord knows I miss my mother more than anything and would give anything to have her here to see this. Before I can stew on it any longer, my dad is laughing and handing me a garbage bag.

“Look what I found earlier. Call me a hoarder all you want, but half of this shit is yours.” He hands me my guitar. I sent this back when I was coming home from deployment and forgot he had it. I open it and strum the strings a couple times before setting it back in its case.

“You seem distracted today, what’s bothering you?” He brings the cold glass to his lips and takes a refreshing pull of his beer.

“What makes you think something is bothering me? Can’t I just have an ‘off’ day?”

“You? No. Out of your twenty-nine years, I have never seen you have an off day. So tell me, what is the problem?” He takes a seat in the lawn chair.

I sit next to him and begin to tell him about Kristin. “I ran into Kristin the other day. I haven’t seen her since she broke up with me.” I pause and take a deep breath and just give it to my dad straight. “She’s pregnant, Dad.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, my dad spits out the beer he was drinking. I get up and grab a paper towel on the patio table and hand it to my dad.

“Thanks,” he says as he wipes off the remaining beer. “You are just providing me with grandkids left and right these days.”

“Now is not the time for jokes, Dad. I’m freaking out and I have no clue what the fuck to do.”

“Is she keeping it?” I’m about to drink my beer when he asks and my hand freezes with the bottle by my mouth. I can’t even believe the words left his mouth.

“Yes, she’s keeping it. What kind of question is that? Kristin loves kids, she’s a school teacher, for crying out loud.” I drink my beer and push my hair back with my free hand.

“So why are you freaking out? If she is keeping the baby, that’s something to be over the moon about.”

“I know. God, I know, Dad, but I just found out I have a son. Not to mention, I missed two years of his life already.” Getting up, I start walking around, looking at all the junk spread out across the lawn. “I’m just learning how to be a father to him, and now I find out I’m about to be a dad again. I don’t even know the first thing about babies. Lilly raised Ezra, and as much as I would love to take credit for the amazing kid he is, I can’t. That was all Lilly. What if I mess it up?” I look to my dad who has an amused look on his face. “What is so funny?”

“You. You’re so worried about messing it up that you can’t even see what’s right in front of your face.” I stare at my father, not understanding what he is trying to say exactly. He gets up and walks over to the pile of junk I’m standing in front of. “God, Son, I love you and you’re a bright detective, but you’re as dumb as a doorknob right now,” he says as he flicks me on my forehead. “You’re not going to mess it up, because you’re already doing right by your child. The worry and panic you’re feeling shows the love you already have for him or her.” He hands me a garbage back and sits back down in his chair. He has a smile on his face as I realize what he’s saying is right. “Now, help your old man out and throw out some of that stuff for me, would ya?”

“Silas?” Kristin’s voice breaks me from my thoughts. “They are calling us back. You still want to come back, right?”

“Yes, of course. “

As we are walking back to the room, my heart is beating so fast and I can feel sweat dripping down the sides of my face. I look over at Kristin, who looks calm as a whistle on the outside. I know her well enough to know she is freaking out on the inside. Once we enter the room, the nurse tells Kristin to change into the gown on the table and leaves the room. She grabs the gown and I notice her hands shaking.

“Hey,” grabbing her hand in mine, “I know this isn’t the most ideal situation, but I will be here for you and our baby,” I tell her, placing my other hand on her belly. Her eyes start to tear up and she lets go of my hand to wipe her tears away.

“Sorry, stupid pregnancy hormones. I cry all the time now.”

After she’s done getting changed, there is a knock on the door and the nurse is followed in the room by the doctor. He asks us both a bunch of questions and does a quick check up.

“Now, for the fun part. Let’s take a look at your baby.” The nurse turns off the light as the machine illuminates the room. I stare at the screen, not really sure what it is I am looking at. He points to the screen and says, “That right there, that’s your baby. This flicker here is the baby’s heart. Let’s take a listen, shall we?” Excitement builds in me as the anticipation of hearing the heartbeat. I’ve read that sometimes they won’t be able to find one and the past couple days I’ve been having nightmares where we come and the doctor tells us there’s no heartbeat.