Twisted (18 page)

I set my bowl and Remy’s bowl of ice cream on the table. Phoebe followed with her own bowl.  I popped in a big bite so I wouldn’t have to answer any more questions.

“Oh…my…gosh. This is so good,” Phoebe said after her first bite. “You made this?”

I nodded.

“I bet it would be great with raspberries too,” she said. She closed her eyes and took another bite.

“Not that you’ll ever get her to do anything other than blueberry,” Remy said before scooping in a mouthful.

“She does have a bit of a blueberry fetish, doesn’t she?” Phoebe asked Remy as though I weren’t sitting right there.

Remy nodded. “You noticed?”

“So what?” I asked. “I like blueberries.”

“You’re
obsessed
with blueberries,” Remy corrected.

I had another mouthful so I just snorted through my nose at her.

“She and Dad would pick them every fall at a berry farm north of here. They would come home with
bucket loads
. We’d have so many we’d have to freeze them. Then they’d take them out of the freezer and make Dad’s special sauce all year round. Mom and I could never get it quite right but Maya perfected it. But anyway, when they were fresh we’d have them in muffins, pancakes, smoothies, shakes….”

“And I’d eat them by the handful,” I said defensively. “I just happen to like blueberries. Doesn’t mean there’s any weird Freudian thing going on. I just like them.” I jabbed another sauce laden scoop into my mouth.

“Soooo,” Remy cooed, “as long as we’re talking about the foods you like, whatever made you decide to eat half a pan of brownies and almost a whole extra large pizza the other night?”

“You didn’t!” Phoebe gasped.

“No, pretty sure she didn’t,” Remy agreed. “She had a rough week so I could maybe see her eating a half a pan of brownies but not the same night that most of an extra large pizza disappeared.”

“It was a little pan!” I said in my own defense. Even though I had help, I had eaten my share.

Phoebe’s mouth dropped open again. “Whoah! Back up! Back this conversation way,
way
up!” She held up a hand to stop the current conversation while she shifted her memory into reverse. “Did you say ‘the first time Ben slept over’? As in there was more than one time?”

I made a face at Remy.

“Oh, you know I love you,” she said sweetly. “You want to talk about it. I know you do. You just don’t like being the one to bring it up.”

Phoebe looked hurt, as though I’d been keeping things from her. Which, I supposed I was. But only to protect Ben.

“Hey, lighten up,” Remy said as she gave a lock of my hair a playful tug. “You don’t need to be so serious all the time. You’re living with me now. I’m the grown up. You need to be a fun loving teenager for a change.”

I looked at Phoebe. “He spent the night last Saturday. But it wasn’t a big deal. He came over, we started talking and we fell asleep.”

“Together, on the couch,” Remy added. “Snuggled up all tight and cozy like two little kittens,” she said in a voice that was meant to be obnoxiously peppy.

I groaned.

Phoebe’s eyes were huge and questioning. “And?”

“Okay,” I admitted. “There may have been some kissing. But mostly we talked. A lot. And a few nights before that,” I added, “he came over and we talked about the pranks and did homework. And there may have been one little kiss that night too, but it was interrupted by the pizza guy. So we
ate pizza and brownies,” I threw in to appease Remy.

But Remy didn’t seem to notice. She was suddenly sitting straighter in her chair and her goofy smile from the kitten comment was gone. “What pranks?” she demanded.

I filled her in on the two boxes that had been left on my car. Phoebe filled her in on the writing on my locker.

Remy did not look happy. “Why am I just hearing about this now?” she asked.

I shrugged. “At first I thought it was no big deal.” I had hoped it was no big deal. “I was going to tell you tonight. Honest.” It was the truth, in part because she had been at Jeff’s almost every night since it happened. I didn’t want to point that out because I was the one that insisted she go. I didn’t want her to feel like she was neglecting me. Which, knowing Remy, she would.

She looked back and forth from Phoebe to me. “You don’t think Ben did it?”

“No!” Phoebe and I both nearly shouted in unison.

“I think I need to talk to your principal,” she said. She looked and sounded as though she were taking her role as my guardian very seriously. I knew it wasn’t an act.   

Phoebe cleared her throat nervously. “I don’t know if Mrs. B would be much help, especially if it’s Alec that’s behind this.” She gave me a sympathetic look before looking back at Remy. “Mrs. B and Alec’s mom have been friends since high school. They both have memberships at the country club and they golf together. Alec is always getting away with stuff he shouldn’t get away with.”

She had already shared this with me.

“And I’m worried about Ben,” I continued, taking over for her. “Mrs. B already has it in for him. If she can turn this around on him, she will.”

“I think she needs to be aware of this,” Remy insisted.

“Please don’t tell her,” I begged. “I
know
somehow it will get turned around on Ben. Rem, it would be so bad for him. His parents would be mad and it would be even harder for him at school than it is now.”

“So I’m supposed to do nothing?” she asked, pursing her lips.

“For now? Please, Rem?” I begged some more. “Alec got tired of harassing Ben when Ben just ignored him. I think if I ignore what he’s doing to me he’ll have to get tired of that, too.”

Remy did not look convinced. “One week, Maya. I will give this one week, for Ben’s sake. But if it hasn’t stopped I’ll go to the principal, the police, Alec’s parents…whoever.”

I nodded.

“And if anything else happens, I want to know about it immediately.” She shook her head. “Just so you know, I don’t feel comfortable letting this go.”

“But you will, for now,” I insisted.

“One week,” she said as she scooted her chair back and headed off to shower.

I watched her disappear into the bathroom and when my attention returned to the kitchen Phoebe was looking at me.

“What?” I asked nervously.

“This morning you told Olivia she had no idea how long you’ve been taking care of yourself,” Phoebe gently reminded me. “What did Remy mean when she said you’re living with her now, so let her be the grownup? So you could be a fun loving teenager ‘for a change’?” She asked it quietly, with concern. The way a true friend would.

I fidgeted with my spoon, clanking it against the empty bowl.

“I’m a good listener Maya. If it’s private, I won’t tell anyone.”

I looked up and met her eyes. They were full of sincerity. How many times had I said something similar to Ben? Many times. Hadn’t I told Ben that sometimes it helps to talk about it?

I decided it was time I took my own advice.

“Maya, I’ve been trying to keep my mouth shut. I really have,” Olivia told me. I wasn’t so sure she had actually been trying to keep quiet or if she’d been forced to keep quiet because I’d been avoiding her. “But I can’t help it. I’m worried about you. After that horrible message on your locker yesterday, what kind of friend would I be if I wasn’t?”

Phoebe groaned theatrically. Olivia frowned at her.

“With these threats you’ve been getting, people are saying that you’re going to be next. That’s what your locker meant you know.” Hailey said this as though she were letting me in on a secret.

“How could I be next when Ben didn’t do anything?” I hissed. “Trent is the one responsible for Katie’s death and he’s in prison! We’ve been over this!” And over it, and over it, and over it.

“Ben is still partially at fault,” Olivia said calmly. “
Everyone
knows he was involved with her death. Alec is convinced of it.”

“If we are
seriously
going to have to go over this again, then I need you to tell me what
exactly
, makes it his fault,” I told Olivia. I was trying to keep the anger out of my voice because I wanted to hear what they deemed to be honest answers. I wanted to hear it so I could, once and for all, put an end to this. After this conversation, one way or another, I was done. If it meant walking away from my so-called friends, I had reached the point where I was willing to do that.

Olivia shook her head making it clear to me she thought she was stating something beyond obvious. “Trent used Ben’s phone!” she gave me a pointed look for emphasis. “I mean, if he didn’t have her number, he wouldn’t have been able to get her to the park to lure her away!”

“You don’t think he would’ve found another way?”

“Maya,” Olivia said with maddening patience as she tried to explain her mangled logic to me. “If Ben and Katie hadn’t been together, Trent never would’ve been so obsessed with her. Ben had her at his house all the time, practically tempting Trent.”

“You think it’s Ben’s fault Trent was tempted? Do you honestly believe that if he thought her life was in danger he would’ve brought her there? Do you think he wanted his brother to be obsessed with his girlfriend?”

Olivia was getting angry now. “He’s the reason Trent knew her. It was his brother, for god’s sake. They lived in the same house!
How could he not have known
?”

I felt my emotions tangling their way around my heart once again. Constricting around it until the world in front of me was swimming in a haze of red.

Hailey crossed her arms defiantly. “He’s guilty by association. It was his brother. It was his phone. It was his picture of Katie that Trent was carrying around. It was his fault they met. He had to have known something.”

I looked at the three of them. Hailey was glaring at me defiantly. Olivia was looking at me as though I must be just plain stupid to not understand how dangerous Ben was. And Phoebe staring across the cafeteria as though this conversation was so far beneath her, she had no reason to participate. I knew she was nearly as fed up with Olivia and Hailey as I was.

“I can’t believe neither of you see how twisted that logic is. Don’t any of you realize he lost someone he loved? And instead of anyone showing him a little bit of compassion for everything he went through, and what he’s still being put through, because of everyone here,” I angrily made a jerky motion toward the cafeteria, mentally extending it to the whole school beyond, “everyone here just continues to lay blame.”

“What about Alec?” Olivia asked softly. I was annoyed beyond reason that her eyes filled with tears. “He lost his sister. Now he has to look at Ben every day. It’s hard for him to have Ben here.”

“I lost my brother,” I said defiantly. “That doesn’t give me the right to treat people horribly. Just because someone is hurting…it doesn’t give them the right to hurt other people. I understand that it’s hard for Alec, believe me,” I stressed, “I understand. But he needs to move on. He’s hurting himself as much as anyone by hanging on to all of his anger and hatred.” 

Olivia sighed. “Maybe he feels his anger is justified.”

“He probably does,” I agreed. “But it’s not. He needs to move past it.”

“I don’t think he’s going to do that,” Hailey said. “Not when Ben’s here, reminding him every day.”

I took a deep breath and tried to subdue some of the anger I felt. This wasn’t the time or place to discuss this. I exhaled and looked at them again.

“So because Trent used Ben’s phone and because Trent saw Katie at the house because Ben brought her there, that makes Ben to blame.” I stated it, hoping it sounded as illogical to them as it did to me. Olivia and Hailey just looked at me. “Then you might as well blame my mom for Dad and Trey’s deaths because you know what? The fishing rods they were using that day were a Christmas gift from her. So tell me, in your eyes, does that mean it’s my mom’s fault my dad and brother are dead?”

Olivia and Hailey blinked in surprise. They were clearly uncomfortable that I had dared bring up the unpleasant subject of Dad and Trey’s deaths. While gossip about Ben was acceptable, the deaths of Dad and Trey were not appropriate for lunchtime discussion.

“I hope, I really, really hope that neither of you tragically lose someone you love. Because if you do, and you miss them so much you know a part of you died along with them, then you’ll realize just how cruel it is for Ben to be treated this way. Why don’t you think about
that
for a while?”

Hailey looked undeterred but Olivia flinched at my words. Phoebe simply shook her head and still didn’t look at us.

“Can I pull up a chair?” Henry asked as he appeared behind me.

“You can have mine. I’m done. I’m done being friends with people who don’t act like friends.” I slid my chair back, leaving my sandwich as I hurried from the cafeteria. I was angry that I let myself get so worked up. All I wanted was to make it through the set of double doors to the girl’s restroom that was right across the hall so I could splash some cold water on my face. I didn’t quite make it there. I nearly collided with Ben, who was entering late as usual.

“Sorry,” I muttered as I tried to push past him.

“Maya?” He said my name softly. When I didn’t stop he grabbed my arm instead of letting me pass by. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He held me firmly in his grip and when I turned, there were far too many eyes taking in the exchange. A few were pointing as though they half expected Ben to come after me with the stupid plastic butter knife on his tray. I realized my upset demeanor only made things look worse. He noticed people were staring as well and let my arm slip from his grasp.

“I didn’t mean to…” he said quietly.

My stomach clenched and I realized I needed to do damage control, for his sake.

So, with everyone watching, I grabbed
him
by the arm and led him to the vacant table where he normally sat. All the while I plastered a fake smile on my face. He sat in his usual chair and I sat across from him, in the chair I’d eaten in a few weeks before.

“I know you said we shouldn’t talk, especially at school but…” my voice faded off.

He shook his head and raised his eyebrows at me. “It’s fine. But you know what?” he asked. “You’re turning my life into total chaos.”

“I’m sorry,” I managed to say.

“No, you’re not,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me but his lips were twitching just a bit at the corners. “I think you’re enjoying this in some strange way.”

“What? Eating lunch with you? Absolutely. I do enjoy it.” On
that
issue he was right. I gave him a sugary smile to prove it.

Being with Ben had made my anger instantly fade. Somehow he had managed to make me forget that I was ready to start spouting tears not more than a few minutes ago.

“Is that what you’ve been aiming for? To eat lunch with me again?” he asked with a teasing smirk.

“Nope.” I shook my head nonchalantly and gave him a playful look. “What I’ve been aiming for is to have you purposefully go somewhere public with me. Let’s say…to a movie. And for you to actually enjoy it.” Since I figured that was a big, fat ‘no’ waiting to happen I switched tracks and kept right on talking before he could confirm it. “So, what book are you reading now?”

“Same one as you. For Lit,” he clarified. “I think I’m done reading for fun for a while. I’m in a few AP classes so I need to concentrate on homework. I’m hoping to get a scholarship,” he explained. “Seven more months of this and I’m out of this town,” he said quietly.

“Right after graduation?”

He nodded. “I’ll probably work full time through the summer. But not here in Beaumont. Not if I can help it.”

“Where do you plan on going?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve sent out a few applications. Honestly, right now I’m not too picky. I figure if I don’t like the campus, or if they don’t have a good accounting program, I can always transfer after a year.”

“Anything to get away, right?” I asked softly.

The somber look he gave me said it all.

“Oh,” I said under my breath, suddenly realizing something.

“What?”

I hesitated but he looked at me patiently. “The scholarship. You have to stay in school.”

He nodded.

“I mean, you have
every
right to be here,” I rushed to add. “But I did wonder if it would just be easier for you if you weren’t.”

“Believe me, I think about it all the time. I hate it here. I hate every minute of it. You’re the only thing that makes it bearable at all,” he admitted without meeting my gaze. “Even though I don’t like being here I
have
to graduate with good grades. Luckily, I’ve got tons of free time to study,” he said sarcastically. “It’s not like my parents will be helping me with college expenses. So I just keep counting down the months.” He paused for a few moments, finally looking at me again. “Are you going to tell my why you were rushing out of here?”

I shrugged. “I had an argument with Olivia. It kind of made me lose my appetite.”

He looked at me imploringly.

“Nothing that concerns you,” I told him, troubled at how easy it was to fib to him. But then it was only to protect him so I tried not to feel too bad.

“Don’t fight with Olivia, okay?”

I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

He looked like he wanted to say more but didn’t.

“So,” I said as I tried to change the subject, “what are you doing this weekend?”

He gave me a peculiar look. I had clearly startled him with the question. “Why?”

I knew if I hesitated I might lose my nerve so instead, I plunged right in. “I just had an idea. You were talking about getting out of Beaumont. What are the chances you’d go out of town with me for the day?” There were half a dozen towns an hour or so away. “We could go out to eat, or I’ve never been bowling or, I don’t know…Something. Anything. We could just…do something normal.”

“Oh.” He had leaned back in his chair, as if he had to get away from the very idea of it. He scanned the tables around us. He must’ve decided no one was close enough to hear because he continued the conversation. “Maya, I don’t—”

“Just think about it,” I gently pleaded.  “I don’t care where we go or what we do. In fact we don’t have to go anywhere. Jeff has been giving Remy golf lessons on Saturdays. I’m sure they’ll go out to eat or have dinner at his house. I’ll have our house to myself. We could just hang out there. She’s got a huge movie collection. We could get another pizza or some Chinese take-out. Or I can make mac and cheese, whatever. The point is…I just want to be with you.”

He was looking at me as though I were speaking a foreign language.

“I work until three,” was his reply when he finally answered. I thought he was going to consider it but then he shook his head. “I don’t think so, Maya. It’s a bad idea.”

“Ben, how about for once you do what
you
want to do? Not what you think you
should
do. It will be okay. You have the
right
to do that.”

He was subtly shaking his head from side to side. I got the impression he was mentally preparing an argument.

I let out an exasperated sigh. “If you’re going to tell me that I need to keep my distance, don’t bother. It’s too late. If I don’t spend the day with you, I’ll just end up spending it thinking about you. You take up a lot of space in my head.” His eyebrows shot up at my comment and he gave me a quizzical look. “So don’t turn me down. Not yet. Just think about it. That was me officially asking you on a date. A quiet, secretive, no-one-will-ever-know kind of date. Or not a date,” I decided, thinking he might be more comfortable if it wasn’t. “It can be just a friend thing.” The look on his face was far too serious. I decided to try to lighten the mood. “I promise I won’t kiss you again. Not unless you tell me I can.”

A low laugh escaped his lips, shaking his shoulders just slightly before it disappeared again. “You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”

His hand was resting on the table. I brushed my fingertips against his. He glanced at our fingers, barely touching and slid his fingers the rest of the way around mine. “Can I come over around four?” he asked.