Twisted Together (Monsters in the Dark) (68 page)

I want to come.

So come.

I can’t.

All enjoyment faded.

I crashed from my blowjob high to a crevice of lows. My mind filled with images of the slave sucking me. Her tentative lips—her juvenile touch compared to Tess’s mastery.

Shit.

Pushing Tess away, I swiped a hand over my face.
I don’t want to tell her.

Did I have the strength to tell her what Lynx did? That another woman had been forced to lick the same cock forever belonging to Tess?

Secrets will ruin you.

Tess had accepted me despite knowing nothing of my past. She loved me in spite of knowing my present. She promised to never leave, regardless of what happened in the future, and I couldn’t dishonour her by not being honest.

“Is everything okay?” Tess’s lips were swollen, waiting for me to slide back inside and forget—forget about everything.

But I couldn’t.

Falling to my knees, I took her hands. I didn’t know where to start. She had to understand my reasoning before I blurted out the horror. Taking a deep breath, trying to find my runaway courage, I said, “I was so fucking frightened when I couldn’t find you, Tess. When you were taken, I lost a part of myself. I willingly gave that part up to hunt for you—mainly because in some dark recess—I thought I’d never see you again.

“You own me completely, so when you were missing, I had nothing.”

Her fingers twitched, linking around mine with encouragement.

“I did things,
esclave.
I butchered men and feel no regrets. I tortured traffickers and feel no remorse. I do things society wouldn’t approve but I don’t care because
I
do. It fits within my law—do you see?”

Tess shook her head softly. “Your law? Q…what are you talking about?”

It was surreal holding her dressed only in a collar, pantyhose, and knickers. I kneeled before her naked, spilling my heart.
Way to pick a fucking time
. But I couldn’t go any further until I’d purged myself. She needed to know how fucking sorry I was.

“Q, you’re scaring me. Why are you telling me this?”

Swallowing hard, I replied, “Because it’s time you know the truth about me.”
I’m doing this. I’m truly going to spill everything in one messed up conversation.
“I don’t talk about my family because my father was a heinous fucking bastard who raped and murdered women. I hated what he did. And I shot him. I brought a gun and premeditated murder all because I couldn’t listen to the screams anymore. But the moment I pressed the trigger, his tendencies shot into me. His evilness found a new host—in a boy who was his father’s true heir.”

I wanted to cut out my tongue. I never wanted to tell her. I always believed my past would remain hidden, yet I’d just spewed it on our wedding night.

Tess captured my chin, stroking my bristles. “There’s nothing evil about you, Q. You aren’t—”

“Let me finish.” Her acceptance granted false hope. I was nowhere near done.

I had to rip off the bandages—exposing myself sharp and quick. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t finish and the secret would fester for the rest of my life.

I needed Tess to forgive me.
Please, forgive me
.

“You guessed right at dinner. I had a sister. Her name was Marquisa. She died at my father’s hand, and I was too young to kill him. I lived with the man who raped and killed my sister because I was weak.” I glossed over the grotesqueness, not willing to flay that particular memory.

Tess sucked in a gasp, her naked breasts rising with horror. “Q—no. That’s awful.”

“I wasn’t going to tell you—I didn’t want you to know, but I have to tell you something else—and I hope to God you don’t fucking hate me.” My eyes latched onto hers, filling with fear. “Don’t despise me. I don’t know what I’ll do if you do.”

Tess stiffened. Her lips popped wider, alarm flushing her skin. But she didn’t untangle her fingers from mine. I took strength from that. “Why would I despise you, Q? I’ve accepted everything about you. Nothing you say can change that.” She was so beautiful, so pure.

I hung my head. God, I hoped so. “I haven’t been faithful to you,
esclave
.”

Her face turned white; her fingers turned to icicles. “Excuse me?”

Fuck.
“Lynx made a slave girl suck me. I didn't want it. I fought it and chose to die rather than be unfaithful, but I had to tell you. I can’t live with the knowledge I let it happen. It wasn’t for long and I never broke my honour to you in my heart. But I had to apologise, so it never comes between us.”

Tess didn’t move.

My heart charged like a monstrous thing, wheezing for forgiveness.

When she didn’t say anything, I squeezed her fingers. “Please. Say something.”

Slowly, she tugged her hand from mine. My stomach hollowed out.

Then she laced her fingers in my hair, holding me still, peering deep into my eyes. “You chose death over some woman giving you oral sex?” She blinked. “Why?”

“Why?”

“Q—you almost died…all because—”

“I almost died to protect my integrity. That’s the only part of me I have left. Don’t you understand? I’ve killed my father. I’ve seen my sister be raped and murdered. I’ve watched and done nothing as my mother drank herself into the grave. I’ve built my life on nothing. I’ve run from a past I want nothing to do with. I have no control over that.
None.

“But I do have my honour. It’s the only thing I
can
control.” I gritted my teeth. “I survived with the darkness in my blood by one means only. I thought you’d figured that out by now,
esclave.
”

Her blue-grey eyes glossed with sadness, radiating kindness. “No, Q. I haven’t figured you out at all, but this is helping.”

I rushed ahead, hoping to make her understand. “Honour is my driving force. The only thing I can rely on when the monster gets too strong or the beast takes control. Honour is the only law I obey.

“I broke my unbreakable law when that woman sucked me. It ruined everything I stood for because I broke your trust in me.”

Tess’s lips clamped together. I captured her tears with a fingertip. “Don’t you see,
mon amour?
I would rather die than have that honour taken away from me. It’s my only guideline on right and wrong. And I love you too much to besmirch it. Please, I need you to understand and forgive me.”

Tess cried softly, her cheeks flushing with emotion. “Forgive you? Q—there’s nothing to forgive.”

I trembled. My back hurt, my body screamed with pain, but I couldn’t move. Not until I believed her. Not until I’d been granted absolution from this angel who was my wife. “Please…just say you understand.”

Her hands captured my cheeks, kissing me hard. “If you need to hear it, then yes I forgive you.” Her lips landed on my jaw, my cheekbones, my eyelids. “I would’ve forgiven you for anything because
he
made you do it. Q—you have nothing to feel guilty about because it was outside of your control.”

She stopped kissing me, temper blazing bright. “What I can’t forgive, is you willingly sacrificing your life because you let your morals sign your death sentence. We were almost too late, Q. Do you think I would’ve cared if I found you in bed with another woman—against your will—compared to hanging dead in a dungeon? Yes, it would’ve killed me to know you’d been with another girl but at least you’d be alive.”

She sucked in a breath, gathering courage like a cape. “You’ve told me more today than you ever have, so I’ll share the same courtesy with you. When you helped break me of Leather Jacket’s hold, I went through things I never want to discuss. I don’t know how much you saw or heard, but I would’ve willingly slept with him. In fact, I begged him to. I’m not proud of it. I hate myself for it—but I would do it again if it was the only way to live. Because my life isn’t my own anymore.”

My stomach rolled at the residual panic in her voice. Even now, after everything I’d done, they still had power over her. But I would make it disappear. I had a lifetime to make the past vanish. For both of us.

Tess kissed me, tasting of salt from her tears. “Do
you
understand? Your life isn’t yours to gamble anymore, Q. It’s mine. I don’t care about your honour—if you’re in a life and death situation you do whatever you can to stay alive. I order you to do whatever’s necessary. Because your soul is mine and I refuse to let you go.”

I couldn’t speak. My heart galloped at the simplicity of the fucked-up situation. “If you own my life, who owns yours?”

Tess smiled. “You, of course. No matter what happens, it’s always yours. I will never stop loving you, Q. It scares me how much I need you. But from now on, your honour comes second best to me—do you hear?”

I desperately wanted to kiss her and stop this spilling of fragile truths, but the confessions lightened my heart. “So you…forgive me?”

Tess nodded. “I forgive you.”

I slouched, crushed by pain, weak with relief. Running my fingers up her stockings, I voiced one more truth. “I want to be normal. I want to love you without needing to hurt you. I’m sorry for what I am.”

Tess grabbed my face, her fingernails digging into my cheeks. Her eyes glowed with anger. “Don’t. I don’t want you ever to say that again. You
are
normal. My normal. We’re each other’s normal. And there is no right or wrong. It’s time we accepted it. I love you. So much. Take me, Q. No more talking. Make me your wife completely.”

She lay back, looking down her body at me kneeling at the foot of the bed. Her swollen lips made me hard, her tear-stained cheeks made me grateful. The knowledge she’d forgiven me shed the guilt I’d carried, removing a layer of pain at the thought of losing her.

My lips twisted into a smile. “You’re my wife already, but I have no issues pounding the message home.”

She laughed, shattering the angst, replacing it with desire. Everything we’d discussed disappeared, leaving us empty and healing and ready to move forward. Who knew airing dirty laundry was a good idea? But it was. I’d never felt lighter—minus my beaten and bruised body.

I ran my hands up her inner thigh; Tess shivered. “I’m going to undress you till you’re only wearing that incredible collar.”

“Um, I can help you if you like…” Her arm flew upward, hitting something hard. She twisted, looking above her. “Oh—”

Above her head rested a basket overflowing with purple crepe paper. Pressed into the wrapping were gifts. Tess pulled it toward her, her eyes widening. “She really does think of everything.”

I stole the basket from her, raiding the small container. Inside rested a blindfold, cheap handcuffs, small flogger, chocolate body paint, glittery purple vibrator, and lube.

Body paint?
Yuck
. Blindfold?
Don’t need
. Handcuffs?
They’d last all of two seconds
. I tested the sting of the fake flogger. It lacked a perfect snap, but could work.

My eyes landed on the vibrator. And I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

Tess plucked the note from the side. “Enjoy, newlyweds. We look forward to seeing you at breakfast tomorrow. Love, Frederick, Angelique, Franco, and Suzette. She looked at the toys, her eyebrow raising. “That’s a lot of people to chip in for some vanilla playthings.”

“They have no imagination. The best things to use are the most mundane.” I dragged a fingernail up her thigh, loving her shiver.

She breathed shallow, hypnotising me. Her breasts were soft globes with tiny erect nipples, her skin slightly indented from the boning of the corset.

She lay back slowly, never looking away.

My cock swelled. I thought for a second of using the blindfold, flogger, and cuffs, but the need for gentleness hadn’t left. It cushioned my thoughts, keeping my beast distracted—tamed.

The toys didn’t excite me. I didn’t want to tie Tess up—I wanted to feel her fingers in my hair. I didn’t want to hurt her—I wanted her moans of ecstasy.

Connection. Sex. No pain.

Just her. And me.

On me, over me, on my tongue, on my cock. I wanted to fucking worship her with every inch.

Never breaking eye contact, I pulled the vibrator and lube free, before tossing the basket over my shoulder. It landed loudly, scattering items beneath the dressing table.

Tess’s mouth parted. “You don’t want—”

I grabbed my cock, stroking once, twice. Loving the anticipation…desperate to tease. “Not today,
esclave.
Today I’m taking your moans as payment rather than your tears.”

Her face scrunched, battling a wash of love. “How do you read me so well? How did you know I needed just one time where it was gentle?”

I rose upright on my knees, crooking a finger for her to come closer. Her toned stomach flexed, arching, closing the distance so her lips were millimetres away. Gazing into her eyes, I murmured, “I know because what you feel,
I
feel.” Resting my hand over her heart, I whispered, “I need you like we haven’t shared before. I need to take you this way. I can’t explain it.”

She sighed. “I can—it’s because we’re in tune. We shared parts of ourselves we thought the other would never accept. The knowledge that this is
truly
forever…it’s given us freedom to be soft.” Her lips captured mine, pulling me deeper into her drug, cancelling out my aches, flaring liquid heat in my veins. “I’m the luckiest woman in the world.”

Returning to my position between her legs, I placed the vibrator and lube on the floor. Pushing her downward, I smiled. “You have that wrong. I’m the luckiest master in the world.” With the pads of my fingers, I caught the top of her stockings. She bit her lip as I rolled them down her silky skin. I removed her shoe, tugging the sheer material clear.

My cock throbbed to be inside her, loving the tension, the quivering delight in the knowledge we weren’t going to fight—not today. Today we would share something entirely different.

Repeating the process, I removed her other stocking, placing them with her shoes on the floor. The only things remaining were her knickers and collar.