Two Can Play (18 page)

Signor Bassi and another guy, who I gather must be the accountant, get up from their chairs.

“We'll give you both a minute,” Signor Bassi says tactfully. And they disappear out of the room.

She's sitting straight backed, perfectly turned out as usual in a cream pants suit. My mother always looks neat and perfect. Her grey hair styled immaculately, her outfit smart and coordinated with her purse and shoes. Not a chip in her nail polish. It's a shame she's not as perfect a mother on the inside as she looks on the surface.

“So…what do you want to say?” she asks icily.

I'm not entirely sure what I want to say. Not in polite words. I'm really struggling for some. What I really want to know is why she hates me so much and how far she's prepared to push me to prove it. I'm her only son. She's my mother. Things should be good between us, not like this. We have no reason I know of to be enemies.

“Why are you doing this to me? If you felt the will was unfair, why didn't you speak to me at the time? I'd have been happy to come to an agreement.”

She laughs and narrows her eyes on me.

“Oh Aaron, we never
speak
, do we?”

“
And whose fault is that?” I snap.

“
Look, you have always gone out of your way to side with your father and influence him. You don't like me and I don't like you. It's a shame, but that's life.”

“
What the hell are you saying? I never 'sided' with dad, or tried to influence anything he did. He wasn't the type to be influenced by anyone, anywhere, let alone me. You know that and so do I. Don't try and blame me for your lack of maternal instinct.”

“
You've always been such a painful child to have around.”

“
Why have I?”

“
I'll tell you why, shall I?”

“
Please do, I'm all ears.” My heart is pounding like mad. I don't think I've ever had such an in depth personal conversation with her.

“
He idolized you. Once you were born it was like the rest of us didn't exist. I was sure he only stayed married to me because of you. He wanted a son and he got one. Never mind the wife and daughters.”

“
And why is that my fault? That doesn't make
me
painful, does it?”

“
You played up to it. Monopolizing all his attention.”

“
I honestly don't remember that. But if I did, it was only because you ignored me. He was the only one who took any notice of me.”

“
I never ignored you,” she scoffs.

“
I used to cry myself to sleep because you left me on my own so much. You were always telling me off and you never smiled at me. Ever.”

Her face loses its usual composure and her eyes begin to glass up. I can't believe it. My mother is about to cry? And over me?

“Aaron, you have to understand, I had severe postnatal depression for a year after you were born. And then I slipped in and out of chronic depression for years. I didn't bond well with you because of it. And your father was...well, not very helpful, because he wasn't there for the worst of it. He only visited us to see you. I had to manage everything all on my own. When he came back, things were never the same. It was a marriage of convenience, I suppose. I'm not saying we didn't care for each other, because we did, but not in the way we should. And he doted on you, much too much. He openly admitted it. It made things so hard for me and the girls.”

“
Mom, why didn't you tell me all this before? I've spent my whole life thinking you hated me.”

“
Of course I don't hate you. I just never learned to love you, that's all.” A tear trickles down her powdered cheek. I zoom in and hug her tight and to my amazement she hugs me back. Tightly. I'm overwhelmed and start to choke up, really badly. I pull back and look at her.

“
You and my sisters can have half the business. It's way too much anyway.”

“
Don't be ridiculous. We only wanted a token gesture on your part,” she says, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue and sniffing.

“
Well then, you've got your gesture and a few million more. I'll get the lawyers on it.”

“
Aaron...,” she says quietly.

“
Hmm?”

“
Thank you, and I'm so sorry. For everything.”

“
It's okay. I just wish I'd known about all this. Dad and the girls never told me a thing.”

Actually, despite knowing this, it's not okay at all. But if I want things to get better between us I'm going to have to do some work. Hopefully she'll do some as well. We can meet half way, somewhere. Wherever that is. She's obviously starting to realize what she's done to me. There's hope on the horizon and that's a positive thought. The mother iceberg is beginning to thaw. I hope it continues to melt completely.

“Hmm, I may have influenced and misled the girls a little. I wasn't in the best of minds...and by the way...I really must apologize for throwing away all your clothes and possessions and changing the locks like that. It was a knee-jerk reaction after the reading of the will. I was so upset the way your father favored you yet again, way beyond the rest of us. Maria was distraught. She gave me a wicked tongue lashing, you know?” She smiles through her snuffles.

“
Good old Maria. Sticking up for me.” I smile in return.

“
Feel free to come back. Whenever you like.”

“
Maybe I will. I'm staying with a friend just now, so I'll see. And Mom, I'm really glad we sorted this outside of court.”

“
So am I, dear. Now then, love, I have to press on. I have a schedule. Come to dinner when you have time. Call me, won't you?”

I stand up and kiss her cheek, and she kisses mine back, albeit in a reserved fashion.

My head is reeling from being called “dear” and “love” by my mother for the first time ever.

I leave the room and speak to the Signor and the accountant briefly, explaining the arrangements I want to make. I tell him to sell everything my father owns, liquidate his company and give half to my family, in equal parts. He raises his lawyer eyebrows very highly at my expensive suggestion. But I really don't care if I've given away millions without a fight. I feel I'm being fair. Kind and generous. And having a taste of my mother's love is worth every last cent. It is what I have craved for so many years. I need to find out more about depression, though. I think Karen has a friend who suffers from depression. Maybe she can guide me in understanding it. I need to understand my mother more. Perhaps that could help restore our relationship?

I walk down the street and take the longer route across the busy square in a daze of happiness. I'm almost at the cafe before I know it, and I pull up short as I'm about to pass.

There's a tight hug going on. And a really smoochy kiss. And another long and very sexed-up kiss. And a lot of hand action. He's whispering in her ear and playing with her hair and smiling like an idiot. I storm up to her in a rage. All my good feelings have evaporated in a puff of jealous smoke.

She spots me and jumps out of their tight embrace in shock.

I poke her in the shoulder.

“
Kate...?”

“
Aaron....” She starts to say something...her face is a mixture of guilt and horrified realization that I've caught her out.

“
Going out to buy food, huh? It looks more like sneaking out for some dessert to me.”

“
I was, I mean, no it isn't...,” she flusters.

“
Signor, It 'ees not...” he starts, but I don't let him finish.

Bastard...

“
Fuck off out of it, you,
” I snarl at him. It's all I can do not to shout.

And he does. The glare in my eyes and the fact I'm a good four inches taller and far better built than him, hastens his retreat.

I turn to face her. Her eyes are full of tears. Tears of guilt, I presume.

“
So, what are we? What am I? A quick fucking session to get over your problems and you're back on course with your Latino model?”

Her eyes register hurt at my nasty comment. “Of course not. I was just saying goodbye for a while that's all.”

Rage begins to rise inside of me.

“
Just saying goodbye for a while?” My angry voice rises in a mocking tone. “How sweet and touchy feel-y. And that's just fine by me.” And now it's dripping with raging sarcasm. I can't stop myself. My anger is erupting like an ice-cold volcano. “Why don't you stay for a '
while'
longer, have some more coffee and bad English. You've been such fucking hard work, Kate. Getting you in bed after all that rape shit. I worked at that, and for what? Not much actually. It was pure crap, you know. Give me ten minutes and I'll be gone. My mother has more feelings for me than you do, you bitch.”

I storm off at a fast pace leaving her standing ashen-faced behind me. I'm completely torn up. I want to hurt her so badly. Because she's hurt me. More than I could ever say. And it didn't take her long at all, did it?

Fuck her! Shit. FUCK
HER
!

The fact she's been so lovely to me and given me somewhere to live is pushed firmly to the back of my mind right now.

I want to stab her in the heart. A hundred times.

HER

I'm dead inside. It feels like he's ripped my heart out and thrown it away like a piece of trash. I can't even cry because I'm so shocked. To bring up my past was beyond the pale. I can't believe this is the same man I was making love with a few hours ago.

Marco comes up behind me and puts his arm around my shoulders and hugs me tight.

“
S'okay, he angry now. Leave him. Explain later.”

“
Oh Marco....” I start to well up fast at the sound of his kind voice. “What's to explain? I was kissing you and hugging you, wasn't I?  I know it was just goodbye, but you know how I feel about you. And now he knows, too. He saw all that, Marco. The whole us. How would Margarita feel, hmm?”

“
Not good...but there is no 'us', Katie. That was real goodbye. I'm sorry, but no more us, because I too feel same for you. Come, sit down. Have glass of wine. To help feel better.” He settles me at a table and leaves me briefly to get me a large, full glass, bringing it back quickly and insisting I sip it while he watches.

He carries on with his job as I hold the glass in my unsteady hand. I'm miles away, the heat of shock coursing through me, tears dripping down my cheeks.

I've lost them both. Aaron and Marco. My lover and my friend. Just like that. All thanks to one unintentionally overheated goodbye kiss.

I play it all back in my head. Leaning in and saying, “Adio mio, Marco.” It was my sweet Italian goodbye. Kissing him chastely on the lips, wishing him well with Margarita. Telling him about Aaron. The happy little smile that appeared on his face when he knew that I'd found someone else, too. Then came the tight hug we both wanted and the sudden overwhelming need for another kiss, and then that final one which took us both by storm. It was definitely the whole nine yards of a goodbye forever. And shit...if Aaron had arrived a minute later, it would have all been over. Done and dusted. He need never have known about my intimate closure with Marco. And it means nothing going forward. That was goodbye to my past. I could kick myself right now. Our goodbye should have taken place in private, inside. Not that I'd planned on doing anything like that, or for it going that far at all.