Two of a Mind (10 page)

Can't be time to get up already!

“Desirée. Breakfast is ready.” Mum was knocking on my bedroom door.

“Coming, Mum.” I made sure Elizabeth's
Handi
was safely tucked away in my bag then pushed the bag under my bed. I still hadn't decided if I should share my latest discovery with Seth but I couldn't see how to avoid doing just that. I'm a rubbish liar, even if it's only by omission!

“Morning, Dad,” I said, as I sat at the breakfast table. “Sorry. Again. About the other night.” I swiftly added hoping that my apology would halt any further discussion – at least until after my hypno session.

“Good morning, Dez.”

Good, we're back on pet-name terms.
I thought.

“When you have finished with Mr Grey, this morning, I would like to have a chat about that.” Dad continued in his formal tone.

Not off the hook then!

“Would you like to sit in on the session to see what Mr Grey makes of it?” I offered politely, hoping he would refuse.

“I might consider that. I shall ask him if he feels it appropriate.”

Well done, Dez. That dodge failed spectacularly!
I could only hope that Alvin might put Dad off with some excuse about patient/ therapist confidentiality but I wasn't too hopeful.

“
Dez.
”

“What?”

“Pardon?” Mum looked at me with a bemused expression.

“Sorry – pardon.”

“No, I wasn't correcting your manners,” she sighed. “I was wondering what you were asking?”

This was getting confusing.
She'd
said
my
name. She was the one doing the asking – wasn't she? Though when I came to think of it, the voice had sounded odd, not really like Mum's at all. It had been merely a whisper and, now, I couldn't place where it'd come from. I suppose it must've been inside my over-crowded head but it had sounded so real. Maybe it was the same as last night when I'd thought someone had been calling to me in my sleep.

“Sorry, Mum. My mistake. I thought you'd said something to me.” I'd be on my guard from now on. I couldn't risk being sent back to the clinic. I had to keep my reactions under control.

Mum raised a finely-shaped eyebrow in silent query but didn't pursue it any further. Our truce was holding and I felt closer to her than I had in a long time.

“
No preocupe a mi amigo. Un día que sabrá el corazón.
.” That was definitely in my head and it sounded familiar. Yes, it was like that other night when Mum had been so angry with me and I'd no idea what she was saying. But now I heard it clearly in my own head and how could I understand the meaning?
“Don't worry my friend. One day she will know your heart.”

“
Thank you, Rosa
.” This
was
Mum but she wasn't speaking – at least not to us. Rosa was her PT – these were their shared thoughts.

Right. Now, I'm getting really freaked. I understand Spanish?

“Excuse me,” I said. “I'd better get ready for my session.”

I must've looked as queasy as I felt because neither of the 'rents reminded me I hadn't had any breakfast.

This was more than I could take in. I'd thought that maybe I was going out of my mind, hearing voices that didn't exist. Now I discover that I can tap into Mum's thoughts
and
those of her Argentine PT. Did that mean all the voices were real people, having their own PT conversations? I'd become a telepathic eavesdropper? But where was my unique PT? Maybe it was the voice that kept calling to me. Okay. Well that just meant I'd got to find a way of tuning into her – convinced it was female by the tone of the voice. Of course it also meant I had to tune out the rest of them –
Oh, yeah, easy peasy!

***

When Alvin and Ms Thorogood arrived, Dad was in his study taking an important call so missed his opportunity to sit in on my session.

Seems therapists aren't the only ones doing weekend overtime!
Fate was on my side for once.

“How've you been?” Alvin asked, gently stirring his coffee. I found myself following his movements, mesmerised by the circular rhythm.

“Dez?” Ms Thorogood's concerned voice got through to me.

“Sorry?” I said. “I was miles away.”

“I was asking how you've been since our last session.” He put the spoon on the saucer and sat back to sip his coffee.

“Mm … Where to begin!” I tried to keep calm as I went over recent events. When I mentioned the unintentional eavesdropping into Mum's PT conversation –
that
had them looking uncomfortable for a while! But I couldn't bring myself to recount the awful dream/memory of the murdered couple in Paris. That would've brought Elizabeth's diary into the equation and I wasn't going to break Seth's trust.

“Well, I didn't expect a reaction so quickly,” said Alvin. “And certainly not one so dramatic! This is new territory for me, I have to admit.”

“Oh. Does that mean you can't help me any more?”

“I don't have any experience of this particular situation,” he said. “But I haven't heard of anyone else having it either, so I think we're breaking new ground here, Dez. If you want to carry on and you trust me to look after you, I don't see why we shouldn't continue and see if we can rationalise your PT access. It's your decision.”

“I can't handle the constant babbling. Not when it gets too loud, anyway. Sometimes it's bearable but often it's just too much. I've got to find a way to control it – or even switch it off again. Please, Alvin, help me be normal.”

“And what's your perception of normal?” asked Ms Thorogood.

That made me pause. I'd lost my idea of normality the night of my party when the anticipated PT connection failed and I started down the path of self-indulgent misery, anger and desperation. It was time to set myself back on track and deal with whatever was needed to get things sorted.

“To start with,” I answered. “I think I'd feel more normal if I could keep the voices in my head at a reasonable volume. At least, then, I could hear the conversations outside of it!”

We all smiled at my attempt at levity. Alvin asked me to settle down for my next hypno session. He guided me through the relaxation and towards the trance-like state where he could prompt my subconscious to handle the chattering inside. I grinned at the suggested picture of me ushering the uninvited guests into a large room. I could sense my hands shifting in my lap as, mentally, I gently pushed the last one through the door and closed it behind them. Although the murmuring was still present, it was much quieter.

“… four, five.” I was awake again, registering Alvin's last words as he counted me back to full consciousness.

“That was quick,” I said. I looked at my watch – an hour gone already. “Oh! Not as quick as I thought.”

“We did have a lot to try and accomplish today,” Alvin said. “I hope it'll help but don't be surprised if it doesn't kick in straight away. It should get easier over time. It's better to handle things in small chunks rather than attempting everything at once. Today I concentrated on dulling the voices. Next time we'll see if we can find a way to isolate your PT if he/she is there. And I've every confidence you do have one, now that we've seen your telepathic abilities. So don't worry. Call me if you have any problems.”

“Thanks.”

“You're doing really well, Dez,” added Ms Thorogood. “You're a natural. Isn't she Alvin?”

“You've certainly taken to the therapy very quickly,” said Alvin. “Especially when you consider the swift reaction to your first session. Hopefully, we'll soon have you ‘normal' again.” This last said with a grin and quote gestures. I smiled in response. I was beginning to understand that there's no such thing as absolute normal – just varying degrees of it.

So long as I get on the scale of normal – that'll do me!

Well you needn't look so bloody worried!

I'd just told Seth my latest discovery that I was a telepathic-eavesdropper, amongst the other weird stuff like remembering being murdered! He hadn't taken it as well as expected and was currently pacing around the room, chewing his lip and looking as though he wanted to make a run for it.

“What's the matter with you?” I asked. “I thought you'd be pleased that I'm not actually having a mental breakdown!”

“I am. Really, I am,” he protested. “It's just a lot to take in.”

He came to a stand-still and looked at me.

“Can you tell what I'm thinking now, then?” he asked, frowning.

“No. It's not like that. Things just come to me. I've avoided deliberately tuning in, in case they all start shouting again.” Didn't he trust me with his thoughts? I broke eye contact with him to hide the hurt, but he knew me well enough to sense my feelings.

“Sorry, Dez.” He came to sit beside me on the cosy two-seater sofa, a favourite of his mother's. His bulk took up more than half the seat – was he growing bigger on a daily basis? He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards him. With his free hand he threatened to tickle me and I couldn't help squealing.

“Friends?” he asked.

“Only if you don't tickle me!”

“Deal. But stop sulking, okay? It's weeks since I've seen you really laugh, Dez. Even if tickling is a naff way to do it I'm gonna bring the old Dez out.”

That did make me smile. If anyone was going to find the old me, it was Seth. I savoured the moment, imagining a future filled with similar comfortable scenes of Seth and me cosied-up together. Samuel came in and wasn't able to hide the brief pained expression as he saw us in a pose that he and Elizabeth had shared on the same sofa. I quickly pulled away from Seth.

“No, don't mind me,” Samuel said, gesturing with his hand to keep me sitting where I was. “It's nice to see you two on good terms again.”

I wasn't trying to listen but before I knew it Samuel's thoughts were in my head: “
God, Lizzie it still hurts.
” The pain was so raw, so tangible, it made my chest hurt and my throat burn.

“You all right, love?” Samuel asked. He must've seen my reaction but I didn't dare tell him the truth. Seth realised that I'd probably had another telepathic sound-bite and answered for me.

“She'll be fine, Dad. Just an after-effect of the hypno session. She gets a few emotional tweaks while the treatment settles in.”

“Oh! Oh, right then.” Samuel nodded, relieved that he hadn't done anything to upset me.

“We're off for a walk. Some fresh air'll do her good, don't you think?” Seth said.

“Yes. Good idea, lad. And when you come back I'll expect you to stay for tea, Dez. It's been a while since you've sampled my delicious ‘Cottage-pie a la micro'!”

“Thanks, Samuel. Yum, yum,” I laughed, glad that the awkward moment had passed relatively unnoticed.

“See?” said Seth, as we reached the garden gate, “Told you we'd get you laughing again.”

“Do you think I'll be sorted in time for next term?” I asked. The summer break wasn't going to last for ever and I was beginning to feel nervous about going back to the Academy if my mind was still going to be susceptible to everyone's thoughts.

“'Course you will,” he reassured me. “Whatever happens, you'll cope. Look how well you've managed so far.”

“Huh! I've been a miserable, self-absorbed, pain-in-the-arse. And I'm probably going to stay that way for a while – so be warned.”

We walked in companionable silence until we reached the town park. We stopped at the gate and nervously looked at each other. Ellingham Lake was partially within the park boundary and it was this path I'd run along that rainy night.

“Actually…” “Do you …” we said simultaneously.

We both grinned self-consciously.

“Ladies first,” Seth offered.

“I was going to say, do you mind if I walk down to the lake on my own – just for a few minutes? I'll be back before you know it,” I added quickly, before he got too uncomfortable about the idea.

“And I was going to say, on this occasion, I'd prefer to walk up to the woods. I'll wait on a bench up there if you want to go to the lake,” he replied.

“Well, that's settled then. See you in a few.”

I realised that I'd been able to keep calm most of the afternoon. The noise in my head had been bearable, almost quiet at times. Was that the hypnotherapy working or just the comforting presence of my best friend keeping it at bay? I wouldn't question the cause, I'd simply enjoy the relative peace. The path meandered along the edge of the park's botanical gardens and finally came to the lakeshore. After the last few dry days the ground was firm underfoot and I felt embarrassed at the thought of my slipping in the rain, rolling down the banking and giving poor Seth and his dad the feeling of déjà-vu when they found me there.

Reflections of the afternoon sun made the lake's surface shimmer like a vast silver-blue cloth studded with countless diamonds. With very little wind to churn the water's surface, it resembled a pool of mercury, lazily lapping at the lakeshore. I could smell the pine resin of the conifer trees and the earthy warmth of the oaks. Despite the awful memories this lakeside held, it was still one of my favourite places – especially when it was so peaceful, so beautiful in the summer sunshine. I sat on the trunk of a fallen spruce tree. One of the park sculptors had worked it into a surprisingly comfortable bench overlooking the lake and the countryside beyond. It was well-used and highly-polished from the years of walkers' backsides resting on it. I could almost ignore the voices chattering in the background of my mind even when one occasionally became clear above the babble. I wouldn't allow myself to take any notice. I'd find a distraction to push it away. That's why I wanted some time here – away from everyone else – where I could practice tuning out the noise.

***

The trees are dripping even though it's not raining. I'm glad I have my sturdy waterproof walking boots on. I'll have to remember to keep my head up so that my waxed hat can keep the drips out of my jacket neckline.

The path winds up the valley side under the closely-packed conifers and the mist swirls around the tree trunks like an old horror movie. Under here the daylight barely penetrates. I expect to see werewolves come crashing through the undergrowth at any moment. I shiver at the frightening thought – childish but almost believable in this setting. There's nobody else about at this time of year. The lead mining museum is closed and the woodland is quiet. I feel like we're the only people on the planet.

“How far are we going?” I ask, looking at a couple of fallen trees blocking the path further up the hill. We've already walked several miles and I'm worried about not getting back to civilisation in daylight. There's no artificial lighting out here and a fall could mean a serious injury on this severe slope.

“Not too far,” he answers and shifts the backpack more comfortably on his broad shoulders. “Then we'll have our picnic. I've packed some coffee laced with a little something to keep the chills away.” He grins.

I smile shyly in return. Why has he chosen me? He can have any girl he wants. Why me? No, I shan't question, I'll just enjoy it while it lasts.

“This looks like a good spot.” He gestures towards a hollow. “It'll be sheltered from the dripping trees and the overhang has kept the ground relatively dry, look.”

He's right. The pine needles look dry and the lush green sphagnum moss growing over the roof of the hollow makes it look like a tiny eco-cottage, just waiting for someone to brighten it up with a few home comforts.

I giggle like a teenager as I wriggle backwards into the dark recess. He's already taken off the backpack and leans out to open it. A large splat of water hits the back of his neck and he yells in frustration. It startles me to see his swift change of mood, his face so screwed up in anger. But it passes just as quickly and he laughs about the surprise shower he's had.

I sip the coffee gratefully as I'm feeling chilled despite several layers of thermal clothing. January in Upper Weardale – not the most hospitable time or place to come hiking, but it's one of his favourite spots and it sounded so romantic when he offered to whisk me away for the weekend. I can feel the warmth of the coffee radiating from my stomach – odd, I've never felt it so physically before. Wonder what it is he's laced it with, it's certainly doing the trick! I even feel a bit light-headed. Wait 'til I let Valerie in on all this, she'll be so jealous that I've found the perfect gent and she's still looking.

He's looking at me strangely. He's still smiling but now it looks cruel. What's wrong? Why can't I speak? I can't move. He takes the coffee mug out of my paralysed hands and pushes me further back into the shallow cave.

“Don't worry,” he says. “You won't feel a thing. You'll soon drift off to sleep. Once hypothermia kicks in it'll break down all traces of the drug so there'll be no forensics to show that this was anything more than a tragic incident – a solo walker lost in the woods, sheltering from the cold. Silly girl hiking in January, tut, tut.” He's laughing as he gathers the picnic things back into the rucksack.

Valerie – VALERIE! Where are you? Help me Valerie. Please answer. Why can't I hear you?

He'll not get away with this. Valerie will alert someone if she can't hear me, surely? My wristchip sends out GPS. They'll know where I am.

“I know what you're thinking,” he sneers. “This is one of my favourite gadgets.” He's holding a pen-drive to my wrist, just like the ones we use at work to back-up data in the labs. “It might look like a pen-drive but it's a sophisticated chip manipulator. It's programming your chip to show that you are now walking towards the road. This evening there will be a transaction at your local grocery registered against your credit balance. Nobody will look for you out here. Not for some time anyway.”

Well, the police will have the ground evidence won't they Mister Cleverclogs? But as he walks away whistling cheerfully I see that the treacherous sphagnum moss is just springing back to shape. No tracks, no boot-prints, nothing. Oh, he's been so careful – the bastard!

Why did he choose me? He could've had any girl he wanted. Why me? No, I shan't question, I'll just sleep it off. It's just a bad dream…

***

“Dez. Dez, are you okay?” Seth came hurtling down the path and grabbed an overhanging branch to stop himself before he careered down the banking. “I heard you screaming from the other side of the park! What's wrong?”

I was shivering with cold and fear. The apparent reality of another false memory was so strong that I was chilled to the bone, despite the summer sun still being warm overhead. I looked around at the surrounding trees and realised that they weren't the dour dripping woodland of a northern dale. Gradually the terror subsided. Seth wrapped me in his embrace and I soaked up his warmth.

“Jeez, Dez! You're freezing. How the hell did you get so cold?”

“It's all right. I'm fine,” I managed through chattering teeth. “Just a bad dream. Must've dozed off in the sun. This hypnotherapy stuff really is tiring.”

“Come off it, Dez. People don't freeze having bad dreams. Tell me what happened.”

So I did. And as I did, I had a vague feeling of old grief as though I'd already experienced this death but from a different viewpoint. Was it Valerie's bereavement I felt? Did she know how her PT had died? Had the murderer finally been found?

“Come on. We've got to get back. I need to look at your mum's
Handi
again.”

Seth looked at me with a quizzical frown then shook his head as if he knew he wouldn't understand the answer. He helped me to my feet and held my hand all the way back to his house. I welcomed his touch and it never occurred to me to look for him in my head. I was busy trying to reassure Valerie, if she could hear me.

Don't worry we'll find the bastard!