Authors: Ruth Cardello
“You did?” Jace asked in surprise.
“I didn’t always live in the city,” Charles said. Memories of his youth came wafting back, but for once they didn’t sadden him. “When I was your age, my parents had a lake house and we went there every weekend.”
“In Rhode Island?”
“Yes, I’m surprised you know that.”
“Sarah told me that’s where you’re from. She said it’s a small place. I want to see it someday. Is everything there tiny?”
Charles chuckled. “No, the state is small, but everything in it is regular size.”
“Oh,” Jace said in obvious disappointment. “Are your parents in heaven?”
With a jolt of surprise, Charles shook his head. “No, why would you ask that?”
Jace shrugged his small shoulders. “Sarah told my mom that you don’t see your parents anymore. My dad is in heaven and so is Sandy. Sandy was my dog, but he died.”
“My parents still live in Rhode Island,” Charles said awkwardly. Talking to a five-year-old was a whole new experience for Charles and one he wasn’t sure how to navigate. He chose what he hoped was a safe subject. “I had a dog when I was your age. His name was Moose.”
The boy nodded, then said, “Is he in heaven now?”
“Yes.”
“I bet there are a lot of dogs in heaven.”
“I bet you’re right.”
“I hope my dad likes dogs.”
The simplicity of the boy’s love for a father h
e’d
never met touched Charles deeply. He understood loss and remembered too clearly how h
e’d
struggled to make sense of his own—even though h
e’d
been much older when h
e’d
experienced it. “I’m sure he does.”
They rode halfway around the ring before Jace spoke again. “I shouldn’t have said I don’t like you. Mama was sad I said it.”
With emotion clogging his throat, Charles said, “It’s okay. You don’t know me yet. I hope you give me a chance to change that opinion.”
“David told Tony you’re the type that takes getting used to.”
“He did?” Charles asked wryly. H
e’d
have to remember to watch what he said since Jace was mentally recording it all.
“Yep, and David knows everything. He’s not as good with horses as Tony is, but no one is. Tony speaks horse.”
A mix of feelings welled within Charles as he listened to Jace talk about the men he idolized. He was glad that, although Jace would never meet his father, he had grown up with strong male role models. The conversation also made Charles miss his own father in a way he had never allowed himself to. He remembered believing his father was just as infallible as Jace thought David and Tony were.
Charles realized he was now about the age his parents had been when Phil died. H
e’d
always looked at the tragedy in terms of what it had done to him and Sarah, but he never really considered how his father and mother must have felt.
The
y’d
never said anything, so he assumed they didn’t feel anything, either. But had the past tied them up as it had Charles?
Memories of stilted conversations with them over the years came back in a rush.
He thought of the last time h
e’d
seen them in person. Sarah had expressed a need to see photographs of Phil, and Charles had traveled back to Rhode Island to retrieve them. H
e’d
briefly outlined why he wanted them. His father had gone into the basement. He and Charles’s mother hadn’t exchanged a single word until his father returned with a large box of photo albums.
Albums he’d later looked through with Sarah. At the time, he’d resented how the pictures had brought that chapter of his life vividly back to him.
He was beginning to think he should be grateful to Sarah for forcing him to remember. Sarah didn’t live by any else’s rules. She didn’t care if a topic made someone uncomfortable. She plowed through life with an unyielding optimism and openness that Charles was only now beginning to admire.
Sarah understands love. I hope I can one day claim the same.
“You like my mom a lot?” Jace asked while they approached Melanie, who was leaning against the outside of the fencing.
She must have heard, because her eyes snapped to Charles.
Charles answered Jace, but in a volume he knew would carry to Melanie. “Yes, I do.”
“You should tell her you know how to fish.”
More than a little amused at how Jace saw the world, Charles asked, “You think it’s that easy?”
Jace shrugged. “Worth a try.”
Charles shook his head and chuckled in concession.
What would Mason think if he could see me now? H
e’d
say I’ve lost my fucking mind.
Charles met Melanie’s eyes the next time they approached where she stood. “Melanie, want to go fishing tomorrow? You, me, and Jace?”
She nodded, put a shaking hand up to her mouth, and her eyes suddenly shone with tears.
As he and Jace rode out of earshot, Charles said, “Hey, from now on I know who to come to for dating advice.”
Jace’s eyes rounded. “What is dating?”
Charles chuckled again. “You’ll have to ask your mother that one.”
Temporarily satisfied with that answer, Jace moved on to ask him other questions. He wanted to know if he had a car and why he always wore sunglasses.
It occurred to Charles, as they made their way around the ring for the twentieth or so time, that riding involved much more than staying on a horse. Just like the ranch was about more than people simply training them. This was a way of life. It was uncomplicated and honest and offered him something money had not brought him—a second chance.
Sarah’s words came back to him: “Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough.” He looked across at Melanie and then down at her son.
I do want this.
Charles was dismounting from his horse onto surprisingly shaky legs when his phone rang. He didn’t want to answer it. Melanie was sending her son into the house with Sarah for a snack, and that gave Charles the perfect opportunity to speak to her privately. He pulled her far enough away from the others that their conversation wouldn’t be overheard.
He kissed her briefly when she joined him, showing restraint only out of respect for the number of eyes still watching them. She smiled up at him shyly. “I’m glad you didn’t leave.”
“I—” The ring of his cell phone interrupted his admission that he could never leave her. He let the call ring through. But it rang again. And again.
In frustration, he took it out of his pocket and was prepared to silence it when he saw the number. It was Tanner’s social worker. “I have to take this,” he said and half turned away.
Although h
e’d
had his cell phone number since day one, the social worker had never used it. Adrenaline kicked in as Charles imagined all the possible scenarios in which he would. “What is it?”
“Did you see TJ on Thursday?”
“No, I’m out of town this week. I told him
I’d
see him next week.”
“He left the group home last night. The staff told me he took all his things with him.”
“To go where? Why didn’t anyone stop him?”
“He turned eighteen yesterday. He has the right to go anywhere he wants to now.”
Thursday was his birthday? Shit.
“Where would he go?”
“I was hoping yo
u’d
know. He ran with a tough crowd when he was with his foster parents. I hope he’s not headed back there.”
“I don’t understand. We had a plan for him. His college would have been paid for. He knew that. Why would he run?”
“My guess is he’s afraid to believe you. He doesn’t want to give you a chance to disappoint him.”
Charles looked down at his watch and let out a string of profanity. “I can be back in the city in five hours. Give me any information you have about where you think h
e’d
go. I’ll find him.”
The conversation h
e’d
planned to have with Melanie fell to the wayside. “I have to fly to New York tonight,” he said curtly as he pocketed his phone.
Disappointment was clear in her eyes. “When will you be back?”
“I don’t know,” he said as he sketched out a strategy for fixing the situation. How long did it take to find a kid who didn’t want to be found? And then what the hell happened once he was found? Take him back to the group home? Get him an apartment of his own? Tell him yo
u’d
like to help him more but you’re too busy getting laid down in Texas?
“Are you going to tell Jace?” Melanie asked, putting her hands on her slim hips in a show of displeasure.
“Tell him what?” It was difficult to focus on anything but how h
e’d
screwed up.
Melanie narrowed her eyes and spoke slowly, distinctly, expressing her anger through the clipped tone she used. “That you won’t take him fishing tomorrow. He thought you were serious.”
“I was,” Charles said and ran a hand roughly over his chin.
Shit, Jace.
Who am I trying to fool?
If
I can’t handle being a mentor, how the hell do I think I can be a father?
Years of frustration with a guilt h
e’d
never been able to shed surged within him, giving his voice a cold, hard edge. “Listen, you were right. I don’t belong here. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.” He turned away and started walking to his car.
Melanie called out his name, but he didn’t stop.
She stepped in front of him and blocked his path, her hair whipping wildly in a sudden breeze. “What happened, Charlie?”
Everything I told myself wouldn’t. I fucked up again.
Charles took a purposeful step around her, but she moved with him. “I remembered why I chose the life I did. You’re a wise woman, Melanie. You saw me for who I am. Jace needs a father he can depend on and clearly that is not me. Now step aside because I’m leaving.”
Instead of doing as he said, Melanie put a hand firmly in the middle of his chest. “Not until you tell me who just called you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Charles said with disgust. The details are irrelevant when the pattern remains unbroken.
I just hope I find Tanner before I have another reason to hate myself.
She didn’t back down. “It matters to me. You came out here because you said we belong together. You asked me to trust you, but I wasn’t ready to. I haven’t always shown the best judgment when it comes to relationships, and I was afraid to be wrong again.” She raised her other hand and placed that on his chest as well, then threw his own words back at him: “I don’t know much about love or how any of this is supposed to work, but I’m here and I’m trying.” A fire lit in her eyes. “And if you try to leave without telling me the real reason, I will show you why they call me the Takedown Cowgirl.”
Charles had never seen anything more beautiful or determined than his sexy cowgirl preparing to hog-tie him if he tried to skirt around her again. It pulled him back from the past enough for him to clear his head. He took one of her hands in his and raised it to his lips. He wasn’t comfortable revealing his weaknesses to anyone, but Melanie wasn’t just anyone. She deserved the truth. “It was a call from Family Services in New York. Tanner ran away yesterday.”
“The boy who mugged me?”
“Yes.”
“Why would they call you?”
“I’ve been mentoring him.”
“You never said anything about it.”
“It’s not like I did it well. Look what happened. I came here the week of his birthday. He doesn’t trust people easily, and I just lived up to the worst of what he expected from me. He took off and no one knows where he is.”
“And you’re going back to find him?” she asked, even though they both knew she knew the answer to that question. She wasn’t asking out of curiosity—she needed to confirm what she believed.
“Yes. Although I don’t know what I’ll do after that. He doesn’t need a mentor who doesn’t even know his birthday.”
There it was, the ugliness inside him, laid out for Melanie to see. She kept asking if Charles would be a good father to her son—perhaps she should consider this her answer. Perhaps they both should.
Remarkably, she didn’t look away in disappointment. She stood there, blocking his way, with an expression on her face h
e’d
never seen. He wasn’t sure what it meant, but it sent his stomach into crazy summersaults.
“You made a mistake, Charles. You’re human. We all do the best we can and sometimes it’s not good enough. But that doesn’t mean Tanner doesn’t need you.” She squeezed his hand in hers. “I need you. Jace needs you. Don’t walk away from any of us, even if we tell you to, because none of us mean it.”
Charles pulled Melanie into his arms and shuddered as her words washed over him, releasing his prison of guilt and doubt. He took her mouth in his with a crushing kiss, one in which all his pent-up emotions poured out. She met that kiss with a fervor of her own. When he finally raised his head, both of them were shaking from the intensity of their feelings.
Melanie raised a hand to his cheek and said, “Go find Tanner. We’ll be here when you get back.”
He kissed her forehead. “You really are a sweet woman, Melani
e . . .
when you’re not threatening to hit me with a frying pan.”
Melanie chuckled in his embrace. “I meant that, too.”
Charles smiled. “That’s what made it sexy.” He pulled her close to him so his hard-on nudged the soft curve of her stomach. “I love the way you take me down.”
Melanie blushed. “The way you say that makes it sound naughty. You just wait until you get back. I’ll take you down. I’l
l . . .
” She whispered some suggestions in his ear that sent his blood rushing to his cock and all coherent thought out of his head.
“Saying that to me when there’s nothing we can do about it is torture.” He kissed her. “But don’t let that ever stop you.” He kissed her again. “I’ll be back as soon as I can be.”
Sarah piped in from near them. “You’re leaving, Charlie?” Tony and David were close on her heels.
“I have to.” He wasn’t going to say why at first, but Melanie prompted him to with a nod. “I’ve been working with an at-risk kid who thinks no one cares about him. He turned eighteen and took off, but he has nowhere to go. Nowhere good, anyway. I have to find him.”