Tyler (24 page)

“You okay?” Tyler asks, his hands coming to lay, warm, on my bare back. “Have you fallen asleep?”

“No. I’m just comfortable,” I mumble on his muscled shoulder.

“You’re so cute like this,” he whispers, a reverence in his voice I’ve never heard before. “I want…”

He doesn’t say what he wants, and curiosity gets the better of me. I turn my head to look and find myself nose to nose with him. My eyes widen and he laughs quietly.

“I want to protect you.” He nuzzles my cheek. “Keep you warm. Keep you safe. I’ve rarely felt this way before in my life.”

“You’re protective of your brother.”

“Yeah.” He’s silent for a beat, his gaze clouding over. He clasps the pendant I gave to him years back for his birthday. A tree of life. “I came back for Asher, but let’s be honest. I’m a shitty big brother. I never even realize the shit he was going through.”

“Neither did I.” I brace for impact as I confess. I lay my hand on Tyler’s cheek. “I didn’t help him at all. I was so angry with him, thinking he knew where you were and wasn’t telling me. I wasn’t there for him, Tyler.”

A sound rumbles through his chest, and I realize it’s a bitter chuckle.

“You and me both, then,” he mutters. “We let people down, let each other down, and yet here we are.”

It’s not funny. Then again, I don’t think he thinks it is, either. We’re both made mistakes.

“I’m not good at protecting those I love,” he whispers.

“Don’t say that.” I think of Jax. “I bet Asher followed you around like a puppy when he was little.”

“Yeah, he did.” Tyler rolls his eyes. “I suck with kids. He got on my nerves constantly, but always came back when I sent him away. Shit. I shouldn’t be allowed around kids. It’s a wonder Ash still wants to talk to me.”

My chest constricts. I bite my lip, trying to keep myself together. Does this mean he doesn’t like kids?

I lift the pendant of the tree of life off his chest. “Do you know why I chose this gift for you?”

He shakes his head.

“The tree of life symbolizes a crossing. A meeting point. An intersection between life and death, the known and the unknown, the past and the future.”

He looks down at it, then lifts his gaze at me. There’s a question in his dark eyes.

“You are your past, and your present and all the possibilities I saw in you from the start. You’re funny. You’re honest. You’re kind. What you went through hasn’t changed who you are. Asher knows it. I know it.”

He puts his hand over mind. “Asher and you are the two people in the world I’d fight for.”

I stroke his cheek. “I’m sure there are more.”
Like Jax.

“I don’t think so. I only have Ash. And you.” He reaches blindly to the side and pulls his wallet out of his jeans. He draws out a photo and gives it to me. It’s a photo of me when I was fifteen.

I stare at it, dumbfounded. “You have this with you?”

“Always.” He gives me a faint smile. “I printed it out before I left Madison. With Uncle Jerry I didn’t have a cell phone or a laptop, and I got used to keeping it with me.”

Oh God, I don’t know what to say. I think I’m going to start bawling. He’s been carrying around my name inked on his arm, my pendant and my photo. All these years I thought he had forgotten all about me, that he’d walked away without a second thought, when in fact he’d never let me go.

“You see,” Tyler says quietly, “I came back to ask Ash’s forgiveness. I never hoped to see you again, much less be with you. I’m already grateful. I never thought…” He takes the photo from me and wipes his thumb over it in a gesture that looks touchingly familiar. “Never thought you’d want to see me ever again.”

I never needed a photo. Whenever I look at Jax, I see Tyler’s eyes looking back at me—although Jax’s are clear and innocent. Tyler’s have a hard layer of pain I want to erase.

He cups my head and touches our foreheads together. I throw my arm around him and hold on tight.

***

The next day, after breakfast, Tyler backs me up against the kitchen counter and kisses me breathless, then reveals he does website design on the side and says he has to go home and finish a work assignment.

So much I don’t know about him. I hope this time we’ll have time to learn about each other more.

The timing is good, because I can’t focus enough to even eat my breakfast when he’s around, and I need to grab a shower and rush off to college. It’s Thursday, which means a hectic day with many classes, including the hated economics. Before I run to my Spanish Literature course, Tessa joins me for a quick lunch at the main cafeteria on campus.

“There’s a glow in your eyes.” She nudges me with her elbow as we stand in line with our trays. “What did I miss? Did you go out with Tyler?”

“Maybe.” Heat floods my face, and I have to bite my lip not to blurt out everything.
‘Going out’
is too mild a term for what’s happening between us.

“Oh my God, I knew it. I just knew it!” Tessa does a funny little jig, silverware rattling on her tray, so that everyone turns to stare at us. “Love lost and found. Star-crossed lovers joined once more.”

“You’re such a romantic,” I mutter but can’t hide a smile.

She stills. “Did you tell him about Jax? How did Tyler take it?”

“I haven’t told him.” I take a step back at her incredulous expression. “I’m going to, okay? I have a plan.”

“You can’t hide this from him any longer, Erin. Or from the others. Everyone thinks Jax is your boyfriend.” She shakes her blond head. “This isn’t good. In the movies, this is—”

“This isn’t the movies!”

The whispers around us cease, and in the thundering silence, I can hear my racing heartbeat.

Tessa grabs my arm and tugs me to one of the tables, where we place our empty trays. She takes my hands.

“Look, girl, I mean this. You must tell Tyler. I know he left and never sent word, and I know you’re mad at him, but this is his kid. He has to know about Jax.”

“I know. You’re right.” I sigh. “And I’m not mad at him anymore. He explained things to me. I’m as much to blame for his silence over the years as he is. When I got pregnant… Well let’s just say my mood swings were horrible, okay? I wasn’t so nice to him.”

Tessa taps her fingers on the table. “And the reason you haven’t told Tyler yet?”

I shrug. “I don’t think he likes kids. I’m scared, Tess. That he’ll turn tail and run.”

She grips my hand and squeezes. Her blue eyes are full of sympathy. “Doesn’t he love you, like I said he does?”

I look away. “Yes, I think he does love me.”

“Then he won’t run.”

“But what if he stays because he feels he has to? I’d expect that of him. He’ll try to do right by me—but will he stay because he wants to? Will he like Jax? Will Jax like him?”

I don’t want to cry, I really don’t. It’s as if my hormones have gone crazy again, just by being with Tyler, and the whole mental turmoil isn’t helping.

“I get it. It’s tough, I’m not saying the contrary. But Erin…”

“I won’t keep it a secret any longer, okay? I plan on letting him know this week.”

She nods. “So what’s your amazing plan?”

Pushing back my shoulders, I get up and grab my tray. “You’ll see.”

***

I’m starting to hate cell phones. All the bad news comes down the line as you’re doing some innocent task, like shopping at Walmart or idling at the traffic lights, planning your evening.

This one comes as I climb the stairs to my apartment that afternoon, around five.

“Hey, hon,” Dad says as I fumble one-handed with the door key, trying to open without dropping the cell. “How are you doing?”

Doesn’t he know the mere fact he’s the one calling me puts me on edge? “I’m fine. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing.” So transparent. So much tension seeping through. “Just checking up on you.”

Yeah, right.
I glance down at the dim stairwell. “Spit it out, Dad. What’s up?”

He sighs. “Jax wants to talk to you.”

“Then let him talk to me. What’s the drama about?” I suck a sharp breath. “What aren’t you telling me? I want to talk to Mom.”

“Baby girl…”

Oh God.
“Please.” Everything is going upside down in my life right now, with Tyler here and my worry about Mom. “Where is she?”

“She’s fine,” he rushes to say. “Much better. Didn’t mean to freak you out.”

I slide down the wall and sit on the welcome mat, my bag thumping on the floor. Mom needs her rest, and her worry about the medical debts from Jax’s birth and now college isn’t helping.

“I’m quitting college, Dad.”

It’s been on my mind. This is madness. I can’t accumulate more debt. The lessons I give barely cover rent, and my loan for college will crush us all.

“No, baby girl, you don’t have to do that. You need to get out of this rut and do something you like with your life.”

“I have time. I’m only nineteen. Besides, Jax needs me. And Mom can’t keep worrying about me. I can go back to college later, after I’ve paid off the debts.”

He’s silent for a moment. “Are you sure?”

No, I’m not. I don’t know. All I know is that I need my parents to be healthy and carefree. I need Jax with me, and I need Tyler.

I bite a fingernail absently. “I’m going to come and pick up Jax for a few days, Daddy, okay?”

“Are you sure?

“I’m his mother. He needs me. I need him.” I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall. “And Mom needs her rest. She shouldn’t have to take care of all of us. Neither of you should.”

“Oh, honey… We love you.”

I smile. “Love you thousand times more. I’m coming over tonight.”

“But there’s no hurry—”

“Love you,” I say and disconnect.

This feels right. This is my amazing plan. God, I hope it works out.

When I open the door, another surprise awaits me. The lights in the living room are on. Someone is sitting on the couch. The tall Mohawk is hard to miss.

“Zane!” I drop my bag and sink on the sofa next to him. “Are you all right? You haven’t answered a single call or text I sent you.”

He looks like he hasn’t slept in the whole week he was away. The rings under his eyes are black like bruises, and his jaw is dark with stubble. He cradles a glass with amber liquid. Whiskey.

“Zane.” I’m not even sure he’s noticed me yet. “Has something happened? Anything I can do?”

His slanted eyes are shot with red when he turns to look at me, but a side of his mouth curls up. He leans toward me. “Hey, girl.” The whiskey sloshes in his glass and I make a grab for it.

“You’re wasted.”

He snorts and wrestles the glass back from me. “I deserve it. It’s been a fucking long week.”

“Is your sis okay?”

“Better now.” He gulps down more of his drink and hisses. “But she has three kids. One is still a baby. I had to take care of them. I like kids. I fucking do, but babies with colic are a killer.”

“I know.”

“You do?” He frowns at me.

I wince. Yeah, Jax had colic for months. It was terrible, poor baby. “Have you eaten? Shall I make dinner?”

“Nah, I’m good.” He waves a hand at me and leans back, resting his head on the backrest and closing his eyes. His voice slurs when he asks, “Is everything okay here?”

“Yes, no problems.” Images of Tyler and myself right here, on this sofa, hit me, and I get up hastily.

“And Jax?” His eyes open and some of the haze lifts from them. “You and he okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re fine. In fact, I’m thinking of bringing him over for you guys to meet him.”

His eyes narrow until they’re black slits. “Sure. That would be cool. Erin, are you sure…?”

He doesn’t finish. He lifts his glass instead and stares into it. I want to tell him everything, but I don’t want Tyler to know just yet.

“You’ll meet Jax and you’ll see,” I say instead. “I’m planning on driving home right now and bringing him back with me tonight. Don’t tell anyone yet, okay?”

Zane nods, his Mohawk drooping, looking as exhausted as the rest of him. “Then you do that, girl. Whatever makes you happy.”

Tyler

Time has slowed since I left Erin this morning, looking cute and hot as hell in her tiny shorts and white blouse. She made breakfast for me again, and my appetite is returning the more time I spend with her. Plus, I slept fine with her in my arms.

No nightmares. No panic attacks. I feel damn good for the first time in years, and I can’t stop grinning for no reason, like a lunatic.

I send her a quick text as I walk toward Damage Control for my evening shift.
‘How’s it going?’

She doesn’t reply for a long while, making me worry for a thousand different reasons—is she regretting this? Is she pulling away? Did I do something?

This is driving me nuts.

But a text from her makes my phone ping just before I enter the tattoo shop.
‘I’m fine. What’s up?’

I stop and grin wolfishly. An old lady passing by does a double take and hurries away, looking at me over her shoulder.

I snort.
‘Work,’
I type.
‘See you later?’

Another long pause. I don’t like these long pauses. I want to have her in my arms, kiss her, breathe her in.

I enter Damage, and I see Zane behind the desk. I lift my hand in greeting and he glances my way briefly, not giving any acknowledgment.

Weird.
A slight pressure builds in my chest, and I rub it, wondering what’s going on.

“Hey,” I say, stepping behind the desk. “Zane. Welcome back.”

“Hey.” His voice is tight, not angry but… colorless. Neutral.

I want to ask if he’s okay, but he doesn’t seem to be in a talking mood. So I get to work and leave him in peace. I resist the urge to check my cell phone for a text from Erin every five minutes, though I cave in and check after ten.

No message.

I try not to read anything into it. Maybe she’s with those snotty brats she’s teaching Spanish. Maybe I should learn some Spanish, too.

And why would you wanna do that?
that annoying tiny voice in my mind demands to know, and I flip it off.

Because Erin’s family speaks Spanish. Because she speaks Spanish. Do I need more reasons?
Nope.
End of internal discussion.