"I must assume that the captain at least is unharmed, Lieutenant. From our previous experience, it would seem I maintain a mental link with him. I would judge him alive...yes. As for the others, I can only speculate; I must act on the assumption that they are well and have found shelter for the night as we have."
She knelt beside him. She was fashioning a new spear and, intent on fixing point to shaft, she did not look at him. But she said, "There's something you should know - about Jinx. This is her third try, her third Walk."
"That is of some special significance?"
"Yes, sir. Stiff Tail said one of her children had taken the other trail to adulthood. I asked Rushlight what she meant. He said the child committed suicide." She raised her eyes to his in an unspoken plea for his help.
"You believe Jinx might also commit suicide?" Although he knew the culture illogical in the extreme, he found the concept difficult to imagine.
"If anyone in the party has- died. Yes, I do, sir, because it would mean she had failed again. Will you speak to her?"
"To what avail is logic in such a situation?"
"Anything is worth a try." She frowned uncertainly. "I'm not thinking so much of logic but... you consider her an adult, don't you?"
He said, "I consider her to be quite capable of taking the responsibility for her own actions and, as she has shown by her care for Mr. Chekov, willing to accept the responsibility for others as well. It is difficult to assess the maturity of a person of another species or culture but, in my estimation, she is an adult. She is still, of course, young and inexperienced."
Uhura nodded. "I meant, Mr. Spock, that perhaps you could help her see that other worlds would find her life of value, even if her own world does not."
"I shall endeavor to do as you suggest, Lieutenant. I do not promise the result will be as you hope."
Her eyes shone in the flicker of the firelight. "Thank you, Mr. Spock." She returned to her task, as if he had somehow managed to lighten it.
An hour later, she went into their tent for a much-needed rest. Jinx took the next watch, greeting him with some surprise. "You must sleep too, Mr. Spock," she said, "you have had as tiring a day as the rest of us."
"Vulcans are capable of forgoing sleep for long periods of time without deleterious effect," he explained. "I would prefer that two remain on watch at all times."
"That's interesting," she said and added, almost wistfully, "I wish I could examine you. I'd like to see how different you are from the humans... I have a question, maybe it's what Brightspot calls a baby question. Would you mind...?"
"You may ask, Jinx. I will answer to the best of my knowledge."
"Dr. Wilson said we mustn't touch you, that it would cause you distress."
"Physical contact with another being facilitates my telepathic abilities. I find myself subjected to strong emotions; it is such raw emotion that I find disturbing."
"But you caught Mr. Chekov and Lieutenant Uhura by the river," she said, "and you carried Mr. Chekov."
"I do what I must. Had I been able to prevent the captain from diving into the river, I would have done so. You are all my responsibility."
Her ears flicked back. "But they're adults!"
He had wondered how he might open the subject with delicacy. He took the opportunity she provided. "Have you not assumed the same responsibility for us? To members of the Enterprise crew, I am highest in rank until such time as we rejoin the captain, yet I am quite aware that we cannot reach Sretalles safely without your guidance and your experience."
Ears back and eyes wide, she absorbed his words. When he finished, she said in a flat tone, "You speak as if I were an adult."
"So, I believe, did Catchclaw and Dr. Wilson. The legal definition of adult may vary from world to world but I have learned to rely on my own observations in matters of safety."
She was quiet for a long moment. Spock watched her but did not interrupt her thoughts. At last she turned to look at him again. "If you consider me an adult, does that mean you'll listen to me?" Her urgent manner surprised him; so did the question.
He said, "Have I not done so already?"
She hesitated - nodded suddenly- and said, "Mr. Spock, we must get Mr. Chekov to Catchclaw immediately. I can't help him. Catchclaw went to Sretalles to ask the rememberers there about this AyDeeEff. Maybe she's learned something. Evan said...Evan said there was nothing she could do if Mr. Chekov had it." She caught her tail in both hands and twisted it tightly. "We can't stop to look for the captain and Brightspot and Evan," she said, "Mr. Chekov doesn't have the time." She rose to her feet and turned her back to him. It was the Sivaoan expression of overwhelming emotional distress.
He said, "I had reached that same conclusion. If Mr. Chekov is to survive, we must rely on Catchclaw. Once we have escorted Mr. Chekov to Sretalles, I shall return with a search party from the Enterprise to find the others."
Jinx turned only her head. Fur bristling, she said, "Thank you, Mr. Spock."
"I have no wish to add to your distress," Spock said, "but there is a question I must ask before I choose such a course of action."
With visible effort, she smoothed her fur and turned to face him. "Ask it."
"What effect will this have on you, by your custom? I can scarcely credit Lieutenant Uhura's conjecture but it has been my observation that your people are indeed capable of the act of suicide." He found the word distasteful but pronounced it unhesitatingly; there was no other way to learn the information he sought.
She began to shiver, from tail tip to ear tip. "That's a baby question, isn't it?"
"Affirmative," he said.
Her eyes looked past him, into the darkened wood. "It is difficult to find companions for a third walk; for a fourth, it is not possible." It was as if she spoke of someone else, even as she went on, "You are right to say I have responsibilities to you: you can't smell slashbacks, you didn't know about grabfoots. I must see you safely to Sretalles before I take the other trail."
Spock said, "And by this you mean you will take your own life? Surely there are others who have, through no fault of their own, failed their Walk three times. Have they all taken what you call the other trail?"
"Not all. Left Ear said to tell the exceptions too. I have heard talk of people who lived out their lives as children, and alone. I am not capable of that, Mr. Spock. I was lonely enough after the second failure. Had it not been for Catchclaw's acceptance, I would have chosen the other trail even then."
"Would she not still accept you?"
Jinx hesitated. "Y- yes, I think Catchclaw would- but no one else."
"I believe Brightspot would, although she shares your cultural background."
"Brightspot's dead!" There was anguish in her voice.
"That is a possibility," said Spock. "However, as the captain is not, I do not consider it a strong possibility." The words so startled her that she stopped shivering. He went on, "In any case, that is not relevant."
"Not relevant?" Her ears cupped forward, a vivid expression of her disbelief.
"My point is that there are many worlds beyond this one- worlds that would accept you and your gifts. Your knowledge of your people would be of great value to the Federation and to its scientists and its diplomats. The Eeiauoans as well might welcome you; you are, after all, a distant relative of theirs."
She seemed to understand him, even to consider it. "But, Mr. Spock," she said sadly, "the Eeiauoans are not my people."
In many ways, he understood what she felt, although he did not share its emotional impact. He said, "Nor are humans mine, and yet I have found them capable of and deserving of great friendship and loyalty."
After a while, she said, "I- will think about what you've said, Mr. Spock."
"That is insufficient." He rose and stood, his hands on his upright spear. "You have made my decision a difficult one."
She blinked up at him, and he went on, "If we continue on to Sretalles without seeking the others, you may commit suicide even though we have reached safety. If we stop to search for the captain and his party, Mr. Chekov will surely die."
"But there's no choice, Mr. Spock. We have to get Mr. Chekov to Catchclaw- I thought you understood me!"
"I understand that you force me to choose between Mr. Chekov's life and your own."
"No, I- you're not responsible if I commit suicide, Mr. Spock!"
"By your own account, the course of action I adopt may well decide the matter, thus placing me in a position of responsibility. My own culture has no word for suicide; it is an irrational act and, as such, cannot be considered a legitimate response to our situation."
Her muscles went taut, her hind claws dug the ground. For a brief moment, he thought she might run from him, then just as suddenly her spasm of xenophobia passed. She fixed her huge round eyes on him and said, "I didn't know how different... no word for suicide!?" She blinked again. "Even when I learned about your memory, I didn't realize how different you are. I didn't, I swear in Old Tongue. Have I hurt you, Mr. Spock, by talking about- the other trail?" This time she made of the expression a euphemism. He shook his head. "It is quite possible for me to discuss an irrational subject in rational terms. The prospect of contributing to such an act however-"
Almost to herself, she continued, "I must help you if I can." She looked up at him again and spoke more loudly, "Catchclaw would, so I must. If my life is that important to you -"
To his surprise, she turned from him and walked to the tent where, careful not to disturb Chekov, she shook Uhura awake. Uhura came, sleepy-eyed, to the fireside. "What is it, Jinx? Has something happened, Mr. Spock?"
"You must witness for me, Lieutenant Uhura," said Jinx. "Mr. Spock does not understand the Old Tongue and I must make him a pledge in it."
"All right," said Uhura. At her gesture, Spock turned off his translator, and Jinx began to speak. Uhura translated: "She says she swears she will not take the other trail to adulthood even if she fails her third walk. She says she will live out her life to its natural span, although this means she may spend that span in exile from her own people, her own world.... "
Jinx spoke again, and Uhura went on, "She wishes you to understand that she makes two exceptions to this: one, that she will still hazard her life to save another; and two, that she reserves the option of suicide should she contract a terminal or degenerative disease. Do you understand, Mr. Spock?"
Spock wasn't sure if the last question was Jinx's or Uhura's, but he nodded and said, "I understand. I cannot argue her exceptions."
This was translated back to Jinx, who spoke again in response. Uhura once again translated: "She says she takes this pledge for the sake of Mr. Chekov and- for you, sir- that you may be able to help Chekov without risking your own mental well-being."
Jinx walked away without a further word. She crawled into the tent, pausing only long enough to examine Chekov carefully, then she curled her body into a tight, anguished ball. Even when Uhura touched her shoulder and, in deep concern, asked if there were some way she could help, she would make no response.
Uhura returned to Spock's side. He said only, "She will not commit suicide, Lieutenant. You yourself have heard her pledge."
"Thank you, Mr. Spock." Uhura meant the words, despite the concerned look she gave in Jinx's direction.
He shook his head: he had not given Jinx a rationale that would allow her to live despite the cultural weights against it- he had demanded of her the sacrifice of many years of loneliness. He could only hope that she would find them, contrary to her expectation, years of value and of friendship. When he focused his attention once more on Uhura, he found he too was an object of her concern. She said, softly, "I'll stand the rest of the watch with you, if I may, Mr. Spock. I would find it difficult to sleep now." This time, he nodded. He had not exaggerated to Jinx the comfort he found in the friendship and loyalty of humans.
The indicator remained dark. Scotty thumped the console with an angry fist, hoping to jar it alight, and said, "They musna be hurt. Rushlight w'ld ha' told us."
Sulu said, "Begging your pardon, sir, but I don't think hitting it will help much of anything."
"Only ma temper, Mr. Sulu."
The failure was not on board but at the source, a malfunction of the medical sensor Spock had modified, and Captain Kirk had given very strict orders that he not interfere. Scotty could beam down to their last known position but, if the landing party were not in danger, he might seriously damage their mission.
"Rushlight is calling, Mr. Scott," Azuela said, and Scotty's mood lightened as he returned to the captain's chair to accept. In the past few days, Scotty had grown fond of the voice from the planet's surface. The captain had been right, Rushlight seemed to call just to hear him speak. Scotty was flattered by this- but there was something more: in Rushlight he saw a good man to have at your side for a drink or a brawl. He had to forcibly remind himself from time to time that he was speaking to an alien who might enjoy neither.
