Un-Break my Heart: Book 2 (The Heart Trilogy) (17 page)

When my alarm sounded in the morning James rolled over and kissed me before leaving me in bed. I left for work with the view of James standing on my door step; he was planning to spend a few hours rediscovering Ross with a walk around with Jester before meeting Chris in the gym at the pool. Then he promised to be waiting when I got back home. Luckily time seemed to fly by and I was soon pulling back into my drive, only Friday to go and then I would have two full days with James before my daughter returned to what was probably going to seem like the best news ever. Pushing the door open I noticed flowers in a vase on the side and the smell of fresh coffee from the kitchen as I walked in.

“You’re much better than I am at sneaking in” James said, startled from his laptop computer. He closed it and stood up to take me in his arms.

“Hey you gorgeous creature…what are you doing in my life” he murmured. His lips drifted over my cheek to my lips and then on down my neck where he breathed in deeply.

I let myself go, a slave to the feelings flowing through me like a bubbling stream trickling over the rocks. My lips reciprocated his as I felt his skin beneath their touch. The heat between us radiated out to capture all our nerves in their flaming grasp as we continued to kiss and I leant against the kitchen counter. James lifted me up so that I could sit on the surface as his fingers ran through my hair and set my scalp to tingle status. Pushing my skirt up he gasped to see a pair of hold up’s gracing my long, shapely legs and his kisses became harder and more urgent. His hands dropped from my hair down my body to run up my legs to the narrow strip of skin that separated my stocking tops with my knickers. They played lightly on my skin as I quivered beneath his touch.

I tried to hold him close to me but he was able to pull back so that his lips could replace his fingertips on that small section of exposed skin. His hot breath whispered through the fine fabric of my knickers as he pushed them aside to enjoy the full taste of my desire. He pulled his belt off and dropped his jeans and I could see how hard he was for me already. The kitchen island was the perfect height for him to move inside of me as I held his body tightly to mine. I could feel his heart beating as it matched mine. I was so hopelessly in love with him that I could no longer guard my feelings; the bricks had tumbled in the second that I had agreed to live with him. He cradled me close and I clung to him.

Chapter 26

Lying sated on the kitchen island I looked up into a face I had imagined, dreamed and seen all of my life and it was smiling down at me.

“Wow, I think I might pop out the door and come back in again and check that wasn’t a dream” I sighed.

“Believe me it was real and I would be more than happy to do that every single time you return from work, especially if you are wearing this type of thing” he smirked, running a hand over the lace. I giggled as he helped me off the worktop and I shook my head.

“Coffee” he asked.

“Yes please” I replied “I’m going to hit the shower and get changed”

“Ok, Jester’s waiting for his afternoon walk” James said.

After coffee I grabbed my coat and James took the lead and Jester.

“Shall we head for the river” he said. I nodded and we wandered out into the autumn afternoon. We glimpsed the weak sunlight as it peeped between the clouds and with our hands tightly clasped together we walked along, either trying to keep up with Jester or dragging him away from any interesting smells along the route. The river walk was fairly quiet and we let Jester run free as we located our bench and sat down on it, this time in daylight. Tracing my finger across the heart drawn all those years ago I held my breath as James caught my finger in his and opened his palm.

“Your turn” he said. I knew exactly what he meant as I traced a heart on his palm.

“I think I’m falling in love with you” I whispered, my voice loaded with emotions.

“I’m glad because I fell in love with you a long time ago, from that first moment when I saw you at the Swimming Pool” James said. We both smiled at each other and we leaned in for a kiss but suddenly a wet nose pressed between us and Jester was there.

“So much for a romantic moment on our bench” James laughed, rubbing Jester’s head.

“Times have changed” I replied, letting my hand join his. We wandered back towards town and then I changed direction and we headed for the Church. I don’t know what made me but I somehow knew that I had to start somewhere with the ghost of Mark, so why not here and today. We skirted the edge of the graves on the path that overlooked the horse shoe bend in the river. The thoughts were crowding my mind of the day we fell apart, or more realistically the day Felicity drove her well planned wedge between us. Then the countless other days since, when I would pause on my way to and from the grave and stop to clear my mind with the amazing view of the majestic river before me.

“I’d forgotten what a great view it was from up here” James said “I really think I’ve missed this place….and I know that I’ve really missed you” he said.

“I need to show you something” I said. He looked puzzled so I took his hand in mind and led him deeper into the graveyard. I think he must have realised as he squeezed his hand over mind and stayed silent. We reached the stone and I noticed the last lot of flowers had wilted and died as since “Rock on the River” I hadn’t visited. Bending down I pulled them away and turned to take the short walk to the nearest bin. It left James staring at the inscription until he pulled me close on my return.

“I guess you needed to do this” he said. I nodded, the lump of tears forming in my throat as I tried to articulate all that I needed to say. He stroked my hair and held me even tighter, I felt Jester’s lead wrap around my legs as he tried to get to the centre of our embrace.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that? Silence surrounded us as the afternoon light faded into the pink and purple hues of early evening. They swept across the sky like random brush strokes on a canvas.

“I’m sure he would just have wanted you to be happy without him if he loved you as much as the photograph showed” James whispered.

“I was so wrong for him” I sobbed “I tried and tried to make myself believe that I was in love with him and I could be happy…..but…..but it was so hard…I was so false” I sobbed.

“Every day was a struggle to put a smile on my face and carry on but then when he died the whole weight lifted as I knew I no longer had to act…I just had to live for my daughter” I said “And then the dream job came along at Love Shack radio and I started to live for the music too”

Pulling back I turned to the stone and placed my hand on the surface once more and in my mind I repeated the words ‘Sorry’ over and over again, like a mantra.

“So they never found out who stabbed him then” James asked. I shook my head as I started to turn back towards him.

“They thought it was a vagrant drug addict but Chris thought that it was planned as there were no finger prints at all at the scene and no weapon was found” I replied “So it’s just been shelved by the police as they had no leads”

We headed away from the stone and back towards the lights of town, the mood sombre but once more a weight seemed to have lifted slightly.

Back at home I bustled around the kitchen and rustled us up some cheese on toast for tea accompanied by a bottle of merlot that soon disappeared. Yawning and stretching on the sofa beside James I looked into his eyes.

“Shall we go up as I have another day at work tomorrow before the weekend off” I said.

“Lead the way” James said. Instead of making love James just held me and even when I tried to start something with my wandering touch, he stilled me. I knew he was pondering the questions surrounding Mark’s death but he didn’t say anything, his silence said much more.

The night held me in its claws, as dreams of Mark’s death came back to haunt me. It was the usual one where I witnessed his stabbing and his assailant turned out to be Felicity. Once more she turned to find me in the shadows as I was paralysed and unable to escape when she came closer.

“Everyone you love I will take from you, everything you care for I will destroy” she said, grinning demonically as her hands reached for me and I screamed “No” and tried to push her away.

“Steph…Steph are you ok” James said, woken from his sleep by my frantic screams and flailing limbs. For a moment I just stared past James as I struggled to find reality from the tangled threads of my dream. But then I felt the firm grip of James’ hands on my arms as he pulled me close, tight into his embrace. His lips found mine and with small persistent kisses he calmed me until I was awake once more.

He let me go so that I could grab the glass of water from my bedside cabinet. I paused for a second and then slide open the drawer to find my tablets. It was time for James to face my weakness, my dependency, my lifeline through the blackness. I popped out two pills into the palm of my hand and then swallowed them with the water.

“Anti- depressants” I said, quietly.

“How long have you been taking them” James asked. I could hear the concern in his voice.

“Since my recovery from……” my voice trailed off as I rubbed a finger over my scar.

“Oh” he replied, as the realisation hit him. He had a part to play in the blame but for me it was all her, Felicity, the evil one, my nemesis.

“I want to give up but it’s too hard to wade through the black waters that surround me without them” I said, turning to touch warm skin. I ran my palm over his chest as the feelings of calmness starting to fight inside me.

“You have me now, I can help you, I can fight with you if you’ll let me in” he declared “I love you with all my heart” his voice trailed off as I caught the undercurrent of love tinged with despair.

His hand reached out to touch my skin, to find comfort in the beating of my heart as it pumped the drugs around my system.

He pulled me down onto his body and once more the sexual connection was made and the love flowed between us like a stream into the river and then to the crashing waves of the ocean shoreline.

The tablets made me sleep so deeply that I never heard my morning alarm until James tapped my arm and the daylight fell onto the duvet cover I was wrapped inside.

“Time to wake up, sleepyhead” he said, brushing a kiss on my forehead.

“Morning, what time is it” I mumbled.

“Breakfast time, if you’re going to get to work for your show” he said “Although I could always hold you captive for the day instead” he laughed.

“Ok, I’m awake” I replied. Dressed, fed and ready to leave the house I turned to James.

“Sorry about last night” I said.

“It’s ok, we’ll talk about it again but I just need you to know that you have nothing to worry about. It’s just me and you….Together forever” I grinned at his mention of the Rick Astley song.

“Put the radio on and I’ll play you a song today, but you’ll have to guess which one it is” I replied. I reached to plant a kiss on his cheek but he turned so that I got his lips as he held me tight. As we parted I noticed the movement behind the curtain of my neighbours and smiled. They must be shocked to see their lonely neighbour suddenly in love enough to give them a PDA.

“Have a fun day and I’ll see you later” I called through the car window.

“Will do, I’m going to cook for you this evening so I’ll be out shopping but back before your show starts” he replied, watching me reverse out of the drive. With George singing to me as I drove away life this morning didn’t look too bad, even after my nightmare and revelation. Once alone in the house James turned on his laptop and continued his search for something that was going to help with his future plans for his life with Stephanie. He saved it and then after a walk with Jester and shopping for his planned supper he settled down and waited to hear her voice talking to him over the airways.

In the office I read all my emails and replied to some of them from Greg, and then I quickly sent a text message to Jack.

“Hi Jack, I have a proposition for you are you free for a quick coffee after my show?”

“Oh so mysterious Steph, are you asking me to be your bridesmaid already? I’ll meet you in the usual café” Jack replied. I laughed at his comment and sent a quick reply before it was time for my show. Then I had to find a suitable song for him to guess was from me. So as the rest of the requests and dedications appeared on the text, email or phone I searched the archives.

Feeling mischievous at home James sent an email to the studio, he knew that Steph would recognise his email address but he still signed it from ‘your secret admirer’. Spotting the email on my screen I smiled as I found the song that he wanted and announced.

“This next song is for me and apparently it’s from my secret admirer, so enjoy Is this love by Whitesnake” I finished, as the song started. I took a moment to lean back in my chair and digest the lyrics and they definitely struck a chord.

             
“I can’t stop this feeling

              I’ve been this way before

              But with you I’ve found the key

              To open any door”

It was James’ brilliant way of telling me that my decision to move in with him was the right one for him and in a way I knew it was perfect for me. I couldn’t help but respond knowing that James would guess the next song would be my reply. I chose ‘Sweet Love’ by Anita Baker. James listened and smiled as he started to make his preparations for the evening ahead.

             
“With all my heart I love you baby

              Stay with me and you will see

              My arms will hold you baby

              Never leave, cause

              I believe, I’m in love, sweet love”

Through the window into the office I could see Ian grinning at the sentimentality of my request show and I smiled back and found the next song. At the same time I checked the clock and once I’d spoken to Jack I could be on my way back to those open arms again.

Passing Ian in the corridor I smiled

“Great show” he said “Soooo romantic” I punched him lightly on the arm.

“Love is wonderful and life is too” I replied. Leaving the office I could somehow tell that he was appraising me from top to toe, something none of my work colleagues had done until now. Jack was waiting at our usual table and he stood up as I entered.

“Hey Steph, you are looking fantastic” he said.

“Jack, you just look the same as usual” I replied. Sitting down I took a sip of the white wine spritzer he had bought for me.

“So what can I help you out with, I’m guessing it’s not your love life with a glow like that on your skin” he said.

“Well, I’m looking for a DJ to come and work for me i
n
Birmingha
m
at Love Shack Radio’s newest studio” I said, laying my cards on the table and holding my breath.

A few moments passed as I watched Jack digest this request and try to guess if it was genuine or just a joke on my part.

“Are you serious” he asked, waiting to see if a laugh would escape my throat.