Unbearable (19 page)

“You are so beautiful,” I said, breaking the silence.

Her head dipped, then she looked up at me through those incredible long thick lashes of hers and smiled. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Kiss her! Now! I took a deep breath . . . and stepped back.

“What’s next on your list of torture?” I asked, my voice shaky.

“You’re not admitting defeat?” She playfully cocked her head sideways.

“I’m admitting this is a pretty tough workout, and I was wrong. But I’m not admitting defeat, so bring it on.”

And she did. Two more poses, both tough, but doable. She then stepped back, stretched up tall, and proceeded to twist her body into the most convoluted position I’d ever seen.

“Now you’re just making poses up.” I folded my arms defiantly over my chest. She still hadn’t broken a sweat.

“It’s the Eagle Pose.” She took a deep breath and settled into her stance. Her left leg draped over the right one, and wrapped around it at her calf. Her arms were completely wrapped around themselves
, and her palms, twisted as they were, pressed together.

I slumped my shoulders. “How many more are there?” I asked,
sure I didn’t want to know. There was no way my body would twist like that.

Tess untangled herself. “There are twenty-six total, and we’ve done ten. Come on, you have to try.”

Resigned, I began twisting my body in ways that had to be illegal. All the while, Tess circled around me, giving me pointers. “Hands need to be higher.” I moved them up. “This leg needs to cross over higher on that thigh.” I adjusted my leg.

But when she placed her hand on the small of my back and ran it up to my shoulders with the instruction to
straighten my spine a little more, I lost my balance. I toppled over, taking Tess with me. We collided with a thump against the wall, Tess with her back to it. I tumbled into her, straight-arming the wall in time to keep from crushing her.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes,” she chuckled. “And you?” I was about to pull back and give her some room when her hands slipped around my waist. My heart all but stopped.

“I’m good.” I lowered my elbows to the wall, leaning closer to her. She pulled the towel from around my neck and wiped my face and neck dry.

“Thank you.” I said, taking the towel from her hand and tossing it to the ground.

I brushed several small strands of hair from her face, allowing my hands to caress her cheek as I did.

“Tess, do you ever feel like we’re trying to swim up a waterfall in our effort to keep from getting romantically involved?” I asked, wondering if she was as weak as I was at this moment.

“Yes,” she whispered, her eyes on my mouth, which didn’t help my resolve, at all. “Angel Falls.”

“What?”

“Angel Falls, in Venezuela. It’s the world’s tallest waterfall,” she explained, licking her bottom lip.
Just shoot me now
. “It’s something like 3200 feet.” She laughed softly. “I had to do a report on waterfalls back in college.”

“Definitely Angel
Falls then. All 3200 feet of it. And then some,” I said, stroking her hair again. “I love the smell of your hair.” I leaned in and inhaled her scent.

“Summer Rain.” She dropped her head back against the wall, looking as angst ridden as I felt, with her eyes now shut tight as she breathed short breaths.

“Summer Rain?”

“Lilah bought me some shampoo. The scent is called Summer Rain.” Her Caribbean eyes popped open, searching my face again.

“Yes. Summer rain is exactly what it is.” I inhaled her yet again. I needed to leave. Never in my life could I remember wanting to kiss someone this desperately.

“Book, just how important is it that you keep your promise?” she asked, before inserting a knife in my gut with the words, “because I wouldn’t mind if you broke it.”

“You’re not afraid anymore?”

“A little, but not enough to keep me from taking the risk.”

Hope and fear twisted inside me as I buried my hands in her hair. I lowered my head—just as someone pounded on the door. Both Tess and I jumped.

I dragged myself back as Cole, with Sofia on his hip, came in.

“Hi,” he said. He set Sofia down and she raced to the mirrors, making goofy faces at her reflection. “We just finished up some Christmas shopping and were on our way home when Sofia saw your truck. Lilah’s been talking up a storm about the new gym so I thought we’d stop and check it out.”

“Come on in and look around.” I stepped back as he crossed over to the treadmills.

“Why is it so hot in here?” Cole asked, slipping off his coat.

“Tess does Bikham yoga,” I explained, turning down the thermostat.

“Bikram yoga,” she corrected.

“Is it called hot yoga, also?” he asked
her. She nodded. “Lilah’s been thinking about getting into that. I’ll tell her to talk to you.” He slapped a hand on my sweaty back. “Sick.” He grimaced while drying his hand on his jeans. “Alright, Book, I only have a few minutes. You’ll have to give me the five cent tour.”

As I showed him the gym equipment, I watched Tess teach Sofia some simple dance steps.

“It looks great. The girls did an awesome job,” Cole said as we walked over to Sofia and Tess a few minutes later.

“Watch, Daddy,” Sofia said, jumping up and down. “I’m a ballerina. Tess showed me how.” Sofia put her hands on her head and spun in a tight circle on her toes.

“Perfect.” He clapped and gave her a hug. “You’ll have to show mommy when we get home.” He took her hand. “You’re still coming to dinner, right? It’s in forty-five minutes.”

“Is it that late? Yes.” I grabbed another towel and wiped down my face again. “I have to shower. I’d better get going, too.”

“See you there.” Cole started for the door and stopped. “Tess, you’re welcome to come.”

“I can’t make it, but thank you for the offer.” Tess slipped on her winter boots and coat next to the door. “I need to get going also.” Cole held the door open for her. My heart tightened as she headed out.

“Thanks for the yoga lesson,” I joked.

She smiled at Cole’s wide-eyed expression and left. I followed Cole out after locking the building. Tess was long gone by the time we got outside.

***

“Delicious dinner,” Cole said. “And I’m sure no one’s surprised.” Everyone nodded lazily as they stood and migrated to the family room. I couldn’t say if the food was good or bad. I couldn’t even remember what we ate. Tess owned all my thoughts as I replayed th
e afternoon.

Cole took his wife’s hand and stood in front of the fireplace. “Lilah and I wanted everyone to know the brain scan showed no abnormalities, so I’m still cancer free.
I won’t need another scan for a year.” Cole’s announcement brought claps from Sofia, who probably had no clue as to what it all meant, and hugs, along with a few tears, from the girls. Seth and I offered high-fives.

“Since we’re making announcements,” Seth said next. Maggie came up to him and he slipped his arm around her shoulders. “As you have all noted, Maggie’s not been feeling well lately. When she went to see Dr. Robertson a few days ago, she confirmed what we pretty much already knew. We’re having a baby!”

Lilah flew at Maggie, hugging her tight. “How exciting! I wondered if you were when you kept getting sick,” Lilah said, all smiles.

“I didn’t know how to tell you,
” Maggie answered, blinking back tears. “I know you guys have been trying. Seth and I haven’t, and then surprise, I’m pregnant. I’m sorry.”

“Mags, I’m happy for you. It will happen for us. And even if it doesn’t, I certainly don’t expect you not to have children.” Lilah pulled Maggie into her arms and they both cried.

Females. They confused me on every level.

I stepped over and hugged Seth. “Congrats, bro. You’re going to name it after me if it’s a boy, correct?”

Maggie pulled away from Lilah. “I am not naming my son Boo Boo Kitty.”

I gave her a hug. “I’ll chalk that rude comment off to your raging hormones, Magpie.”

“Can I see your baby?” Sofia asked, tugging on Maggie’s green and red shirt.

“Next summer you can. It’s still inside me.” Maggie rubbed her stomach.

“You ate your baby?” Poor little Sofia, her eyes wide in horror, stepped away.

“No!” Maggie laughed. “It’s growing inside me. When it gets bigger, it will come out.”

“How did it get in there?” Sofia’s eyes narrowed on Maggie’s stomach.

“Umm,” stammered Lilah and Cole simultaneously.

“Sofia, I thought you were going to show me your new room after dinner.” I held my hand out to her and wiggled my fingers. Her face lit up with a grin and she grabbed my hand, dragging me to the stairs.

“You owe me,” I mouthed to her parents.

“This is my new veil,” Sofia said, after we entered her room. She pointed to some mosquito netting stuff wrapped around a hoop over her bed. Flowers had been weaved into the netting, making it look all girly.

She pointed to an even girlier dresser. “And me and Mommy painted my dresser pink and put princess stickers on it.”

“Awesome,” I said. “You and your mom did a great job in here.”

“Sit in my new chair.” She pushed me to the corner of the room into an overstuffed pink chair. I sat; my manhood took a hit.

Sofia pulled out a book from a basket next to the chair and crawled up onto my lap. “Will you read this to me?” She handed me her favorite book, a tattered copy of
Rapunzel
.

“Don’t you know this story by heart already?” I asked. She nodded her head against my shoulder and slipped her thumb in her mouth.

I chuckled, opened the book, and began. “Once upon a time . . .” She was asleep before they lived happily ever after. I laid her in her pink bed, covering her with a pink quilt, making a note to get her something
not
pink for her birthday. The place looked like a pink Smurf had exploded.

As I crept quietly to the door, a sleepy voice called out, “I love you, Uncle Book.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” I smiled at her and her droopy eyes as they closed.

Cole was one lucky man. And now Seth was going to be a dad. I thought I’d be married with kids long before now. My love life was nothing more than a series of unfortunate events—unfortunate, lousy, pathetic events. Was I that much of a loser?

I closed the door behind me and headed down the stairs, my Scrooge attitude firmly in place. Cole and Lilah were all curled around each other on the couch, Lilah giggling as Cole whispered in her ear. I turned for the kitchen. It was worse. Seth had Maggie up against the fridge kissing her with his hand on her pregnant belly.

I walked out the back door and went straight to my truck, tired of being the fifth wheel all the time. Tired of having no one. Tired of eating dinner alone. Tired of watching TV alone. Tired of sleeping alone.

And most of all, I was tired of my stupid promise to Tess.

I shoved my truck into second gear and peeled out of the driveway, drowning in self-pity.

Chapter 22

Tess

I grabbed a sweatshirt and turned up the heat. It was freezing and the little trailer didn’t stand a chance against the winter storm beating against it. I sank into the recliner. “Another Christmas eve alone.” I shook my head. I should have gone with Booker, but I was already going over to Seth’s tomorrow and didn’t want to wear out my welcome.

I dropped my head back and laughed. “Who are you kidding, girl? You’re afraid of being around Booker because you’re crazy about him.” If Cole hadn’t shown up . . .

I was tired of being alone, and of my empty life with no one to love. And I was sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself. I chose to live the life of a nun. No one forced me.

“Hot chocolate.” I jumped out of the chair and went straight to the kitchen to fill my teapot. I held my hands an inch from the pot and let the warmth radiate around them.

“Okay, Terese Layla Selleck. For Christmas you are giving yourself a backbone. You’re going to tell Booker how you feel and that the promise is done . . . finished . . . kaput.” I smiled to myself before adding, “Merry Christmas.”

I so wanted him to kiss me at the gym today. My lips tingled as I remembered his kisses in the rec center parking lot and my apartment. That seemed like a million years ago. I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. I felt like a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl with her first crush.

Only this wasn’t a crush. I had strong feelings for Booker. Strong enough it both scared and thrilled me at the same time.

“I should have kissed him. I should have grabbed him by the sexy tee he had on and kissed him.” I smacked my fist on the counter. “Urgh!”

A gentle knock at the door sent a chill down my spine. Who would be stopping by at ten-thirty at night? Carefully, I pulled back the edge of the curtain and saw Booker’s truck parked out front. My heart leapt in my throat. It seemed Santa was delivering my backbone early.

“Okay.” I exhaled slowly. “Do it. Just grab him and kiss him. Right on that sexy mouth.”

“Tess, it’s me, Booker,” he said through the door. “I know it’s late, but I need to talk to you. May I come in?”

I rubbed my hands together, every nerve ending in my body tingled as my heart beat against the wall of my chest. I opened the door. His hands rested on either side of the doorframe as if he needed support. He looked as frazzled as I felt. We stared at each other, neither one of us speaking. Heated glances bounced back and forth. I noticed he was breathing in short rapid breaths at the exact same time I noticed I was, too. Time to make my move. I straightened and said, “I quit,” as he said, “You’re fired.”

We collided in the doorway and he captured my mouth in an intense, demanding kiss. My hands tangled in the front of his jacket and I pulled him closer. With a throaty sigh, Booker plunged his hands in my hair, cradling my face to his. He steered me inside and kicked the door closed, his mouth never leaving mine. The urgency of his kiss shook me to my core. Never, ever, had Garen kissed me with this much
passion. They were short, dull, and unimaginative.

Not Booker’s. The blood coursed rapidly though my body as if I’d run a marathon. I was no longer cold either. My toes curled in my slippers as he continued his masterful kiss, turning his head to deepen it. Just when I was sure my bones were going to melt, he groaned and dragged himself away from my mouth, resting his forehead on mine.

“That certainly was worth the wait,” he said, his voice a little shaky.

“Yes,” I whispered. “But let’s not wait that long again.”

“Agreed.” And he kissed me again, my poor mind reeling by the time he stopped. His hands were now around my neck as his thumbs caressed my jaw.

“I’m afraid I’m falling for you, Tess.” His brown eyes met mine. “You’re probably not ready to hear—”

“I feel the same, actually.” What would be the point in denying it? “But,” I hastened to add, “I’m still scared. Not because I worry that you’ll hit me, but with Garen my life was like a prison. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I don’t see myself ever marrying again.” He needed to know. I’d seen the way he admired his friend’s relationships. That wouldn’t be in my future.

“Would you be okay with me trying to change your mind?” He held a finger to my lips, stopping my answer. “Not by force, Tess. I promise.”

I took a deep breath and said the words I’d never said aloud before. “I can’t have children. Garen . . . he . . . I—I can no long have children.” I didn’t want the memory of that night to spoil the moment. “I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

He touched my cheek tenderly. “Agreed. Tonight it’s just you and me.” He kissed me once, twice, three times before pulling back, shoving his hands through his hair. “I think I’d better go.”

I nodded and opened the door. “By the way, am I still your secretary?” I asked with a sheepish grin.

“No, Tess. I made a promise. And I always keep my promises.” A Cheshire
Cat grin cut across his face. “However, I could use a new office manager.”

“What’s the difference?”

“With my small practice, nothing. But as office manager you are entitled to a nice raise,” he said, fishing the keys out of his jacket pocket.

“I don’t want a raise. You already pay me well.”

“Tess, rule number one in business: Never turn down a no-strings-attached raise.” He stepped closer and kissed me again. “Merry Christmas, by the way. I’ll pick you up for Seth’s around noon?”

“Merry Christmas,” I said with a nod.

***

For the first time in a long time it didn’t feel as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders when I woke the next morning, despite the fact that it took me forever to fall asleep. I showered and dressed in my green shirt with the pearl buttons. Booker’d made a comment more than once that he liked the shirt. I added a denim skirt and my mid-calf Fuggs, as Lilah called them. As I waited for Booker, I went through the stack of mail on my counter.
Another note from Nikkolynn. She’d been mailing them to me at home since Booker had gotten after her about her noxious emails. They were always addressed to me using my full name and never a return address. The first one was just plain juvenile.

He’s still mine. Don’t forget that, slut. I will win him back.

Short, and to the point. She even signed it “Nikkolynn Gatto”. She’d make a lousy serial killer.

The next one was more imaginative. She’d glued letters from magazines together inside a Christmas card:

Merry Christmas, whore.

That one irritated me, reminding me way too much of Garen.
In my anger, I called her and told her if she sent another note like that, I’d show it to Booker. She denied knowing anything about the notes. When I reminded her that she’d signed some of them, she hung up, but that was okay. I felt proud that I’d taken that step.

I shoved the Christmas card aside, refusing to let it bother me. I debated showing it to Booker,
then decided when he brought me home I would. Enough was enough, and he was the only one Nikkolynn would listen to.

I set the letters in a stack, tossed the junk mail, and went to brush my teeth. Booker came as I added a Christmas bell pin to my shirt.

“Hello,” he said before taking me in his arms and kissing me. Oh, man, could this guy kiss. “Merry Christmas, again.” He wore a brown sweater and jeans, and he looked so delicious.

“And to you.” I pointed to the counter. “Will you grab my gift for Sofia, please?”

I gathered my coat from the small closet in the bedroom. When I came back out, Booker had the envelope from Nikkolynn in his hand. He held it out to me and I took it. “I knocked this on the floor by accident. No return address,” he noted, averting my eyes.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. I knew by his tight jaw that the pain of what Nikkolynn had done to him was still fresh. Even though he’d moved on from her, the sense of betrayal he felt over her affair was very much a part of him still. I kissed him soundly. “Never in a million years will I cheat on you.” I ran my hand through his dark brown hair.

“Am I that obvious?” he asked softly.

“My ex wasn’t faithful either. It’s not hard to guess what you’re thinking. The
letter’s from Nikkolynn. She’s been sending them here since you told her not to email me anymore.” Anger light up his eyes. “Book, let’s enjoy the day. I’ve been alone for four Christmas’ now. I don’t want this to spoil it.”

“Alright. But I’m going to talk to her later.”

I handed him the letter back. “For evidence. She denied sending them when I called her, even though she’d signed some, though not all. I tossed all but these ones.”

His jaw ticked, but he said nothing more. He shoved it in his pocket, and helped me with my coat. Holding my hand, he led me outside, stopping for me to lock the door. “I can install a full blown, no holds barred security system in here if you’d like.”

“Thanks. I’d like that.” I climbed in the truck and Booker cranked up the heat, knowing without having to ask that I was already freezing.

As we walked up to the door at Seth’s, he chuckled. “Let’s not let on that we’re a couple just yet. Maggie and Lilah have been going crazy trying to get us together.”

“Playing a little cat and mouse game, are we?”

He smiled ear to ear. My joke was not lost on him. The door opened and Lilah greeted us with a couple glasses of eggnog.

“Mischievous, thy name is Booker,” I whispered as Booker took the glass and we stepped inside.

“Please don’t go quoting Shakespeare, too. I get enough of that from those two.” He pointed to Lilah and Cole.

“You like Shakespeare, too?” Cole said, giving me a hug before taking my coat.

“No. I mean
, Romeo and Juliet are horrible examples if you think about it. Killing yourself because you can’t have the one you love.” I scrunched my face at the stupidity of it.

“Booker feels the same way, don’t you?” Maggie greeted us both with a hug and led us into the kitchen.

Booker walked behind her, patting her on the head. “Now, now, Prego.”

And the games began.
Lighthearted teasing, and several not so subtle hints that Booker and I should hook up.

“Where’s Sofia?” Booker asked, deflecting yet another veiled suggestion that we go out on a date.

“Napping in my room,” Cole said automatically. “Well, I guess it’s not my room anymore.” He bent down and kissed his wife’s neck.

“Enough of that,” Booker said. “There are young impressionables in the room.” He pointed to Maggie.

“This young impressionable is two months pregnant. I think it’s okay,” Maggie said, still looking a little under the weather with her drawn cheeks and eyes.

“Cole used to live here?” I asked.

“Yes, just for a little while,” Cole said, taking a piece of ribbon candy from a bowl on the counter.

“Seth and I wanted to wait until we were married,” Maggie explained. She glanced quickly at Booker then back to me. “We had Cole come and stay with us until we got married, sort of like insurance.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “I admire you. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

“Nope,” Seth laughed. “But we survived.”

“Cole and I waited,” Lilah piped in.

“Pshhh. Two and a half months,” Booker scoffed. “Who couldn’t wait two and a half months?”

“He has a point,” Cole said.

“Yeah, on his head,” Lilah replied. “I’ll bet you can’t wait. I’ll bet when the right girl comes along, you won’t make it two days.”

“I didn’t sleep with Nikkolynn before I married her,” Booker said defensively.

“Bro, you met and married her in just over two weeks.” Seth shook his head. “I’m with Lilah on this, except I have more confidence in you than Lilah. I know you can handle two days. But I’ll bet you can’t wait until you’re married.”

“I’m in, too. How much are we betting?” Cole asked.

“We’ll need to make it a large amount or Booker won’t do it.” Cole grabbed a paper and pen from the desk in the kitchen.

Booker stood there shaking his head. “Now wait just a minute—”

“I’ll bet fifteen hundred dollars,” Cole said.

“I’ll match it,” Lilah piped in.

“That sounds good to me.” Seth wrote down their names and the amounts, all while Booker stood to the side, chuckling to himself. “Mags and I will bet five thousand.”

“Speak for yourself,” Maggie said.

“You want to bet higher?” Seth asked.

“No. I’m taking Booker’s side. I think he can do it.” She smiled at Booker and he grinned proudly.

“Thank you, Magpie. I’m glad someone has a little faith in me.” The smile then fell from his face. “Yours is a pity bet, isn’t it?”

Maggie shrugged. “Maybe.” Guilt hung in her eyes.

“May I join in?” I asked. I’d been on the receiving end of Booker’s kisses. There was no way he would win this bet, and I could use the money. “I can only afford two hundred fifty.”