Unbefitting a Lady (9 page)

‘Come to me when you’re ready.’ Bram stepped out into the
stable yard, the evening dusk already swallowing him up. ‘Come soon.’

Phaedra leaned into the wall, and expelled a deep breath. What
had just happened? The question was hardly worth asking. She
knew
what had happened. She had just given him her
answer without saying a word.

Chapter Nine

A
n affair with the head groom. Was that
what she wanted? Phaedra leaned against the rails of the paddock, watching the
horses nip and play. She couldn’t tolerate going inside yet when there was a
chance she’d run into
him
. She was no coward but
facing Bram after their last encounter seemed the height of awkwardness. What
did one say to a person who’d just propositioned them?
And
whom she’d rather implicitly accepted.

There was no pretending she wasn’t interested. In many ways,
Bram was the perfect antidote— handsome, willing and more than able to translate
his promises into actions. Those actions would be irrevocable and they would not
be without consequences. It wasn’t the social consequence she was worried about.
There would only be those if she got caught and she didn’t plan to. It was the
emotional.

Could she stay detached enough to let him go if she pursued the
flirtation to its ultimate conclusion? It would be too easy to fall in love with
Bram. There were lots of reasons to, reasons that surprisingly went beyond the
physical.

She’d
liked
talking to him that
night in the stables. He understood her. Unlike Giles, he had not merely ignored
or glossed over her idea of racing Warbourne at Epsom and he’d seemed genuinely
intrigued about the horse trailer others had laughingly called Phaedra’s Folly.
He was good with horses. She’d been suitably impressed when he’d chosen the
snaffle bit the other day. Those reasons, coupled with the fact that he roused
her with a single touch, a gentle stroke of his hand against her cheek, and
challenged her in ways no one ever had with his honest addressing of passion,
made him exciting. More than that, the combination made him irresistible.

Was it really so wrong? Convention was rankly against accepting
such an offer but her curiosity was not. Phaedra simply had to decide what she
wanted. Did she want a few stolen hours of pleasure from a man who would be
moving on once Tom Anderson took back the reins of command? The very idea was
scandalous and delicious all at once. Phaedra shivered at the thought. If she
let this opportunity slip away, where would she ever find a man like him
again?

And yet she was a product of her breeding. All of her life,
she’d been taught to reject an offer such as his. It was hard to thwart the
teachings of childhood.

Not for the first time, Phaedra wished there was someone she
could talk to. Usually, she’d take her concerns to Kate but Kate was gone now
and she was on her own. That left Giles. Phaedra could hardly imagine discussing
this with her brother.
‘Giles, I’m considering taking a
lover and he’s the head groom.’
Even the words sounded wicked when
she thought them in her head.

Giles would side with convention because he was a man of
honour, but Phaedra was certain Kate would not. Kate had been no shy virgin when
it came to men. She was missing her sister more than ever. What would Kate make
of the handsome horse handler whose every kiss conjured up a penchant for sin?
She knew what Aunt Wilhelmina would make of him. There’d be no sympathetic
advice from that quarter.

Phaedra watched the horses nipping at one another, playing,
flirting. It would be easier to be a horse. Phaedra wished she understood men as
well as she understood horses.

Across the field, a slender figure came into view leading
Makepeace, the even-tempered grey gelding from the general string. His leg must
be better. The figure waved and Phaedra waved back. It was Alicia, Jamie’s
widow. An idea came to her. Maybe she
did
know
someone who could help her. After all, Alicia had married her brother. Jamie had
courted her; they’d fallen in love against the tempestuous backdrop of a war.
Surely
she
knew something of men.

‘Is this your idea of riding?’ Phaedra teased good-naturedly as
she strode towards Alicia. ‘You’re supposed to be on the horse.’ Phaedra took
the reins from the petite blonde. It had been something of a surprise to
discover Jamie had married a woman who didn’t ride. Phaedra had always imagined
her brothers marrying avid equestrians like themselves. But neither Giles nor
Jamie had been inclined that way. Instead they’d both chosen vicars’
daughters.

‘Did you have a good outing?’ Phaedra asked, trying to make
small talk before launching into her preferred topic of discussion. She didn’t
know Alicia very well and the family had not encouraged familiarity. Perhaps
Alicia would think it odd that she’d suddenly sought her out now.

Alicia smiled a soft, happy smile that lit her face. ‘I did. I
returned some mending to Mr Everett and we shared a cup of tea. He’s a kind
man.’ Her gaze darted away and her next words rushed out as if she’d said too
much and was anxious to cover them up with explanations. ‘I think Mr Everett
understands how seldom a mother with a baby gets out. I enjoyed the chance to
talk with another adult.’

But the light blush tingeing Alicia’s cheeks suggested there
was more to it than that. Phaedra tipped her head to peer at Alicia, sensing
there was more left unsaid. ‘Of course you did. It’s perfectly understandable.
It must get lonely in the Dower House.’ Mr Everett, the estate manager,
was
a nice man. He’d lived at Castonbury his whole
life and had taken over from his father. But Phaedra sensed the ‘nice’ she
associated with Mr Everett was not the same sort of ‘kind’ Alicia perceived. It
was almost as if she
liked
him in a manner that
transcended an acquaintance. Or, Phaedra thought, she was imagining things
simply because Bram had stirred up all nature of crazy sensations.

‘I hear you have a new colt in the stables.’ Alicia turned the
conversation away from herself. ‘And a new groom to help out Tom Anderson. I
caught a glimpse of him when I came for Makepeace today. In fact, he was the one
who recommended the gelding.’

Phaedra nodded. Alicia had given her the perfect conversational
offering, but how to start? ‘Mr Basingstoke has made himself quite useful. He’s
been exercising Jamie’s horse, much to the relief of the stable boys.’ Phaedra
laughed a little here but Alicia gave her a vague smile, uncertain of the
humour. Phaedra had hoped talking about Jamie would open up the conversation. It
looked like she’d have to try harder.

‘Merlin’s a handful. Jamie was the only who could ride him. He
wouldn’t tolerate anyone, not even Edward or Giles. Did you ever see Jamie
ride?’

Alicia shook her head, her pale blue eyes suddenly sad. ‘Only
at a distance.’ She put a gloved hand on Phaedra’s arm. ‘I am sorry, my dear.
You all have counted on me to bring you precious memories of Jamie and I have
failed you miserably. We were together such a short time and our courtship was a
wartime whirlwind. For better or for worse, we didn’t know each other well in
the sense that we didn’t know each other’s histories, our likes and dislikes. I
could no more tell you his favourite colour than you could tell me mine.’ She
had one of those expressive faces that showed every genuine feeling. There could
be no doubt she felt her regret deeply.

‘What made you fall in love with my brother?’

Alicia looked out over the fields, thinking, perhaps
remembering. Phaedra hoped she hadn’t conjured up too much sadness. Perhaps it
was still too painful for her to talk of Jamie. ‘We met at a dinner party,’
Alicia said after a while. ‘I think it was his laugh, his smile, the way it
didn’t stop at his mouth but went all the way to his eyes. He understood
himself. There was a confidence about him because he didn’t take himself too
seriously. Duke’s son or not, he understood he was a man like any other when it
came right down to it.’

That sounded like her brother—confident and laughing. It was
good to know her memories were intact, that she hadn’t made up a person to fit
her fading recollections.

‘Around here, everyone has known everyone all their lives and
their families’ lives,’ Phaedra ventured. ‘We don’t marry for smiles or
laughter. We marry because we know each other’s histories and place. There
aren’t a lot of secrets between a couple.’

‘Like Giles and Lily?’ Alicia said kindly.

‘Yes, like Giles and Lily, although the match wasn’t planned
and they certainly hadn’t spent their lives falling in love with each other. I
don’t think Lily liked Giles very much at all until now. But they knew each
other.’

‘I think there must be a great comfort in that.’ Alicia sighed.
Was that wistfulness she heard?

‘Or great boredom,’ Phaedra said, thinking of Bram and how he
didn’t fit the conventional standard. She had no idea where he’d come from, what
place he called home. Was that part of his novelty? The idea that he was
new?

Alicia laughed. ‘Boredom is underrated, Phaedra. Many a good
woman has been led astray by the promise of something exciting and new.’

Like Aunt Claire’s first marriage, Phaedra thought instantly.
Aunt Claire had married away from Castonbury and that had been a disaster. She
hadn’t known her husband well at all. As a result, she had fallen victim to his
good looks and smooth charm, a cautionary tale against falling in love with a
stranger. Better to marry as Giles was doing and taking a mate who’d shared your
life and your land.

‘Jamie was exciting and new,’ Phaedra argued. ‘He would have
taken care of you. There would have been no risk.’

‘You’re wrong. There has been tremendous risk. He died,
Phaedra, and now my life is in limbo. People doubt me, doubt that I am who I say
I am. And truly, I don’t know what will become of me or my son if I am not
believed.’ It was the first time Phaedra had ever heard Alicia break from her
quiet calm. She was always so composed. Not even Giles’s questioning had ruffled
her when she’d first arrived.

Phaedra’s heart went out to her. Whatever suspicion surrounded
Alicia, it could not be doubted that she suffered. It was there in her blue
eyes, that constant shadow of sadness or perhaps despair. Phaedra had not fully
realised until that moment how precarious Alicia’s situation was.

Since her arrival in the fall, Alicia had been part of the
problem, part of the devastating tragedy that had haunted the Montagues: two
sons dead, one of them the heir. And
her
,
a woman the family had no knowledge of, Jamie’s widow
and mother of his son, who would become the future duke. All of them, herself
included, had treated Alicia as if she was the calamity, a woman not to be
trusted. Somehow Alicia’s claims had made her the enemy.

But today, Phaedra began to see a new depth to the dangers and
risks from Alicia’s point of view. By her own admission, she’d married a man she
hadn’t known well. She’d known even less about his family and still she’d come.
Alicia was brave, just as Kate was brave to sail off into the unknown. But Kate
had Virgil by her side and once Alicia must have counted on having Jamie to help
her navigate the new world facing her as his wife. Without Jamie, the world must
have seemed bleak indeed.

Beside her, Alicia took a deep breath and regained her
composure. ‘I’m sure this isn’t what you wanted to talk about,’ she said.

Phaedra hesitated. ‘What makes you think I wanted to talk about
anything in particular? I saw you across the field, that’s all.’

Alicia smiled. ‘You saw me across the field and decided you’d
suddenly start asking questions about how to attract a man’s attention, is that
it?’ She gave a friendly laugh. ‘Do you have a young man?’

‘No,’ Phaedra said hastily and firmly.

Alicia wasn’t convinced. She said nothing for a moment, a
finger pressed thoughtfully to her lips. Phaedra could practically see her
thinking. ‘It’s not Mr Basingstoke, is it?’ she asked, a hint of caution evident
in her tone.

Phaedra’s silence condemned her.

‘He’s a dangerous sort of man, I feel compelled to warn you,’
Alicia offered quietly.

A cold knot formed in Phaedra’s stomach. Had she been naive
enough to think his attentions were exclusive? ‘Has he made improper advances?
If so, I shall dismiss him,’ Phaedra said with admirable calm.

‘No, it’s nothing like that,’ Alicia assured her. ‘It’s just
that he’s such a handsome man with the devil’s own dose of charisma. It’s
obvious he’s a complete rogue when it comes to women.’ Alicia paused before
adding, ‘I’ve known men like him before. They’re absolutely charming, they make
your insides melt and they make you promises they don’t intend to keep, only
that’s not so clear at the time.’

‘I shall be sure he doesn’t interfere with any of the maids,’
Phaedra said stiffly, hoping her aloof demeanour would fool Alicia.

Alicia persisted. ‘I don’t mean to dash your hopes, but I would
think twice about getting involved with Mr Basingstoke. Truly, my dear, what do
you know of him? Do you know where he’s from? Who his family is?’

Phaedra shrugged. ‘It hardly matters, he’s only here for a
short time.’

Alicia smiled gently and took back the reins. ‘It’s best you
remember that. I have to get back to young Crispin. I’ll have a groom look after
Makepeace. Thank you for the walk, it was nice to have some company.’

There was more Phaedra wanted to say as they parted. Alicia
seemed like a good person to whom bad things had happened. She wanted to invite
the young woman to the house for dinner, wanted to offer to give her riding
lessons, but all of that was out of the question. ‘Alicia,’ Phaedra called out
as she moved off with the gelding. ‘Thank you for your advice. I wish things
could be different.’

Alicia nodded. ‘I do too. Have a good evening.’

It would have been wonderful to be able to look upon Alicia as
a sister. She would have been able to if Jamie had lived. He would have brought
Alicia home with great fanfare. Aunt Wilhelmina would have planned a grand
party. Instead Alicia had been tucked away as an embarrassment. What would Jamie
think of the way the family was treating his wife?