UNBREAKABLE (ABLE SERIES) (17 page)

“God…I’m close baby, come for me...” He says between thrusts.

I can’t believe we are doing it in a hospital bathroom, but I can’t say I regret it. My climax hits me first, and he follows soon after. He continues to whisper sweet things to me. He’s still deep inside me when someone knocks on the door.

“Mr. Oliver, your dinner is here,” Someone from behind the door says.

We didn’t respond, because he’s busy attacking my lips, now. He gently sits me on the sink, spreads my legs wide, and kneels down. Oh my God, I can’t believe he’s doing this after I just had my moment a few seconds ago. Apparently, he’s having me for dinner. I might just die of a heart attack tonight; well, at least I’m already in the hospital. He continues his tongue assault on me, sucking and licking, until I have to push him off.

“I need to taste you, sweetheart.” He growls at me.

He inserts a finger, then another, as he pushes his fingers in and out of me. He starts sucking my magical nub.

“Oh God, baby….Jake…”

One last flick of his tongue sends me over the edge. As I continue to writhe, he stands up, hugs me tight, and cries...he cries hard. I get it now; he did this more for me than for him. His fear of not being able to touch me or make love to me makes him afraid of what it might do to our relationship. That kills him, and it kills me, because I don’t know what to do for him not to think this way.

“Jake, why are you crying? Please, tell me?”

He continues to cry, and I let him because at the moment, I just want to hold him. A gut wrenching feeling of despair sweeps through my entire body, numbing my heart. Seeing Jake like this, breaks me…it breaks my spirit, and it breaks my heart.

“I don’t know what to tell you to convince you nothing will change between us. Just a simple touch from you calms me; a simple kiss breathes life into me, a simple look appeases my soul; so even if we can’t make love to each other, just those three things are more than enough for me. Besides, it’s only temporary, okay? You are more than enough for me….understand me?” I whisper in his ear.

He pulls back to look into my eyes. “I just don’t want to lose that connection with you. I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I hate I can’t protect you from it. I hate I’m the cause of it. I’m scared…. I’m so fucking scared for you. How can I protect you from me?” He questions as his eyes well up again with tears.

A tear falls on his handsome face; another one follows and another. I lace my fingers through his thick hair, tugging on it, so he’ll look at me.

“I’m scared too. I’m scared, because I don’t want to lose you. Please, do not push me away, no matter what. You said we’re in this together, you said we can get frustrated together, but never at each other. I know, you’re just as worried about me as I am about you, but how about we worry about us, because there is no you or me in this…there is just US, okay?”

“How did I ever get so lucky? God really did give me a miracle. He’s blessed me with a girl who will love me and take care of me. I love you, Mrs. Oliver,” He says.

“I love you more, Mr. Oliver.”

He rewards me with my favorite smile, and just like that, his spirits are high and so are mine. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy. Even if we are not legally married yet, it brings a sense of completion to me, when he calls me Mrs. Oliver. That completion, I know, only he can give me.

***

I wake up with a sore back, a stiff neck, and a growling stomach. After calling Tami to rescue me from eating hospital food, my brain is bombarded by thoughts of what could possibly be wrong with Jake. The word cancer has danced in my mind a couple of times; actually, that has been the only thing in my mind. Oh, my God, CANCER…what if he has it? In my mind cancer is synonymous to suffering, pain, broken heart, anger, tears, hurt, childless, bag of bones, baldness, frail, coffin, cemetery, death…on and on, all the ugliness of this disease keeps on flashing in my mind. For some reason, death isn’t the word that played in a never ending loop in my brain, but childless. I love kids, I want kids. I want kids with Jake. Only.With.Jake. My wondering thoughts are interrupted by Roxy giving me a bear hug from behind.

“Hey, Mrs. Oliver! How are you doing this morning?” She happily asks me.

“You can’t call me that. We aren’t even married, yet!”

“It’ll happen soon, sweet cakes! If it were up to Mr. Groom, you’d have been hitched last month, but we told him to give you more time, because we need to have a big partay!!”

Brian hugs me next and walks me to the side, close to the big window, overlooking the traffic below. Nodding to Tami and Roxy to go inside the room.

“What’s up? I ask him.

“Jake put Tami and me in charge of your wedding. I know this is probably the last thing on your mind; I just want you to know what’s up. He’s been making mental notes of the things you like, so this little shindig we’re planning is all for you. The only thing he wants is for you to be happy on that day. How does a destination wedding sound to you?” His playful grin doesn’t fool me. Brian’s eyes are anything, but playful…they are Sad. Troubled. Dejected.

This is what the cloud of uncertainty, over our heads, is doing to us. We’re experiencing polar opposites, happiness because of our wedding and sadness because of his sickness; both emotions clashing against each other.

“I…I’m speechless…I mean, yes of course, do what he wants you to do. I just can’t think of anything beyond today until we know what’s wrong with him. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not changing my mind, but my focus right now is him, and how to fix him.” My voice is breaking just thinking of the what-ifs.

“It will be fine, Trish; don’t worry too much. I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too. He’s more than a friend to me. That’s my brother in there. So, for me, the only way I can function is to think that he’ll be okay.”

He moves to hug me one more time before walking back. Brian’s confident swagger still exists, his shoulders are not slumped over, but there’s a sense of momentary defeat in his gait. I feel a sense of dread closing in as if the dark clouds looming above us are ready to rain down on us, and we’re nothing but a small boat amidst a stormy thunderous sea.

Before entering his room, I pull Brian to ask one question that has been bugging me, hoping he can give me an answer, “Brian, Jake told me last night he’s scared. I am too, but I think we’re both scared of two different things. Do you know what he’s scared off?”

He sighs and looks down at the floor before answering. “He’s scared of losing you and seeing you hurting, Trish. He’s not scared of being sick, or even being in pain; he’s just scared one morning he’ll wake up, and you won’t be there. That’s what he’s afraid of. It’s always been you for him. For a while, I thought it was an obsession, but in hind sight, that guy in there…” he points at the door, his eyes welling with unshed tears. “…is just fiercely in love with you. He carried that all this time, knowing nothing would ever come of it because of Dylan. He settled for just being your friend, and even when Dylan died, he still fought those feelings. As strong as his feelings were for you, his guilt of loving you almost killed him, too. So, as his friend, I beg you, and I know you won’t do this, but I feel the need to say it; please, don’t leave him, because it’ll kill him.”

He hugs me after that. We cry together, cry for the unknown, cry for being afraid, cry for the time he suffered waiting for me, cry for him, cry for us, cry for what we’re going through…just crying and letting it all out.

This bullshit life has dished out to us, I may not have a say on, but one thing I know for sure, our love is strong enough to fight it. With our family and friends supporting and praying for us, there’s nothing we can’t survive. I have to be strong for him, for me, and for us.

So, with a little spring in my step, shoulders straight, and my head held high; I walk to be with the only person I’ve ever wanted to fight battles with, to be with, to grow old with, to have kids with, to cry with, to get mad at, and to share my forever with. I know he feels the same if not more.

Chapter 19

Trish

His parents, my mom, as well as our friends, were in the room when his doctor, Dr. Stewart, walks in with another Asian doctor named Dr. Hu. Jake immediately, reaches for my hand as we both look at the doctors, waiting for them to give us the verdict we do not actually want to hear.

“Jake, this is Dr. Hu, he’s an oncologist. He’ll explain everything to you,” Dr. Stewart says.

As soon as I hear the word oncologist, I know Jake has cancer, and it numbs my entire body…my brain shuts down. I look at the doctor, I know his mouth is moving, but I don’t understand anything he’s saying. I refuse to listen because I know a death sentence is coming and I’m not ready to hear that…I never will be. I feel as though everything is closing in on me…on us.

“After looking at all the blood work from yesterday, I’m afraid to tell you, you have Leukemia. It’s AML or Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Chemotherapy starts tomorrow after we put a shunt on your chest,” The Asian doctor continues to explain with no emotion, whatsoever.

My mom, Jake’s mom, Tami, Roxy, and I all start crying while the boys all look at the doctors, trying to understand what he just said. Jake holds on to me as tight as he can while I try my hardest not to let the tears fall, but failing miserably. Jake, being Jake, forges forward and asks the specialist what the course of treatment will be. He’s taking the bull by the horns, that’s my man. Since he’s showing strength, I try to draw from his. Jake remains strong and steadfast. I, on the other hand, am slowly withering away, crumbling like a stack of cards, free falling in an abyss of darkness. I can’t believe we’re facing the dreaded ‘
Big C’
.

I finally find my voice, and the only question I have doesn’t even pertain to any medical jargon, which at this point I can’t understand, anyway.

“I only have one concern. Are you the best doctor who can help him get well?” I manage to ask though with a very shaky voice.

“Jake is in good hands.” Dr. Stewart looks at me straight in the eye, but it doesn’t make me feel better.

I don’t even realize the doctors have left. I’m stuck in my own world, thinking of how Jake can be taken from me. No matter how much I want to escape, to run, I know I can’t. I thought I’ve gotten over my fear of losing him, of being alone, but I’m back to where I started. My arch nemesis is back with a vengeance, and I don’t know if I have it in me to come out on top.

Jake

As soon as I hear the word cancer, I think of Trish, right away. How will she accept this? Will she be able to adapt, much less overcome, the fear I know is fast settling in her brain. I know there is something more. I can feel it. I need to get Trish out of here, so, I can hopefully talk to the doctor again with my dad and map out an action plan.

“Mom, why don’t you take everyone out to lunch?” I suggest with a smile to my mom, but give my dad a wink for him to stay behind.

Without missing a beat, my dad pushes everyone out, and thankfully Trish doesn’t put up a fight. As soon as they get out, I tell my dad to go straight to the nurses’ station and see if my oncologist is still here. I need to ask him something…something I couldn’t ask in front of Trish.

Dad walks in with the Asian doctor. It seems lady luck is on my side. I inwardly smile sarcastically with that thought. Luck…fuck! How can that word even enter my mind in a situation such as this?

“Alright, Jake. Is there something you want to ask me?” Dr. Hu asks, his ever present poker face in full effect.

I take a deep breath. “How bad is it? I…I…mean what’s my prognosis.”

He eyes me skeptically, probably gauging how much of the truth I can handle. My dad, the strong marine, stands tall. His strength and unyielding conviction pulses it’s way straight through me.

“Okay, here’s what we have. The type of Leukemia you have is fast and aggressive. The cocktail (a.k.a. chemo) I’m going to give you is not enough to cure you. Your only hope is a Bone Marrow Transplant. Without it, you only have three months if that. Now, the transplant can be through a donor or autologous, which means we use your own. If your sister is a match, the extensive round of chemo would still be in place. Then we’ll harvest her marrow and intravenously give it to you. If not, we don’t have time to wait for an outside donor; therefore, we will go the autologous route, aside from the extensive chemo, you need to have full body radiation. It’ll bring your body down to zero levels, to make sure there are no cancer cells present in your marrow. This part of the treatment is the most dangerous because you are susceptible to any kind of infection. The chance of getting an infection is greater because of a shortage of normal while blood cells. A simple cold for us could mean death to you, and that’s why you’ll be in isolation the whole time you’re at the BMT (bone marrow transplant unit). Anyone who enters your room needs to wear a mask, gown, and gloves. There’s also a greater chance of bleeding or bruising because of a shortage of blood platelets. You will be given blood platelet transfusions to counter that. Then, when your numbers go up, we harvest your clean marrow and give it back to you. That’s our game plan. Anything else you want to know?”

My dad clears his throat. “Three months? My son only has three months!” He says in his controlled voice he only uses when he means business.

“Mr. Oliver, I am not giving him a death sentence…”

“Bullshit!” My dad interrupts him. “What the hell does ‘you only have three months’ mean?” He turns around, faces the window, and continues his rant. “Thank God, you didn’t say that in front of my wife. What I want to know is the rate of survival during the treatment. Don’t give me a damn time frame!”

Dr. Hu shakes his head. “You want me to give you the survival rate? Isn’t that worse than the three months I just said? Look, your son is young. He can fight this, but it will be a tough fight. Make no mistake, this will be
the fight
of his life. I’ll spell it out to you if you want. Tumor lysis syndrome is a side effect caused by a rapid break down of the leukemia cells during treatment. When these cells die, they go to the bloodstream. These waste chemicals will affect the brain, kidneys, heart and nervous system. But, there are drugs to combat that. Do you want me to go on? You have to factor in infections, side effects, and other things, but his age, the support of his family, his drive to survive….all these are on his side.”