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“Stop it, Lucas.”

“Why? It’s true. You want to pretend that because I had some girlfriends a few years ago, I’m somehow never going to settle down, because that suits you. Because then, it makes me off-limits to you. You wanted to take from me and not give anything back. Not emotion or trust. You’re so afraid that someone might get close to you that you have to push me away now. Because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen that under that composure of yours, under your makeup mask, you’re still just a scared little girl.”

“I didn’t ask you to psychoanalyze me!” she spat. “You think you get relationships? What the hell would you know about a healthy relationship? How did you think the two of us would go about having one?”

“I thought it would involve letting go of the past and embracing the future. But it’s clear to me that you can’t do that.”

“Because this isn’t what I wanted. It’s . . .”

“Scary,” he said, his voice thin, tight. “And you want to be safe. You want everyone to look at you and see your control, and your poise, and pat you on the back for what? For feeling nothing?”

Carly balled her hands into fists at her sides. “I’m not going to be like my mother. I’m not doing that. I’m not making a public spectacle of myself. And this morning came way too close to that.”

“So what other people feel matters more than what you feel?”

“Yes,” she said, exploding. “Yes. Because how else will I know if I’m doing it right? You can’t trust your own heart, Lucas, it makes you do stupid things.”

“Your fear is making you act a hell of a lot stupider than your heart would. Maybe the problem isn’t that you don’t trust me. It’s that you don’t trust yourself.”

Or that he just wasn’t worth the risk. The thought sent an arrow of pure agony straight to his heart. He’d been stupid to think this could end any other way. Stupid to imagine that he was the one that would make Carly Denton want to take a chance.

“I’m going to get dressed now,” she said. “And then I’m going to go.”

“Great.”

He watched her walk up the stairs and tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest. He wanted to beg, but he wasn’t going to do that. He’d lost enough of his pride already.

In the end, it shouldn’t surprise him. His own mother hadn’t stayed with him. Why the hell should Carly stay?

He gritted his teeth, tried to take a breath. Tried to keep the hot, burning emotion that was searing his heart from bringing him to his knees. This was a good thing. Good it had happened like this. Good it had happened now. It was the reminder he needed. Why he didn’t do love. Why he never had.

It was too much work to love people who would simply never love you back.

Chapter Nine

Life was annoying. It kept just . . . going on while Carly was trying to wallow in misery. She wanted to curl up into a little ball and wail for a week straight, but she couldn’t. She had to finalize all the details for Ride for Hope and see to a million other civic duties.

She had to be on show, which she’d never minded before, because she’d never fully grasped just how “on show” she was. Had never truly understood everything she was hiding so she could put on a public face that would seem acceptable, and wouldn’t make waves or any controversy.

Now she saw it. Now she felt the chains tightening around her wrists.

Lucas had made her feel free. Had helped her find bits of herself she’d never known had existed.

And the first moment those parts of herself had been exposed to someone else, she’d curled back in on herself. Buttoned back up. Stepped into her cell.

She’d been back in it for over a week now. And she felt it.

She rested her elbows on her desk and put her face in her hands. She missed Lucas so much it was an ache that went through her entire body. A physical pain. She’d known that passion could make you crazy, but she hadn’t known it would hurt like this.

It wasn’t just passion. She knew that.

I love you.

He’d said that he loved her and she’d thrown it back at him. Because it had terrified her how much she’d wanted to believe it. How badly she’d wanted to latch on to the words and hold them close forever. To keep Lucas forever.

But she couldn’t. And she knew, absolutely and beyond a shadow of a doubt now, the real reason she’d been so angry at him for the event six years ago. Why she’d let that sight of him with another woman turn him from childhood crush to mustache-twirling sex villain.

She’d needed him to be the villain so that she could protect herself. So that she wouldn’t fall for him. Because even then, she’d known that she could. Some part of her had recognized that if she didn’t do something about her feelings for Lucas, they were going to grow.

So she’d taken the coward’s way out. And she’d done it again last week.

Trust. He was asking for trust. And that was the one thing she wasn’t sure she could give. And he was right. He deserved a woman who trusted him. A woman who wasn’t so afraid.

She closed her eyes and thought of Lucas, of his smile, of the way he touched her, the way he looked at her like she was the only thing he could see.

She thought of how he’d treated her. The care he’d taken. Pushing when she needed to be pushed. Holding back when she needed time.

How could she have ever said those things to him? How could she have stood there, after he’d confessed his love, and told him he was going to cheat on her someday.

“You’re such a bitch, Carly,” she said out loud to her empty office.

And she was. There was no denying it. A scared one. One who had pushed hard at Lucas because he had reached her heart. Because he had challenged her when she wasn’t ready to be challenged.

She’d acted like it was Lucas who was wrong, but the truth was, it was her.

She was pretty sure she didn’t deserve Lucas, not after that. Not now.

Carly slapped her palms on the desk and stood up. Maybe she didn’t deserve Lucas. But she was going to try to get him back, anyway.

***

“What the hell are you doing here, Mac?” Lucas asked, growling at his friend, the friend he hadn’t spoken to in over a week.

Mac walked the rest of the way into the barn, like he had every right to be there. Which usually he did, but not now, because Lucas was still pissed at him.

“I don’t know,” Mac said.

“Maybe you should have thought of a good reason before you drove over here.” Lucas bent down and picked a shovel up from the barn floor, standing it up.

“All right, I do know why I’m here.”

“Enlighten me then.”

“I’m here to apologize.”

Lucas froze. “Why exactly?”

“For cheating off of your math test when we were twelve. Why the hell do you think?”

“I should apologize to you.”

“Well, you should, but you can do it after I’m done. I’m being the bigger man here.”

Lucas leaned back against the barn wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “Go ahead then.”

“I think it’s pretty obvious I caused some problems between you and Carly. I also embarrassed Carly, which wasn’t my intent.”

“And you called my character into question, accused me of using your sister for sex.”

“Yes,” Mac said, teeth gritted. “I did that too.”

“And?”

“And I’m sorry.”

“Great. I’m sorry I lied to you.”

Mac stood there, his expression expectant. “Is that all?”

“Yes. That’s all. I’m not sorry about my relationship with Carly, even though, yes, you did screw things up and now she’s not speaking to me.”

Mac cursed and tugged his hat off, rubbing his hand over his hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you were serious about her.”

“Honestly? I didn’t either. Not at first.”

“But you are?”

“I love her.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“She doesn’t love me back. Or maybe she does, but not enough to stay. To try and learn to trust me.”

“The thing with our parents . . . it’s been really hard on her. Embarrassing, because she cares what other people think. More than that though, even if she doesn’t know it. She’s always acted like she was afraid of dating.”

“I don’t blame her.”

“But you want her to change.”

“Yeah, I do. But I don’t think she will. Not for me. Not right now. Someday, but it’s . . . it’s not me. I wish it was. But I’m not going to force myself on her.”

“If you did that I would have to kill you.”

“I know it.” Lucas let out a long breath. “She deserves to be happy. And this relationship scares her.”

“So you’re just going to let her walk away?”

“That’s the thing, Mac. I respect her enough to let her. Not because I want her to, but because I won’t hold her to me. Losing my mother destroyed my dad, but he let her go.”

“And our dad won’t let our mom go,” Mac said.

Lucas shook his head. “I wouldn’t cheat on her, ever. But I won’t hold her to me when she’d be better off free.”

“And that right there makes me think you’re the right man for her,” Mac said, putting his hat back on and turning away, walking out of the barn.

Lucas pushed the shovel back onto the ground. If only that were true. But she would have to love him to stay, to work at getting over the kind of pain and distrust that had been burned into her over a lifetime.

And he wasn’t sure he was the kind of man who inspired that in people.

One thing was sure—people felt empowered to leave him.

But he would give anything for Carly to stay. Anything except her happiness. It was the one cost that was too high, even if it meant he spent the rest of his life being completely miserable.

That, apparently, was love.

Love sucked.

Chapter Ten

Lucas surveyed the set up of Ride for Hope. Everything was going off perfectly so far. The entire town seemed to be in attendance, and a good percentage of the population from the neighboring towns was there too.

It should have felt good to see so many people turn out for such a good cause. It should have felt good to be a part of it. To have gotten his old rodeo buddies involved.

But nothing felt good at the moment.

Nothing had since his final argument with Carly. Not even making up with Mac, which should have helped a little bit.

The rodeo events hadn’t started yet, but people were milling around, eating and playing the different games that had been set up.

A band was playing on the stage, lively country music that made Lucas want to drill a hole in his skull so it could pass through. He didn’t want anything lively. He wanted to get drunk and wallow in his problems.

But he wasn’t going to. He’d seen what happened when a man did that. Which meant the only option left was the bear the full brunt of the pain.

The band stopped playing, a mercy to his ears, and the lead singer started talking. Thanking everyone for coming, blah blah blah.

Then he said something that made Lucas’s ears perk up.

“Councilwoman Carly Denton is in the dunk tank, and the price on her head is high. If you want the chance to dunk Silver Creek’s finest lady, you can purchase tickets over at the concession booth.”

Lucas looked over and saw Carly perched on the dunk tank bench in shorts and a t-shirt, her hair loose around her shoulders. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he could see some freckles.

His heart stopped for a second, and all he could do was stare. Then he started walking toward her.

He opened his wallet and pulled out a hundred dollar bill, pausing at the concession stand to pick up a ticket and giving the very shocked woman behind the counter the bill. “Keep the change,” he said.

He didn’t take his eyes off Carly as he walked across the graveled area. Everything in him felt tense, tied up in knots. And none of it mattered anymore. Their confrontation, all the things she’d said. It just sort of evaporated. And it left her. Just her. And she was the only important thing.

He presented the man in front of the tank with his ticket and collected his ball. He looked at it, at the target, and then back to Carly. “What are you doing, Carly?” he asked.

There were hundreds of eyes on her, on them. It was a spectacle, no mistake.

“I thought it was time I put myself out there a little bit. It’s for a good cause and all.” She smiled at him, a real smile. No reserve. No snark.

“You’ll mess up your pretty hair.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s just image, after all.”

“It doesn’t matter at all,” he said, his throat so tight now he could barely speak. He looked down at the ball in his hands again.

“Oh, but wait just a second before you dunk me.” Carly put her palms flat on the bench and pushed herself up into a standing position. “While I have everyone’s attention, I wanted to do something.”

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Making an idiot out of myself,” she said, her voice low enough for only him to hear, her blue eyes glittering with tears. More public emotion. All for him. Then she straightened and went back to making her announcement. “I just wanted everyone to know that I am in love with Lucas Miller.”

There were some cheers, and a lot of laughter. Carly waited for the roar to calm down, and then continued.

“I’ve spent the past . . . decade really, caring more about what everyone else thought of me than what I thought of myself. And then Lucas . . . helped me find me. And in the process, helped me stop being so afraid. He taught me that love is worth it. And that laughing, having fun, being comfortable in your own skin is more important than being respectable. And that’s all.” She sat back down. “Dunk me, Miller.”

He dropped the ball at his feet. “No way.”

“Yes. I’m making a big gesture. Don’t steal my gesture. And it’s for charity.”

“I bought my ticket already.” He rounded the back of the dunk tank and climbed the ladder and up onto the bench. “I love you too, Carly.”

“Even after what I said?”

“What about what I said?” he asked.

Carly put her hand on his cheek, her thumb sliding over his skin. “You were right, though. I was scared. So I ran. I ran just like I did six years ago. I put walls up between us because I’ve always known, Lucas. I’ve always known that you could be the man who meant the world to me. And it terrified me. To know that someone could own that much of me. To know that one person could be everything.”

He looked at her face, at the pure, unveiled emotion shining from her. “But the thing is, Carly, you’re the woman who means the world to me. And I’ll never take you for granted, I’ll never betray your trust. I understand what it costs you and I would never, ever do anything to violate that.”

Carly smiled, a tear sliding down her cheek. A happy tear this time. And now he knew she would let him wipe it away. He moved his thumb over her damp skin, erasing the trail the drop had left behind. “I believe you.”

“My life hasn’t had a lot of happy moments,” he said. “But this one is so close to perfect, the rest don’t seem to matter as much.”

“I feel the same way.”

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss, which brought a roar of cheers from their spectators. Everything fit. For once in his life, everything just fit.

“Ready to take a chance with me, Carly Denton?” he asked, kissing her cheek, her forehead.

“More than ready,” she said.

And then he held her tight against him and pushed off from the bench, submerging them both in the cold water below.

When they came back up to the surface, she was laughing. “What was that for?”

“I didn’t want to spoil your grand gesture, but I didn’t want you to make it alone either. We’re in this together. We can look like idiots together, and laugh at the whole world.”

She kissed him, her lips slippery, cold over his. “I guess you could say we’ve made a pretty public spectacle now,” she said, resting her forehead on his.

“Yeah . . . we did. Are you okay?”

“I’ve never felt better in my life.”

“Great. Now let’s get out of this water. I’m experiencing shrinkage.”

She slapped his shoulder. “You’re such a man.”

“Yeah, but you like it.”

“I do.”

He lifted her into his arms and she clung to his shoulders while he got them both out of the tank. He deposited her slowly back onto the ground. “You need shoes,” he said.

She shook her head. “I can be barefoot for a bit.”

“Well, Carly Denton, there you are,” he said, brushing his thumb over her freckled cheek. “You’ve been hiding for a long time.”

Carly’s heart felt like it was going to burst. Looking at Lucas, at the love in his eyes, made her feel strong. It made her feel brave. It made her feel like she didn’t have to hide.

“Freckles and all,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t still put on makeup and nice clothes and high heels.”

“I have no issue with that. I think you’re beautiful no matter what you wear, or don’t wear.”

She pulled his hat off of his head and put it on her own before putting her hands on his cheeks and pulling him down for a kiss. “Same goes. You’re a man worth making a fool of myself for. You’re a man worth the risk. A man worth staying with. Always. I mean, if you want to deal with a woman with a supersized amount of neuroses and a shoe collection that may someday take over the tri-state area.”

He grinned, that Lucas Miller grin that always made her toes curl. “You know, I think I’m up for it.”

Lucas put his arm around her and they walked away from the crowd, out toward the parking area. “Where are you taking me?”

“Somewhere private. Because as thrilled as I am that you’re all right sharing our relationship with the public, I’d like to be alone with you too.”

“Sounds promising.”

“Not just for that,” he said, his smile wicked. “I’m going to ask you a question.”

Carly’s heart fluttered. “Oh, really?”

“Something to do with you letting me love you. With you loving me. With us facing this head on instead of running away from it.”

“You know what?” she asked, her throat tight, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I bet you I’ll say yes.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Lucas,” she said. “It’s the strangest thing. I always imagined that if I fell in love it would take something from me. Make me weaker, because it’s what I saw in my mother. I don’t feel weaker. I feel stronger. I feel more myself than I ever have.”

“Well, that’s good, Carly, because I love who you are, and I would never want you to be anything or anyone else.”

“You make it so I’m not afraid to be myself.”

“Do you know what you make me feel like, Carly?”

“What?”

“You make me feel like being myself is enough. I’ve always questioned it. I wasn’t enough for my mother, I wasn’t enough for my father, but you make me feel . . . good enough.”

“You’re so much more than good enough, Lucas Miller.” She put her hand on his cheek, her heart overflowing. “You’re perfect.”