Uncle John’s Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader® (37 page)

About 500 dead and dying blackbirds and pigeons landed on the streets of San Luis Obispo, California, over a period of several
hours in late November 1977. No local spraying had occurred, and no explanation was offered.

Thinking a-head: Roman statues were often made with heads that could be removed and replaced with other heads.

On the evening of May 30, 1869, the horrified citizens of Greiffenberg, Germany, and neighboring villages witnessed a fall of fire, which was followed by a tremendous peal of thunder. People who were outside reported that the fire was different in form and color from common lightning. They said they felt wrapped in fire and deprived of air for some seconds.

Blobs of white material up to 20 feet in length descended over the San Francisco Bay Area in California on October 11, 1977. Pilots in San Jose encountered them as high as 4,000 feet. Migrating spiders were blamed, although no spiders were recovered.

In April 1953, glowing green snow was encountered near Mount Shasta, California. Mr. and Mrs. Milton Moyer reported that their hands itched after touching it and that “a blistered, itching rash” formed on their hands, arms, and faces. The Atomic Energy Commission denied any connection between the snow and recent Abomb tests in nearby Nevada.

The July 25, 1973, edition of the Albany, New York, Times
Union
reported the unusual case of Bob Hill. Hill, the owner of radio station WHRL of North Greenbush, New York, was taking out the station garbage at 4:15 p.m. when he noticed “twirling specks” falling from a distance higher than the station’s 300-foot transmitter. He followed two of the white objects until they landed in a hay field. The objects turned out to be two sets of formulas and accompanying graphs, which apparently explained “normalized extinction” and the “incomplete Davis-Greenstein orientation.” No explanation has been made public.

Rancher Salvador Targino of Brazil, reported a rain of beans on his
property in Paraíba State in early 1971. Local agricultural authorities speculated that a storm had swept up a pile of beans in West Africa and dropped them in northeastern Brazil. Targino boiled some of the beans, but said they were too tough to eat.

Several thousand rubles’ worth of silver coins fell in the Gorki region of the USSR on June 17, 1940. The official explanation was that a landslide had uncovered a hidden treasure, which was picked up by a tornado, which dropped it on Gorki. No explanation was given for the fact that the coins were not accompanied by any debris.

Traffic at the Mexico City airport was halted temporarily on July 30, 1963, when thousands of grayish, mushroom-shaped things floated to the ground out of a cloudless sky. Hundreds of witnesses described these objects variously as “giant cobwebs,” “balls of cotton,” and “foam.” They disintegrated rapidly after landing.

Falls of frogs and toads, though not everyday occurrences, are actually quite common, having been reported in almost every part of the world. One of the most famous toad falls happened in the summer of 1794 in the village of Lalain, France. A very hot afternoon was broken suddenly by such an intense downpour of rain that 150 French soldiers (then fighting the Austrians) were forced to abandon the trench in which they were hiding to avoid being submerged. In the middle of the storm, which lasted for 30 minutes, tiny toads, mostly in the tadpole stage, began to land on the ground and jump about in all directions. When the rain let up, many soldiers discovered toads in the folds of their three-cornered hats.

In late October 1889, a Mr. Wright of the parish of Penpont, Dumfries, Scotland, was startled by the appearance of what at first seemed to be a flock of birds, which began falling to the ground. Running toward them, he discovered the objects to be oak leaves, which eventually covered an area one mile wide and two miles
long. The nearest clump of oak trees was eight miles away, and no other kind of leaf fell.

More Americans have died in automobile accidents than have died in all U.S. wars.

Just before sunset in August 1897, an immense number of small, blood-colored clouds filled the sky in Macerata, Italy. About an hour later, storm clouds burst and small seeds rained from the sky, covering the ground to a depth of ½ inch. Many of the seeds had already started to germinate, and all of them were from the Judas tree, which is found predominantly in the Middle East and Asia. There was no accompanying debris—just the seeds.

About 150 perchlike silver fish dropped from the sky during a tropical storm near Killamey Station in Australia’s Northern Territory in February 1974. Fish falls are common enough that an “official” explanation has been developed to cover most of them. It is theorized that whirlwinds create a waterspout effect, sucking up water and fish, carrying them for great distances, and then dropping them somewhere else.

In February 1965, a 50-pound mass of ice plunged through the roof of the Phillips Petroleum plant in Woods Cross, Utah. In his book
Strangest of All,
Frank Edwards reports the case of a carpenter working on a roof in Kempten—near Düsseldorf, Germany—who was struck and killed in 1951 by an icicle six feet long and six inches around, which shot down from the sky.

In September 1962, a metal object about six inches in diameter and weighing 21 pounds crashed into a street intersection in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, and burrowed several inches into the ground. The object was later identified as part of Sputnik IV, which had been launched by the USSR on May 15, 1960. Since 1959 more than 6,000 parts of spacecraft have fallen out of orbit, and many of them have reached the surface of the Earth. On July 11, 1979, Skylab, the 77-ton U.S. space station, fell out of orbit over the South Indian Ocean and western Australia. The largest piece of debris to reach land was a one-ton fuel tank.

The longest a solar eclipse can last is 7 minutes, 31 seconds.

Here at the BRI, we never fail to be amazed at the role that chance plays in life. Take these three instances, for example:

In 1985 Norman Braman, owner of the Philadelphia Eagles, was visiting the U.S. Senate when Senator Edward Kennedy told him the story of how John F. Kennedy considered buying the Eagles in October 1962. Not yet two years into his first term, JFK was already thinking about what he would do after leaving office. When he learned the Eagles were for sale, he and brother Bobby instructed Ted to go to Philadelphia to meet with the team’s management and discuss a possible sale. But Ted never went, and someone else bought the Eagles. “What happened?” Braman asked. “The Cuban Missile Crisis,” Ted told him.

Phoebe Fraunces, the daughter of a New York tavernkeeper, reportedly saved the life of General George Washington after pretending to sympathize with English spies. When Thomas Hickey, a member of Washington’s guard, told her to serve the general a plate of poisoned peas, she did so, and then whispered a warning to Washington. He (or she, depending on the account) immediately flipped the peas out the window, where some chickens ate them and died. Hickey was later executed for treason.

In 1934 millionaire aviator Howard Hughes built an experimental plane called the H-1. In January 1937, it set a transcontinental speed record by flying at 332 mph from California to New Jersey, making it the fastest plane on Earth. Hughes proposed to the U.S. Army that they base a fighter plane on the design, but they weren’t interested. Japan was. Mitsubishi engineer Jiro Horikoshi designed a fighter plane that incorporated many of the H-1’s features: the “Zero” was the premier fighter plane of World War II. The United States and its allies didn’t develop a plane that could match it until 1943.

Armed? A 15-year-old burglar was charged with armed robbery after pointing his pet boa constrictor at a man and ordering him to hand over all his cash.

These days, it seems that people will sue each other over practically anything. Here are a few real-life examples of unusual legal battles involving celebrities.

T
HE PLAINTIFF:
Rosie O’Donnell

THE DEFENDANT:
KRSK-FM, a Portland, Oregon, radio station

THE LAWSUIT:
KRSK gave itself the name “Rosie 105,” a reference to Portland’s nickname, “the Rose City.” But O’Donnell’s lawyers sued, claiming that O’Donnell owned the name and that the radio station was trying to cash in on her celebrity. Local newspapers blasted O’Donnell.

THE VERDICT:
Not guilty.

THE PLAINTIFF:
The Flying Elvi, an amateur skydiving club

THE DEFENDANT:
The Flying Elvises, a rival skydiving club

THE LAWSUIT:
The Flying Elvi sued the Flying Elvises for trademark infringement: Elvi manager Richard Feeney claimed he was marketing the concept before the Elvises were even formed. But according to the Flying Elvises, both skydiving groups got the idea from the 1992 film
Honeymoon in Vegas.
Furthermore, claimed the Elvises, they have licensing rights from the Elvis Presley estate. The Elvi responded that no such rights exist—Elvis never performed as a skydiver.

THE VERDICT:
The Elvi prevailed and are now the only troup of skydivers in wigs, sideburns, and matching jumpsuits.

THE PLAINTIFF:
The New York Times

THE DEFENDANT:
Jake Shubert, Broadway impresario

THE LAWSUIT:
In 1915, Shubert decided to ban critics who wrote negative reviews of his productions. The Shubert organization spent a lot on newspaper advertising and felt that it entitled them to preferential treatment. At the very least, they didn’t want their advertising dollars to be used to pay critics to pan their plays. It all came to a head when the new
New York Times
critic,
Alexander Woollcott, was denied admission to a play, even though he’d already paid for a ticket. The Times sued.

THE VERDICT:
A temporary injunction allowed Woollcott to see and review the play (he liked it). The court later ruled in favor of Shubert, who continued to bar the Times critic (it actually helped make Woollcott famous). Ultimately, the New York Legislature passed a bill making it illegal for a theater to refuse admission to any sober ticketholder. The Shuberts contested the law all the way to the Supreme Court (but lost).

THE PLAINTIFF:
SPAM Luncheon Meat

THE DEFENDANT:
Jim Henson Productions

THE LAWSUIT:
Hormel Foods Corporation, makers of SPAM, sued Henson’s company over one of the characters in the movie
Muppet Treasure Island.
The character in question is the high priest of a tribe of wild boars that worship Miss Piggy. His name: Spa’am.

Hormel’s suit contended that their trademark was damaged because the film “intentionally portrayed the Spa’am character to be evil in porcine form.”

THE VERDICT:
Not guilty. The court found that although Spa’am was “untidy,” he was not evil and that, actually, the character probably enhanced the value of the SPAM trademark.

THE PLAINTIFF:
Billie Jean Matay

THE DEFENDANT:
Mickey Mouse

THE LAWSUIT:
In 1995, Matay brought her grandchildren to Disneyland. The family was returning to their car when they were robbed at gunpoint in the parking lot. The robber got away clean with $165. While Matay reported the crime to D-land security, her grandchildren waited “backstage,” where they saw several Disney characters taking off their costumes. Matay, who had actually been a Mouseketeer in 1957, sued, claiming her three grandchildren were traumatized by being exposed to “the reality that the Disney characters were, in fact, make-believe.”

THE VERDICT:
Case dismissed.

Mickey quickie: Mouse sex only lasts 5 seconds.

One of the BRI’s favorite subjects is goofs
—
especially by celebrities, politicians, and criminals. Napoléon had his Waterloo, Nixon had his Watergate, and guess what…we make mistakes, too. So here’s a first
—
we thought we’d swallow our pride and show you a few of our own bloopers. This article is dedicated to all of you that have taken the time to write in and keep us honest.

A
lot of readers pointed this one out to us: On
page 88
of
The Best of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader,
in “Famous Last Words,” we wrote that Ludwig van Beethoven’s final utterance was, “Friends applaud, the comedy is over.” But if you skip ahead to
page 260
, in “Final Thoughts,” you’ll notice that his last words were “I shall hear in heaven!” Well…he had a lot to say. So which one is correct? We’ve since discovered that no one really knows. Have proof? Send it along.