Uncollared (17 page)

His words sounded fuzzy, as though her ears were stuffed with cotton. The man in the wheelchair stared straight ahead. Straight through her.

A flicker of impatience crossed the younger man’s face. “Going down?” he enunciated, as though she were hard of hearing. Mia’s mouth moved silently before she could respond. “No. No, I’m…” She gestured vaguely over her shoulder and stepped back into the corridor.

The young man gave a little shrug and punched the button to close the doors. As they slid shut, Philip remained motionless in his wheelchair and didn’t acknowledge her at all.

* * * *

Mia rang the doorbell of Philip’s impressive brownstone that same evening. She wasn’t really surprised when the same young man she’d seen in the hospital elevator answered the door.

She got right to the point. “I’m here to see Mr. Gale.”

The man’s eyebrows rose in a supercilious manner. “Mr. Gale’s not seeing visitors.”

Mia wasn’t backing down. She adopted the same don’t-mess-with-me attitude she put on when dealing with the bureaucracy of the power company.

“He
will
see me, because I’m not going anywhere. Tell him it’s Mia.”

The man’s eyebrows lowered, and one corner of his mouth twitched as though he was fighting the urge to grin. “Just a minute.”

“Thank you.” Before he could shut the door in her face, Mia stepped over the threshold and followed him inside.

Now it was his turn to be surprised. She smiled at him mildly. “I’ll just have a seat in the blue room.”

She had no idea who this young guy was, but Mia was not about to be intimidated. She stepped into the wide foyer with its marble tiles. Straight ahead rose an impressive winding staircase leading to the upper floor of Philip’s beautiful home. On either side were doors leading to a sitting room and a library.

The sitting room was an elegant space adorned in pale blue and gold. Philip called it the blue room, and once told her that his wife, Elaine, had decorated it. Mia seated herself and waited. Her heart thunked, belying her cool exterior.

Almost twenty minutes later the door opened. When Philip entered, Mia’s worst fears were realized. Philip sat in a wheelchair pushed by the young man who answered the door.

The attendant parked the chair so it faced the sofa where Mia sat.

“This good, boss?”

“It’s fine, Carson. Thank you.”

Philip’s voice, the warm velvety rumble that Mia so loved, hadn’t changed at all. That was the only part of him, though, still recognizable. He was terribly thin, almost cadaverous. The skin of his face stretched tautly over his sharp features. His eyes and skin had a yellowish cast. His scalp showed through the sparse strands of his hair.

“Don’t forget, meds in twenty minutes. And don’t overtire yourself.” Carson sent a stern look Mia’s way, specifically warning
her
not to tire Philip. But she was too shocked by Philip’s appearance to take offence.

He smiled at Carson. “I’ll remember. Is there any chance you could bring my guest and me some coffee?”

“Serving coffee is not part of my job description,” Carson grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “But I suppose I could bend the rules this once, if it would make you happy.”

“What would make me happy is a gin and tonic, but I don’t suppose that’s a possibility, is it?”

“You bet your life it’s not. Coffee it is. Back in a few.” The younger man left the room, closing the door behind him.

Philip turned to Mia. “Carson’s my nurse. One of them. He’s very protective of me.”

“Your nurse…” Mia’s throat closed. She was suddenly gazing at him through a film of jelly. Everything looked blurry, unreal. “What’s going on?”

Philip ignored her question. “I’m very glad you came by, Mia.”

She swallowed hard, willing her courage not to desert her. “Really, Philip?” She made no effort to hide her skepticism. She never would have dared speak to him in that tone when he was her Dom. So many things had changed.

“I know I owe you an apology, Bella Mia.” His special name for her. At one time it had the power to make her tingle. Now all it did was sound a mute note of nostalgia.

“I wasn’t honest with you that night at LoFiglio’s.”

The door opened, and Carson entered, carrying a tray with three cups, and set it on the glass coffee table. “Coffee here at your service.” He gestured to a small plate of crème wafers. “Oh, I found some cookies too.”

“Thank you, Carson.”

“We aim to please. And your other visitor’s here.”

Three cups of coffee. Another visitor. Before Mia could put it all together, Chess appeared in the doorway. His gray eyes widened in surprise as he spotted Mia. When he looked at Philip, his face froze in shock.

“Francesco.” Philip welcomed him. “Thank you for making time to see me on such short notice.”

Chess entered the room and sat on the sofa next to Mia. The warmth of his nearness anchored her, made her feel safe. “I always have time for you, Philip.”

“I appreciate that,” Philip answered. “I kept Mia waiting while I called you. Since she was here, I thought it best to tell you both what I need to say. So there’s no point in me beating around the bush, my friends. I have cancer. Pancreatic cancer.”

Mia’s breath caught. She was no expert, but she knew that type of cancer could be especially difficult to diagnose and treat. If it could be treated. As pain squeezed her heart, Chess took her hand and pressed it tightly.

They both spoke at the same time.

“You—”

“How long—”

“I was diagnosed several months ago.” He looked at Mia meaningfully. “By that time it was too far along to consider surgery. I’ve had various treatments in the meantime, with limited success.”

Chess quickly pounced on that remark. “What does that mean, Phil?”

“It means I’m going to die. Treatment bought me a few more months.”

“Maybe more than that,” Mia heard herself say. Her lips were numb, and she couldn’t feel her hands.

Philip smiled gently. “I’m afraid not, Bella Mia.” He picked up a coffee from the tray and sipped. “Which is why I’m so glad to have you both here with me today. The two people I care for most.”

He took another sip, then continued. “Before you came in, Chess, I was telling Mia I hadn’t been honest with her.

“When I told you it was time for us to move on, Mia, I was taking the coward’s way out. I’d received my diagnosis and knew what the time I had left would be like. I didn’t want you to watch me deteriorate, get sick and old.”

Mia’s eyes were wet. “You were too proud to tell me the truth.”

“No, dear. Too vain.” Philip picked up his cup, then put it down again, his hand trembling. “But I never forgot you, Bella Mia.” His protruding Adam’s apple moved jerkily as he swallowed. “I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well at all. Could someone please get Carson for me?”

Chess jumped to his feet and swiftly left the room. Mia hurried to Philip’s side and knelt by his chair. He touched her hair as he’d so often done before.

“I’m upset with you, Philip.”

“Mia, forgive me. I wanted you to remember me as the Master I had been, not the invalid I’ve become.”

“You had no right to shut me out. I care about you. I
love
you, whether you’re my Master or not. That will never change. I could have been here for you all this time, helping you. You didn’t even give me a chance.”

The door flew open, and Carson stepped in, the picture of unruffled professionalism. “So what’s the problem? Have we tired ourselves out? Looks like it’s time for us to have a nice little nap.”

“Us?” Philip laughed weakly. “Please spare me that image.”

Carson tsked. “Will you listen to him?” He stepped behind the chair and released its brakes. “Your friends will have to excuse us.”

Before Carson could move him, Mia kissed Philip’s cheek and whispered, “You’re going to be seeing a lot of me from now on. Get used to it.” She stood, giving Carson a look that told him that
he’d
better get used to it too. The young man recognized the challenge and quirked his lips in a half smile.

Chess was beside her. “You’ll be seeing me too, Phil,” he murmured, placing his arm briefly around Philip’s shoulders.

“Time to roll, boss.” Carson pushed Philip’s wheelchair from the room.

Chess helped Mia rise from the floor. His hold was strong, but she knew she couldn’t rely on it. Couldn’t rely on
him.

She stood, refusing to look at him. She felt sore all over, as though she’d been pummeled. But she couldn’t just wait helplessly for the truth to unravel. So she made the first move.

“It was all a setup from the start, wasn’t it?”

Chess watched her, his face unreadable.

“You being in the park that day,” she said, slowly putting it together. “Meeting me at the club. Philip asked you to do all of it, didn’t he?”

He nodded, as chilly as a November breeze. “Yes. He was worried when you dropped out of circulation. Wanted me to find out how you were. He even sent me his phone so I could contact you. “

Of course. The “Flower Duet.” “Huh.” She hardly recognized the bark as her own voice. “Did he ask you to step in as my Dom too?”

The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. She shook her head, laughing quietly to herself. The world’s biggest patsy.

“Why you?” she asked.

“Phil’s not stupid. He knew I was hot for you from the first moment I saw you. I never would have made a move while you were with him, of course.”

“
Of course
,” she mimicked.

He frowned, his eyebrows lowering.

Oh, he was angry now. Wasn’t she the naughty little sub? Too bad. Philip was dying, and she couldn’t forgive Chess for keeping that information from her. “How long have you known he was sick?”

“Today’s the first time I’ve seen Philip in months,” Chess said. “Believe me, I’m as shocked as you are.”

Her hard knot of anger loosened, and she faltered. “But you said he—”

“He
called
me. Asked for a favor.”

A favor
. The word stung, like alcohol in an open cut. But at least she didn’t have to hate him for lying to her about Philip.

Mia took a good look at him, and pity stirred her heart. He was pale, shell-shocked. He’d known Philip his whole life. Loved him.

What difference did it make how she and Chess got together? If Philip had pulled the strings, it was only because he cared about them both.

He was dying. That was all that mattered.

“Let’s sit,” she said, gesturing to the light blue sofa. “Philip won’t mind.”

Chess looked at her outstretched hand with scorn. “What’s this? Do you think you’re going to fix things for me, Mia? Like you do for your clients?”

She was stricken at his tone. “Of course not.”

His disdain burned like acid, but she knew it was his sorrow and pain talking. He felt helpless and angry at events beyond his control. Mia understood that. People came into the office every day struggling with those feelings.

“I’m not some down-on-his-luck loser looking for help. I don’t need you.”

Mia’s temper snapped. “We need each other! We both love Philip.”

Chess’s eyebrows rose, and one corner of his mouth pulled up in a condescending little smirk. “And?”

“And what?”

“We both love Philip, and next I suppose you’re going to tell me that you love me.”

Of course I love you, fool.

The thought must have shown on her face, because he clicked his tongue derisively. “You’ve seen too many romance movies, dear. Like that one—what was it?
Laura
. The cop fell in love with her portrait. With his dream of her. And you’ve done the same thing, fallen in love with your dream of a tough, possessive Dominant. That’s all.”

“Don’t talk down to me.” Her voice quivered with rage. “I’m not a child.”

“Then don’t act like one, honey. We don’t have a love story. All we had was a good time.”

Mia’s stomach churned, and her gorge rose. She fought the urge to throw up. “You know it was more than just a
good time
. For both of us.”

He shook his head.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked in utter bewilderment. “Why are you pretending you don’t care?”

“You’re kidding yourself. Woven some little romantic fantasy because I made you come a few times. Because I fucked you. Did things to you that Philip never did. “

She felt the blood drain from her face. “What do you—”

“Let’s not play games. I know you and Philip never had sex. Did you think he wouldn’t tell me? We discussed you and your relationship with him in detail.”

A wave of humiliation crashed over her. No, she and Philip had never slept together—a huge source of embarrassment for her. She always felt there was something wrong with her. Why else would he have refused her?

Chess’s eyes narrowed, and he spoke with a kind of weary pity. “Philip never slept with you because he’s still in love with his wife. It makes no difference that Elaine is dead. He can’t be with another woman without feeling unfaithful.”

Mia felt the earth move on its axis, and understanding dawned in blinding glory. Of course.
Of course.

Philip had been a friend and mentor, but he’d never really been hers—he belonged to Elaine, and always would.

Just as she belonged to Chess. Who was doing his damnedest to drive her away. Why now, when they needed each other’s support so badly? Swallowing against nausea, Mia curled her fingers into the back of a chair to steady herself.

“It’s a shame,” he went on, “that he passed on you. He deprived himself of an amazing fuck.”

Fury sizzled in Mia’s veins, and her vision went fuzzy. “You’re a coward.”

Chess blinked.

“I know you have feelings for me,” she said. “I thought you were man enough to be honest with me, but maybe I gave you too much credit. You’re more like a little boy who’s too scared to admit how he feels. So frightened of love that he needs to make it dirty. Well, I don’t have time to play with little boys. If you ever decide to grow up and be a man, let me know.”

Mia was proud that she’d kept her voice from trembling as she delivered that parting shot. Proud that through sheer force of will she’d kept tears from clouding her eyes. Proud of the steel in her spine as she turned and strode out of the room. She only hoped that her anger would hold her together until she got home. Then she’d fall apart.