Unconditional (10 page)

‘If it’s emergency contraception you need, you can visit the GU clinic in the town centre and sit and wait. The sooner you take it after intercourse the more effective it is.’ She says the whole thing in a monotone as if she’s reading off a sheet of paper and it takes me a minute to realise what she means.

‘Oh, no,’ I protest. ‘I haven’t had sex yet.’

There’s another pause, during which I shrivel up and die of embarrassment.

‘I can get you in with Dr Cooke on Monday at ten forty,’ she says and I’m sure there’s now a little more warmth in her voice. Of course, I could just be imagining it.

‘Lovely, thank you,’ I say weakly. If I’m going to be this pathetic just talking to the receptionist, then seeing the doctor is going to be a nightmare.

When I get home from college later there’s another nightmare waiting that drives all thoughts of the doctor out of my mind. As I hang up my jacket I can see Mum at the kitchen table. It’s laid for dinner, and she’s wearing a low
cut lilac top that I haven’t seen before, and her hair is all straightened out. She looks like Nicole Kidman.

‘Look who’s here for dinner.’ She smiles at me, nodding her head towards the other edge of the table, which I can’t see from where I’m standing. Even before I enter the kitchen, I know who it is.

‘Hey, Princess.’ Dad smiles at me, our phone conversation last night obviously forgotten. My stomach sinks. Is this where they tell me their happy news? I glare at him and then her in turn. Mum wrinkles her nose, puzzled.

‘Your dad said he had arranged to see you tonight, so I thought it would be nice if we all had dinner together.’

‘Great idea.’ I chuck my bag onto the side and sit at the table. Mum starts doling dinner out. She’s made moussaka, which always used to be Dad’s favourite.

‘You always were a good cook, Keira,’ he says in a syrupy voice that makes me want to puke. I know I’m acting like I’m twelve again, but I don’t care.

‘Really? Is that why you left her for Anya?’ Two pairs of horrified eyes swivel round at me.

‘Ashley!’ Mum gasps.

‘It’s okay, I guess I deserved that,’ Dad says. I stand up, pushing my plate away.

‘Do you know what, I’m not hungry, and I’ve got a stack of homework to do. Sorry.’

Dad calls after me as I’m going upstairs;

‘I’ll pick you up tomorrow then, Princess?’

‘Sure.’

I catch a glimpse of Mum’s face as I go up the stairs and she almost looks like she’s going to burst into tears. Instantly I feel like a total bitch, but there’s no way I’m going back to play happy families. I was hoping to talk to Mum tonight, maybe tell her about Joe and my decision, even ask her to come to the doctors with me, but there’s no
chance of that now. Not just because she’ll be mad at me for being rude either. If I try and have a heart to heart with her I know she’s going to tell me about her and Dad, and I just don’t want to hear it.

As I sit upstairs with my homework unopened in front of me I can hear them talking, but although I strain to hear what they’re saying their voices are too low. Mum sounds almost angry. Good, maybe she’ll have second thoughts. After half an hour or so I hear her saying bye to him at the front door. There’s a pause before he answers her. They’re probably kissing.

Mum comes up and pops her head round the door, her big eyes full of concern rather than anger.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Can we talk?’

Oh God, here it comes.

‘I’m busy,’ I snap, seeing the hurt flash in her eyes before she gives up and goes, closing the door softly.

I sit fuming for a few more minutes before pushing my books to one side and turning on the computer. I check my Facebook, feeling pleased when I see Joe hasn’t been online. I notice Dannii has changed her relationship status to ‘single’ and call her, parental problems momentarily forgotten.

‘Have you and Dean split up?’

I can’t say I’m surprised. Dannii’s boyfriends rarely last long. Still, she seemed quite fond of him.

‘Yeah, he’s an idiot. He was supposed to pick me up today, then he went to the pub instead.’

‘Doesn’t sound that bad.’

‘He was with his ex.’

That is bad. Not least because it means there’s at least one other girl out there who was stupid enough to go out
with him.

‘Do you want me to come round?’ I ask. I was hoping I would end up seeing Joe, but Dannii’s my best friend, and that has to come before boys. Even if she has been getting on my nerves lately.

So I end up at Dannii’s listening to her moan about Dean, which means I can’t really get all gooey about Joe and have to sneak to the toilet to text him because I don’t want to rub it in that I’m happy and she’s not. Eventually though, she asks about him.

‘So did you do the deed last night?’

‘No, but I think it’s on the cards.’

Instead of squealing with delight and bombarding me with sex advice like I expected Dannii to do she screws her face up.

‘Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, he’s not the type to stick around.’

I shake my head.

‘He’s not like that. I know everyone thinks he’s a bad boy but he’s not. I spent all last night with him and he didn’t even lay a hand on me.’

Why is she so hostile? I know she worries about me, but it seems more than that. I wonder if she was warning him off me last night when they both disappeared.

‘Well, it’s up to you,’ she shrugs and is about to say something else when her Blackberry beeps. She looks at it and gasps dramatically.

‘Who is it?’

‘Dean. Says I’m a stuck-up cow.’ She starts jabbing at buttons like a typist on speed before pressing send with a flourish, looking pleased with herself.

‘What did you put?’

‘I told him he was a shit shag.’ She grins, and I grin back, but inside I’m thinking
I hope me and Joe don’t end up like
this
.

But don’t all relationships, sooner or later, end up like this? Look at my mum and dad, all those years together, working hard, raising a family and then poof, all gone. Dad runs off with some airheaded blonde who can barely speak a word of English and we’re left to pick up the pieces. She was so strong, my mum, there was no crying or ranting in front of me or lying around in bed all day; in fact it was me that did all that, but for so long her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Has she really forgotten all that, or is she so in love with him she can just forgive the last five years as if they never happened? Maybe it’s not so surprising that up to now, all my love affairs have been inside my own head. Because now I’ve given Joe that power to hurt me, and I know I would never be flippant like Dannii if we broke up.

I am screwed up. We’ve only just got together and I’m worried about breaking up. I tell Dannii my thoughts and she leans over and hugs me, taking me by surprise.

‘That’s just parents for you babe. They mess us up.’

We snuggle up on the sofa and watch MTV for a bit, and I remember why in spite of all our differences we’re still best friends.

I’m still thinking about her parent comment next day when Dad picks me up. He takes me for a meal, not a Big Mac or even a Frankie and Bennys’s burger but a proper dinner in a posh restaurant on the outskirts of town.

‘This is nice,’ I say, looking around at the sparkling glasses and fancy décor, and the glamorous waitresses who all look like models.

‘I used to bring your mum here. Of course, it was under different management then and a little more homely. Still, I used to have to save up all week to bring her here.’

I can’t help smiling at this bit of nostalgia, even though I know exactly what he’s doing. Taking a deep breath, I
decide to take the bull by the horns.

‘You still love her, don’t you?’

He looks taken aback, then puts down his glass very carefully before clasping his hands on the table and looking straight at me. He’s doing the ‘we need to talk’ face he did when he told me he was moving out because ‘me and your mum think it’s for the best’.

‘I’ve never stopped loving her. I know how much I hurt you both, and believe me, so many times over the years I’ve wished I could turn the clock back.’

‘But you can’t,’ I state the obvious.

‘No, but I can do my best to make sure things are different in the future. I want to be here for you both.’

I don’t know what to say to that, and I’m relieved when the waiter comes over with our food. I busy myself making a big show of cutting up my steak, even though it’s such good quality the knife slides through it like butter. He really is pulling out all the stops; they probably cooked it up between them, Mum wisely staying out of the way after last night’s cosy family dinner fiasco. I know he’s trying and I appreciate it, but this is all because he wants to smooth the way to get back with Mum now Anya’s dumped him, it’s not about me, the daughter he so easily walked out on after a childhood of adoring him. I gulp at my drink as if I can wash down the bitterness that’s bubbling up in me.

He must sense my thoughts because he stops chewing for a moment and gives me that sincere look again.

‘I do really miss you, Princess. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing.’

‘I’ve got a boyfriend,’ I blurt. He stares at me for a second, a range of emotions on his face, before putting on a bland expression and going back to his crab salad.

‘Last week you said there was no one special.’

I shrug.

‘There is now. I haven’t told Mum yet.’

He raises an eyebrow at me.

‘Don’t you think you should?’

I nod, wishing now that I hadn’t said anything. If I’m worried about Mum’s reaction to Joe, his will no doubt be ten times worse. Things were so much easier when he was abroad.

‘I’m going to. But she’s been a bit
distracted
lately.’

He winces at my tone, the barb obviously hitting home. Good. We eat in silence for a while, before he starts asking questions, like I knew he would. At least he’s not going gooey about Mum anymore.

‘So how did you meet him, what does he do? How old is he?’

‘Through Dannii, and he’s a mechanic, at college too, he wants his own business one day, and he’s eighteen.’

Well, it’s all true. I’ve just left out the criminal record part. Dad nods as if satisfied.

‘He sounds very nice. I’m assuming we will get to meet him soon?’

Now my parents are a ‘we’ again. How nice.

‘Soon, yeah. I want to tell Mum myself first.’

He looks pleased, winking at me as if now we share some big secret.

‘Okay, Princess, I’ll keep it between us for now.’

This comrade thing makes me cringe. I don’t believe him either; he’ll go rushing back to Mum to tell her, so they can discuss how ‘we’ are going to support me in this. I give it a few days before there will be another attempt at a family dinner, this time with Joe invited. I wonder how he will feel if I ask him not to mention his past. I don’t want him to think I’m ashamed of him, but neither do I want them judging him before they’ve gotten to know him. Like I so
nearly did.

Thinking about Joe I glance at the ornate clock in the corner. I’ve arranged to meet him at the garage at four, which I’m looking forward to; it gives me a chance to see yet another side of him. I haven’t mentioned my Monday morning appointment to him yet.

I get Dad to drop me a few streets away, and even though I can tell he’s itching to get a look at Joe he agrees, ruffling my hair as I get out of the car. I’ve just spent ten minutes fixing it in the mirror.

I feel nervous as I follow the directions Joe gave me and approach the garage. I spot two guys outside in overalls having a fag and one of them whistles as I approach, the other looking me up and down appreciatively. I want to turn and bolt when Joe appears behind them looking unbearably sexy in his work trousers and a tight t-shirt covered in oil. He grins as he sees me, wiping his hands on a cloth before punching the guy that whistled playfully in the shoulder.

‘Leave off boys; this one’s mine.’

I feel weirdly flattered at his crude comment, especially when his friend turns and high fives him, then nods me a smiley hello. I smile shyly back, but my eyes are on Joe. I haven’t seen him since he left early for work yesterday morning, and it’s as if the sun has come out. He comes over and kisses me and I forget about parents, doctors and essays and pretty much everything apart from the nearness of him. He pulls back to look at me and his eyes are dancing. We beam at each other simultaneously.

‘Come in,’ he says. ‘I’ve got to lock up, then we can head off.’

He leads me into the workshop, raising his hand in goodbye at his two workmates outside, who finish their cigarettes and slope off. I wrinkle my nose at the strong
smell of metal and oil. It’s pungent, but very manly somehow. I follow him into the ‘office’ which consists of a wooden table with invoices and car magazines all over it, an ancient laptop and a kettle and a few stained cups. As he’s hanging up keys and shuffling bits of paper around I look at the laptop, which is already turned off.

‘Been on Facebook today?’

My tone comes out accusatory rather than the nonchalance I was aiming for, but if he notices he doesn’t mention it.

‘Nah, it’s been non-stop today, and Bill’s off so he left me in charge.’ He says the last bit proudly, and I feel pleased for him.

‘He must think highly of you to leave you in charge of everything. I mean, you’re only eighteen.’

‘And a criminal? It’s okay, Ash you can say it,’ he says lightly, but his eyes look guarded. I shake my head.

‘I wasn’t even thinking that,’ I say truthfully, and he comes over and kisses me.

‘Sorry, I’m just being touchy. I still can’t believe my luck; I was so proud when I saw you walking up and those idiots were looking at you with their tongues hanging out. You really don’t know how pretty you are.’

I duck my head, embarrassed.

‘Dannii’s always been the pretty one,’ I say, and he rolls his eyes.

‘Dannii looks like every other girl trying too hard,’ he says and I feel pleased, even if slightly disloyal. So I was wrong about him fancying her. Even so a look passes across his face that I can’t quite read and he changes the subject.