Uncontrollable (51 page)

I sip on a glass of scotch
as I sit in my parent’s living room. The lights are off and the room is silent,
but my mind is thinking a hundred miles an hour. So loud, it’s actually giving
me a headache.

 Three. We found three devices. Two were for
whoever to listen to conversations. One in the kitchen and one in my office.
The one for the bedroom was for recording. And it makes me literally sick to my
stomach to know that someone has seen her in such a vulnerable position.

I blink when the lights come on

 “What are you in here doing?” my father asks with
a questioning tone as he comes to stand in front of me.

 “Thinking,” I answer dryly.

 “About?” He arches an eyebrow.

I lower my glass and set it on my knee. “I’ve spent
all this time keeping the ones who are guilty out of jail; no punishment
whatsoever. Then, someone comes and tries to take my family and what do I do? I
play God and punish them however I see fit.” I made Jax pay. Jeremy got what he
deserved. When I find White I will fucking kill him. Slowly.

 He stands there looking down at me for a few long
seconds before he walks over to his liquor cabinet, pouring himself a drink as
well. “That’s understandable. I would do the same for your mother or you boys.”

 I shake my head. “If you ask Parker, he would say
I’ve lost my mind.” I lift the tumbler and take a good sized gulp. “Maybe I
did.” I no longer see things like I used to. All I see now is hatred and rage.

My dad walks over to the big window and pulls back
the red curtains my mom had made to fit this room. He looks out the window as
he speaks. “When was the last time Samantha saw you?”

It’s pathetic that I have to actually have think
about it. I came straight to this room for a drink when I got here. Sometime
this morning when they released her from the hospital. “This morning. I had
stuff I had to do over at the house.” I take another drink wanting to feel the
burn.

 He sighs. “Put your revenge on hold, son. Quit
sitting in this dark room while trying to think of ways to kill someone”

 “But…”

 “No buts.” He lets go of the curtains and they
fall back into place. “There’s a cop car sitting outside.” Parker had called in
Officer Brad after we found the first device in our bedroom. They ended up
putting more detail on us now. And they are trying to see if they can track who
had purchased the devices that were used in our house. “Your mother and I are
here. The alarm is set. Go up there and be with your wife.”

 I release a long breath. “I can’t let it go,” I
say clenching my jaw.

 “I’m not telling you to let it go. I’m telling you
to wait, lay low. You have the rest of your life to make them pay. To plot your
revenge,” he says casually.

“She’s not allowed to do anything but lay around in
bed.” I stand quickly finding that rage that comes so easy these days. “I did
that to her.”

He places his untouched drink on the end table. “No
you didn’t. They did that to her.”

 “Because of me.” I shake my head. “It was right in
front of me the entire time. If I would have seen it, I could have prevented
all of this.”

He sighs. “Maybe,” he says honestly.

I fall back into the seat and look down at my
glass. “Do you ever think you made the wrong choice?” I ask quietly.

He answers quickly. “Marrying your mother? No,” he
answers sounding shocked at my question.

I shake my head. “Your career.” I look up at him
and if he does feel that way he doesn’t let on. “That used to be my life dream.
Be just like you.” I smile a little. “Make you proud of what I could become.”

“I’ve always been proud of you, Son,” he says
walking over to me.

I scoot over allowing him to sit down on the couch
next to me. “I don’t know if I can do it anymore.” I look over at him. “I’ve
only ever saw one side of this life. Now that I know what it can feel like to
have someone ripped away from you...” I pause as I swallow the thickness in my
throat. “All I think about is the man who I had once defended was one of the
guys involved in hurting the woman I love,” I say letting out a long breath.

My father knows everything that has happened in
full detail, and I know he feels just as responsible as I do.

 He places his hand on my shoulder and speaks.
“Your mother and I have always told you boys to follow your dreams.” He smiles.
“My job as a parent is not to judge your choices in life. It is to love you
with no boundaries, no expectations. And I will do just that—Love you for you
and for what you want to be.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “You’re young,
Slade. You have a wife who loves you, and you have two loving parents who are
here to help in any way we can.” He stands up and looks down at me.

And I nod my head. “I have to do this.” I clear my
throat. “For my family. It’s the right thing to do.” This job is not part of my
life anymore. I need to walk away.

He surprises me when he smiles. “I agree.” Then
turns and walks out of the room.

I fall back into the chair and close my eyes
tightly. I hate myself. I hate myself for the life I have led her down. She
deserved so much better. Our child deserves better. I feel sorry for her, for
falling in love with someone who keeps her at a distance when she needs me by
her side.

Feeling a little more relieved now that I’ve made
up my mind, I stand from the chair and make my way upstairs. It’s time to make
a change.

 Entering my old room, I stand in the dark bedroom
as my eyes look over her while she lays in the bed. I still see her limp body
lying lifeless in the middle of the street as Parker performs compressions on
her. I still have this image of my life slipping away no matter what I do. And
that fucking scares me to death. It makes my heart ache every time.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

I try to open my heavy eyes.
The room sways a little bit as I try to turn over. I’m so tired of lying in a
bed. I’ll wake up and my leg will be numb or my shoulder hurts. I feel much
better when I’m up and walking around or even sitting up in a chair.

 Once I get turned onto my left side I open my eyes
fully. I blink a few times when I see Slade propped up against the headboard
with the laptop on his lap. His baby blue eyes are looking down at me, but they
look guarded, cold even.

 “Hi,” he says slowly.

 “Hey.” I try to smile but it’s weak.

 He frowns, and it breaks my heart. I don’t know
what I did for him to be so distant. Something has snapped. I see the hatred he
covers himself in, and I would give anything I can to take it away

 I pull my eyes from his and look to the screen. He
has California real estate pulled up. “What are you looking at?” I look back up
to him.

 His eyes go back to the screen and he speaks. “If
you could live anywhere, where would you want to live?”

“Uh,”
what kind of question is that?

 “You love snow,” he states. “Would you want to
live in New York? They have some crazy winters.”

 I frown. “You hate cold weather.”

 “True,” he says keeping his eyes on the screen.
“How about California?” He types in a few things. “You could get a convertible.
It’s always hot out there.”

 
What is he talking about? A convertible? That
is not a car for a baby.
“Are you going through a midlife crisis?” I don’t
think I can handle that right now.

He turns his head and looks down at me. “No.” He
sighs before he closes the laptop. “I just figured you would want to move away.
Put all of this behind us.”

 I frown. “Put what behind us?” I ask slowly.

 His body stiffens and he lets out a breath as if
agitated. “This life. This mess.”

 I try not to notice the lump that forms in my
throat. “What are you running away from, Slade?”

He sits up and throws the covers off of him before he
stands, expressing the anger that always seems to be there now. “I just want
us…”

“Why did you lie to me and blame us not returning
home on termites? We said we weren’t going to lie anymore,” I interrupt him.

 He looks down at me, and his eyes narrow. “Please
don’t ask me that question. I’m never going to answer it,” he says so
matter-of-fact.

I shake my head. “No, you will tell me,” I demand
and his nostrils flare. I’m not going to let him intimidate me. “I’m your wife,
Slade. I deserve to know why we can’t return home.”

He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a
curse. He’s quiet for a few seconds as if he’s trying to decide what to tell
me. “Tate found a tracking device in the truck he suspected there were also
devices in our house.”

“What?” I ask in horror. “Tracking device…”

He places a hand up and then continues, “He and
Parker met me there yesterday, and we found three. All listening devices.”

 I frown. “Why would someone want to listen to our
conversations?” I ask.

 He shrugs. “They could be to hear what cases I’m
on.”

 “You never talk about work.” He never tells me
anything when it comes to the firm.

 “I was when I was home taking care of you,” he
offers, and I nod still trying to figure out what’s going on.

After a few silent seconds I lie back and get
comfortable. “Nowhere,” I say looking up to the ceiling. “I wouldn’t move
anywhere.” I place my hand on my growing stomach. “All my family and friends
are here. I want our child to grow up around their cousins.” For the first time
in a long time his eyes looks soft and somewhat sad. “I don’t want to run,
Slade. I want to stay and fight. Whatever problems we have, we can work through
them. Whatever I’ve done to make you so mad, running away is not our answer.”

He’s on the bed and by side in a matter of seconds.
“You think I’m mad at you?” he asks. “I love you, Angel.”

“I know that. But…you’ve been acting so different
since the accident. You’re so angry and secretive now.”

 “I’m so sorry.” His strong voice is sincere. “I’m
so sorry. I’ve let you down.”

 “You haven’t let me down.”

 “I failed at protecting you.” He runs his fingers
down the side of my face, and I lean into that embrace. Closing my eyes I feel
that soft touch that I’ve been missing.

After a few seconds he speaks. “We will stay here.
Let’s look for a place to live.”

I frown. “What about our house?” Why is he so hell
bent on moving? Didn’t they remove the devices they found? Maybe he’s afraid
there could still be more?

 He pauses for a long moment and looks down at me
with his soft baby blue eyes. “I’ve done some remodeling.” Then he looks away.
“I don’t think you will approve of it.”

 Remodeling?
“Why? What did you do?”

 He shrugs carelessly. “I took a baseball bat to the
living room and kitchen.” He smiles and it looks half evil half amused. “Oh and
our bedroom.”

 Hmm yeah that doesn’t sound like a good thing. I’m
glad I missed all that action.

After that talk, Slade was
on a mission to find us a new place to live. We came to the conclusion that we
wanted to build a house. Within weeks we found five acres, which was only ten
minutes from Vivian and Mark’s house, and Slade already has workers clearing
off the property for us to build our dream home. Since I haven’t been able to
do much more than lay in bed, we have been going through magazines looking at
designs for what we want to build.

It’s early in the morning, and I wake to him on his
phone. “No, I want it done sooner,” he demands.

I squint and slowly turn over onto my side to look
at him.

 “Listen,” he growls. “My wife is expecting our
child in December. Now I want our house finished and us living in it when that
happens,” he snaps.

 I can’t help but smile.

 “You think that fucking matters?” he snaps. “You
just get it done. And make sure to warn your crew that as of tomorrow my ass
will be up there every day to make sure you guys are getting shit done.” He
hangs up his phone and runs a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay, Slade,” I say and he turns to look at
me. “We can rent a house in the meantime,” I offer.

He shakes his head releasing a sigh. “I want our
baby to come home to our house, not some rental house.”

 “Can anyone even build a house within six months?”
I ask curious. It seems like it would take more like nine months or even a
year.

“Of course.” He waves my concern off. “Plus, they
have unlimited funds. With that they should be able to do it in four,” he
growls.

I place my hands on the bed as I start to push
myself up. I have got to take a shower, I’m pretty sure I’m starting to smell.

“What are you doing?” he asks running over to my
side, grabbing my arm.

“I wanna take a shower,” I say trying to stand up
on my feet.

“You need to tell me when you want to get up, and I
will help you.”

 I roll my eyes. “Slade, I’m fine, or they wouldn’t
have let me leave the hospital.” I’m still very sore all over and my left
shoulder throbs at time. I went for a checkup yesterday, and they said it was
probably from the seatbelt tightening. I still have the bruise across my chest
from that one.

He leads me into the bathroom and reaches down to
pull off his oversize t-shirt that I’m wearing.

“Oww,” I whine when I try lifting my left arm.

 He curses then walks out of the bathroom leaving
me standing here with one arm free. I try to move my body so I can get it up
and over but a sharp pain shoots down my arm so painful that my breath catches.

I place my other hand on the counter and try taking
a few deep breaths.

“What happened?” he questions looking down at me.

“I tried to get my arm free.”

 He frowns and then grabs the shirt. Before I know
what he’s doing he cuts it right down the middle with a pair of scissors.

“Why did you do that? I loved that shirt,” I say
frowning.

“I’ll buy you another one.” He waves it off.

 He turns on the water and when it gets to the
temperature I want, he helps me into it.

He sits on the lid of the toilet as I shower. I
refuse to have him wash me or my hair, I need to try to do things myself. My
biggest fear is that I won’t be back to myself before the baby arrives. Then
what? I can’t expect Slade to do everything for the both of us.

It takes me longer than it normally would but I
enjoy the water before I turn it off. He grabs a towel and helps me out before
he wraps a towel around me. “Slade?” I ask as he helps dry off my back.

“Hmm?” he mumbles as his eyes roam over my body.

“Why haven’t you gone back to work?” He always does
this. Every time something happens to me, he works from home. But this time is
different. I’ve heard his phone conversations with his father and Braxton. He
keeps passing cases off, and it’s worrying me. It’s been two weeks, when is he
going to go back?

 I look up in the mirror to see him standing behind
me just looking at me with an expressionless look on his face.

He licks his lips and then straightens his
shoulders. “I quit my job,” he states calmly.

I spin around quickly and get tangled up in the
towel. I start to fall and he catches me but not before I hit my side on the
countertop.

“Fuck,” he hisses. “What the fuck are you doing?”

 I stare up at him ignoring the pain in my side. “I
could ask you that same question,” I snap looking at him wide-eyed.

He goes to release me, and I grab his arms, the
towel falling to the ground. “Slade, you love your job. Why would you quit?” I
search his face frantically, waiting for him to say ‘surprise’ or ‘April’s
fool’s’…anything.

He just shakes his head and pulls away from me. I
reach out and grab his arm again. I’m not going to let this go. “Please tell me
you didn’t do this for me?” I beg.

 He looks down at me and then his eyes slowly run
down my exposed chest. I watch as his eyes follow the pattern of the bruises
from the seatbelt and then down to my scar from the surgery.

 “Slade,” I whisper feeling my throat tighten.
“Don’t…” I swallow nervously. “You love your job. It’s your life. It’s who you
are.”

He shakes his head quickly and places his hands on
my face. “You’re my life. Our child is my life. That was just a job.”

 I can’t help but feel like I’m taking his dream
away from him. “You will hate me. Regret what you did,” I try to make him see.
“You’ll wake up one day and see that you gave up your life for…”

He interrupts my rambling. “The only thing I will
ever regret is what happened to you.” He gives me a soft smile. “I could never
hate you.”

I place my hand over my mouth and my eyes widen.
“Oh my God,” I whisper. “Your dad. He’s going to hate me,”

“Stop, Angel,” he demands pulling my hand away from
my mouth. “No one hates you for my decision.
I
chose to leave.”

“But why?” I just don’t understand.

He sighs and then places his hand down on my
growing belly. “Because that’s not the person I want to be.” He looks me in the
eyes. “I want to be the type of father who teaches their child the difference
between right and wrong.” He pauses. “Yes, you were the one to show me the
difference. Before you came into my life, I only looked for gray areas where
people could slide through and walk away without taking responsibility for
their actions. You. Our child.” He shakes his head. “Now everything is black
and white. They either did it or they didn’t. How can I defend a person who
hurt someone else’s loved ones?”

“But it’s never bothered you before,” I point out,
and he closes his eyes as if he’s remembering something.

He opens them and looks up at me. “You’re right. It
didn’t.” He looks down to his hand now resting on my hip. “I did some very bad
things when Jax took you. Things that I will never regret.” He looks up at me.
“I would kill for you. Die for you. Anything to know that you were safe, and then
I would take my punishment. But when you were taken.” He looks away. “I had to
see a man who had information about where you were.” His jaw tightens. “I knew
him,” he whispers.